DISCLAIMER: I do not own the rights to Meghan Trainor's "All About That Bass" or SKU. In some ways, I'm very glad.
On a morning like all other mornings, Touga Kiryu, Student Council President, was admiring his face in the mirror. The sharp, shoujo manga jawline, the sparkly violet eyes, the fabulous cheekbones, and then a mane of glorious red hair to finish off the look. And just like all other mornings, he began to serenade his own beauty. Narcissism wasn't a condition, it was a lifestyle.
"Because you know I'm all about my face
'Bout my face, not muscles
I'm all about my face
'Bout my face, not muscles
I'm all about my face
'Bout my face, not muscles
I'm all about that face
'Bout that face... face... face… face!"
Touga sauntered to the main entrance of Ohtori Academy, where legions of fangirls waited, screaming "Sempai, notice me!" He flipped his hair showily.
"Yeah, it's pretty clear, my hair's the perfect hue
And I can shake it, shake it, like I'm supposed to do
'Cause I got that boom boom that all the girls chase
And all the sparkle in all the right places." All the fangirls fainted except Utena's. Utena walked out to confront Touga.
"Touga. What do you think you're doing? Mr. Arrogant President." Anthy hid a smile behind her hand although there was really no need. The expression was as bland as her neutral one. ChuChu pretended to die of disgust.
"I see masculine boys, with hair all crop-top
We know that that don't work, come on now, make it stop
'Cause I got beauty, beauty, I'm a bishonen yup
'Cause every inch of me is perfect from the bottom to the top." Touga told Utena. Utena rolled her eyes, and pushed Touga away. He trailed behind her, continuing his singing.
"Yeah, my dada he told me that everything's "in the eyes."
"Shoo wop wop, sha-ooh wop wop," Saionji added.
He says, "Girls like a little hypnosis to go on the side."
"That beauty, uh, that beauty beauty," crooned Saionji.
"You know I don't have to be uber-manly just to enthrall
So if that what you're into, then go 'head and move along!" Touga declared. He and Saionji sang in harmony at the chorus.
"Because you know I'm all about my face
'Bout my face, not muscles
I'm all about my face
'Bout my face, not muscles
I'm all about my face
'Bout my face, not muscles
I'm all about that face
'Bout that face... Hey!"
Touga went up the Student Council elevator, not stopping his singing even to do the chick and egg speech. When he got to the top, he strode to the balcony and sang to the entire school, the multitude of microphones being used for once. All the while, he admired his reflection in his hand mirror.
"I'm bringing cheekbones back
Go 'head and tell them tied up britches that
No, I'm just playing, I know you think I'm that
But I'm here to tell you…
Every inch of me is perfect from the bottom to the top." He walked over and sat down at the Student Council table. Juri was plugging Miki's ears to stop him from being corrupted. Still, Touga and Saionji kept on singing.
"Yeah, my dada he told me that everything's "in the eyes."
"Shoo wop wop, sha-ooh wop wop."
He says, "Girls like a little hypnosis to go on the side."
"That beauty, uh, that beauty beauty," crooned Saionji.
"You know I don't have to be uber-manly just to enthrall
So if that what you're into, then go 'head and move along!"
"Because you know I'm all about my face
'Bout my face, not muscles
I'm all about my face
'Bout my face, not muscles
I'm all about my face
'Bout my face, not muscles
I'm all about that face
'Bout that face…"
"Be quiet!" Juri said.
"Because you know I'm all about my face
'Bout my face, not muscles
I'm all about my face
'Bout my face, not muscles
I'm all about my face
'Bout my face, not muscles
I'm all about that face
'Bout that face…"
"Shut up!" Juri shouted.
"Because you know I'm all about my face
'Bout my face, not muscles
I'm all about my face
'Bout my face, not muscles
I'm all about my face
'Bout my face, not muscles
I'm all about that face
'Bout that face...Hey!"
"If you don't close your trap, Touga…"
"I'm all about my face
'Bout my face... Hey!
I'm all about my face
Bout my face…
Hey!
Yeah yeah... ohh... You know you like this face... Hey!"
"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Juri screamed. Suddenly the whole school was silent. Touga looked shell shocked. "Miki, lend my your soul sword a second." Miki obliged. Juri slashed Touga's precious cheekbones. It took a little time to register, then Touga shrieked.
"My FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
