The early morning is heavy with fog and rain clouds, and even the four ships high in the air, still looking as brand new as from chapter 1; even after so many crashes, and explosions, and attacks; are affected by this terrible weather.
Chiyuri, still wearing that tight, black, full-body leotard, and having stuffed her breasts with something to make them look bigger than they really are, sneaks out of the Palanquin's bowels with a brown bag on her hands.
She tip-toes toward the deck, when from behind, a girl demands "and who the heck are you, all dressed in black and showing me your crack through the fog like it's something I wanted to see? So disgusting!"
The blonde subordinate captain turns around to face a new girl, who wears a short pink, horizontal stripes shirt that covers her average chest, leaving her cute belly exposed, a yellow bandana over her orangey-red hair, which is tied with a white ribbon on the back and placed over her left shoulder, orange eyes, a short yellow short with a pink belt, and a pair of brown leather boots.
The truthfully flat blonde scowls at the girl and asks "what the heck? And who are you, little girl?"
The orange-haired girl takes a step forward to take a better look at the blonde, then says "name's Orange. I'm new at the temple in the main story. You know, that Sukima story thing where you barely appear. But here, I am also new... which makes this whole speech kind of pointless. Or is it?"
Chiyuri raises an eyebrow, pulls a toy-ish looking gun from her right pocket, then threateningly says "alright, Orange. Thanks for the pointless intro. It's taken up a few words space for Willie, and his hands must be hurting from it, but aside from that, if you even move an eyeball, I will shoot."
The youkai girl smiles, swings her arms in a circle around herself, blinks, drinks tea, uses her foot to scratch her head, reads a newspaper article, AND solves a complex equation for X, then says "what was that? I couldn't hear you over the sound of me ignoring you so bluntly!"
Kitashirakawa grins darkly as her right eye twitches and a vein pulsates on her forehead, then takes a furious breath and says "oh, you think you're being funny. Well, let's laugh together!"
She pulls the trigger, and just behind the belly-exposing girl, a massive explosion large enough to rip a boulder-sized hole on the ship, rocks the entire Palanquin, and now the blonde captain wannabe sweats nervously as the entire ship begins to split up like a puzzle, then says to herself "ohhh, I did not think that one through."
While the young-looking youkai stares unimpressed, Chiyuri takes off running to the front of the ship, and as she does, and the ship itself splits apart into random pieces, she focuses her eyes and time slows down.
She hops from piece to piece like an acrobat, then Lily Black, whom wears a very small top on her slightly smaller than average chest, a half-skirt that only covers her back, a black bikini bottom, black thigh-high socks, red knee-high boots, and a small red capelet, appears on the blonde's right with a vicious grin.
To both of those girls, the world moves slowly as they jump and run on vertical pieces of the ship, as if it where upright, then start swinging thin, rusty swords they pull out of their pockets at each other; even though neither has pockets to begin with.
They jump to the next piece of the ship, and although they are upside-down, they spin around with acrobatic moves, stretching those bodies and turning those curves while clashing swords.
They hop away from this platform as times moves normally once again, then run on vertical pieces of wood to escape a giant fireball that, not only breaks and consumes the pieces of the ship, but appears to be chasing them down.
The girls land on another large piece of the ship, clash swords, diagonally, vertically, miss their thrusts, then time slows once more as they jump to separate platforms to avoid the fireball Mokou roaring "KAGUYAAAAAA," then Chiyuri flips her middle finger at Black, who does the same back to her, then she jumps off the piece of ship, and lands on her own.
"Ahh, I see you got your loot," comments Yumemi as she approaches her subordinate.
The twin-tailed blonde smiles like a child and nods, then, while rummaging through the sack, she triumphantly says "hells yea I did! With these, I shall have that Murasa bitch on the palm of my hand!"
She pulls a lilac bra (D-cup, which would be C-cup in the west), and opens her eyes wide while exclaiming "NO WAY! Does she really fill all of this up? This is impossible! Wait, lemme take another look in here!"
As she sinks herself into the sack, she remains unaware of Yumemi's distressed face, and the tall, dark, beautifully shaped womanly figure with glinting eyes standing behind her.
Chiyuri pulls a pair of black panties with transparent roses designed into a net-like fabric, stares at them while stretching the band, then says "wow, really nice taste! I wonder what else she's- What?"
After finally noticing Yumemi's face, her own face turns blue, a wriggled smile stretches from ear to ear, sweat starts rolling down her forehead, and in a rapid pace, she says "the real owner of these clothes is standing right behind me, her eyes are glinting, and I am going to be in so much pain, am I right?"
The redhead nods, salutes her captain, then takes seven exact steps backward.
Byakuren, who is wearing a silky sky-blue baby-doll under her open white robe, smiles sweetly as she stares down at the blonde with a dark, cold and ominous shadow over her narrowed eyes, and sweetly says "why thank you for that compliment, miss Kitashirakawa. But you know, what you have done is invasion of privacy. I don't really appreciate that."
Chiyuri turns around, shaking so bad, her pale skin is flaking off, and she shrieks "please, blame Willie G.R.! He's the author! He's even exposed your... *drools* sexy, SEXY getup!"
Behind the Youkhrist, the blonde can see Minamitsu hammering her ship back into once piece at a ridiculously fast pace, but her sight quickly returns to the sexy woman, who sweetly says "I don't really know what kind of excuse is that, but what I do know is that you need your punishment."
