Reimu Hakurei, lovely shrine maiden of the Hakurei Shrine and incident resolver of Gensokyo, finds herself trapped at the edge of a tall, jaggy and narrow plateau.

Right below her the powerful waves of the furious ocean crash with might against the sharp walls of the rocky mountain, making a loud roar that saps the courage out of the atmosphere.

The maiden looks down the narrow road that leads away from the plateau and frowns.

Remilia, holding her Spear of the Gungnir, Minamitsu, holding tightly to a heavy anchor, and Eirin Yagokoro, who wears an epic hooded robe that's red to the left, blue to the right, has two rabid-Reisen-heads made of bronze on the shoulders, holds a giant syringe, and threaten the maiden while smiling vilely.

Remilia and Minamitsu look to Eirin and the real captain asks "hey, you're not supposed to be here. Where's the whiny blonde with the flat chest?"

The hooded Lunarian smiles tenderly and says "she asked me to fill in for her, seeing as she's quarreling with someone called Willie G.R.. I really didn't understand, but I'm having fun."

The vampire and ghost captain look at each other, shrug, and along with the hooded woman, resume threatening the maiden with their selected weapons. Remilia threateningly shouts "give up the treasure miss maiden! There's nowhere to run!"

Reimu takes a step backward, her left foot slips at the edge of the rocky mountain, then gulps while glaring at her pursuers.

The girl thinks to herself for a moment, sighs, then reaches inside her vest.

Remilia gulps and her cheeks turn red when she believes the maiden is about to strip for them, but aws in disappointment when said girl simply pulls a piece of paper,a ticket, from underneath her sarashi.

The ticket reads "Kourindou Heavenly Kitchen. One free full-course meal for Four. One-time use only."

Reimu stares at her prized free meal ticket with longing, then stares at the girls in front of her, all drooling at the sight of such powerfully awesome treasure.

She pockets the ticket, somehow pulls her gohei from underneath her sarashi, then stomps the ground in front of her while glaring at the girls in front.

The three attackers whimper and take several steps back, then huddle together.

Remilia whispers "she's going ape-shit on our asses! No treasure is worth getting beaten near-to-death for!"

Minamitsu angrily whispers "well we can't just give up now! Treasure-hunting and stealing is what pirating is for!"

Eirin shakes her head and whispers "no, no, being free is what pirating is for. Anyway you two stand back. I'll take care of her in one shot!"

Remilia gasps and exclaims "well, that's one mighty claim there."

Breaking the huddle, Eirin confidently says "just watch" as she walks toward Reimu again.

The alien grins as she stands proudly in the way of the maiden's escape, then rams the needle of her giant syringe on the ground.

Reimu narrows her left eye while raising her right eyebrow but quietly waits for Eirin's move.

The pharmacist grabs the center of her awesome cloak, then yanks it open in the middle.

Reimu quickly drops her weapon and screams as she falls on her butt on the little ground behind her and covers her face with her forearms.

The underside of the cloak looks like outer space, even going as far as having meteorites and asteroids flying by the scenery.

The Lunarian herself has her silver hair braided, and is wearing a pair of brown knee-high pirate boots, a tight, tight leotard that's red to the right and blue to the left, and is so tight it reveals many details I'll leave out in order to keep this rated T.

She also has a sexy dark-green body belt that hangs seductively around the woman's gloriously delicious hips, while a single strap rises above, crosses between that thin valley between the large mountains on the chest and crosses up to the woman's right shoulder.

Eirin Yagokoro smiles as she loudly says "gaze upon the curves of seductiveness, the perfection of the female body that is capable of destroying worlds on a whim! Reimu Hakurei, give up the treasure and I'll be merciful enough to spare you further humiliation for your lack of!"

The shrine maiden trembles and whimpers. She looks down behind herself toward the water and can see sharp rocks hiding underneath the water, looks back at Eirin and that hot, hot body of hers embraced tightly by such a lewd yet beautiful outfit, then realizes her hopes are grim.

The red and white closes her eyes, stands up and places her left fist on her chest, picks up her gohei, then flies away toward the sunrise.

The three pursuers remain on the ground, staring depressively toward the flying maiden with their mouths left slightly open, their eyes hiding under a dark shadow, and bits of their hair springing up unevenly.

Eirin lowers her arms and closes her cloak, turns around to face the other girls, then Remilia casually says "well fu-"


Over at the unnamed ghostly ship, Youmu and Kimi casually patrol around the small ghostly shrine, and after making sure there are no strangers on board the dragon girl taps the half ghost on the shoulder and says "I'm taking a nap. Call me if there's something fun going on."

The silver-haired half ghost nods and Kimi turns around to go to the cabins down below.

As she walks down the stairs she spots Cirno covering their cannons with an ice sheet, waves at the ice fairy who waves back, then continues on her way down to her cabin as if nothing is happening.

On the porch of the small shrine, Youmu sits with a bored look on her face, sighs, then says to herself "it's too quiet. I don't like this one bit. Mmm, and now that I think about it, I haven't heard Yuyuko even once today, and it's almost lunch time."

Soft and cold mounds of flesh crash on the half-ghost's left cheek, and soon after that soft crash comes the inevitable slamming of the back against the hard floor, followed promptly by extra pressure from those soft mounds and the weight of having Yuyuko lie on top of your body.

Quite accustomed to this kind of activity, the silver haired pirate gardener asks through Yuyuko's breasts a muffled "Yuyu-sama, what's the matter?"

With tears of fear dangling under her eyes, the pirate princess of the Netherworld points inside the shrine and cries "she's trying to hit me with her car so she can EAT ME!"

The swordswoman gardener pushes Yuyuko off, flips on her feet, unsheathes her swords, and right after her mistress crashes on to the ground behind her, Youmu furiously asks "who dares try and cause harm to Saigyouji-sama!"

Yuyuko weakly says "Y-Youmu... that hurt."

The swordswoman jumps back and lands on her mistress with a loud crunch just as a girl driving an invisible car drives through and almost runs over said girl.

The driver has short greyish-blue hair and eyes, very pale skin, has a red and white charms stuck on the forehead, and wears a blue beret with a star on the center, a red Chinese-like shirt with pink trims on the sleeves, blue buttons, and sexy slits on the hips, a black skirt with the same pink trims, and a pair of black slip-ons.

She makes a doughnut-skid-stop with her car, shifts the gear, hangs her elbow from the invisible window, then asks "say girl, have you seen a very juicy-looking spirit around here?"

Youmu stomps once, making Yuyuko yelp out in pain, then demands "and who the hell are you? What do you want with Yuyuko-sama?", then whispers "and how the hell are you driving an invisible car without crashing?"

The girl smiles and casually replies "the name's Yoshika Miyako, pleasure, and I'm a bit hungry. No worries, I just want a quick bite and I'm outta here on my bike."

The silver-haired girl looks sheepish as she asks "don't you mean car?", then composes herself and demands "well I'm sorry but Yuyuko is NOT on the menu! Go eat somewhere else!"

She stabs her long sword, the Roukanken, on Yuyuko, making said ghost princess shriek in pain, then points her short sword, the Hakurouken, at the driving girl, then demands "if you insist on eating my princess, I will be obligated by the power vested in me, to pronounce you man and wife... er, I mean, to cut you to shreds!"

The driving zombie blinks twice as she stares with a bit of surprise at Youmu, then says "ah, I wouldn't want either. Very well miss, I'll be going then. Take care."

The silver-haired half-ghost smiles and says "the name's Youmu. Please come by for some tea next time, but no eating the princess."

The jiang shi smiles, nods, revs the engine of her invisible car twice, then cackles as she drives off to portside, screeching her wheels off to the distance.

No crashing sound of any kind can be heard while Youmu smiles and pulls her sword from Yuyuko and says "what a nice kid."

