Disclaimer:
I am not responsible for any brain damage reading this chapter might cause. Please read responsibly, and use discretion!
It's a beautiful and bright morning in the skies of Gensokyo, and in a particularly red ark, a particularly lying little vampire tells of a tale that never really was, to her somewhat perverted maid.
Inside the ark, Remilia stands in front of Sakuya, bearing a proud and boastful smile.
Sakuya stands next to a cannon, and listens intently at her pirate mistress.
Remilia raises her right hand as she boastfully says "and that's when I entered the library and found that cute and sexy little red-haired demon, cowering in a corner after sighting my glorious figure and powerful presence! Truly, she was a pitiful sight."
Sakuya eagerly asks "and what did you do to her?"
Remilia smiles, takes a deep breath through her nose, then says "well, she was an intruder, so I was going to kill her, of course."
Remilia gestures her hands as though strangling the air as she says "so I grabbed her neck and started to SQUEEZE the life out of here, but something happened to me. I actually liked the feel of her skin."
Remilia stops her hand gestures to shrug, and continue "then she made this adorable whimper, then started moaning... and then..."
Remilia places both hands on her tomato-red cheeks while flapping her wings, yelps, gasps, then says "oh, we got so dirty that day! We messed the carpet, then the desks, then I played with her on the top shelf, and ahhn..."
Remilia flaps her wings so rapidly, she hovers just above the floor, turns her hands into fists besides her cheeks, shakes her smiling, blushing face around, then exclaims "oh, just thinking about it makes me tingle! Sakuya, hold me!"
That's when Remilia notices Sakuya stands in full attention, unmoving and emotionless, staring at the wall above her mistress' head as though gazing into the void.
Remilia's face immediately turns to confused concern, so she lets herself drop on the ground, gets closer to Sakuya, then looks into her maid's eyes and asks "hey, Sakuya, are you even listening to me?"
Closer inspection of Sakuya's blank stare reveals the pirate chief maid is overworking her brain with many images, so Remilia grins mischievously, traces her finger up and down Sakuya's belly, and in a mischievous tone of voice, she asks "does Sakuya wish to recreated the scene with me?"
Sakuya twitches, her body stiffens, her eyes intensify, and her nose starts spilling blood at an alarming rate, propelling the maid backward.
Sakuya shouts "NO REGRETS!", then her head strikes hard against the cannon, the cannon fires a single bullet, and that single bullets flies through the bow of the unnamed ghostly ship, then the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, and then The Palanquin, sending them all crashing down the unforgiving ground below.
Remilia stares at this turn of events with surprise, then Patchouli, who mysteriously stands behind her with a very unfriendly scowl, asks "so you told her that fib just to blast the other ships out of the sky?"
With an eager and surprised tone, Remilia truthfully says "no, no, I was just messing with her head. I wasn't expecting this at all!"
With that same unfriendly look on her face, Patchouli looks down to the ground and asks "and aren't you going to save her? She's a human, and losing that much blood will kill her."
Remilia smiles confidently as she turns to Patchouli and says "don't worry, this is a gag story. She'll be fine on the next scene."
Noticing Patchouli is still not convinced, Remilia starts tracing her finger around Patchouli's belly and asks "so you wanna' yuri-yuri with me?"
Patchouli's response is a book to the head that sends Remilia flying right out of the ark, and straight toward the cave leading to the underground world, where the vampire explode so exaggeratedly exaggerated, the explosion creates a giant mushroom in the sky.
On the next scene, Sakuya is completely healed, Patchouli is still annoyed, and Remilia moans in pain as she lies on her bed, while the chief maid wraps her left foot in bandages, covering the vampire completely, from head, to wings, to toes.
Moments later, on the somehow already airborne Palanquin, Minamitsu looks disgusted and annoyed, behind her, Byakuren looks thrilled, besides her, Nazrin looks indifferent, behind her, Kogasa looks frightened, and besides her, Shou and her little red-haired fairy look cautious, but friendly toward the ship's deck.
In front of them are Satori Komeiji, who looks as serious as ever, Koishi Komeiji, who looks as playful as ever, Utsuho Reiuji (Okuu), who looks as clueless as ever, and Rin Kaenbyou (Orin), who looks as deceivingly friendly as ever.
Satori has short purple hair with a black headband and a yellow heart connected to a yellow string, has purple eyes, and wears a light-blue long-sleeve shirt with yellow heart buttons, a pink collar, a pink skirt with faint flowery patterns, long white socks, and comfy-looking pink slippers.
She also has a red third eye on her chest with strings running around her, even working as a belt around her waist.
Koishi has short gray-greenish hair, dark-green eyes, wears a black hat with a yellow ribbon wrapped around it, an orange long-sleeved shirt with a dark-green collar, a dark-green skirt with faint flower designs, and black socks and shoes.
She, like her sister, has a third eye on her chest, though hers is blue and it's closed, and the strings only go around her waist and connect to the blue hearts on her ankles.
Okuu wears her long raven-black hair in a ponytail tied by a green ribbon, has red eyes, a red pirate bandana with a white skull motif on her head, a white shirt with the left sleeve ripped off and a hole around her breasts so that the red silted eye on her chest doesn't get covered, thus successfully showing off her awesome cleavage, her regular green skirt, which has been cut in the middle, a pair of white shorts underneath that skirt, on her left leg, her congealed concrete-like foot, and on her right leg she wears a calf-high cross laced brown boot, which is being orbited by large atoms.
She has also removed her awesome universe-view cape, so her wings are now bare.
Orin has her red hair tied to long braids to the sides, tied with black ribbons on the lower tip and on the top of the braid, next to her large black cat-ears, has human ears as well, red eyes, wears a blue neckerchief around her neck, a black and green striped long-sleeved shirt that shows off her good figure, brown shorts that cover down to her knees, and a pair of short brown boots with golden buckles.
Satori stares at her pets and asks "girls, why are you wearing that?"
Orin looks back at Satori with that friendly smile of hers and says "because, this is a pirate story. We're just looking the part."
Satori rubs her forehead as she says "I... I see. And where is Petal?"
A young girl with long raven black hair, red eyes, wearing a plaid blue bandana over her head, a sleeveless white shirt, a glowing green stone on her chest under said shirt, a pair of blue shorts, and a pair of white socks without shoes, jumps out of Satori's shirt and exclaims "Shatori-shama love! Petal is HERE~!"
Okuu wraps her right arm around the little girl's neck and rubs her hair, saying "that's a good girl! Here, have a cookie!", then tosses a small square cookie into Petal's wide-open mouth.
Satori points at her pets with a shocked expression, but before she can say anything, Koishi giggles and exclaims "oh, miss Rika is here!", then waves toward Chiyuri's ship and shouts "hi Rikaaaa!"
From the other ship, Rika shouts back "miss Koishi, miss Satori, miss Okuu, miss Orin, miss Petal, how are you?"
Orin smiles peacefully at Rika a she says "wow, that's a lot of misses."
Satori suddenly exclaims "oh no... RIKA!"
Minamitsu is raising her arms in the air while stomping hard on the floor with her left foot while shouting "what the hell was this scene for in the first place?"
Over at the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, Chiyuri blows on a bubble pipe while standing heroically on the very edge of the ship's deck.
She looks on to the horizon, then says to herself "and now that I've killed some time by doing this, I can return to blasting Minamitsu's ship off the sky."
She turns around, hides the kiddy-pipe, then looks to the left, where she spots Mima with a peaceful smile on her face while resting her chin on the back of her hand while resting her elbow on the starboard (right) rails.
Chiyuri approaches the spirit and asks "say, what got you in such a peaceful mood?"
Mima sighs, and with that peaceful smile on her face, she continues looking away as she says "oh, I just find this so amusing. Right now, you and me are right here, while people are reading about us doing things that are just impossible to do in real life."