The captain wannabe howls pathetically, clenches her eyes shut when that gorgeous woman raises her arms above her head, exposing her glorious body under such thin clothes even more, letting us fans see that cute belly-button, her slightly toned belly, the underside of those two large pearls on her chest, and those godly-shaped legs and buns, then shots a massive ball of white energy at the offending girl.
As Chiyuri flies semi-naked in the air, having had almost 70% of her tights burned off, (showing off her small curves and pale skin,) she shakes her right fist and furiously shouts "I'LL GET YOU SOMEDAY WILLIEEEEEEEEEE!"
Later that morning, after the weather cleared up, during breakfast at the unnamed ghostly ship, Youmu, who wears a casual green t-shirt and a pair of red shorts, picks up the empty plate of what once was a sliced fish meal, and sweetly says "aww. She ate it all and now is asleep. What a dear."
Chen, whose wide jagged-toothed grin remains on her face, even though she's currently curled up into a ball and sleeping, snores softly and moans after rubbing her cheek against her saw-sword, then smacks her lips and mews.
Yuyuko giggles from the other side of the table, then takes a bite out of her fifth serving of sunny-side up eggs, and says "my, Youmu, you seem to have a soft spot for that cat."
Blushing, the gardener chuckles, and says "she was sleeping on my lap earli-YAAAAAAAAIIIIIIGH!"
An inexplicable, perfectly-cut square hole appears just below the half-human, and her ghost half, Myon, just watches while her human half screams, even after disappearing under the trees below.
After the hole closes up, and the large spirit casually flies away, Kimi stands on Youmu's spot as though she's always been there, points a finger at the ghost princess, then bravely demands "this is it, Yuyuko Saigyouji! Prepare to be defeated by my hand, and thus, earning myself my freedom!"
The pink-haired ghost smiles, coos sweetly, points her closed fan at the shadow dragon, then says "that is what you said last time, sweetie. Don't go making assumptions as drastic as that again."
The dragon girl lifts her fist, flexing her arm while confidently saying "a-ha! But this time I have changed my strategy! This time I won't lose!"
Yuyuko chuckles, opens her fan to cover half of her face, then softly says "well then, bring it on, mighty dragon."
Kimi pulls a plastic purple platform with yellow levers, and multicolored buttons on two ends out of thin air, sets it on the table, which is now clear of all plates and food, and sits next to the sleeping Chensaw, taking command of one set of levers and buttons, while her opponent sighs, casually looks over to the makeshift arena, and playfully says "I'll let you make the first move today, so knock yourself out. Tee-hee. I made a joke there."
In the middle of that large, table-sized plastic platform, are the Aki sisters, Minoriko and Shizuha; the young goddess of harvest wears a tight black and orange top that covers just over her solar plexus and leaves most of the top bare, showing off her ample bosom and a sexy cleavage, a short skirted bottom with the skirt in orange and the high-cut bottom itself in black, a pair of orange gloves, black boots, and her usual orange mop cap with the grapes on her short blonde hair.
She tries to cover herself up by lowering her hand and raising that pale right leg, and angrily demands "what the heck is this? Where the hell are we?"
Shizuha, the elder (but still young) goddess of turning leaves, wears a red and orange, sleeveless and legless wrestling tight, which helps show off her average chest, curvy hips, and powerful, bare , long legs, a pair of red gloves, orange boots, and a white headband with a plastic autumn leaf adorning her cute short blonde hair.
She looks around, stares at her sister, then at herself, then pats her chest and sadly says "I have failed as the older sister."
They stand on top of a round black platform each, that hover just above the arena itself, and they quickly realize they can't really move their limbs too far from their bodies.
"En guarde," declares Kimi, after the autumn goddesses notice their captors, and before the poor girls can protest, the platforms move closer to each other.
The shadow girl frantically moves her levers around while mashing buttons with her thumbs, while Yuyuko lazily pulls on her own levers and gently presses the left and right buttons, though doing so randomly.
Inside the arena, Shizuha cries while her platform moves her gently to the left and right as she throws one or two punches before moving again.
Poor Minoriko screams out loud while her platform moves her left, right, up, down, diagonally, while she throws punches and kicks like a maniac.
"Hau~ Minoriko-chaaaan, I don't like thiiiis," cries the older sister.
"Rargh! HEY, STOP! WHY CAN'T I CONTROL MYSELF?" shouts the younger goddess.
"HA-HA-HA-Ha~ Prepare to do my bidding, ghost," bluntly declares Kimi.
The goddess of bountiful harvest throws a powerful kick at her older sister's nether regions and furiously screams "I'm sorry onee-chaaaaaaan!"
The goddess of turning leaves shrieks, her face turns blue, and she would like nothing more than to duck and roll to avoid that attack, then her platform abruptly turns left, causing the kick to miss, then Shizuha throws a right uppercut.
She gasps after connecting with her younger sister's cheek, and desperately screams "hyaaaaa! Minoriko-chan! MINORIKO-CHAN! Speak to me!"
The younger Aki's neck has stretched ten times over, and the sexy girl's head remains stiff in the air for about a minute, before finally flopping down on the elder Aki's hands.
Before the ear-piercing shriek of the goddess graces the ghostly ship, the entire arena, with the young goddesses inside, disappears as if it was never there.