She looks down and can see her mistress crushed, stomped, cut, her shirt ripped, and her pale bra ready to pop off.

The gardener screams and kneels beside her poor mistress and exclaims "Yuyuko-sama! What kind of FIEND would do this to you while I was distracted!"

The ghostly princess raises a shivering blood-covered right hand and points at the girls' ghost-half, then Youmu gasps and exclaims "MYON? Holy crap, how could you do that to Yuyuko-sama! That's it, you're GROUNDED! Go to your room!"

The large ghost shakes its head furiously, but to no avail, so with its head down it goes inside the shrine to get into its room.


Over at the Palanquin's deck, Shou and the red-haired fairy that insists in dressing just like the Bishamonten disciple, walk over to the starboard (right) side rails and take a deep and relaxing breath.

The fairy sits on the tiger youkai's back and is looking happily over the youkai's head.

Shou looks up to her fairy companion and says "it's been quiet with the captain gone, don't you think?"

Just as the fairy nods, from behind them a loud child-like voice shouts "don't you think!"

The girls immediately look to the source of the voice but find absolutely nothing.

The little fairy blinks, climbs down Shou's back until her head rests on the tiger's shoulder, then wraps her hands around said youkai's chest, making Toramaru squeak and shudder in shock.

The Disciple of Bishamonten shivers, her face turns pink, and trying to sound as casual as possible she says "l-little one, y-you should stop p-p-please."

Suddenly to the left, Captain Murasa!

The captain looks pissed, tired, dirty, smells like an unwashed cod-fish, but at least is holding the honey pot upright.

Both the fairy and Shou stare at the captain, then the tiger girl asks "Minamitsu, are you alright? What happened with the treasure?"

The captain turns her blood-shot eyes toward the tiger and fairy, both girls shiver and embrace each other, then Mini-chan says "We forgot she could fly. She's eating now. I'm going to bed."

And without further conversation, the captain slowly flies toward her cabin. Shou and her fairy stare as the ghostly captain rams the door to the cabins open with her head, then the tiger says "now that's an odd sight. A tired ghost."

The door slams shut, and almost immediately the outside of the ship is taken over by the epic snoring from the tired Palanquin captain.

Shou and the fairy start to sweat, then the tiger youkai looks toward no particular place and excitedly asks "whoa-whoa, wait a second! That's it? No explosions? No screaming? No dismantling of ships? What's going on?"

The little fairy mimics the tiger's hand gestures but ends up falling from her back, yet continues mimicking Shou.

The Bishamonten disciple blinks twice as some words write themselves in front of her eyes, which read "fine. If that's what you want, then I'll gladly deliver."

Before she or the fairy can react, a solid 14k gold washtub falls on her head, making a disturbingly loud crack and knocking the tiger out.

The little fairy frets about nervously, jumps on Shou's stomach, grabs her breasts and presses them together, places her head on the accommodated chest, then falls asleep while sucking on her own little thumb.


Meanwhile, somewhere at the outskirts of the forest of Magic, the Kourindou Shop, which has switched the "shop" sign for a "restaurant" sign, is in service of Reimu, Rika, Marisa and Tenshi the celestial.

Said celestial has long blue hair, dark red eyes, and is wearing a pair of silver pins with peaches on each side of her head, a white t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the shoulders and it bottom is tucked into her shorts, a pair of light-brown shorts that only cover the upper thigh just slightly, and a pair of white socks and brown ankle-high boots.

Rinnosuke walks out of the "restaurant" wearing his usual blue and black kimono-like shirt, black pants and white shoes, only now he's wearing a chef's hat and an apron around his waist.

He walks closer to the girls, shakes his head to show off his silvery hair, gives the girls a sexy look with those yellow eyes of his through his glasses, then soft-manly asks "so what will you be having?"

Marisa's heart thumps hard, making her speak nervously as she says "K-Kourin. Um, I-I'll be having *gulp* the-the house's special p-p-please."

After he writes that down Tenshi casually says "give me your sweetest, larges dish please!"

After the man scribbles that down, Rika sweetly says "some salad with fish and vegetable soup please, mister Rinnosuke."

Blushing a little, the man writes that down, then Reimu opens her mouth and raises her finger.

The chef raises an eyebrow as he writes down on his notepad, then Rika asks "m-my lady are you sure? That sounds spicy."

Reimu waves her hand in the air while making a rude sound with her lips, then gestures her hands as though speaking when all she does is smile sweetly.

Marisa stares at the maiden, lowers the brim of her hat, then says "well, don't cry if you're not able to finish it."

The red and white smiles incredibly sweetly at the witch as she nods and after the "conversation" is over, the overly confused celestial asks "what the heck is going on here? Why isn't Reimu speaking?"

Rika pats Tenshi on the back of the head and says "Momoko, you just need to look into her eyes, and all answers will be clear."

Tenshi immediately looks into Reimu's sweet and innocent eyes, stares for a minute, then her face becomes flushed, she breathes through her mouth, and as she fans her face she says "wow, I never knew."

From the "restaurant's" door Rinnosuke announces "while I prepare your meals, please enjoy tonight's entertainment."

From inside the shop-er I mean the restaurant come Sunny, Luna and Star, and all three have that face that clearly says "I'm doing this 'cuz I am forced to do it."

Sunny has blue eyes, golden hair tried to pig tails with red ribbons, detached straight wings, and is currently wearing a red and white waitress' outfit.

Luna has brown eyes, blond hair curled to four drills, detached crescent wings, and is wearing a white and black waitress' outfit with a black headdress.

Star has grey eyes, long straight black hair, detached butterfly-like wings, and is wearing a blue and white waitress' outfit.

With annoyance in their faces, the three fairies walk over to a very dark spot in front of the tables, stop in front of a trio of microphones, then Sunny grabs the mic in front of herself and softly asks "d-does anyone have any requests?"

Reimu happily raises her hands and waves them around, the lights behind the three fairies turn on to reveal a stage with Mystia and all three Prismriver sisters on standby, then Star quickly cheers up and exclaims "then let's sing to our hearts' content! Three, two, one!"

The Prismrivers, without actually playing their instruments, play a sweet and soothing song to which the three fairies sing along in a choir.

Mystia waits with her eyes closed and focusing herself, then quickly opens her eyes, the song becomes harder, then Mystia howls and sings "I watch you eating your meal with my pretty eyes! Don't you dare eat the chicken pot pie, or I swear I'll come for you TO-NIIIIIIIIIIGH~!"

Her powerful howl blows the stage and Kourindou from its foundation, revealing Rinnosuke in the kitchen placing some salt on Tenshi's order and saying to himself "and~ they brought the house down again."


Meanwhile, at the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, the sexy Eirin, who has her leotard disappointingly adjusted so it's a lot less tight, lands on the deck and exclaims "alright you mangy salt-water mongrels, front and center, NOW!"

In the blink of an eye, Agava, Maribel, Renko, Lily, Yumemi, and a girl with purple hair, round glasses, purple eyes, and wearing a brown coat over a short black dress tied around the waist by a lose brown belt and with a white ribbon on her head, all appear in front of the new captain in full attention.

Rikako Asakura, the latest addition to the bamboo-made flying ship, looks with scorn at the Lunarian and asks "captain, when the hell are you going to allow me to wear my boots again?"

Eirin giggles and casually says "when you stop shrinking my leotards and try to rape me."

The mad scientist blushes, clenches her teeth, then speaks through them "I'm not trying to rape you... yet. I just want to experiment on you!"

The Lunarian giggles, karate-chops the scientist on the head, then says "what a naughty little girl."

Yumemi approaches the captain and asks "captain, are we going to be alright?"

Eirin looks confused toward the red-haired woman and asks "why do you ask such things?"

Agava happily says "well, Chiyuri's gone missing, the author isn't being so random, and even though I don't really care the honey is gone again."