Chiyuri panics, evident in her face as she exclaims "whoa, whoa! What the hell are you saying there? What do you mean that people are reading about us?"
Mima continues to look away as she says "it's just like I said. Right now, all this stuff has been digitally written, and it's being digitally read through some web site. Ah, but it doesn't affect me at all, you know."
Chiyuri is hugging herself, as though trying to cover herself up, even though she's wearing her clothes, then nervously asks "ho-ho-how can you be so c-c-c-calm about that? what if someone rewrites this and takes our clothes off? Mima, that's not something to be calm about!"
Mima lifts her head, still smiling peacefully at the would-be captain, takes off her hat, her shirt, her underwear, but nobody can see anything, because it is not described by the author.
Chiyuri stares at Mima, screams with fright, then exclaims "what the hell? What the hell is this? You just took your clothes off, but I can't see anything! What's going on?"
Mima continues to smile peacefully as she replies "calm down. The author is a pervert, yes, but he keeps it to himself. He won't describe our bodies to the readers..."
Chiyuri starts to whimper as she asks "bu-bu-but... what about our personal lives? Do they know about those?"
Mima smiles brightly, then replies "our original creator is so vague with our personal detail, all of these authors, artists and fans have no clue of our personal lives."
Chiyuri suddenly takes her pants and underwear off, but unlike Mima, after she takes off her underwear, everybody can see the shape of her underwear in the missing chunk of her lower body where her unmentionables should be.
When Chiyuri notices this, she screams out loud, then exclaims "MY WOMANHOOD!"
Mima's peaceful face slowly turns normal, and as she starts to grin, she says "well, it seems the writer has it out for you. Heheh...", then her face starts turning twisted as she tries holding in her desire to laugh, but as the author, I decided that she can't hold it in, and thus, she's now laughing hard at Chiyuri's current predicament.
Chiyuri pulls out a laser gun from her unseen groin, aims it at Mima, shoots at her unseen bare butt, and after Mima screams and flies away, Chiyuri looks to the sky, flips her middle finger, then shouts "I'm going to kill you, Willie G.R.!"
From the ship's poop deck, Reimu chuckles while looking at Chiyuri, then says "heh, Mima really laid it on thick."
Rika, who stands to Reimu's left, giggles and says "she's still right, my lady. We'll need to be very careful."
Reimu suddenly chokes on her sudden teacup and exclaims "the village is on fire! Damn this author and his stupid incidents!"
Rika watches as her mistress flies away toward the horizon, then looks toward nowhere, smiles, then shrugs.
Back at the Palanquin, Satori approaches Minamitsu, pokes her on the chest, and says "and it is because of your little pirates game that we ended up homeless..."
Koishi jumps in the air and excitedly says "at least until repairs are done!"
Satori looks back toward her sister, turns around to Minamitsu once more, then finds Byakuren instead, who says "my, miss Satori, you've been standing there all day, I was starting to worry. Come on, lunch is already served!"
Satori's face fills with panic, then she rapidly looks behind herself and notices her pets and her sister are gone, then looks up at the sky and realizes it's midday, and even worse, when she looks at her arms, she notices she has a bit of a tan.
Satori shrieks, looks at Byakuren, then agitatedly says "DON'T... move!", then reads the magician's mind only to be disappointed.
Not only was Byakuren all the way behind Shou when whatever happened to Satori happened, she went off with Shou and the red-haired fairy to meet with Daiyousei and Cirno at Chiyuri's ship to play a well known Funtendo multiplayer fighting game.
Satori starts to breath rapidly through her mouth, then agitatedly asks "what the hell? What in hell's blazes happened to me? Why am I tanned? GAH! Is Rika here?"
After she blinks, she's back in front if Minamitsu, with her pets and her sister behind her, but still maintaining her tan, then Minamitsu shrugs and says "I dunno what happened to you, and honestly I don't care. The tan looks good, though."
Satori looks at her surroundings again, this time with a shocked face, and when she turns to look at Minamitsu, she turns to stone when she see's Rika waving at her from the captain's left.
Petal flies on the stoned Satori's shoulder and cries "kyah! Shatori-shama hard cold stone!", then focuses a white orb on her right hand, slaps it on Satori's forehead, then has white tulips magically grow on there.
She jumps off Satori, nods after looking at her work, then turns around to look at Minamitsu and asks "m-miss captain, c-can I say something?"
Minamitsu's eyes intensify, she twitches, her breath becomes labored, but she manages to relax herself, then nods, and with a cracking voice she says "GO-go ahead..."
Petal twists her torso to the left, holds both hands clasped together and set by her waist to the right, tilts her head downward while looking up at Minamitsu with her glassy, glistening eyes, then says "I-I'm hungry, and my house asploded. Can I shtay here with Momku, aunty Orin and Shatori and Koishi-shama love?"
Minamitsu's intense eyes glow, her face turns red, her nose spills out blood like a fire hose, then she falls face-fist on the ground.
Petal starts to sob, afraid of the captain's reaction, but Nazrin takes the lead, grabs the little crow, hugs her tightly, and while rubbing the little girl's head, she says "Master, lets accommodate our guests."
Shou salutes Nazrin and says "RIGHT", then Byakuren chuckles and gestures her hand to welcome the subterranean guests to the inside of the ship, then they all leave the stoned satori youkai and the dead captain in order to have breakfast.
Satori suddenly breaks free from her stoning, knocking off Petal's white tulips form her forehead, takes many heavy and deep breaths, and when she realizes Minamitsu is lying down in front of her slippered feet, on a pool of blood from the captain's own nose, Satori holds her head while shouting "what the hell is this now?"
Satori bends down for a closer look and whispers "hey... captain, are you alright?"
Satori's face turns pink, her lips wriggle, she holds the side of her head, then flies off she ship, crying "waaaaaa! What kind of a pervert is this?"
On the floor, Minamitsu smiles and giggles, with pink cheeks and a wide smile, probably dreaming something pretty sick, considering Satori's reaction.
A tall woman with blond hair tied up by four ribbons at four ends, and two more ribbons at the sideburns, golden eyes, wearing a pink mop cap with a thin black ribbon around it, a long-sleeved violet coat, a pair of tight black pants, and brown calf-high boots, stands on the deck of the unnamed ghostly ship, holding one giggling Budou on her arms, and having Petal standing to her right.
Budou giggles contently and wraps her arms around Yukari Yakumo's neck, then says "lady gramma is fun!"
Yukari giggles along with Budou and says "yes, yes, I know. And please call me Yukari."
From the right, Petal says "Yukari-shama-love made doggie!", then raises her hands toward the border youkai to show her the little dog-Ail.
His floppy dog ears, his large, uncaring and calm eyes, his bushy brown tail, and now is the size of a large Chihuahua.
He looks up at Yukari, blows some air through his nose, then Yukari smiles at him and says "now, now, don't be mad. Once the girls had their fill of you, I'll turn you back."
Little dog-Ail continues staring at Yukari, and in a somewhat annoyed and tired tone of voice, he says "bow-wow-wow-wow. Grrrrr!"
Yukari chuckles, places Budou on the ground to her left, leans over to dog Ail, but before she speaks, from behind Petal, a girl says "he says 'it's alright, as long as the girls are happy, but don't forget to turn me back', and I do agree. It's not nice to be forced to be in that state."
Yukari smiles at Satori and says "oh, well hello there, leader of the underground. Come to take your cute little pet back home?"
Satori looks around Yukari, then asks "so... is Rika here?"
Yukari looks confused at Satori, but before she answers, Satori says "'no, she's playing with the stomach butterflies in the well'. I see. Well at least- ...what the HELL are you thinking there?"
Yukari giggles, then says "my, I was just thinking she's with Reimu. Are you sure you're Satori?"
The satori youkai looks around in confusion, starts to sweat, then says "no. I mean, yes! Yes, I am Satori. I-I'm just a little flustered, that's all!"
