AN: I apologize for my lack of updating. I've been unable to write decently, so I'm just setting it aside and working on getting better. I have started seeing a psychiatrist.
Please excuse my overuse of words, I feel like I've been grinded down to a small list of vocabulary. This chapter was edited only a little, because if I went into my intense editor mode I would've never written it. This comes from the heart, I hope it helps.Italicized = Rebecca's voice
Now imagine this…
As you stir in your sleep -the best sleep of your life- the bare section of your arm comes in contact with a cold, rough surface. You open your eyes to see what that said surface is, so you can return to the happy place in your dreams. However, your eyes are blinded within a stark, black room, so you're left with no choice but to adjust to the problem. You shiver from its chill. Minutes pass and you barely distinguish the silhouette of a barred window and the light pouring through it, but by then you realize you're too bothered to return to your deep sleep. You've grown immune to it. You've learned to live with the cold, rough surface that broke your happiness.
So you wallow in discomfort…just waiting for the sunlight to leave or for your body to grow tired.
That is only the beginning.
You find the strength to stand up and try to find a different space where you can sleep, but your surrounded by harsh gray brick and metal. Your loved ones are on the other side of the barred window, laughing like children and cooking meals over a card game. You ask yourself, "Wasn't I with them before I woke up?"
Yes, you were, and that's the strange thing…Depression can appear even from the best moments. And it happens faster than a snap of your fingers.
You want to scream out for their help, but clamp your hands over your mouth in fear that they may become trapped like you. So you simply stare. You cry.
"What's wrong," your friend asks when they finally see you. They bend down to speak to you, their fingers wrap around the bars, prepared to rip them apart if need be.
"I don't know," is all you manage to say.
"How did you get in there?"
Again, you stare blankly at them. Your fear reemerges. You can't show them or they'll be caught too. You shake your head.
They furrow their brows at you, confused. They sigh. "Weren't you just in the middle of tell a joke before you got in there? What happened?"
"I just realized that I was the happiest I ever been in that moment," is what you want to say. "And with that I also realized that after this, everything will go downhill. Why live after that?"
You friend walks away, returning to the card game because you refuse to talk. You feel betrayed. Aren't they supposed to bail you out? Anger burns at the pit of your stomach.
Let's move forward a few months. You anger has turned to self-hatred…because you've realized that your imprisonment is your own doing. Somehow you allowed your hands and feet to be restrained by chains. You peek through the windows -using the little range of movement you have- and see your family flying a kite.
Your friend motions at you with their head. "She's still there?"
Your husband looks over his shoulder, frowning. "I wonder if she'll ever get better. I don't know what else to do."
You laugh to yourself, a foreign feeling on your lips. You've been wondering the same exact thing. That dream was the best thing that happened to you, and you wonder if sleeping for good will at least end the pain.
You're tired of waiting for the prison guard to let you out, and you loved ones have already tried to break you free. So you only have you own weakened mind to rely on.
Before you were in this hell hole, you would've had dozens of ways to get out, but now your mind has a tunneling train of thought. You manage just one option. Can you guess what it is, Rebecca?
…Suicide.
Yes. That's what Roy was reduced to.
Please don't cry, Riza.
Forgive me….Well, moving on…After days of considering and planning your supposed last option, your family decides to speak to you one last time through the window.
Please Review if you have the time, I appreciate them greatly!