Yumemi shrieks and hugs herself after dropping to the ground and sucks on her thumb, Maribel picks her up and drags her away, then Renko sighs, shakes her head and asks "so what should we be doing captain?"

The Lunarian captain giggles, opens half of her cloak to show off her left breast, left, perfectly curved waist, her long, pale and silky-looking leg, winks, and the scene turns black for a moment.

As soon as it's back, the ship is extra clean, Yumemi is back to normal with a large pot on honey on her hands, Rikako has her boots on but has her legs and arms chained up, and Renko looks around with amazement.

She turns to the captain and says "wow, you just manipulated the author, just like that!"

Agava grins and adds "ah, the power of hormones and some well-placed sex appeal."

The incredibly sexy Lunarian grins and says "wait, one more second."

She looks toward nothing, her cheeks turn pink, her smile becomes tender and sweet, then she winks and blows a kiss.

The Scarlet Devil Ark to the right blows up with such force, even the sky trembles, and as they fall Koakuma screams "I told you! We should have worn those swimsuits!"

All the girls in front of the captain are blushing after that sight, and with surprise in her tone of voice, Maribel says "this woman is my idol!"


Meanwhile, in a cave hidden somewhere at the foot of the Youkai Mountain, Chiyuri Kitashirakawa hides away from my reach, not knowing that I, as the author of this fan fiction, can find her anywhere she hides.

And there's the blond girl, sitting on a moist rock near the entrance of the cave, hugging her knees while lost in thought.

She looks out the cave's entrance to her left, holds her right ponytail with her hand, twirls its tip around her fingers and says to herself "no Chiyuri. If you go out there he'll find out, and I still have no way of beating Willie in a fair fight. Ugh, what should I do?"

She looks back inside the cave and yelps as she jumps in fright when she lays on Mima, who casually says "so jumpy. And here I came to help you sweetie."

Not believing the "evil" spirit, the small-chested captain raises an eyebrow and suspiciously asks "and why would you do that for me?"

Mima truthfully replies "because the Lunarian that took your place is using a substantial amount of sex appeal to make the author do her bidding, and it's making me sick."

From the cave's entrance, the girls can see Remilia, Koakuma and Meiling scattering about and picking up pieces of red lumber, then the vampire mistress exclaims "hurry, this scene should blow off at any second!"

Meiling cries "but this is impossible~!"

Koakuma flaps her head-wings as she exclaims "come on girls, this is a gag fiction! WE CAN DO IT!"

The sexy devil's inspirational words move the vampire into tears, and after sniffling Remilia says "that was beautiful! Come on Meiling, on to the next scene!"

Again our attention turns inside the cave, where Chiyuri sighs and says to Mima "so how can I beat this? How can I beat that fat and hairy bastard Willie G.R.! He's a pervert you know."

Mima face palms lightly and shakes her head, then says "start by stopping the insults. Willie's not a masochist. He's more of a sadist, if you haven't already noticed."

The ghost lady holds a picture of Suwako and Kanako being mangled by Sanae during a comedic beat-down at Paradise Sukima's middle chapters to make her point loud and clear.

The blonde captain rushes to the spirit, grabs her by the collar of her blue robe and excitedly exclaims "Mima, how the hell are we going to escape him? He's worst than that YUKA!"

The "evil" spirit grabs Chiyuri by the collar of her shirt with her left hand, smacks said girl across the face with her right, and all is done with the most relaxed smile on her spirit-face.

After the captain has calmed down, the green haired beauty places said girl on the ground, raises her hand, then says "look, you can't beat him. Instead, take everything he throws at you and turn it around so it works to YOUR favor."

Before Chiyuri can answer, a purple vortex opens up further inside the cave and from within it pops Damien, who exclaims "ha-HA~! I got you Ail-huh? This isn't his house."

He looks at the girls and asks "hey, sir... the blonde guy. Where is Ail?"

The captain roars furiously, then Damien yelps and shouts "dammit, it's that flat girl again!"

Chiyuri holds a gun on her hand and aims it at the dark boy's head, then a raging rapid takes everyone from inside the cave and forces them outside.

Damien slams hard against a tree branch, spins around in a cliché manner, and after he stops he holds his green face, swallows his breakfast, then says "d-dammit. I gotta be more careful."

Meanwhile, at the very beginning of the raging rapids are Chiyuri, who screams as she's being dragged around, and Mima, who casually floats on the water wearing a green turn color bikini top, seeing as she has her ghostly tail and doesn't need the bottom.

The spirit sighs and says "see, this is a good chance to turn it around to your advantage. Swim, surf, get dragged along, just don't give him or his readers the satisfaction of your tears."

Right after she says that she face palms hard when Chiyuri cries twin streams as she's being semi-calmly dragged along for the ride, being taken to who-knows-where by a raging fifteen-feet-long rapid.

Take THAT Subway, you and your five foot long sandwiches!


At the perfectly rebuilt Scarlet Devil Ark, Remilia and her mismatched pirate sister Flandre are waiting for their lunch to be served.

While they wait, the bat-winged vampire looks around suspiciously and says "I'm telling you Flan, there's someone conspiring against us! We have to be EXTRA careful!"

The adorable blonde vampire flaps her hand in the air while rolling her eyes and says "onee-chan is losing her head. Calm down already. We know it was Patchy that made it go kaboom."

As she says this, the tray with her food marches in front of her and places itself on the ground, where the adorable one sits and starts to much down without thinking much about it.

The elder sister sighs then says "that is the excuse. A convenient way to explain the action that happened, but I know better. This is all a conspiracy, and when I catch the one who did it, I'm going to change their fate to having a dog for a father!"

As she says this, an elegant tray with a small plate with little food sets itself elegantly on the armrests of the mistress' chair, and without thinking much about it the elder Scarlet elegantly chows down.

The younger sister licks her hands from the red sauce and smacks her lips, then says "look, whatever happened, happened. Besides, worrying about these things is so unlike you. It's like you're out of character or something."

As she says this, the empty tray rises from the ground and marches away, then is quickly replaced by a marching cup of whipped cake with red sauce on a small plate, which sets itself in front of the adorable girl, whom squeals with glee at the sight.

Remilia sighs and shakes her head, then says "look who's talking. Lately you've been acting like a mature lady, then suddenly switch back to being a ten-year-old psycho bitch. Really Flan, you need to make up your mind."

As she says this, the tray with the little bit of food left slides off the armrests and marches away, then is replaced by another tray with red tea and cake.

After taking the last bite of her whipped cake, the adorable Flandre replies "hey, at least I'm trying here. You think it's easy to change like that? Besides, what will my fans think if they find out I'm a lady, and no longer that adorable blood-craving monster in the dark room?"

Remilia raises an eyebrow while watching her sister sitting on the floor instead of the small table, but sips on her tea in preference to pointing that out.

After she places the empty cup next to the half-eaten cake, the elder vampire says "well, I guess you have a point there. Still, it's very nice to be able to talk to you and get a nice response, and not a dark death threat or a pointless giggle."

To this, Flandre giggles (irony) while Remilia's tray marches off to its cart.

Said food cart starts moving toward the door, so Remilia jumps off her chair and blocks its path, then demands "what the hell's the meaning of this? I never gave the order to have automatic food serving trays and remote controlled food ca-"

The abrupt pause in the sentence feels strange to Flandre, who gets up and walks to her sister, asking "onee-chan, what happened?"

The elder vampire starts flapping her wings slowly and gradually increases the speed, stops and stands stiff, points downward, then stammers "SA-SA-SA-SAKU?"

Her eyes hide under a thick shadow, she holds her chest, she drops on her knees, then exclaims "d-dammit! My... black heart! HHHHNNNNGGG~!"