Satori blinks, then finds herself sitting in a small row boat in the middle of a storm of green clouds, and with an ocean above her head.
Thunder and lightning make her yelp in surprise, then the rain starts rising from the clouds and going up to the water above.
Satori screams loud and bloodily, then curls up into a ball and whimpers a prayer.
She feels a hand push hard on her left shoulder and screams as though she's being skewered by a rusty pike, then Yukari asks "hey girl, what is wrong with you?"
Petal concernedly cries "Shatori-shama love shcared is shaking!"
Budou exclaims "that poor girl! Lady gramma, do something!"
Yukari replies "please call me Yukari!", and Ail says "Rwaf! Bow-wow-wrof!"
Satori slowly opens her right eye, realizes she's back at the ghostly ship, then exclaims "wh-what the hell! I was just in an upside-down storm!"
Yukari, the girls and the dog all stare at Satori with confusion, then Satori notices Rika is standing behind them, smiling while waving at her.
Satori blinks, grabs hold of her head, and now she's in the Palanquin's kitchen, being held by Orin, while Koishi asks "so, why can't I share a room with onee-chan?"
Byakuren, who sits next to a large square table, smiles as she addresses Koishi, replying "because the poor girl seems to be under a lot of stress, so we're giving her some space."
Satori looks around the kitchen, looks back at Orin, then starts crying while waving her arms and legs around in a tantrum.
Orin starts panting and bleeding through her nose, refusing to let go of Satori, then asks "c-can we keep her like this a little longer?"
Later that day, in the inner chambers of the Scarlet Demon Ark, Remilia, who is completely healed, and Patchouli, walk over to the engine room, but during their walk there, they've been awkwardly silent.
Patchouli sighs angrily, then says "enough with this silence! Remi, could you please say something already!"
Remilia stops walking, looks at Patchouli, then says "something."
Patchouli face palms hard and groans, then opens her left eye and asks "alright, can you at least tell me why you are dragging me all the way to the engine room? I don't know how to fix that thing, you know!"
Remilia stares at Patchouli, sighs, then says "there's an intruder I want you to get rid of."
They resume walking toward the engine room, and sounding a little more relieved, Patchouli says "well, you could have asked Meiling. You know that's her specialty."
Remilia shakes her head, then says "she already tried, but got smacked instead."
Patchouli groans inward, and they reach to door to the engine room, which Remilia opens immediately.
Inside there are various creatures, animated skeletons, humanoid bulls with giant axes, fairy maids with shields, lances and spears, floating doll heads that shoot glowing balls from their mouths, slimy green plants that spit fire, a floating cherry cake, Rumia and Meiling sprawled on the floor with their eyes spinning and a goofy smile on Meiling's face, Flandre at the end of the room with an eager and happy smile on her face, throwing small fireballs in front of herself, and jumping around an excessively overdeveloped platform-filled setting, with meticulously positioned floating platforms, ground-spikes, and well-positioned monsters and fairies, is the intruder, Reimu Hakurei.
She wears her shrine maiden outfit, with her red ribbon on her black hair, wearing her detached sleeves and the red vest, but instead of white, the sleeves and undershirt are black, as well as her skirt, and also wears a pair of knee-high black boots.
She jumps around the platforms and the prepared 'stage', and wields her gohei just like a whip she uses to smack anyone or anything that gets in her way.
Reimu notices the small fireballs flying her way, ducks under one, jumps over the second, then bats the third one back at Flandre and shouts "HEY! This isn't that plumber's game! Stick to the script!"
From the other end of the 'stage', Flandre eagerly replies "okaaayyyy!", then Reimu continues her little adventure, mimicking that well known vampire-whipping game.
Patchouli stares daggers at Remilia, lifts her hood, then angrily says "I'm returning to the library. Enjoy your little games with- KYAAH!"
Remilia grabs Patchouli by her waist, lifts her above her own head with ease, tosses her straight at Reimu, then shouts "THAT'S THE NEXT BOSS BEFORE FLAAAN!"
From inside, Reimu shouts "hey, thanks! You're right, this IS fun!"
From inside the room, Patchouli screams, then shouts "no, NO! That doesn't go in there! Wait, NOT THAT! AUGH~!"
Reimu shouts "hold still while I work my magic!"
Patchouli moans, groans and squeals while Remilia squints and squirms, matching Patchouli's uncomfortable protests, then bites on her nails, sweats nervously, and says "wow, I never thought she'd use her gohei like that.", then blushes and continues "uuu~, I'll try that later with Sakuya."
Over at the Human village, Kotohime sighs and rubs her head as she walks home, holding on to a basket filled with vegetables.
She looks to the sky, and frowns and growls at the sight of the four ships circling each other up there, then says "man, what am I supposed to do? I mean... I'm supposed to be the cop around here, but those girls... I need backup!"
She looks toward the center of the village, stares toward that direction, ignoring the teen-aged vigilante stomping on a masked man and taking away an oddly-modern purse from his hands, then she snaps her fingers and shouts "I GOT IT!"
Moments later, Kotohime breaks through the front door of Keine's school and shouts "nobody move! Suspicious Keine you're under arr~..."
Upon taking a closer look, Kotohime realizes Keine, as well as the many young human students of varying ages are staring at her in awkward silence and surprised faces.
Kotohime chuckles nervously, smiles sheepishly, then waves her hand in the air and says "hi~! Um, I think I came by at a wrong time, so..."
Chuckling nervously, Kotohime backs away to the guest's corridor, closes the classroom door, walks out the building, closes the door, walks away from the school and stops, then rubs her head while thinking hard and saying to herself "man, that was embarrassing. But I was sure that suspicious shop was right here."
Just as she finishes her sentence, there is a loud explosion, a disturbingly loud crack, and a cannonball flies to Kotohime's left, missing her arm by a cat's hair, then Kotohime turns around and sees a perfectly round hole on the school's wall.
From inside the school, Keine, I mean, the suspicious Keine shouts "second volley! GO!"
Kotohime screams when there are various detonations, followed by a lot of cannonballs that fly her way, so she takes flight and says "uuu! I'm gonna get them all and make them serve time for this!"
She skillfully dodges the cannonballs by moving up and left in succession, then starts shooting a pair of magical spikes toward the school, shouting "in the name of the law, you are under arrest for aiding those pirate-wanabes!"
From inside the school the suspicious Keine shouts "you'll have to get to us first, coper!"
Kotohime grins after that remark, charges up magic, then fires a small, but powerful magical bar that reaches the school walls and cracks a large chunk of it.
The princess, collector and self-proclaimed police officer cheers victoriously, but doesn't notice the suspicious Keine is on the roof of the building with a large black cannon to her left, and the wind blowing epically on her hair and dress, making her look more kickass than she should.
Kotohime happily exclaims "ha-HA~! Get ready to get arrested!", but her confident face suddenly becomes frightful when she looks up to the roof.
Keine lifts her hand, shouts "FIRE!" then smacks the back of her black cannon, sending a massive black blob at Kotohime that spread out mid-way and becomes a wall.
The poor police princes can only look on with a horrorstruck face and whimper "dammit", then gets struck by the black, causing a chain reaction the constricts the wall into a ball, then this ball bounces on the ground, flies off to the air, and after reaching a high enough point, it explodes with a massive display for fireworks that are so colorful and vibrant, they can be seen even in broad daylight, causing the rest of the villagers to get distracted by the colorful flames to not notice Kotohime falling to the ground as a pile of burnt garbage.
From the school, the suspicious Keine now wears a long white bandana around her head as she clenches her fist to the right of her face and says "well done my students. You have all moved on to the next level!"
The suspicious Keine flies back down to the school while her students cheer for themselves, and when she's back inside, she loudly says "now, for our next lesson, let's study the volatility of a danmaku-filled cannonball."
The students suddenly whine and complain, but quietly resume their lessons in their suddenly-fully-repaired school.