Kimi stands stiff with her hands still positioned as though she's holding her levers, with a blue face and shivering legs as well, while Yuyuko sits with her legs lazily accommodated to her right, with a wide, white-toothed, whimsical grin that stretches up to her cheeks.
A cold wind blows from the east, and the mighty shadow dragon with the high-tech eye patch trembles hard enough for her bones to clack, then suddenly composes herself and bravely demands "YOU CHEATED! Yes, that's why you wo-KYAAAAAAAAA~"
Her ears are graced by the horribly gentle buzz of the Chensaw as she is destroyed by the grinning nekomata, and right after the cat girl instantly resumes her peaceful nap, Yuyuko dearly says "well then, you do realize the deep shit you just got yourself into. Also, know that you messed with my Youmu."
The princess' eyes glow bright red as she ominously says "and only I get to mess with that girl."
Her sweet voice returns, and casually says "so, we shall begin with the ol' swticheroo, aaaaand~"
The reconstructed Kimi (somehow) falls through the roof while cursing Yuyuko's heritage, then the cute, silver haired gardener appears from under the table, covered in tree leaves and dirt, and weakly asks "whoa. What happened?"
Minutes later, Kali finds the dragon girl at the very back of the ship with her right leg raised over the rails, and her left hand placed over her eyes, and curious as to what she's doing, the shadow's shadow asks "what the heck are you doing, standing there like the Capt'n."
The light-orange haired girl shushes her friend, and in a monotone tone of voice, says "quiet. I'm looking for a Chicken Bacon Deluxe Sandwich with a prize, fries, and a chocolate frosty combo meal."
The shadow's red eyes open widely, unsure of what she just heard, then takes two cautious steps back before running away toward the highest point of the mast, where she stares at the dragon and wonders.
Meanwhile, at the Palanquin, a lonely orange haired youkai girl mops the deck, unaware of the figure walking toward her while she sings "and~ that lesbian yamabiko~ get's spanked by~ the short-skirted black~"
"Well, you're in a good mood," comments Koishi, startling the singing girl a bit.
Orange turns around to face the satori, smiles, then says "well of course I am. Nue and Kyouko are being spanked by Byakuren, and all because Kyouko called Nue a curvy surfing board, and she didn't like it, so she spanked her, then she bit her, then she called her a gremlin, then she bit her again, then they broke a hole on Chiyuri's ship with their heads."
The green haired cutie smiles, coos, then says "I didn't understand that, but just wanted to tell you that you missed a spot at the poop deck. And it's not pretty either."
Not understanding the obvious subliminal message she's just received, the cute, belly-exposing girl smiles as she happily says "I'll get on it right away!"
Koishi just stares where she now floats, holds her cheeks as they turn a bit pink, and after the orange haired girl leaves with her mop on hand, she sighs and says to herself "I just found my new plaything."
Orange's face has made a complete change from happy, to disgusted, annoyed, angry, and slightly disappointed.
She now carries a broom, a scoop, there's a small bucket with perfumed water to her left, a trash bin to her right, and after putting a white mask around her mouth and nose, and a pair of white cleaning gloves, she begins to sweep the unseen lump of whatever that is currently emanating a smell that only an original author could appreciate.
"This... is just... sick," comments the girl after throwing the offensive thing into the bin, then progresses to mop the area as thoroughly as she can.
She closes her eyes, take a deep breath of CLEAN and FRESH air (with perfume) and says "much better," before opening her eyes and yelping in surprise, thus magically having her mask and gloves popped right off.
Mima floats in the space above where the questionable mess was, lying lazily on her back in the air with a lazy smile on her face, and glancing over at the youkai girl, she waves her right fingers and sings "hi~"
A dark shadow covers Orange's eyes as she aims her rage toward the floating ghost, and in a dark and ominous tone of voice, she asks "are you the sick creep that did this... mess just now?"
The round-chested evil spirit points at her chest with a questioning face, then smiles and sweetly says "I'm a spirit. Even with magical legs, I lack the disgusting organs needed to produce such... work."
She twirls around the youkai girl, places a hand on her shoulder, and dreamily says "no sweetie, I was just floating by, enjoying the scenery created by Willie G.R.'s mind, which depicts another point of view from our home."
The orange one holds her chin while her curious face scans the supposedly evil spirit, and says "that's the second time I heard that name."
"Why yes," contently begins Mima, lifting the girl's shirt and getting an angry screech from her, while saying "just look. Because there's no description about it, your chest is like a blank space."
And truthfully enough, when my new victim... er, the short shorts girl looks down to where her chest should be, she sees there is a clean-cut empty space that makes no sense at all.
Orange screeches again, pulls her shirt back down, pats herself repeatedly, then sighs while wiping the cold sweat off her forehead, and feeling great relief from feeling herself up, she says "phew, it's just convenient censoring at its worst."
The sexy spirit coos with a motherly smile on her pale face, and says "well, at least you grasped the situation faster than the silly blonde human. Congratulations. You are a credit to youkai everywhere."
"Thank you," confidently says that cute looking girl, before taking a step to the left and steps on the left wings of Shou's red-haired fairy friend, who was coincidentally sleeping next to the mop and bucket.
The poor fairy screams out loud, after jolting up, falls on her knees, then starts to cry while rubbing her eyes and trying to stop herself from moving her wings.
Orange's blue terrorized face reveals of her knowledge of what's to come next, but seeing as the tiger isn't there yet, she tries to calm the little groping fairy down by rapidly saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Please don't cry," while trying to check those crumpled wings and patting her head.