The mistress has fallen on the ground, dripping blood from her nose while smiling blissfully, and from the front of the cart a young girl exclaims "YYYYYES~! I did it! Take that my lady! HA-HA~!"

Flandre walks over to the cart with a curious look on her face, which turns to shock the second she sees it.

Sakuya Izayoi has become a five year old child in body, and is looking up at Flandre with an adorable little scowl, her lips shaped like triangles and her oversized maid's outfit makes her look twice as adorable.

The already-adorable vampire holds her chest and exclaims "shit, so cute! S-Sakuya, what happened?"

Sakuya raises her little hands, swinging her oversized sleeves in the air while exclaiming "Patchouli was right! You two are lolicons! Take THAT! How does it feel huh? HAHAHA~! Take the cuteness!"

Meiling rushes into the room, bangs the door open, then exclaims "I heard screams! What happened? My lady, are you dead?"

When the sexy gate guard with the exposed left leg and rather revealing striped shirt takes a look at the little Sakuya, her nose explodes with blood, she rockets right through the ship's ceiling, then quickly drops down portside (left), making a very loud splash on the clouds which comes with a violent ripple on the glistening sky, which causes all ships to rock around, which in turn causes all the girls to run to the sides of their ships and throw up many pretty danmaku formations.


Meanwhile, right below the Scarlet Ark, Reimu and company have just finished eating their main course, and alongside Rumia, whom invited herself and somehow didn't have to pay for her extravagant meal, they are now waiting for dessert.

Reimu turns to face the stage where the three mischievous little fairies are sprawled on the floor, panting with exhaustion, while the Prismrivers and Mystia continue with "Phantom Ensemble" and looking as energetic as when they started.

The shrine maiden silently cheers by raising her hands in the air and waving them around and with a smile on her face so angelical it's making Rika blush. At that very moment Rinnosuke approaches the table carrying three dessert plates, and to his right with two more plates is Tokiko.

She has white hair with blue highlights, a pair of small horns, a small red wing crest on her head, red eyes, large red wings with white feathers, and is wearing a black waitress's dress with a cute blue apron around her skirt.

They place the plates with small bowls filled with ice cream in front of each girl, bow, and Rinnosuke says "please enjoy the ice cream. It's an excellent treat from the outside world."

Marisa blushes as she stares at the man's eyes, then says "s-say Kourin, would you... like to share-" but long before she finishes the seemingly uninterested man holds Tokiko's hand in a very gentle manner and walks away toward the shop-er, restaurant.

In a second something inside Marisa's head explodes, and with green glowing eyes she sneaks under the table and moves on the ground on all fours as though mimicking some sort of lizard.

Noticing this, the shrine maiden forgets her ice cream and walks toward the magically-rebuilt-to-perfection restaurant's back after Marisa.

While the messy Rumia gobbles away her and Marisa's ice cream, Tenshi explores her own with her silver spoon, while Rika looks back to Reimu and asks "my lady, what's the matter?"

A large pink object crashes on to the table and quickly explodes so violently, Tenshi, Rumia and Rika are sent flying away, and the shockwave of the explosion causes the three fairies to explode, followed by Mystia, who becomes a mess of fluttering feathers, after that the Prismriver sisters shrug while looking at each other and fly away as though nothing happened.

The celestial in hot short shorts coughs as she slowly gets up, then looks around herself and notices all the ice cream has fallen all over the grass and dirt. Rage points +10.

She rubs her head and looks up to the sky while asking "what the hell was that? Who attacked us?"

As she says this here eyes adjust to the sight of the four warring ships above her head. Rage points +50 (in gold).

At that moment Kaguya gets up from the ground where the table for four plus one more was and says "ugh, that red-haired bitch. Shooting me out of a cannon. Wait till' I get my hands on her braided hair."

Tenshi walks past the Lunarian princess while frantically looking around for something, then gasps as she holds her head and exclaims "RIKA!"

She rushes to the maid's side, drops on her knees, and while combing Rika's bangs with her hand she desperately whispers "Rika! Rika! I'm here. Your Tenshi is here! Please speak to me!"

The shrine maid opens her eyes weakly flaps her wings, then softly says "Tenshi... so cute. I saw the light Tenshi. I'm going into the light."

The maid collapses on the celestial's lady-like yet strong arms and while said blue haired girl cries out loud, the maid starts snoring softly.

Placing her fallen friend on the ground, the celestial glares at the Lunarian princess, making her squeak and flinch, then the annoying celestial hops to her feet says "you have nice a complexion... but mine is BETTEEEEEERRRRR~!"

Power surrounds the aura of the celestial as she looks up to the ships, then flies away. Rage points +10,406 (in blood red).

Kaguya watches as the girl flies away, then turns her head to the sleeping unconscious maid and stares for a bit.

She admires those gorgeous pearls rising on the chest, that shapely curve underneath that large ribbon, those soft-looking small wings, that perfect complexion and that adorable face, then looks away with a flushed face and says "she's so cute! Dammit, I want some of that!"

Before she can attack she realizes she's being watched by three mischievous fairies and one Rumia, who is also licking the ice cream from the grass.

The Lunarian princess clears her throat, recovers her usual composure, and from behind her Yuyuko sympathetically says "I know, I know. Just hold on and you'll get your chance. Same thing happened with You-"

The rest was cut down by the half-ghost girl in green.


At the Palanquin, Suwako has finally been freed from her punishment, and is now enjoying the breeze as it caresses her face and flings her hair in an endless dance.

That flinging hair starts smacking her check and getting into her nose, thus ending her blissful moment in a raging fit to hold down her own hair.

After the evil hair settles down she again regains her blissful look and says "ahh, so peaceful. It's like... I'm the boss!"

From her left a girl shout "I'M THE BOSS~!" creating a powerful echo that reaches all the way to the Youkai Mountain, where Kanako is currently having a relaxing bubble bath with a pair of wrinkle & age-reducing cucumbers on her face, probably to try and hide her crow's feet.

She quickly spring up and a raging fit, the bubble coincidentally cover her unmentionables, though her massive boobs are hard to cover, then shouts at me "you stupid writer bastard, when I get out of this bath you're going to WISH you were never born!"

Moving back to the Palanquin as fast as we can, Suwako is looking to her left and stares at this adorable girl.

She has short dark-teal hair, dark-teal eyes, a pair of large brown yamabiko ears on her head, and wears a pink robe that's tattered on the bottom border, a pair of light-reddish-brown boots, and is holding a bamboo broom on her hands.

The adorable girl stares back at the goddess, then smiles and says "it's me lady Suwako. Kyouko? Kyouko Kasodani! I thought we already passed this intro thing."

Suwako looks up to the sky to read a few paragraphs before this one and says "no look, the author got lazy and didn't write your introduction. He only made you parrot Shou. Man, what a lazy ass."

Kyouko looks around, starts to shiver, then asks "um... wh-what are you talking about. L-let's be careful with what you say, ok?"

Satori walks by and casually waves at the girls, but rapidly regains her usual seemingly-uncaring demeanor and says "the yamabiko is right missis Suwako. You are treading down dangerous roads."

The satori youkai is now surrounded by bananas, and she is now floating on a banana boat down a banana pudding river, and to top it off, the river becomes a large waterfall that's dropping inside a large cave.

The poor girl screams as she tries to fly, but ends up falling into the pudding and is now trying to swim toward the bananas on the edge.

She grabs one and holds on for dear life, but it peels off and the maiden screams as she falls down the puddingfall and into the cave.

Back in reality, the satori youkai lies on her side on the floor and twitches while mumbling in fright.

A young voice asks "wow, did you do that to her?"

Suwako quickly replies "I have no idea what hap- WHOA!"

Instead of Kyouko, to the goddess' left is the tiny terror hologram of young Byakuren, and she's holding a small silver rod on her right hand.

She grins as she looks at Suwako, shakes the little rod, then grins viciously while asking "ready for round two froggy?"