On the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, a fight of epic proportions has broken out between Chiyuri's crew and Minamitsu's crew.
Mima clashes her sword against Shou's, Lily clashes spoons against Ichirin, Yumemi is exchanging notes on magical spells with Byakuren, Tewi is having a staring contest against Nue, Reimu and Rika are having tea with Unzan and Kogasa, Maribel and Renko are doing a makeover to Nazrin, and Marisa is flying around while avoiding the weak, but continuous magic bullets from the red-haired fairy.
Meanwhile, Minamitsu holds on to her broken ladle while she searches the top of the ship for Chiyuri, yet fails to find her and exclaims "where the hell is that blonde captain-wanabe! I want to kick her ass!"
The ghost captain quickly head down to the ship's lower rooms to search for Chiyuri, and it doesn't take her that long to find said blonde with twin-tails sitting in the farthest corner of the ship's bowels, hugging her knees and curling herself up into a ball while looking around as though in a state of paranoia.
Minamitsu gets closer to Chiyuri and can see the tired and crazed look in her eyes, then exclaims "WHOA! Girl, what happened to you?"
Minamitsu covers her mouth with both hands as she gasps, then exclaims "by the gods, someone violated you!"
Chiyuri's eyes almost immediately return to normal so that she can scowl at Minamitsu, then angrily says "you pervert! Nobody did that to me! I'm just not moving from this spot! I'm NOT some entertainment created to amuse readers with nonsensical bull-crap that spews out of this damned author's mind!"
Minamitsu jumps back and screams as though seeing a horrible diarrhea monster, then nervously says "hey, that's very dangerous! Don't go saying things like that! You don't know who could be watching!"
Chiyuri simply glares at Minamitsu, but decides she's not doing anything else, other than to curl up into a ball and not move, but as a writer, I cannot allow that to happen.
Now Chiyuri is standing up with a very happy smile on her face, wearing a fruit hat, a yellow and orange top that covers her breasts and has puffy yellow sleeves and white frills on the borders, a long red, green and orange skirt, red high-heels, and holds a pair of maracas on her hands.
She starts shaking her hips around with such mastery, poor Minamitsu is now freaked out by the whole scene, and wants nothing more than to run away, but it's too late.
Crying and still shaking her hips, Chiyuri jumps on Minamitsu, grabs on to her neck, and shouts "please save me!"
Chiyuri's ship explodes, sending all the girls flying through the air with torn and burnt clothes.
On the Palanquin's deck, Suwako hands a very large and shiny green stone to Okuu, who eagerly accepts, then says "what a good girl you are, Utsuho."
Okuu happily rubs her cheek on the shiny stone and says "thank you so much!", then looks at Suwako with confusion and asks "but are you sure it's ok? This is such a great gift, just blowing ships up seems to be..."
Suwako pats Okuu on the back, smiles, then says "oh no, you've done more than enough. Thank you."
Okuu nods after Suwako's reply, then walks away with a happy smile and rubbing her cheek on her new shiny stone, and once she's away, Suwako takes the left eye of her hat off, then speaks to it, saying "the feathers have been plucked. Commencing operation."
From inside the eye, a familiar voice says "roger that, Froggy. Good luck with the mission."
Suwako looks suspiciously around herself before saying "over and out.", then places the eye back in its place.
At the unnamed ghost ship, after Kimi is done mopping the floor, she uses her special eye-patch to locate Kali and resume her joy of torturing the poor shadow, then leaves the area with a vile smirk on her face.
A few moments after Kimi is gone, a swirling purple cloud materializes just above Kimi's clean floor, then Damien jumps from inside the cloudy portal, lands on the wet floor, raises his hands victoriously, then shouts "HA-HA~! Finally, I successfully infiltrated Gensokyo! Time to find Ail!"
The barking of a tiny dog catches Damien's attention, and when he looks down to his left, he spots dog-Ail sitting on the floor while silently staring back at him.
Damien stares at dog-Ail in surprise, blinks twice, bends down, then picks the dog with one hand.
Dangling dog-Ail in the air by pinching the skin of his back, Damien points at the small dog-like creature, laughs, then says "Ail? This is Ail! I can't believe it! Killing you is going to be so easy!"
A woman behind Damien clears her throat, Damien turns around to bravely shoo off this woman, then stiffens up, hops back, his lips wriggle, and his legs turn to stone at the sight.
Yukari stares at him with those golden eyes of hers, leaning slightly to get a better look at the black-haired, red-eyed boy, then smiles and says "so you are Damien. I'm sorry, but I can't let you kill that cute little doggie you hold there, so be a dear and hand him over."
Damien starts to sweat; not only there's a woman so close to him that she can almost kiss him if she wanted to, this youkai woman has so much power, even when she's so relaxed, Damien can feel the sheer power oozing from her skin.
Trembling, Damien reaches behind himself, pulls dog-Ail from his butt, ripping a chunk off his pants in the process, hands him over to Yukari, then gulps and prays in his mind "to whomever it is that I'm praying to... SAVE ME!"
Yukari smiles a deceivingly endearing smile after accepting dog-Ail, and after squeezing him between her breasts, she opens a gap to her right, pulls out her pink parasol with the sharp end, then slams it hard on the palm of her left hand, which causes the small gap to vanish again.
Damien cracks a nervous smile for a second, then Yukari, now emanating an ominous aura around herself, stares straight into Damien's eyes and says "now, young man, not only did you break through Gensokyo's barrier, you threatened to kill one of my most favorite pets. I'm afraid I'm going to have to punish you."
Damien is already preparing another portal back home, when Yukari suddenly says "oops" and slips on the wet floor, holds her parasol like a golf club, slides close to him, strikes him upward as hard as she can, sends him flying up in the air, Damien gets struck on the head with a stone washtub, and as he falls back down unconscious, Yukari opens a gap for him that sends him straight back home.
Yukari opens her parasol just as the rubble from the stone washtub rains down on her and dog-Ail, turns her head slightly down to somewhat address the little dog between her breasts, then smiles as she happily asks "my, so many happy coincidences at once, don't you think?"
Ail howls as his response, Yukari chuckles, then says "yes, I believe you're right. That parasol between the legs must have hurt. Still, would you believe me if I told you that washtub was a coincidence?"
Over at the Palanquin's sleeping quarters, Suwako sneaks around Ichirin's room, and finally, after crawling from under the messy bed, she finds a door.
She sits next to the door, like a frog on a lily pad, pushes two fingers on the left temple of her head, then closes her eyes.
She can now see herself on a green screen that has some numbers on the top, and to the right of her screen is another empty green screen.
After waiting for a second, Suwako says "Snake, are you there? I found the door to the engine room!"
The right screen is suddenly filled by the silhouette of a short-haired human male, that with a raspy voice, asks "and who the hell are you? How did you reach this frequency? And how is it that you know my name?"
Suwako chuckles nervously, then says "whoops, wrong frequency. Oh, you have someone behind you."
The man replies "uh... thanks. Gotta go now.", then Suwako starts to somehow change the frequency until the gets the numbers 34.34, then says "Snake, are you there? Can you hear me?"
The other screen now has a woman with bushy hair who's wearing rope around her head as an adornment, and a holy mirror on her ample chest; she looks green in there.
Kanako looks annoyed at the numbers above herself and Suwako, then says "hrm, I don't like that frequency you picked, Froggy."
Suwako waves her hand under her own nose as she smiles mischievously and says "oi, oi, now's not the time.", then gets serious and says "I located the door to the engine room. I'm infiltrating now."
Kanako gets serious as well, then says "good. Froggy, be mindful of the force. There's a big disturbance right now-"
A vein pops on Suwako's forehead as she angrily says "wrong. Wrong setting, you old hag."
Kanako looks down, and the sound of pages flipping follow Suwako's low grumbling.