The Bishamonten disciple suddenly appears behind them, with glowing red eyes and a dark and ominous shadow covering her face, though failing to cover the intense eyes, and asking "what are you doing?"
The little fairy jumps on the tiger youkai's arms and cries "MAMA!", while pointing at the offender and hiding her face on Shou's shoulder.
The cute youkai girl stammers nervously for almost a minute, before finally saying "but it was an accident, I swear! Tell her spirit lad-"
Mima is long gone, and for some convenient reason, has taken the broom, mop, bucket, and trash bin away, so now, all that's left is the poor youkai girl in front of an angry tiger girl that holds a crying fairy, and a glowing crystal pagoda.
When Orange wakes up again, she's only thirty feet from crashing face-first to the ground, screams as streams of tears flow out the corner of her eyes, then "omphs" when she falls on something solid, but soft enough to lessen the fall's impact.
She slowly opens her eyes, and almost instantly, her face flushes, her eyes sparkle, hearts pop around her head, and she cup her hands beside her face and in a bubbly tone, she says "oh my. Th-thank you for saving me sir."
Holding her is a shirtless man with a perfectly toned, hard muscled body, a perfectly chiseled face with small features on the chin, solid brown eyes, dark brown hair cut into a perfect flat top, and after grinning, the girl's eyes sparkle brightly upon seeing those perfectly white teeth.
The swooning girl places her index finger on her lower lip, lower her head to glance cutely upward, and in a soft tone of voice, she says "my good man, I am Orange. Please, tell me your name, so that I may know the name of the man I plan to ravage."
The buff man smiles, chuckles, and with a girl's voice, says "I knew it. You really are a lesbian."
The girl raises her left eyebrow, scowls, readies her sharp nails for quick retribution, but before she does anything else, the man throws her to the ground, pulls his face backward, and now Kyouko's face ruins the short shorts girl's perfect man-vision while mockingly saying "ha! You smelled my womanly perfume and went insane! ADMIT IT! You are a LESBIAN!"
Orange's face turns bright red with embarrassment, and before she knows it, she screams out loud in frustration "no, no, no, noooo! THE LITTLE IMP GOT MEEEEEE!"
She looks up to the sky, raises her fist, and shouts "THIS IS YOUR FAULT, WILLIE G.R."
Up at the Palanquin, Koishi hugs her knees while smiling smugly at the floor below, and softly says "she's easier than I thought. Heh, this trip just got more interesting for me."
On the floor lies poor Orange, sleeping with her broom held tightly on hand while twitching and moaning, unaware that she's going through a subconscious nightmare, caused by a subconscious little monster.
At the Human Village, a hooded figure walks amongst the people at the shopping district, emanating a dangerous aura around, and eating some sweet dumplings she holds on her right hand.
On the other side of the road, Chen walks brazenly in the open with her saw sword resting on her right shoulder, a swirly red and green lollipop on her left hand, and her evil, jagged-toothed grin gracing her face.
The figures stop when they are five feet in front of each other, and the hooded figure reveals herself to be Lily White (where you expecting Reimu, or something?), and she looks at the cat girl, points, and waits.
The nekomata licks her lollipop, smacks her lips, smiles confidently, then says "Por FIN! Los huevos estan cocidos!" (We meet again, Lily White!)
The fairy reads the subtitles, raises an eyebrow, then says "卵、牛乳、ソーセージ、レモン、穀物!" (You're not running away this time, Chen!)
The nekomata reads the subtitles, pouts as her cheeks turn red from anger, then in an ominously cold tone of voice, she says "トーンの音であなたのメッセージを残す!" (You have a big imagination, for a stupid little fairy!)
The spring spirit reads the subtitles, snarls and foams at the mouth, lifts her freaking huge buster sword, and says "Me fui a caminar con mi novio al parque! Nos tocamos y nos besamos!" (IIIINNNNNDEEEEEEEEEEEED!)
Chen lowers her ears and hisses furiously, White raises her left fist and roars, they both taste their sweets one more time, throw them away, then run to each other with their weapons raised.
The moment those two swords clash, the villagers around them stop what they are doing, some drop their baskets with their foods as they gasp, then all start screaming while running away from the sword-swinging girls.
"Somebody call the Suspicious Keine!", calls a desperate man.
"No way, she's too suspicious," replies a woman from the other side of the mob.
Ignoring the humans, the two girls make a loud clang with their swords after a locking strike, the cat jumps to avoid a quick leg-swipe, the fairy sways right to avoid a punch to the ribs, then they both jump away from each other, and out of nowhere, Maribel hands the fairy a drink, and Youmu tickles the cat girl's nose a cat teaser.
They smack their lips, glare at each other, then take flight and rush toward each other.
Their swords catch fire as they wind them up, then swing with all their might, clashing them in mid-air and setting several houses on fire after the sparks fly off all over the air, like a curtain of flaming tongues dancing in the air.
They don't really care that the houses turn to ash in a mere second, or that the villagers are now cursing at them while their village gets leveled.
All they want is to fight, and continue swinging those swords, making them clang and spark with every blow.
Chen backs away, sneers, pulls an out-of-season cherry blossom, opens her mouth, then bites it.
Lily gasps, growls, takes out some questionable reading material, then shreds it to pieces before the nekomata, who growls softly, then shouts "I wanted to do that!"
They dash toward each other, and now swing large red feathers at their faces.