The goddess is already running toward the bowels of the ship while screaming "she wants to do things to meeeee!"

Ichirin opens the doors to the lower parts of the ship just as Suwako runs by and asks "hey, what's going on up here?"

The nun lays eyes on the adorably deceiving little Byakuren and says "aww, it's just you, you adorable little hologram you. Come on now, come with auntie Ichirin so I can take you back to your room."

Holding the silver rod behind her back, the tiny terror smiles angelically and giggles, then runs to the nun and jumps on her arms.

The light-blue haired girl giggles as she holds the tiny Byakuren and scratches her head, then walks back inside the ship, unaware of the danger she's exposing her body to.

Exactly three seconds after the door closes, Ichirin's voice can be heard echoing all over the sky, then it's quickly accompanied by the evil giggles of the tiny terror.


Later that day, above the clouds of Gensokyo, Tenshi looks down at the four ships with scorn.

She has tired her hair into one long braid tied at the bottom with a peach-clip and is wearing a pair of small, round, lilac-shaded sunglasses.

Around her waist on a lose black belt she has two white guns sheathed to either side, and for some reason the addition of this belt makes her shorts look even shorter, giving her a much more appealing and sexier look.

Perhaps compensation for her lack of stuffing up north, or maybe it's something else, but regardless I refuse to make her wear a tank-top.

The celestial looks up at nowhere and scowls as she says "damned bastard. I'm hot and you know it!"

A rope from the skies drops in front of her and the celestial grabs it without a second thought, holds it with both hands, then jumps down, quietly swinging down to the ships.

The rope seems to stop its course but the celestial isn't fazed and just uses the momentum of the flick to the rope to start a summersault descent on the S.S. In Your Face Murasa's deck.

The girls on the ship all gasp at the loud thud of the sexy landing of the hot-legged celestial on said deck, who doesn't break through the bamboo flooring, then Eirin shouts "we're under attack! Scatter you hairy roaches!"

Before the girls can react, Tenshi stands up and looks to her immediate right to greet Sanae.

The maiden wears green mono-shades, an armored body suit in purple and dark blue, has a large arm-cannon on her right arm, there's a small separation on the armor between the torso and lower abdomen, but regardless the girl looks sexy badass.

Note that underneath that armor, noticeable in the armor's separation, the maiden is wearing a hot and tight white leotard that challenge's Eirin's in sexiness.

Eirin, Yumemi, Maribel, Renko, Agava, Rikako and Wriggle all gasp at the same time, but before orders can be issued, Sanae charges her arm cannon and Tenshi unsheathes her two guns, to which Eirin quickly reacts and shouts "CALORIE PACKED SWEETNEEEEEES~!"

The girls scramble and scream as the celestial without facial expressions starts shooting white chocolate chips out of her guns and the cool-shades maiden unleashes a massive chocolate cake with cherries and sprinkles on the dark chocolate icing, followed promptly by smaller pieces of chocolate and vanilla cakes in rapid succession.

Maribel is the first to get a piece of vanilla cake on the face and falls on the floor on her back.

She slowly recovers and sits up, smacking her lips and enjoying the taste of five-thousand-calories vanilla cake in her mouth, then she gasps and her eyes fill with horror upon the realization.

The blond girl sniffles, a tear rolls down her left cheek and she screams "I just gained five pooouunnds~!"

Renko rushes to aid her friend, crying at the sight of the blond girl on the ground with delicious cake on the lips and says "no, no, don't cry Mary! You're still beautiful! You are still beautiful!"

Meanwhile, the celestial rolls to the left while the armored maiden walks to the right, both showering the ship with sweets of all kinds.

Tenshi goes as far as to take a peach-paste filled doughnut, unplug the hole where it was stuffed, then throws it at the helm where she sees Wriggle's antennas.

The bug youkai screeches and cries for help while Eirin and Yumemi hide behind the farthest mast, where the red-haired scientist desperately asks "what should we do? We can't repel such sweetness with danmaku or cannonballs!"

The Lunarian bites her thumb while scratching her sexy and perfectly slim belly, then commands "dammit, RELEASE THE CREATURES!"

Right in front of Sanae, dome-shaped creatures with transparent bodies and massive pincers for mouths appear in attack formation.

The maiden just grunts, her arm-cannon spreads open, then she sternly says "eat triple-fudge frozen brownie goodness.", and like rockets, cups with chocolate ice cream flies toward the creatures.

The monsters screech contently at the sight of the chocolaty goodness, place on bibs, and the second those frozen treats hit they all expand rapidly and blow up hard.

Meanwhile, a large tiger with an ornamental lotus on its head attacks Tenshi, who unloads an unholy amount of chips at but doesn't really affect the creature.

The sexy-legged celestial rolls away just as the tiger pounces her, sheathes her guns in mid-roll, takes a bazooka out of the back of her small-small shorts, then shoots a crème-covered lemon sherbet on a plate.

The tiger roars in surprise, opens its mouth, explodes violently, and now lies on the ground with a content look on its face.

The celestial and maiden exchange stern glances, then Tenshi flips a thumb up and says "to the next level.", while Sanae just nods in assent and summersaults away, turning into a ball of lightning, while the celestial swings on another random rope toward the Palanquin.


At that very same moment, inside Remilia's room in the Scarlet Demon Ark, Sakuya stands by the door in her regular form and normal maid's outfit and with a sad face, while Remilia has her back turned to the maid and is wearing a long wine colored cloak and her usual pink hat.

The maid flinches when her mistress abruptly flaps her wings, then says "I-I'm sorry my lady. I didn't mean to-"

A glass cup flies from Remilia's hand and smashes against the wall, and after getting the maid's attention the vampire slowly and sternly says "I am... quite disappointed in you Sakuya Izayoi. To blatantly attack me in such manner and use Patchy as a shield. I... am disgusted!"

The maid flinches at the sudden rise of voice from her mistress and now her face turns sadder, to the point that a tear escapes her left eye as she thinks "I have wronged my mistress. Why the hell did I do that? Oh what a fool! My lady, please forgive me!"

Looking to the floor, the maid opens her mouth to try and speak, but the vampire mistress cuts her off and says "but this time I have to admit- This time I was at wrong here too, Sakuya. For that I want to apologize."

Both moved by the kind words of her mistress and disgusted by her own action the elegant maid cries out "no! My lady I am not worthy! Please don't apologize to this backstabbing maid!"

The mistress quickly shouts "SILENCE!" then holds her own forehead while saying "I said I apologize, sure, but I didn't say you weren't getting out of this unpunished."

The maid can see a bright light emanate from the back of her awesome mistress, and smiles blissfully while exclaims "you are so great my lady~!"

The vampire turns sideways to show the maid her victory grin and says "alright then Sakuya! PREPARE FOR YOUR PUNISHMENT!"

She pulls off her wine colored robe to reveal a most revealing outfit gracing her royal-vampire skin.

She's wearing a red chocker with pink frills on the borders and a silver ring that links to a red frilly ribbon that covers the vampires bare chest, and said ribbon is attached by a black garter belt, and her nether-region is covered by what looks like a simple and thin red belt.

Her arms are covered by pink handless arm-gloves, her wrists are adorned by red wrist cuffs, her legs are covered by pink thigh-highs with red bands around the upper thigh, and she's also wearing high-heeled red shoes, and as a plus, only the black garter belt covers the vampire's back, but for rating purposes I'll have to leave how much or how little it actually covers to your own imagination.

The vampire is also holding a whip on her right hand, and after cracking it hard she shouts "now COME ON!"

How sorry Remilia Scarlet must be feeling right about now.

Her maid has literally jumped right out of her uniform and tackled her mistress to the ground with a blissful smile and a blushing face and happily shouts "ITADAKIMASU~!"