Kanako puts on some glasses, smiles, then says "oh, here it is. Right, umm... once you're inside, you might come across the security device. Froggy, you will need to destroy it before taking the pictures."
Suwako nods and says "alright. Just think, Snake. Once we get these pictures, we can build our OWN flying ship."
Kanako quickly replies "then we'll have all the faith we'll ever need! I'm such a genius."
Suwako growls and says "right, whatever. I'm going in."
Before Kanako can say her blessings, Suwako pulls her fingers away from her temple to cut off the communication, then grumbles "it was my idea anyway."
Suwako opens the door to the engine room just slightly, then slithers inside like a snake and closes the door behind her without the use of her hands or feet.
Not really sure how she did that.
Once inside, the little ancient goddess can't help but express her awe at the sight.
A large glowing light-yellow orb hovers just above a silver pedestal that has a chrome plate on top with runes carved on the borders, all in the very center of a very ample room.
Suwako stares awestruck for a moment, shakes her shock, the rummages under her hat, possibly looking for the camera.
She suddenly stops everything, frowns, then jumps to her left and rolls away, avoiding a small yellow laser beam.
The goddess expect something large and fierce as the security system, but is shocked and surprised at the sight.
It's a holographic image of a very young Byakuren Hijiri, wearing her usual white dress with black cross-laced coat and knee-high black boots, but her skirt looks like the end of a bell, and doesn't settle down, making little Byakuren look like a cute little black and white bell with gradient light-brown and purple hair, and cute little light-brown eyes.
Suwako blushes and giggles stupidly while staring at the cute little girl hologram being projected by a magical beam that comes from various corners on the walls.
Little Byakuren smiles at Suwako, and with a deceivingly innocent voice, the little girl giggles and says "you're not supposed to be here, you naughty girl you. Please leave now, or I'll have to kick you out by force."
As though in a blissful trance, Suwako smiles and drools while she blushes and nods, then suddenly recovers her natural face, shakes her head, then says "hey, wait a minute! How did I ever fall for that?", then says to herself "gotta get rid of this thing so I can take the pictures I need."
The hologram grins mischievously, then it says "don't say I didn't warn you."
The little girl lifts her arms and stands on the tip of her feet, causing Suwako to bleed through her nose after her eyes intensify, then little Byakuren starts twirling around like a ballerina while getting closer to the entranced Suwako.
The second she's close enough, little Byakuren uses the full momentum of her spin, along with her unnatural strength, and kicks Suwako on her right ankle so hard, the sound of the impact echoes outside the room.
Suwako is now jumping on one leg while screaming out profanities that get turned into solid yellow words little Byakuren grabs and uses as blunt weapons to strike Suwako on the head repeatedly.
Still holding her foot and being struck repeatedly by her own dirty words, Suwako tries to move toward the door while saying "ouch! Wait, stop that, you little twerp! Ugh, that hurt! No, get away!"
Little Byakuren suddenly gasps and stops her attacks, looks up at Suwako with red cheeks and glassy eyes, then sobs as she says "you *sob* called *sob* me *sob* a *sob* ...TWERRRP~!"
The little hologram rubs her teary eyes with her tiny hands while crying loudly, making Suwako panic with concern, lean closer, and nervously say "no, no, no, I'm sorry! Please don't cry little girl!"
The moment Suwako touches little Byakuren's shoulders, the little girl strops crying, grins mischievously at Suwako, then says "got 'cha."
Suwako screams as her body gets electrocuted by the hologram's ten thousand bolt contact defense, and all while little Byakuren giggles as happily as a child who's playing with her new toy.
Suddenly, Suwako is sent flying straight out the room through the door, lands face-down in front of the door to Ichirin's room, then chuckles and whispers to herself "painful... adorable... dea-th"
Inside her head, Kanako shouts "Froggy? Froggy! ...FROOOGGYYYYYYYYYYY!", her voice echoing as she screams.
At the Scarlet Demon Ark, Remilia runs around the confusing corridors completely naked, covered by some bath-bubbles around her chest and groin.
She pants as she runs from one corridor to another, looking terrified and constantly glancing over her back as though expecting someone or something to sneak up on her.
She stops under the archway that links to yet another corridor and waits.
She gulps and trembles as she nervously peeks to the right of the next dark corridor, unaware that there's an ominous shadow with a bright white crescent smile and bright white eyes next to her.
The shadow lifts its hand to reach for the vampire, but Remilia turns her head around in time, ducks to avoid the hands, then pants rapidly as she runs as fast as her feet can take her into the next dark corridor.
Her heart races on, making each movement a chore to control, as her adrenaline makes a simple move of a hand into a dangerous flail that could very well end up in the harming of herself.
The corridors get so dark, they now seem to be lit by a single night-light, but thankfully, Remilia is a vampire, so this doesn't affect her much.
A light thud and heavy breathing alerts Remilia of the shadow getting closer.
Her eyes widen and her breath becomes harder, but at last, the light at the end of the tunnel... kind of literally too.
Remilia spots a light behind a closed door and expresses her relief with a loud sigh, then speeds up to the door.
On the other side of the kitchen door, Sakuya is turning off the stove and tasting the meat sauce when Remilia suddenly rips the door open, spreads her arms, wings and legs; thank goodness for those censor bubbles; and exclaims "HA! I did it! I found her first! Take THAT Flandre!"
Sakuya holds her chest and breathes heavily from the surprise, then exclaims "my lady, what's going-?"
From behind Remilia, Flandre, who is also naked and censored by those bath bubbles on her chest and groin, moans sadly and says "aww, onee-sama cheated! I almost had you back there too."
Remilia flips the side of her wet hair at Flandre and says "I beat you fair and square. I didn't even fly, just like I promised."
Flandre suddenly jumps on her sister and wraps her arms around Remilia's neck, then giggles and says "onee-sama is the best!"
Remilia quickly panics and tries to push Flandre away while shouting "wah! Wait, Flan, we're both naked!"
Flandre clings on to her sister and rubs her cheek against Remilia's shoulder with a blissful smile on her face, then says "it's ok. We're sisters after all."
Remilia's desperate attempts to push Flandre away ends up with her and her little sister on the floor, causing all the bubbles around them to pop at the same time. Remilia screams, then shouts "Sakuya, heeeeelp!"
Sakuya is still in complete shock, her eyes are stuck in epic intense mode, her mouth refuses to close, then the maid suddenly twitches.
The two sisters stop struggling to look at Sakuya, then they get up right behind the counter, where nobody else but Sakuya can see their naked bodies, then Remilia asks "hey, Sakuya? Why is your face getting red?"
Flandre concernedly asks "Sa-Sakuya-san? Sakuya-san, are you alright?"
Sakuya's face becomes the epitome blissfulness, a drop of blood drips from her right nostril, Remilia and Flandre get a little closer, then Sakuya's nose blows out blood as though she's some sort of spaceship engine, then she flies straight up through three layers of the ship.
When she breaks through the deck, her voice echoes all over Gensokyo as she screams "I REGRET NOTHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGN!"
When she's just about to crash through Gensokyo's own border, she explodes with amazing force, creating an image of her blissful face with knives and danmaku, then the knives rain down on the ship and all of Gensokyo, successfully creating a storm more dangerous than a hailstorm.
Remilia and Flandre look up to the sky from the safety of the dark kitchen, then Remilia chuckles and says "see, I told you we'd get her."
Flandre giggles, then says "uuu~ I wanna do that again!"
Over at the Palanquin, Suwako has been shackled by the neck and ankles and with a very annoyed look on her face, is now sweeping the deck from the innumerable amount of knives that fell from the sky moments ago.
Koishi, who now wears a sleeveless dark-green shirt under a sleeveless, dark brown leather vest, a pair of brown shorts that only cover half of her thighs, and a pair of brown boots, leans on the portside (left) rails of the ship while gazing at the Youkai Mountain.
She sighs contently and says "ah, I love the air over here in the outside. So cool and gentle."
