Crimson Dust: Confusion and Pain

„We should start" I say and merge my code with Dusts.

I reappear in a cold room. Grey walls, cold atmosphere and absolutly nothing in here besides 5 doors. On each door is a sign.

1-Confusion

2-Pain

3-Happiness

4-Scars of Life

5-Will to live

The inscriptions puzzle me /The human soul... sure is weird.../ I walk through the door with the word 'Confusion' written on it. Behind the door is a light white ball that floats in the air. I graze its surface with my hand and the scenery around me changes.

/Isn't this Redforest?/ I look around and realise that I'm indeed inside Redforest /This is weird. I know that I'm not in the game right now, why am I here? That's impossible!/ I walk around until I see Dust but she doesn't notice me.

„Dust?" I call out but receive no answer.

I suddenly hear her voice, but not her actual one. I hear her PM someone /This scene feels familiar.../ I see myself appear and relive what happened the first time I met her. I see her collapse and faint, I still remember how panicked I was back then.

„Do you know why this part of her is called confusion?" I turn around to see a girl that looks exactly like Dust.

I shake my head confused „I don't. What do you mean Dust?"

Now the girl shakes her head, albeit amused „I'm Dust and yet I'm not. Normally all parts of our soul make 'Dust' or 'Zita Yakira'. We are one individual, one mind, we do not think seperated. However, when 'my' soul shattered it resulted in this.

We parts of her make her up, like I said before, only the real 'Dust' thinks and we are nonexistent. I never existed before and I will disappear again when she regains 'Life'. Help 'me', you came for this, right?"

„I did indeed come here for this" I reply her.

She smiles softly „You need to take the orbs with you and put them together in the room you first appeared in" she chuckles „Do you want to know why you saw yourself and 'me' here even though this is the part of confusion?"

I look at her and nod my head.

„Because you confuse her" she tells me.

I gape slightly with a perplexed expression „Why... would I confuse her...?"

She chuckles again „How would I know? I am confused about that myself!"

Chuckling, she vanishes in a white light. I find myself back in the room from before. I take the white orb and return to the room with the doors, I go into the room with 'Pain' on it next. In the room floats another ball, this time red in colour. I touch it and the scenery changes once again.

I'm in a room with a lot of children, Dust being one of them.

„Zita Yakira..." the teacher comes to a hold before the little Dust „Look me into the eyes when I'm talking to you!" the woman screeches „Speak to me!" the teacher demands angry and Dust looks like she's on the verge of crying „...Right, I forgot" the teacher chuckles and smiles at Dust „You're to dumb to know how to talk" she goes to the board while she laughs.

I can see Dust biting her lip and I feel angry because I know I can't change it, because I can't comfort her. The scene changes again and I see and old man.

The old man shouts at a even younger Dust since she made some sort of mistake. My anger rises even more and I clench my fist.

Another change in scenery.

This time there are a few children together, one wispheres into the group, loud enough that even Dust should be able to hear it „Oy, do you see that girl? She's really stupid! She doesn't even know how to talk!"

Dust looks at them, unable to say anything and one of the boys realizes „Nobody cares for a girl like you! Go and die!" the boy laughs loudly.

I'm back in the room with the red orb, a version of Dust behind me „So it was her emotional pain I guess. Why didn't she defend herself? She could have said something back!"

The version comes up beside me „'I' couldn't have. 'I' was unable to. All of this were only small parts of it, 'my' true pain is far more deeper and worse. I couldn't say anything and somehow signaling adults about it wouldn't have worked.

The children, teachers and rest would find a way to make 'me' some sort of culprit that started it and 'I' would be scolded or worse. That's the reason why 'I' stopped caring about what happens, this is what a nickname upon 'me'"

I direct my gaze at her „Nickname?"

She closes her eyes „'My' eyes seem rather dead in real life, 'my' skin is as white as a corpses, 'I' hardly show emotion at all and the last reason is the most severe. Do you know the saying 'The dead do not speak'? 'I' can't talk and that's why they began with it. 'I' am somehow like a 'Corpse'. This is 'my' nickname: 'Corpse'"

„Corpse?" I wonder.

„A dead body. Those that die leave behind a lifeless body. 'I' will be a 'real corpse' if you don't save me" She tells me.

I look at her in horror „You mean... it's like when one of my comrades dies and doesn't come back to life?"

She nods to me and fear grows inside me, the horror on my face doesn't vanish.

„...Why can't you say anything to protect yourself?" I finally ask.

She looks ahead with a blank expression „Because 'I' lost my voice years ago. 'I' should have died but 'I' was saved, the only thing that wasn't saved was 'my' voice. That's the reason why 'I' panicked when 'I' first met you, 'I' never thought 'I' would be able to talk. 'I' came to the conclusion that it's because this is a game and the character 'I' play is not 'my' real body"

I look to my right, avoiding to look at her „I... see..."

„Let 'me' tell you something" she begins and I look back to her „'I' am similiar to you and NPCs. The real 'me' doesn't know you're an NPC (AI) with self-awareness. 'I' feel like you that when 'I' die here... 'I' truly die. Of course 'I' don't but 'I' never expect to wake up at a rebirth point.

'I' don't really feel like 'I' have a life in reality. To 'me', Second Life is the only place where 'I' can say that 'I' am 'alive'" She smiles at me and vanishes.

„I... don't understand... that" I mutter and go into the grey room to enter the next door.