They bend and sway to avoid getting tickled to submission, then White thrusts her feather and tickles the cat's nose, getting sneezed on the shirt almost immediately.
Both girls fall out of the sky and crash-land in a swimming pool, and after rising, Chen is wearing a metallic pink swimsuit, while Lily wears a white swimsuit with a red stripe around the belly.
They glare and growl at each other, swim to the left edge, hold on to the border, then kick off from it.
They swim as fast as they can to the other side, spitting water at each others' faces in an attempt to slow down the competition, but this doesn't work for either, and they reach the other end at the same time.
They pull themselves out of the water, and after the water splashes off, Chen wears a red and pink biker's top and shorts that expose her cute belly, and a pair of pink sneakers, and Lily wears a white and black leotard with tight metallic green long pants, and white sneakers.
They jump on a bicycle each, then rush off toward a circular track that has just been conveniently unveiled by Kotohime, and just as the cop princess cuts the ribbon and the people cheer, the girls rush in, running over every human in the way with their bikes, while swinging their swords at each other with fury.
They take the curve in the track and get closer, clash their dangerous weapons with deadly accuracy, then the fairy raises her buster sword, throws it down with all her might, and when the nekomata blocks, they somehow end up locked, while their bikes continue onward.
Behind them, Kotohime pedals on a tricycle like a crazed maniac, and between hard pants, she shouts "stop! In the. name of the. of the. AWW, just stop!"
The girls break out of the track while still locked, and as they run over humans, cats, dogs, rabbits, and one unsuspecting Mokou, the cat girl shouts "Je ne suis pas sous-vêtements!" (This is it, fairy! You're history!)
The mentioned blonde reads the subtitles, growls at the grinning cat, and shouts back "Bhfuil roinnt beoir, agus an ifreann stoptar suas! Nuhuhuhu~" (Dream on, kitty cat! ROAR~!)
Their swords unlock, they both lose their balance, and end up jumping off their bikes before they crash into the fruits storage building.
The princess officer still in pursuit, screams when she tries to stop the trike of fail, but can't, covers her face with her arms as she waits for her impending doom, and right after crashing through the wall, the entire building explodes with such force, a giant mushroom cloud forms in the sky.
Ignoring the exaggeratedly epic explosion, the girls, back in their pirates outfits, clash blades once more, swinging diagonally, blocking sideways, thrusting, parrying, ducking, jumping, and poking.
From one side of the village, Ran sweetly calls "Cheeeeeen~ It's almost time for lunch~"
From the other side of the village, Yuka's voice echoes her call "Oi, Lily! Got some sweet potatoes here, courtesy of the Aki girls!"
Both girls gasp with smiles on their faces, turn away from each other, then run toward the direction of their callers voices.
Behind they leave an entire village leveled to the ground, burning with intensity, while in the center of it all, the Suspicious Keine hums suspiciously, while suspiciously tending her suspicious garden, and suspiciously enough, her house is intact.
After watering the suspicious bluebells, she stops humming so suspiciously, opens her eyes wide, looks around at the suspicious mess, then says "what the hell happened here?"
Mokou screams as she falls from the sky, crash-lands face-first on the bed of suspicious roses, getting cut by the thorny stems, suspiciously, then the suspicious Keine growls, snorts, then says "someone's going to pay for this, and I'm getting a professional!"
Meanwhile, at the Scarlet Demon Ark's bowels, there is a dark forest with a night sky and a full moon, and from within that forest, Marisa loudly says "and why exactly are we here, ze? We could have just gone to the mansion at night and be done with it."
There is at least some good twenty seconds of silence, before the witch says "ooh, I see. That's why we're here then."
After a quick giggle, Flandre says "yup! We can only catch that horned demon with the oversized fist that does little damage in here, and if we're lucky, after we beat it, it'll drop a golden chest, and from it, we will get a rare prize."
Reimu, Marisa, and Flandre stand in a perfectly straight platformer world, where the ground is perfectly flat, the mounds are perfectly squared, bridges look like brown bones tied with brunette hair, and the grass looks like a cushion adorning the black-specked ground, added to the fact that the trees in the background look like giant cardboard cut-outs painted with acrylics, and pasted with gloss afterward.
As an added fact to the description, the old-looking trees' leaves look like Kanako's hair, except in green.
Somewhere at the Tengu Village, the drunk air-headed goddess of war twitches, looks forward, and in a dark undertone, she says "someone's calling me a hag again."
Back at the 2-D forest, the girls walk on a flat wooden bridge over a lake that looks like a light-blue tongue instead of actual water, when Reimu stops her march, looks behind herself, pulls her gohei and talismans out of her sleeves, and glares.
Flandre turns around and curiously asks "what's the matter Reimu?", only to adopt a fighting stance and a stern face, then summons her twisted black rod to her right hand.
Marisa stops her lazy march and lazily asks "wha? What's going on?", then gasps with surprise, gulps, takes her hakkero from under her hat, and says "hey, how about you warn me about this next time, ze!"
Behind the bridge, hidden in shadows, is a figure with two large horns on the sides of what the girls assume is it's the head, long flowing hair, a single glinting right eye, a red crescent smile, and a right fist the size of a house.
After shaking off her surprise, the witch smiles confidently, then declares "rare item, HERE I COME!", and shoots a thick beam from her hakkero, which is followed by a fast barrage of charms and bullets form the blonde vampire, and black haired shrine maiden.