Byakuren, who has taken off her pink eye-patch, stands next to Koishi, sighs, then says "oh, I agree. There were no winds like these in Hokkai at all. Always so stagnant and... ah, but that's the past."
Koishi smiles at Byakuren, turns to look at the Youkai mountain some more, and ignores the sight of the Tengu flying around while fighting with a giant robot, when she asks "say, miss Byakuren-san, have you seen Onee-chan?"
Byakuren smiles blissfully while raisin her right hand to point to the left, saying "Namusan!"
Satori wears a pink hooded robe, with the hood currently lifted and covering her head, and underneath that, she wears a light-blue lightly armored shirt, a skirt with pink scales, a brown belt around her waist that has an extension that goes over her right shoulder, and a pair of pink slip-on shoes.
She's shivering while hugging her knees on the floor, over at the corner of the poop deck, and occasionally raises her heat to look around, whimpers, then curls up again.
Koishi clicks her tongue while slowly shaking her head, then says "my, she's got it pretty hard. I better go talk to her."
As Koishi walks over to Satori, Byakuren smile and says "good luck~", then pulls out a silver spoon, throws it forward, and that action is followed immediately by a loud clink, a powerful explosion, and Aya shouting "THANK YOU~!"
Koishi walks over to Satori, places her hand on her sister's right shoulder, Satori twitches, then Orin says "Satori-sama, you really need to lighten up. You're starting to worry me."
Satori lifts her head, is about to ask what happened to Koishi, but gives up, sighs in defeat, then looks at Orin and says "but this is just too much. Right is down, up is left, and somewhere along the line, I think I lost my sanity."
Satori blinks, and now she finds herself surrounded by Okuu, Petal, and instead of Orin, Koishi is there where she should be, placing a comforting hand on her older sister's shoulder.
Satori's eyes water, she sobs, then says "I don't know what the heck's going on! I thought I was talking to Orin just now."
From behind her, Orin says "well, you were, but I moved."
Satori lowers her hood to look back at Orin, shivers, and trying to sound as calm as possible, she says "p-p-please don't sw-sw-switch like that!"
Koishi sighs, hugs her sister, then says "onee-chan... You should really close that third eye of yours. It will do you wonders."
Satori twitches and asks "and how the heck did the conversation steer this way?"
She pushes herself free from Koishi to find herself in front of Rika, who says "I'm sorry miss Satori, I just wanted to help."
Satori springs up on her feet, her body stiffens, her eyes turn to massive white disks, and her body turns to stone once again.
Rika screams in a panic, points at the stoned satori youkai, then shouts "oh no! She turned to stone!"
Koishi lowers her hat to cover her eyes, Orin stands bravely to Koishi's right, and Okuu is playing horsey with Petal behind them, then Koishi bravely says "there's no choice. We'll have to go look for the Stone of Ness!"
Orin nods, while Rika gets closer to Koishi, grabs her hand, and says "then let's go!"
Meanwhile, back at the unnamed ghost ship, inside the Hakugyokurou replica, Yuyuko and Yukari are partaking on a small feast prepared by Youmu, and between them, or more precisely, trapped between Yuyuko's breasts, is one lucky, yet not so lucky dog-Ail.
One would consider such event something blissful and a high achievement, but not poor dog-Ail, who is just barely able to breathe between those mounds of cold flesh that seem to have molded perfectly to his shape, thus rendering him unable to escape.
Youmu enters the room with two more plates of meat slices with shaped vegetable cuts and sauce, then looks at dog-Ail's pathetic stare, listens to his whines, and as she places the plates in front of the women, Youmu asks "Yuyuko-sama, isn't it about time to turn Ail-san back to normal?"
Yuyuko smiles whimsically at Youmu as she replies "oh, not yet, Youmu. He's so comfortable, and warm, and fuzzy, let's leave him like this for at least two more hours."
oumu sighs, bends closer to dog-Ail, then whispers "sorry, I can't help you. You know that."
Little dog-Ail takes a deep breath and expels the collected air through his nose, letting Youmu know two things: one, that he understands her, and two, he wants to wake up from this nightmare.
Right after Youmu leaves the living room, the two young ladies begin to chow down while discussing really boring things about the old times, then something makes him raise his left ear and wag his tail with excitement, tickling Yuyuko in the process.
The ghost princess giggles and laughs, reaches for her fan, smacks dog-Ail on the head, making him yelp, then giggles one more time and says "naughty little doggie! U, fu, fu! You don't do those things to mommy while she's eating."
From the front door, the angels seem to sing praise as the voice of hope rings inside the ghostly shrine, that voice being from one furious green-haired shrine maiden that's holding a drunken Budou on her left hand, while she holds her gohei on her right.
Sanae aims her gohei at Yuyuko as she glares at the ghost princess and says "Yuyukoooo! You promised me you'd keep Yukari from messing up!"
Yuyuko opens her fan to cover her face as she asks "oh my. Miss Sanae, how are you? Whatever do you mean?"
Sanae points at Budou and shouts "Budou is drunk," points at Ail and shouts "Ail is a dog and can't morph back," then points at Youmu, who holds plates with chocolate cream cake slices and looks more confused than anything, and finishes "and is that an actual chocolate cream cake?"
Youmu nods, looks at Yuyuko and Yukari, notices the plea for salvation in their eyes, then says "umm... yeah, and there's plenty left, so would you like a-"
Before Youmu can finish, Sanae is already sitting next to the table in front of Yukari and angrily shouts "don't mind if I do!"
Meanwhile, over at the deck, the somehow freed dog-Ail runs around the drunken Budou to try and keep her away from the rails, while little Budou stumbles all around, smiling and saying "shay... mama Shanny ish... *hic*... and papa... nap."
Exactly as Ail didn't want, Budou jumps on the starboard (right) rails, turns her wobbly self toward the shrine replica, points to the air, and says "ish not moving, it ish because of PAPA!", then jumps down to the ground.
Dog-Ail clings to the edge of the ship's deck and holds Budou by her feet, preventing her from falling, then Budou, who has her hair and skirt dangling in the air, showing everyone her cut grape-print bloomers, looks up at dog-Ail and says "hayyy, papa *hic*! I think I *yawn* napping now."
She wraps her wings around herself and immediately falls asleep, even with dog-Ail barking loudly and rapidly in an attempt to wake her up.
Meanwhile, Koishi, Rika, Petal, Okuu and Orin appears like a flash of light right in front of the Palanquin's wheel, where Nazrin stands to Minamitsu's left, and stares at the magically-appearing girls with a raised eyebrow, while Minamitsu panics and shouts "hey, what the heck is this?"
Orin stretches her arms above her head and says "ngh! That was some adventure. Really, who knew the cabinet was telling the truth."
Rika approaches Minamitsu and Nazrin, bows to the girls, and says "we've just come back from the land of Cu-Ka-Mangua while searching for the Stone of Ness to break Satori's stoning."
Nazrin and Minamitsu stare at each other in disbelief, then Nazrin turns to look at the girls and says "look, if she's high, let her enjoy the ride and chew her out when she returns, but going on weird quest to-"
Ignoring Nazrin, Koishi sobs, then says "it doesn't matter. We had to use the stone to free the Village of the Panties, so that they could take the Bikini Castle and burn off the tops."
Nazrin holds on to her head as she screams "GYAAA~! My brain!"
Minamitsu holds on to the wheel to prevent herself from falling back, then shakes her head to recover herself from the sudden dizziness, and says "you're trying to piss me off, and you're achieving said level, so I suggest-"
Before she's done, Petal exclaims "whoo~! Eggy egg is coming back!", and Okuu adds "ooh, so shiny, and round, and smooth!", then starts drooling at the sight of a giant glowing golden egg with a manly face.
The egg smiles at Petal and gently says "oh, hello little Petal. My, you're looking fantastic."