Outside the room are Flandre, Meiling and Patchouli, and all gasp in unison when they hear Remilia screaming "what are you doing you perverted maid? No, NO! Not there! Aaahh~ Someone save mee~!"

Sakuya laughs manically and says "I'm sorry, you can kill me later! Just let me have this dish! Please just this much!"

The librarian gulps and asks "so aren't you going in there gate guard?"

Meiling shakes her horrified face while making an "x" with her arms and says "oh way, NO WAY! She's going to rape me too if I go in there now!"

The librarian sighs as she turns her sights to Flandre who looks to the floor with a flushed face and says "I-I can't. Sakuya-onee-chan will have me again. I... I don't want to play house-maid again!"

The little vampire covers her eyes and she and the gate guard quickly hold each other and cry away, all while the purple bean sprout stares at them with sheer horror in her eyes.

Remilia's screams get louder and louder and the thumps coming from the room get louder, then said librarian shivers and says "and here I was complaining about Koakuma the other night. Jeez, what should we-"

The screams within become so loud that the girls outside huddle together in fear. Remilia screams "Sakuya. N-no! I SAID DON- Ahh, ahh... AAAHHHHHH~!"

The maid's cackles mix with the mistress' screams, terrifying the girls just outside the room, then everything stops.

The doorknob turns, the door bangs open, and out comes Remilia, wearing her pirate hat and outfit and the most satisfied smile ever on her face, and she also seems to be shining brightly, so brightly that the corridor illuminates with her presence.

The mistress looks around with that satisfied smile of hers, notices Meiling huddled with Flandre and Patchouli, then says "ah, girls. What a lovely day, isn't it? Say could you do me a favor? There's something quite disgusting in that room, so please pick it up and make sure it's clean before the next scene."

The little sister breaks away from the huddle to hug her sister and cries "onee-chan you're alright! I thought Sakuya had done terrible things to you!"

Remilia twitches at the mentioning of her maid's name and says "well, it was a tough fight Flan, but I have taught her the reason why I am the mistress and she's just a lowly maid!"

Inside the room the silver-haired maid lies unconscious on her stomach, naked on a pool of her own sweat and tears, yet she smiles and chuckles even though she looks drained and devoid of any energy at all.


At the Palanquin, Tenshi and Sanae bombard the deck with chocolate cakes, lemon tarts, doughnuts, and chocolate chips of several shapes sizes and colors.

As expected, Minamitsu is putting up one hell of a fight with her anchor at hand, deflecting the sweet attacks headed her way and maintaining her athletic figure.

Kyouko and the red-haired fairy on the other hand have succumbed to the deliciousness of the calories and have eaten so much they lie on their backs side-by-side with satisfied smiles.

Nazrin is using Kogasa and her umbrella as a shield to try and get close to the attacker, but whenever she's close enough Sanae bombards them with missile ice creams.

Finally, Byakuren and Shou are using their holy powers to deflect all the sweets and make sure they fall neatly onto a table or a plastic bag for either later consumption or sharing with the villagers and earning more human-points for the temple.

The hot-shorts celestial and the sexy semi-armored maiden aren't fazed at all and just continue their relentless attack, moving forward bit by bit using mostly their basic weaponry.

The Palanquin's captain looks at the Buddhist magician and shouts "Hijiri, what should we do? If this keeps up we'll end up like that sexy doctor's ship!"

At the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, the girls groan and moan as they lie on their backs all over the deck.

Renko's face is smeared in chocolate and her thighs look swollen and pudgy, while Maribel has a mixture of ice cream and raspberry jelly all over her being and seems has grown some jelly rolls.

Wriggle holds her stomach while licking the sweetness of vanilla from her other hand, and seems her breasts have swollen a bit while Rikako looks ready to pule with a bloated chin.

Eirin and Yumemi lie adjacent to each other with cream all over their hands and faces, and the Lunarian has only grown a bit of a belly while the scientist grew a pair of thunder thighs.

Standing in place and eating away to her heart's content is Agava.

She silently stares at her fallen comrades and says "eh, I'll walk this off. Come and join me if you want, you crybabies."

Back at the Palanquin, Minamitsu stares around in disbelief and says "such detailed gore.", then looks around more sternly and shouts "Nazrin, Kogasa, careful with the scones! Those are- Shit, too late!"

The two girls lie sprawled on the ground next to several chocolate-filled scones, and although pained they continue to eat the unbearably sweet sweets.

After seeing this, Minamitsu shouts "Hijiri, where's Ichirin? We need Unzan here!"

The sexy magician shouts back "I haven't seen her all day!"

Somewhere in the bowels of the ship, the tiny-terror Byakuren chases after one terrified kero-chan, who despite all her hopping, can't seem to get far from the little hologram.

The goddess now finds herself cornered between a wall and the girl and cries "g-get away from me! I'm not a toy!"

The little bell-skirted girl walks closer as she stares vilely and sinisterly says "well I don't care. My other toy broke down so you'll have to do until she's back on her feet."

The little girl gets closer to the frog-goddess and all Suwako can do is scream along the girls evil giggles, all while Ichirin lies on the floor with foam on her mouth and two blank ovals for eyes.

As for Unzan, he's currently on vacation and refuses to answer the phone.

Back on the deck, Minamitsu and Byakuren, the only remaining girls that can actually stand, are currently pinned to the ground while pointed at by Tenshi and Sanae right on the face.

Frustrated and scared Minamitsu shouts "why? Why are you doing this? This is inhumane!"

Byakuren sobs and asks "Namusan. Sa-Sanae why are you doing this?"

The celestial lifts her glasses while shooting a dirty look at the captain, then says "you killed my Rika. This is REVENGE!"

The maiden smiles, presses a button on her awesome shades, they seem to disappear to show the rage in the maiden's eyes and she says "my sweetheart! He's been missing all day, so I came to take him back! What sort of cannon you got him into this time?"

The sexy monk-magician quickly replies "but miss Rika isn't dead! She came by to bring some banana pudding earlier! And miss Sanae, I swear we haven't kidnapped Ail this time, I swear!"

The celestial and maiden look at each other, Sanae reactivates her shades, then Tenshi says "alright, we believe you. However I fail to see Rika anywhere..."

The green-haired maiden continues "and you HAVE kidnapped my Ail before... so-"

Without further chatter, the celestial places a well-whipped, strawberry-adorned, chocolate-drizzled cream cake on a plate between the two girls and says "you still get to pay for your misdeeds, miss saint and miss ship-ghost. Toddles."

The maiden becomes a ball of lightning once again and that rope mysteriously appears in front of the celestial, then they rush away while Byakuren and Minamitsu set their eyes on the cream cake and start to drool a bit.

They look at each other, wipe the drool of their own faces with their forearms, then nod and jump to their feet, but the cake splits in to and the pieces magically fly straight toward their mouths, and the sound of the splatter echoes through the sky.


At the same time, down at the re-restored Kourindou, Marisa stares with green eyes at Tokiko and Rinnosuke as said man laughs with the youkai while helping her do the dishes.

Parsee hides behind some bushes and grins wide while enjoying the witch's jealousy, but her manipulation of said emotion is making it worse and the black-and-white is biting hard on her own hat and pulling it down, stretching the fabric until it tears a bit.

Reimu silently approaches her friend from behind, pokes her shoulder, and after Marisa turns around with a yelp, the maiden looks on with concern and moves her hands around as though gesturing a conversation.

Marisa replies "why am I spying on them? Because... um I'm... er, concerned for Kourin. Sh-she's a youkai after all."

The maiden stares with disbelief, places a hand on her friend's shoulder, then shakes her head while clicking her tongue.

The witch exclaims "je-je-jealous? Me? O-of that youkai? NO WAY!"

The red-and-white's expression suddenly changes to alert and she quickly drops to the ground on her stomach, allowing something pink and white to fly straight to the witch's face and splat itself on impact.