The blasts all strike the giant creature's fist, and the girls are surprised when they hear a loud girly voice complain "OWWW! Hey, what the hell's wrong with you?"
The girls stop their attack and look around and at each other in confusion, then the giant figure gets closer, revealing herself to be Suika Ibuki, dressed in her usual tattered white shirt, purple skirt, and having those chains with a triangle, a circle and a square on their ends, and, of course, we can't forget the oni's purple gourd, long orange hair and long brown horns.
Flandre is the first one to snap out of her confusion, and asks "wait, the oni? What the HECK are you doing inside onee-sama's stupidly named ship? And where's our rare treasure? Your HP is down to zero!"
The oni looks above her head, and indeed, her life bar is completely empty.
Regardless, she just shrugs and says "well, just wait for the in-ship cut-scene to end, then my body will explode, or something like that, and then you can have you silly treasure."
Reimu waves her arms around while looking up at Suika with a saddened face, and after the giant girl looks her way, the cute shrine maiden bows repeatedly while placing her hands on her chest.
The giant oni bows her head and says "it's alright. I was a boss, apparently, so I'm not mad at you for shooting me, Reimu," and reveals a giant sack of those 2-D trees sitting behind her, then Marisa says "hey wait a minute. What are you doing with those trees, ze? I've never seen trees like them, and now you have a whole sack of them. Start explaining!"
Suika chuckles, pats the sack behind her, and casually says "you mean these things? The purple girl hiding that large rack in her robe made them. She calls them Oldhagulus, and they are made to look like some goddess mountain I don't really care about."
Outside the ship, a loud explosion rattles the entire Youkai Mountain, and shortly after, several crow and wolf tengu fly and run away from their homes, screaming in fear of the magical white fire burning their clothes and houses.
Inside the side-scroller forest, the giant oni places one of the Kanako-like trees on its designated spot, salutes the girls, then says "alright, the cut-scene is over. Have fun with whatever item you get~"
Reimu jumps and coos with delight, Flandre waves and happily calls "thanks. Take caaaare~," and Marisa sighs, face palms, then says "somehow, I'm not in the mood for this random stuff today."
The giant girl's body begins to glow, more light in the form of beams grows from the center of her body, and like magic, her body shatters into pieces of light that rain down on the odd party, and vanish when touching any surface.
Suika is now about five screens away, planting more of those trees, while a golden treasure chest appears in front of the vampire, who squeals and says "alright! We got the treasure!"
As the human girls gather, the little blonde bends down, grabs the chest's top by the edges, pulls it up, making a clicking sound as she does, then rummages inside after pushing the door open, and finds...
"What the heck? ANOTHER golden triangle! But I already have two of these!", exclaims the disappointed little vampire while holding the golden treasure in front of her chest.
Before she loses her temper and cries, Reimu holds the blonde's head against her belly and scratches the side of her ear, then the little sister says "aww, thank you Reimu-san. *Sigh* I guess I'll just give this to-"
Before she finishes her sentence, the golden triangle begins to glow, the other two appear out of nowhere, and then they begin to spin around while floating in mid air, forming a larger triangle with a hollowed upside-down triangle center.
The Hakurei Maiden flaps her arms around, looks toward the bridge, then smiles while waving her hands at her blonde witch friend.
On the bridge, Marisa has made a 3D fire, and while cooking a meaty sausage on a stick, she flaps her hand in dismissal and says "no, no, I'm just not in the mood. Keep the treasure, or whatever, ze."
Meanwhile, Koakuma appears in a magical flash from the empty center of the larger triangle, and after Flandre and Reimu stare in surprise for a while, the little devil smiles, blushes and says "this is the last time I'm wearing this thing."
Her getup is a simple, thin, orange skintight dress that covers only down to the devils round butt and nether region, leaving her gorgeous legs bare, and her cute red panties visible.
She sighs in frustration, then bows to the little sister and says "my lady, you have assembled the mighty Tri... erm, Py... ram... mid. Yes... the Tri-Pyramid. Now you get to make a wish and see it come true."
"If I were you..." the little devil begins her suggestion, as drool trickles down her lips, her cheeks turn red, and her body starts to tremble "I'd wish for a dozen strapping young slave muscled men wearing nothing but short cloths, whom will be willing to do anything you want, without wanting to get on top, and-mf-mmf-hmmhmhmphfm!"
The cute red and white has covered the disgusting drooling mouth of the heated devil, smiles at the young vampire and nods, edging her to make her wish.
Flandre smiles, close her eyes, the Trif... I mean, Tri-Pyramids stop spinning and glow a warm golden light, and right after the glow stops, Remilia appears behind her little sister, screaming and hiding her shaggy, naked, wet frame from Reimu's sight.
"Wa-wa-wa-FLAN! What the heck's going on here? I just got into the bathtub! Why am I here?", exclaims the pale streaker.
"ONEE-SAMAAAA~" coos the little sister as she grabs hold of the naked mistress and squeezes her air out of her body with a bone-crunching hug.
The silent red and white smiles nervously, looks at her black and white friend, and Marisa flatly says "not interested."
Sitting in front of the witch from across the fire, Sakuya sighs, hug her left knee while holding a sausage near the fire on a stick, and says "as lovely as that is, I'm just not in the mood right now."
Reimu blinks, twitches when her brain fails to understand how come that perverted chief maid is so calm in the presence of her naked mistress, then just shrugs and joins the campfire, in 3-D!