The egg thing turns its face to Orin, frowns, then mumbles to itself "ugh... big boobs.", then turns around to look at Koishi, and smiles again.
Orin covers her chest with her arms while her hair stands on its ends, growls, then says "stupid lolicon egg!"
The man-faced egg-thing, once again sounding soft-voiced, says "ah, miss Koishi, because of you and your friends, the land of Lalapunkalo is safe, and thus, I will bestow upon you the power to un-stone your sister."
With that, a light-yellow spark slowly descends on Koishi's head, then enters her body, causing her to shine light-yellow.
The satori youkai can't help her excitement, so she jump-hugs the egg things and says "thank you so much!"
After a long hug, the egg thing turns around with blood tricking down his nose, looks at Rika, smiles dearly, then says "and you, miss Rika, even if you do have big boobs, you are welcome in my home any time. Such a kind soul you are."
Rika blushes while covering her chest with her arms, and chuckles nervously, unable to come up with a reply.
The man-faced egg thing starts to disappear, while saying "well, my young and adorable little heroes, miss Rika... and you two big-breasted animals..."
Both Okuu and Orin shout an angry "HEY!" at the same time, then the egg continues "it's time I went back home. Oh, but before I forget! After the cabinet set the candle on fire, they made up, but more importantly, the wax is building up, so they can get married soon."
All the girls, including Orin and Okuu, smile and sigh with relief, then they all wave their hands as the egg thing closes its eyes and disappears.
After the egg leaves, the girls realize that Nazrin is lying on the ground while foaming at the mouth, and her eyes have become completely blank.
Minamitsu is in her ghost form, with her red eyes and green skin and clothes, and looks curiously at the staring girls and asks "what? What is it?", all while her physical body convulses violently on the floor.
The girls decide it's wise to keep quiet, then Rika chuckles nervously and says "oh, it's nothing. Um, we'll just head on over to Satori now."
The glowing Koishi, Rika, Okuu, Petal and Orin rush to the stoned Satori, then Koishi takes a step closer to her sister, and softly says "hold on onee-chan. I'm here for you.", then wraps her arms around her sister's neck, gives her a tight hug, then kisses her cheek.
Satori starts glowing brightly, forcing the girls to narrow their eyes because of the brightness, and when the glowing stops, Satori is free from the stoning, and is breathing once again.
The girls behind Koishi cheer and celebrate, while Satori groggily asks "uh? What? Ko-Koishi, what happened?"
And that's when it happens.
Satori starts to instinctively read the minds of those there, then sees first-hand their adventure in that odd far-off land with strange creatures, panties, bras, bikinis, beaches, and more importantly, a creepy table with teeth.
Before long, Satori lies on the floor with her eyes blanked, foaming at the mouth, and her body convulsing violently.
Koishi stares at her sister, scratches the side of her head, then turns her head to Rika and asks "wanna get a snack?"
Rika nervously smiles as she points at Satori and asks "um, shouldn't we help her?"
Orin, Okuu and Petal raise their hands and cheer in unison, so Rika simply join in, raises her hand, and unenthusiastically cheers.
Over at the Scarlet Demon Ark's living room, where Remilia sits on her throne-like chair that is set at the end of a long red carpet adorned with a golden vine motif, Sakuya prepares to serve Remilia the tea and snacks prepared by herself.
The maid wears her regular dark-blue maid outfit with a white apron on the skirt, her maid's headband, her black shoes, and long white socks.
She has also made sure her skirt springs up on its own so that it looks shorter than usual, and is wearing an unusual amount of makeup on her cheeks, and a suspiciously bubbly smile.
Another odd thing about her is that this dress has it's back is completely bare, revealing that she isn't wearing any bras or sarashi to cover those lewd things that keep jiggling on their own, so it's not really her regular attire after all.
She finishes stirring the tea, taps the teaspoon twice on the cup, making a gentle ting ring around the room, then she takes it to her mistress and places it elegantly on the right armrest of the chair, and in a bubbly and happy tone of voice, she says "please enjoy, miss Remilia."
The vampire stares suspiciously at the maid, but before she can ask what is going on, Sakuya twirls in place on one leg, stops when her body is sideways and aimed to the left, making her breast jiggle around, places her hands in front of her left breast, shapes a heart with her fingers, winks at Remilia, then blows a kiss at her mistress, and even goes as far as to generate enough energy between her hands to send out a translucent pink heart to the air while saying "moe, moe kyun."
Remilia's left eyes twitches at the sight, the vampire stares at the human maid with a slight look of disgust, then asks "Sakuya, what exactly is the matter with you?"
Sakuya sighs, slumps, her breasts jiggle, frowns at her mistress, then sadly says "ooh. Sorry my lady, I thought you'd like the extra entertainment today. I apologize."
Remilia recovers her neutral face, nods, then says "it's alright. Please bring me my cake. I crave something sweet."
Still sounding a bit saddened, Sakuya nods and says "as you wish, my lady."
She walks down to the food cart with a miserable look on her face while thinking "darn it, as expected of my lady. I can't make her react to this kind of thing. And I really wanted a little retribution too. I mean, I know she's my lady, and that this gag story makes it so none of that stuff hurt, but I'm still embarrassed about that."
While she cuts a slice of cake with strawberries and icing in the middle, she is unaware of Meiling drooling to her left. Meiling points at the cake and asks "h-hey, that looks good. Can I have a bite?"
Sakuya yelps, but recovers quickly, and holding her chest to prevent her heart from exploding and her breast from jiggling more, she angrily says "f-fine! Just don't DO that again!"
Confused, Meiling places her index finger on her bottom lip, but smiles when her brain registers she's been allowed a piece of cake, so the takes a step closer to the cart when Sakuya makes her way to her mistress, trips on a bump on the carpet, grabs the shoulders of Sakuya's maid dress, then pulls down and rips them off as she falls to the ground.
Sakuya screams in such an adorable manner, Remilia can't help but turn all her attention to the maid, and there she is, blushing fiercely while covering her bare breasts with her right arm, while trying to cover her black panties with her left hand, her curvy hips exposed, all while looking so ashamed; it makes her face look adorable.
Remilia's wings stretch and stiffen, her body twitches, her pupils shrink, then her nose starts spewing jet-streams of blood that knock her and her chair down, and just before hitting the ground, with a blissful smile on her face, Remilia happily says "I've seen heaven~!"
Still covering her breasts, Sakuya stares at Remilia and triumphantly raises her left arm and cheers "YES! It worked!"
Without thinking twice, the chief maid grabs Meiling by the back of the neck, kisses her lips, then excitedly says "thank you Meiling! I'm giving you EXTRA servings of meat for this!"
Sakuya releases Meiling, then hums a tune as she happily skips out of the room while still semi-naked, and yes, she's still covering her breasts quite well, so peek all you want, you won't see a thing.
Meiling stares with confusion at Sakuya, then says to herself "I don't know what I did now, but I'm glad she's happy about it."
The gate guard turns her attention to the blissful mistress on the floor with the bleeding nose, scratches the side of her head, then shrugs and says "meh. Change the scene, I guess."
Over at the Palanquin, Byakuren, Shou, Nazrin, Nue, Kogasa, Ichirin and Unzan are firing cannonballs at the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, while Minamitsu steers the ship and shouts "show 'em what we've got! Nobody messes with the Myouren Temple and gets away with it!"
Over at Chiyuri's ship, Maribel, Renko, Tewi, Mima, Lily, Agava and Marisa are returning fire, while, surprisingly enough, Yumemi is in command and shouts "ha-ha~! Come on girls, let's take ALL the honey!"
Back at the Palanquin, Minamitsu shouts "HEADS-UP", then jumps away to avoid a shower of cannonballs from the enemy ship.
Unaware of what's happening, Petal runs out of the safely of the ship's inner quarters, asking "Shatori-shama love! Petal hungry for lunch yet?"