The shrine maiden screeches at the sight of her friend knocked to the ground with something pink and white on the face, kneel's beside said girl, then shakes her shoulders hard.

Rinnosuke runs out of the store shouting "hey, what's with all the melodramatic screaming?"

When he looks at the teary maiden's eyes he blushes, calms down, then says "oh, it's Reimu. Sorry I didn't mean to shout like that. It's just so much screaming... What happened?"

The seemingly silent red and white flails her arms around and whimpers, to which the man nods in assent and ends up saying "so Marisa was spying on me, you were trying to get her to stop, but then this cake came out of nowhere and hit her on the face? Well, this is Gensokyo, so it can happen."

The maiden raises an eyebrow the second the realization hits her, but it isn't after Kirisame mumbles "uhm. Sweet... calories... belly" that she decides to taste the cake for herself.

She swipes a finger across Marisa's forehead, takes a good chunk of strawberry cake with icing, drools a bit, then takes the bite.

The next scene is just unbearably adorable!

The maiden moans contently as the sweetness takes over her pallets.

A light glow shines behind her as she hugs herself on the left, clasps her hands to the right, wriggles around excitedly, then ends up by holding her face with both hands while smiling exceedingly contently, cooing loudly while she does.

She opens her eyes to find Rinnosuke face-up on the floor and gushing blood out his nose, Rumia shivering with a flushed face to his right, Tokiko and Mystia hugging each other while staring blankly at the maiden, and Rika blushes hard while lying on her stomach and resting her head on her hands as she stares at her mistress and says "my lady is so cute!"

Around them are the three mischievous fairies, and all seem ready to cry with excitement while bleeding through their noses, but it's Luna Child who is brave enough to take a wobbled step forward and ask "c-could you do that again. P-PLEASE?"

Reimu just smiles back so sweetly, Tokiko and Mystia blow up to become pillows, the three fairies faint on a pool of their mixed up blood, Rinnosuke's already dead, and Rika jumps up and exclaim "my lady, give me a HUG!"

Ignoring the shrine maid, the shrine maiden look up at the cream-covered S.S. In Your Face Murasa, the chocolate-filled Palanquin, and the steadily-getting-sprinkled Scarlet Demon Ark, then flies up toward the sweetness just as the maid jumps to hug her.

Rika lands on Marisa's stomach, ignores the loud "omph" from said witch, then uses the already bulged stomach of the black and white for impulse as she flies after her mistress and shouts "wait! My lady please, just a quick hug! Please I'll even give you a foot rub. PLEASE~!"

The witch springs on her seat and raises a fist in the air as she shouts "HEY, WATCH IT!", ignoring the dripping icing and crumbling cake on her face.

It doesn't take her long to notice the bulge growing in the middle of her body, take a deep breath, then wail "NOOOOOOO~~! Now I can't get Kourin~!"

The semi-dead silver haired storeowner with the bleeding nose walks over to the witch and says "now, now, don't cry Marisa. I like you either way."

The witch looks to her man through the mess of icing around her eyes, then cries out "don't look! I'm ugly, I'm UGLY~!", then pulls her Hakkero out of her apron's pocket and unleashes a hellish rainbow on the face of her favorite man for no understandable reason.


Flying above the ships Reimu can admire the damage caused by the sweets at the S.S. In Your Face Murasa and the Palanquin.

She gasps at the sight of Eirin and Maribel jogging on a treadmill while Renko, Rikako and Yumemi run laps around the deck while Wriggle keeps eating the sweets around the ship and grow her chest some more.

The maiden looks to the Palanquin and whimpers at the sight of Byakuren's pudgy face and arms, Minamitsu's bloated belly and hips, Shou and her fairy's expanded calves and crying faces, and Kogasa, Nazrin and Kyouko pulling down on their skirts due to their butts having grown a few sizes.

The red and white steels herself a stern face as she sets her sights on the Scarlet Demon Ark, but gasps upon the realization that she is too late.

On the deck are Remilia, Flandre and Sakuya sprawled on their back on a pool of raspberry filling, Meiling crying as she continues eating lemon tarts uncontrollably, even though her hips and thighs keep growing, Patchouli has cheesecake all over her chest and is moaning as though in pain, and Koakuma, fully bloated and crying with chocolate smeared all over her mouth.

Reimu clenches her fist with justful fury, then locks her eyes on the Unnamed Ghost Ship, where she finds Tenshi and Sanae shooting sweets right inside Yuyuko's mouth.

Both seem to be quite worried as they keep shooting and shooting, but the black-hole-stomach princess of the Netherworld keeps coming for more and more.

Unlike the ship's captain, Kimi, Kali, Lily and Chen have already been knocked unconscious by blueberry pies with whipped cream topping, and seems the fairy and nekomata were caught during yet another epic battle.

The maiden shakes her head; this is no time to be thinking of little details like that.

She HAS to stop the green-haired armored maiden and the ship-raiding short-panted celestial before it's too late.

The red and white lands dramatically behind the sweets-gunning girls, lifts herself up with her fist raised chest high, then points with that fist at the attacking girls and an awesomeness gust of wind blows toward the mentioned girls, successfully getting their attention.

Sanae gasps and exclaims "what do you mean 'stop this now?' It's because you didn't stop these fools that we're doing this!"

Tenshi quickly adds "they killed Rika! Doesn't that mean anything to you-wait what the HECK?"

The shrine maid is hugging the still-pointing Hakurei from behind, moaning contently and flapping her wings very rapidly while rubbing her cheeks against her mistress' and says "my lady is so cute, so adorable, so perfect! I love miss Reimu!"

The celestial and green-haired maiden stare in disgust and disbelief, ignoring Yuyuko who keeps asking "aren't you going to shoot at me anymore?", then the blue-haired sexy-legged badass exclaims "KYAH~! Rika is ALIVE! And she's hugging Reimu? DIE MAIDEN!"

As soon as the celestial starts shooting Sanae exclaims "stop flirting and give my Ail-kun back!", then shoots a charged chocolate pudding-filled cheesecake toward the maiden.

Reimu grabs Rika by the hips and throws her upward, takes a spoon form her left pocket, and using her mighty weapon she scoops the chocolate chips and powerful cheesecake and eats it all in three bites, twirls her sizzling spoon on her hand, then gestures with her left hand for more while smiling confidently.

The attackers flinch and gasp, just like the ghost princess this maiden isn't falling, and what's worst they are running out of icing.

Regardless these girls are going to fight on and aim their weapons at the maiden and her hugging maid, then IT happens.

From portside (left) Chiyuri shouts "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!", and there she is, wearing- WHAT THE HELL? I didn't give her THIS!

She's wearing a pair of mean-looking glasses, a tight black body-suit with yellow stripes on the sides of her arms, legs and torso, and has a LARGE crescent-shaped opening by the chest, and a large diamond-shaped opening at the back, probably as compensation for something else.

"I'll kill you someday Willie" says the desperate blonde.

Under the arms there's what looks like a long extension of the suit that just dangles down to the ground, and even though this pig-tailed blonde has no boobs, her hips, thighs and buns make up a rather nicely curvy shape.

"I HEARD THAT" shouts the blonde.

She's also wearing high heels, but those things will mess her back so...

The high heels become normal shoes, and that's when she sighs and says "phew, much better", but gets hit in the face by a pair of exploding apple pies and sent flying right off the deck of the ship.

Mima flies toward the rails of the ship, looks down, shakes her head while clicking her tongue, then says "man, even when she gets a break she just messes it up."


With the distraction gone, the celestial and green-haired maiden turn their attention to the red and white, and from behind them Yuyuko cries "come on, why not shoot at me? I'm the captain!"

To the princess' left, sounding a bit annoyed, Youmu says "lady Yuyuko, if you keep eating more of those sweets you'll blow."