At the S.S. In Your Face Murasa (while tengu in flames fly by, screaming and crying in pain from Kanako's rage attack), 'Captain' Kitashirakawa, whom is finally wearing her normal, belly-exposing, white sailor attire, whines and moans while helping Renko polish the cannonballs to the point of making them into round mirrors.
She finishes polishing one cannonball, places it on the floor to her left, then looks at the fifth stack of eight balls next to the brown-haired human, and asks "how the hell are you doing that so fast?"
The cunning human grins at the foolish human, then bluntly drops a black cannonball inside a grey machine that has a wide round opening on top, a one-inch tube that connects to an ample round center, which has an opening in the front, where the mirror-polished cannonball rolls out of, and on to a metal plate that holds it from falling on the floor, and on the left side of the machine is a white logo that reads NITORI.
Renko looks at Chiyuri, grins, then says "you've been doing it the hard way all this time, captain. Come, and make your life easier."
The blonde growls while raising her fist at her supposed subordinate, but sighs as she winds down, then shakes her head and says "no, it's not your fault. It's Willie's damned fault!"
Usami raises an eyebrow as she stares at the blonde girl in complete disbelief, then points right and says "um, right. You just keep working on these, and I'll got work on those, on the polisher that's WAY over there."
She quickly rushes to the starboard (right) side of the ship, making sure she's far away from the crazy girl as possible.
After thirty minutes, and three piles of polished balls, the flat-chested blonde is beginning to feel monotonous, and is grabbing balls without even looking, while thinking of ways to humiliate this author.
She reaches to the cannonballs to her left, taps something small, soft and squishy, and lazily questions "eh? What the heck? This cannonball feels so soft, squishy, and so small too."
A girl moans, smacks her lips, and Chiyuri's blue face indicates she knows what she's touching, and slowly retreats her arms, though she's too late, because I want to mess with her.
Orange opens her eyes right after the tenth squeeze, her flushed face slowly trails up those arms, locks on those yellow eyes, then she screams out loud "KYAAAAAAAAH! PERVEEEEEERT! LESBIAN PERVEEEEEERT!"
From the Palanquin, Kyouko happily shouts "Ha! I knew it! Just accept yourself as you are already!"
The orange-haired youkai spring on her feet, her blush becomes deep red fury, and waving a fist in the air, she shouts "HEY! I'm the one getting violated here! RARGH! This is all stupid Willie G.R.'s FAULT!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait, wait, wait," begins Chiyuri while pulling the girl down from the stack of balls, then asks "you're having trouble with Willie too?"
Orange's eyes glisten when she realizes she's looking at a girl that's been tortured by the author, and knows the ordeals she's been through.
She grabs the blond by the shoulders, sniffles while holding back her desire to cry out loud, then says "oh, it's been TERRIBLE! First, he turned my dream hunk into Kyouko! Then he made me trip on Nazrin's butt, and I ended up tasting a carpet..."
Chiyuri's face turns blue after that innuendo, while the tormented youkai continues "...then he had me tied to the mast while that weird Koishi girl danced NAKED in front of me! I ALMOST LIKED THAT CUTE BUTT! And then, right after serving lunch to lady Hijiri, an eight-foot wave of salt water came out of nowhere and dragged me all the way between the breasts of a raging goddess in red! SHE BURNED ME!"
Above the Misty Lake, Kanako has her whole body surrounded by yellow flames, and shoots logs, fireballs and tainted talismans all around her, while furiously roaring "I AM NOT... OOOOOOOOOOLD!"
Before long, she shoots divine lightning from her hands, guides it toward the base of the Youkai Mountain, and after an earth-rattling explosion, several screaming, burning kappa rush out of the woods, and dive into the lake water, calling for help to the very goddess that just struck them.
Back at the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, the blonde captain wannabe wobbles as her eyes spin in a daze, when the cute orange girl finishes "and that's when I woke up to you groping and fondling me like that!"
Chiyuri snaps out of her daze, sympathetically pats the youkai on the head, and smiles while saying "wow, he really let you have it. Maybe he'll settle down a bit, but listen! We can never let down our guard!"
Orange sobs, and says "yes, I learned that the hard way. When I did relax, I was suddenly French-kissing Nue."
From the Palanquin, Nue screams "THAT NEVER HAPPENED!"
Before the two tortured souls can continue their discussion, a girl with grey hair tied to a ponytail, grey eyes, wearing a dark-blue hat as tall as her own head, an elegant black, shot-skirted suit, a black hooded robe, and a pair of ankle-high dark blue boots, lands to their rights, and stares.
She glances around the ship, suddenly looks straight at the girls, then says "salutations fellow sky-riders. I am Futo Mononobe, hired spanker. I am in a quest for localizing, and promptly spanking two miscreants, for the crime of the destruction of one Human Village, and the dishonorable defeat of one of the guardians. Pray, have you seen a cat girl or a Spring fairy in white?"
The girls raise an eyebrow, then Orange points at the new girl, and says "you speak in two very different accents."
As Chiyuri nods, the spanker gasps, turns away and raises her hood, and while pouting cutely under the shadows, she says "thou art too blunt. I am still growing accustomed to thine modern tongue."
When the hooded girl turns around, the blonde and orange-head are embracing each other tightly and eating each other away with a passionate kiss.