She looks up and notices one cannonball is headed straight at her, but to her, she sees a ball being thrown at her to play with, so she raises her hands to catch it and squeals with glee.
By the luck of the gods, the cannonball falls just an inch away from the baby bird, making a loud cracking sound when it breaks through the deck and pushes Petal away by the sheer force of the impact.
Petal slowly bets back up and tries to get back on her feet, but her right knee hurts her when she tries to get back up, so she sits on the ground to inspect herself.
Of all the horrible things that could have happened, Petal discovers a cut on her knee, made by one of those pieces of wood that exploded so close to her when the cannonball landed, but it's not until she sees the blood coming out of the cut that she starts to panic.
Tears fill her eyes, her lips start to wriggle, she whimpers, then starts to sob, holds her leg when she feels the throbbing pain, then starts bawling where she sits.
Okuu breaks through the deck, Orin appears out of nowhere, Koishi flies to the little bird, and Satori makes a full recovery to rush to the crying girl.
Okuu is the first to reach Petal and immediately asks "Petal, what happened? Why do you cry? Are you hurt? Who hurt you?"
Satori looks at the cut on Petal's leg, grunts furiously, then says "those FIENDS!"
Orin hisses while bearing jagged teeth and exclaims "I'll rape their corpses before sending them to the fires of HELL!"
Koishi punches the open palm of her left hand and seriously says "someone has to pay."
Okuu lifts Petal from the ground, kisses her cheek, hands the bird over to Orin, then looks fiercely toward the front of the ship.
Her eyes turn blood-red, her pupils become silted, her controller rod appears on her right arm in an explosion of pure power, her face become feral, then she takes flight.
Satori gasps when Okuu flies away, then shouts "let's get the heck OUT OF HERE~!", then she, Orin, who is holding Petal, and Koishi, panic and fly away from the ships.
Okuu, on the other hand, flies in between all four ships, then starts powering up while shouting an echoing "UNYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"
Her third eye starts glowing red, along with her own, her teeth become jagged, and now she's suddenly holding a spell card on her left hand.
She summons even more power, the skies start to rumble, and when her controller rod starts glowing along with her eyes, she shouts "SUBTERRANEAN SUUUUUUUUUN~!"
Okuu's entire body starts glowing red, then she gets surrounded by a red orb that starts pulling all the ships toward it.
At the same time, she shoots a ridiculous number of small white bullets all around herself that literally eat away the ships bows, then adds middle-sized red orbs for good measure, which explode violently on contact.
The pull from Okuu's artificial sun becomes so strong, the ships start getting closer a lot faster, and even though most are missing the lower parts of the bow, when the four ships collide, the impact causes an out-of-proportion explosion that generates a massive black mushroom cloud in the sky that covers the real sun, and now, all the women and girls, and dog, on the ships fall straight to the ground, with all the girls having most of their clothes burned off, save for Budou, who is floating down safely, completely unharmed and somehow not getting touched by any of the flying pieces of bamboo or lumber.
Meanwhile, over at the Human Village, Kotohime, Reimu, Rika, Kimi, Kali, Koakuma and Patchouli are getting ready to storm the suspicious Keine's school/shop.
Kotohime stands in front and center, Reimu to the right, Kimi to the left, and behind them, the rest of the girls eagerly await for the command to attack.
Kotohime raises her hand, holds it for a moment, then swings it down and shouts "CHAAAAARGE!", then she and the girls all charge to the store at the same time, shooting their danmaku while shouting at the top of their lungs.
From inside the shop/school, the suspicious Keine shouts "now, my students! Just like I taught you!"
While this epic battle takes place, Chiyuri sits behind the dragon statue with her head almost between her knees, and looks down to the ground between her feet as she sadly says "what's the use? No matter what I do, that Willie G.R. bastard is going to make me do things against my will. It's just not fair!"
The steaming Kotohime flies backward in the sky and falls face-first on the ground in front of Chiyuri, then her burned body and clothes start to sizzle and steam.
She lifts her head to stare angrily at the blond girl and asks "hey, why didn't you help us? We needed you, dammit!"
Chiyuri sighs, then replies "it's pointless. The moment Willie set his sight on this scene, it was bound to fail miserably!"
Kotohime is now fully restored to her initial state, free from wounds and burn marks, and sits with her legs crossed under her skirt and her arms hidden under her sleeves as she nods at Chiyuri, then says "you do know you're doing something dangerous there, right?"
Chiyuri sighs again, sinks her face between her knees, then says "I just hope that damned author doesn't force me to wear something ridiculous again. But shit, that bastard had Sakuya show off a hot body, but I get to have a void for a groin. What the hell is the deal with that? I'm cute and sexy too!"
Kotohime now looks both annoyed and disgusted, then asks "are you sure you didn't eat something funny, squishy girl?"
Suddenly, the remaining half of the Palanquin crashes on to the village, destroying houses and starting wildfires all over, and after recovering from the shock of the surprise, Chiyuri and Kotohime both jump on their feet and look at the mess.
The humans and few human-friendly youkai scream as their village is being burned to the ground again, then Kotohime panics and exclaims "MY HOUSE! Dammit, how are we going to fix this one?"
Chiyuri nervously looks around, finds the edge of the scene, rips it off, flicks it hard, then sets it back in its place, ridding the village of any damage, fire or wrecked ships.
Chiyuri and Kotohime are now surrounded by the villagers, and all cheer for the girls like heroes, but Kotohime steps aside and points at Chiyuri, letting her have all the glory.
Chiyuri smiles with embarrassment at first, but quickly warms up to the crowd and the attention, then giggles and says "say, this isn't so bad. I... I think I was mistaken about this author after all."
Now Chiyuri wears a sexy little white bikini, which actually makes her look a little bustier than she truly is.
When she notices this sudden change of clothes, she blushes tomato red and tries to cover herself up with her hands while shouting "HEY! What the hell is the meaning of this? Dammit, change me back! This isn't what I meant! Oh, my body's not ready for this! SOMEONE SAVE ME!"
The male villagers are now looking at the newly sexy-fied Chiyuri with hungry eyes, and that's when Kotohime shouts "RUN, GIRL!", then Chiyuri cries as she flies away, narrowly escaping the hungry men's grasp.
As she flies away, she furiously cries "Grah! I'll get you for this, Willie G.R.! When you least expect it, I will get you for this! You'll RUE THE DAY! You and your readers will PAY!"
Meanwhile, over at Eintei, Kaguya Houraisan, with her long black hair, dark-brown eyes, wearing her pink long-sleeved kimono-like shirt with many frilly white ribbons on front, and her long dark burgundy skirt with golden flower designs, walks out of her mansion and stares at the burning chunk of the ghostly ship lodged on the ground in front of her house.
She raises and lowers her right hand in rhythm as she shouts "Eirin, Eirin, come and help me Eirin!"
To be continued...
Characters, Spell Cards and Scenarios belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-
Ail, Budou, Kimi, Kali and Agava were created by Willie G.R.
Rika Onkamikami was created by Snapshot 2010
Damien was created by Hydroviper
MAR 06 2011
Written by
Willie G.R.
A/N:
So, how did you like this? Were you surprised with all that happened here? Well, whether you are, or you are not, I hope you still enjoyed the chaos, the mess and the referencing of things that even I don't understand. Now, it will be some time again before I upload the next Pirates chapter, due to the fact that I am going to start working on my 6th Sukima story, as well as continue working on the crossover. Please pray for me to have the inspiration and will needed to do both, AND manage the next Pirates chapter soon. Until next time. Oh, and for those of you that didn't get it... The reason Kanako doesn't like that frequency Suwako picked is because of THIS: 34.34 = BA. BA , which means old lady/old hag. Please do NOT use this word in decent conversations. It's NOT NICE
Note that the fourth-wall destruction was inspired by a conversation I had with Snapshot, so you can partially blame him for its breaking.