A quick expression of confusion escapes the whimsical ghost as she realizes her breasts have grown ten times their own size, and moans sadly when she finds herself doing jumping-jacks along with Kimi, Kali, Lily and Chen, and although all seem slim, closer inspection reveals their thighs, buns and chins have bloated, particularly Kimi's chin.

Ignoring the exercising girls the celestial and mecha-miko shoot several cupcakes, milk-shakes, cake slices and sprinkles at the red and white maiden.

Said maiden is now wielding two spoons and is eating every single sweet shot directed at her without pause, even going as far as eating the ones headed toward Rika.

Sanae screams "she's not gaining WEIGHT! How the hell is she keeping her figure?"

Tenshi screams "just keep shooting! We'll ask her as soon as she's-"

SCREEEEEEECH~!

SLAMMO!

The celestial is hit by something solid and sent flying hard against the ship's mast while Yoshika screams in her invisible car, which seems to be skidding around and out of control.

The car stops, the jiang shi opens the door and hops out and away from the car with her arms stretched out in front of herself as she pants, then said car explodes violently.

Yoshika tries to swipe her forehead as she sighs with relief but can't, then says "man that was close! Who knew riding on overdrive for six hours without stop would make it blow up like that."

She looks to Sanae and says "oh hi, I'm hungry. Can you feed me?"

The jiang shi jumps at the semi-armored sexy maiden, but after a quick screech said sexy maiden aims her cannon at the zombie and shoots at the very same time that zombie girl wraps her mouth around said cannon.

The maiden screams "wait, stop, stop!" as Yoshika sucks out absolutely all she can eat and more, and just like that Sanae screams, her armor falls apart and she falls on her back to the floor.

The red and white gasps and whines anxiously after the stiff zombie hops after Sanae herself, but before this turns to a story of blood and gore, from starboard (right) side Kotohime shouts "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! Yoshika Miyako, you are under arrest for seventy charges of speeding, one hundred charges of hit-and-run, that's INCLUDING ME, and five charges for singing the Chin-Chin song to the toddlers at Keine's school."

The jiang shi sweats as she smiles nervously, then says "dang, and I thought I escaped."

The police-princess straps cuffs on the stiff hands of the zombie and Yoshika adds "oh well, at least I had a good meal. Say, where are we anyway? Who are you miss lady?"

Reimu sighs with relief as she swipes her forehead with the back of her hand, turns back to smile at Rika and flips a thumb up, then looks at Sanae and blushes beet red at the sight.

There she is, Sanae Kochiya, shrine maiden of Moriya, wearing nothing more than just a white tight leotard that even marks her belly button.

She lies on her back with her hands above her head, her hair is spread all around her head and some strands are tangled around her left arm and lie on her mouth, her ample pearl-shaped bosom shapes itself perfectly against the stretchy tight fabric of the outfit she wears, and her bare left leg is slightly risen.

Water out of nowhere splashes on the semi-conscious maiden and all she does is moan and stretch her torso a bit, and this leave Reimu with round white marble eyes, beet-red cheeks, a gaping drooling mouth, and a hard-thumping heart.

As the red and white gets closer to her sexy rival, the sound of a screeching hawk stops her on her tracks to look up.

There's the shadow and silhouette of some sort of giant bird or maybe a dragon flying over the two maidens, and it keeps screeching as though hungry for its prey.

The red and white places a hand over her eyes and squint her eyes for a better look but it's too late!

The creature swoops down with one loud screech and takes Sanae away.

It is Ail with his ethereal dragon wings activated and an anxious, desperate stare and blushing cheeks, and as soon as he picks his prey and carries her princess-style the maid screams "KYAAAAAH~ He's going to eat me!"

She pauses for a moment, and more naughtily says "mmm, he's going to eat me!" and so the two disappear in the distance, hiding from the world as they do... whatever it is they are going to do.

Reimu and Rika watch as they fly away toward the sunset and the maid asks "wow, a dragon-hawk. So what do you think they are going to do?"

The red and white turns around with a flushed face and is about to explain, then a washtub falls between her and the maid and breaks through the floor of the ship.

Somehow the vessel loses control and veers over to the Scarlet Demon Ark.

The ark turns around and crashes against the Palanquin's portside which makes the ship somehow move full-speed forward to the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, and as the ships slowly sink into the clouds Rika carries Reimu like a princess and blushes and smiles wide as her mistress coos happily and rubs her cheeks against her maid's, probably in thanks.


That night, at the Hakurei Shrine, the girls are paying reverence to Reimu, while the maiden-in-the-spotlight shakes her head and arms around.

Agava walks to the red and white's side and says "why are they bowing like idiots? Well you ate an unholy lot of sweets from those cannons and guns, and still look perfectly slim."

Reimu stares at Agava and her perfectly athletic figure, then the shadow girls says "me? Oh no, I ate all I could and then some. I just happen to not really give a damn and just eat, then I exercise without whining about it. It's fairly simple."

The maiden claps her hands together as she shoots a very endearing smile, on that makes even the shadow youkai blush and look away to avoid doing something too rash.

As she scratches her left cheek while looking away from Reimu, the girl says "y-yeah I do take good care of myself. Um... thanks."

Meanwhile, at the hot spring beside the shrine, Kaguya and Sakuya argue fiercely while Remilia and Rika watch on with purple cheeks.

Kaguya shouts "...but I already PLANNED on having that Rika in the spring and I am a PRINCESS! Take your little child elsewhere!"

Sakuya shouts back "my lady looks CUTE in her tiny swimsuit, so OF COURSE I would want to see her inside the springs! You take Rika to your bamboo whatever and stay there!"

From the water, Ail angrily says "hey, you're ruining the mood. Either get in or shut up and go away!"

Sanae angrily adds "don't make me go psycho maiden on all your asses!"

The princess and maid screech at the sight of the two naked lovers inside the hot springs holding each other so close together.

Said princess gasps and shouts "you evil BOY! Get out of there before you stain the water with your boyish smell!", at the same time as the maid gasps and shouts "you disgusting little freaks! You'll taint the water for my lady!"

Rika shivers as she nervously says "um, I don't know what this is about, so I'll just go to my lady."

Equally nervous Remilia says "um, I'll just ask thunder-belly Patchy to make another fake beach or something so why don't we just go home for now Sakuya?"

The princess and maid simultaneously shout "SHUT IT!", then turn to Ail and Sanae only to find Patchouli and Koakuma to their far right, also naked and inside the hot spring and looking slender again; ah the wonders of gag writing.

The purple bean sprout angrily asks "who's a thunder-belly now Remi?"

Before more questions are answered, Chiyuri, still in her tight black body-suit jumps from the sky and into the water while shouting "BANZAIIII!" splashing all the water right out of the hot springs and revealing Ail is wearing golden-brown swim trunks, Sanae a strapless white bikini, Patchouli a strapless pink swimsuit, and Koakuma... yea, the devil's naked alright, but the steam censors her more desirable parts.

The next morning Chiyuri cries as she digs deeper into the now-empty spring while Reimu silently blow steam out of her cute head and Mima angrily says "DIG LEMMING! DIG!"

Chiyuri cries "Willie G.R. you damned perverted bastard *sob*! I'll get you if it's the last thing I do!"

Water springs from the hole the blonde girl was digging from, then said girl excitedly cries "THANK YOU WILLIE~!"


To be continued...

Characters, Spell Cards and Scenarios belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Ail and Agava were created by Willie G.R.

Rika Onkamikami was created by Snapshot 2010

Damien was crated by Hydroviper

Referenced elements all belong to their respective owners

JUN 03 2011

Written by

Willie G.R.


A/N:

Yeah, I know. I'm a pervert. Oh and before I forget, the adorable mega-moe silent Reimu idea came from the artist: Sora no Amagumo