Futo panics, shouts "what kind of unmannered display is this?", then flies away in her fright, and gets run over by a flying metal chicken with a red crest, and as she falls, she screams "CURSEEEEEEEESSS!"
From within the chicken, Nitori looks around the edge of her seat, Ichirin does the same on the passenger's side, and when neither see anything, they look at each other, shrug, and continue their fowl joy-ride.
Down at the bamboo ship, Orange and Chiyuri open their eyes, realize what they are doing, then yelp, spit, cough, gag, brush, rinse and repeat, and from behind them, Kyouko grins mischievously, cups her hands around her mouth, and shouts with all her might "I SAW TWO GIRLS MAKING OUT~ CHIYURI AND ORANGE ARE A LESBIAN COUPLE!"
Before the angry, blushing girls can retaliate, Kanako rushes in, blasts Kyouko with a fireball, sends her back to the Palanquin in flames, then shouts "I AM NOT AN OLD HAG, YOU EVIL LITTLE GREMLIN!"
From Murasa's ship, Nue shouts "HAH! Even the goddess calls you a gremlin, you little gremlin!"
On the deck of the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, the orange has the blonde on her back, and both giggle and whoop as the youkai gallops around like a horse, while the human smacks her butt with her hat.
They stop, slowly realize what they are doing, then look to the sky and simultaneously shouts "cut it the hell OUT Willie!"
Above the girls, blushing while holding on to her cheeks, Koishi smiles naughtily as she looks down at the two girls that are completely unaware of the fact that their subconscious is being toyed with, thoroughly.
Meanwhile, somewhere over the skies of Gensokyo, the Rabid Karate Night Sparrow (yes boys and girls, he's alive and well), carries a coconut in its tiny claws, and heads straight to Minamitsu's ship with it.
The captain of the Palanquin hums while steering her ship with the collapsible roof currently down, humming to herself a cheerful tune, totally unaware of the danger she is currently in.
As the sparrow gets closer, her humming escalates to her singing "because kappa in swimsuits a de~li~ciouly yu~mmy~! So squi~shy, and slippery, and play~ful too. Squeeze them, and eat them, and ten~der~ly love them. *Drool* I can't way to get my hands on one of them real soon~!"
"Na-na na-na-na na-na-na na-na na-na-na~ I'll squeeze her, and pinch her, and touch her all over~ That stretchy~ blue swimsuit~ enhancing my touch. She'll love me, and kiss me, and then be all mine~!"
The coconut falls and makes a loud clunk on the captain's head, which is followed by a solid thud, and while flat on the floor, the perverted girl dizzily says "coconut hard. Painful. Abrasive. Not like wet swimsuit. Kappa~ Blood."
And true enough, the bump that grows on her head starts to bleed profusely, but even so, Minamitsu storms up on her feet, and furiously roars "WHO THE **** RUINED MY SONG? And with a hard COCONUT too! COME OUT OF HIDING SO I CAN KILL YOU!"
The coconut splits on her hands, and after taking a long and hard look at what she's holding, the sailor-suited girl grimaces, and says "oh shit. Not this gag. Please, not this gag, for the love of Buddha!"
The RKNS lands on the rudder, tweets and whistles, and from behind the black-haired girl, then Byakuren happily coos and says "yay~ The coconut is here! Now we can play Knights on the Ship!"
In a complete and sudden mood-change, Minamitsu turns around to face her smiling lady, and blissfully says "we shall start the game promptly! For Lady Hijiri, I'll walk the plank and come back to the ship if I have to!"
The tiny sparrow flies over the brown-nosing girl's head to knock her hat off, tweets, then the re-angry girl says "keep it up, and I might have SPARROW on the menu tonight!"
Meanwhile, all the way at the back of the ship, Nue and Kogasa fly around the port (left) rails, the latter holding a scroll open, and saying "it should be around here somewhere."
The undefined hottie turns those red eyes to her umbrella partner, raises an eyebrow, then says "that's plenty vague. Can't you specify a spot?"
The adorable karakasa shakes her head with a smile, then presents the scroll and says "some lazy fat bastard must have written this. It's just full of vague notes and descriptions."
True enough, the map on the scroll is very crude, painted with crayons, written with various ink colors, and the spot with the treasure is marked by a large red circle, which has a green arrow under the brown words "Treasure."
Nue's right eye twitches, groans after throwing her hands in the air with frustration, then says "whatever! To hell with this! Let's forget the treasure. Besides, shouldn't the treasure be on some island, or a beach, or-"
"Haiee!" *THUD*
Kogasa's yelp and sound effect interrupts the undefined girl's speech, and when she looks to scold her partner, the cute youkai giggles while sticking out her tongue and resting her legs on a brown treasure chest, and says "I found it."
Again, the curvy black-haired girl raises an eyebrow, then questions "so... it was just lying around in front of our noses. How interesting."
The sound of a galloping horse reach the girls, they regroup in front of the treasure chest, look all around themselves, then right in front, Byakuren appears, holding her arms up as if holding a horse by its reigns, and says "whoa there. That treasure belongs to the crown, ladies!"
Behind the cute and playful Youkhrist, Minamitsu carries a massive backpack filled with all sorts of pots, pans, sheets, tents, and a tiger statue, and on her hands she holds the two coconut halves, which she uses to strike together to make a galloping sound. (Yes... I did that. I did it, and I'm not taking it back. It's too late for that!)
Selecting to ignore the strange setup, Nue angrily says "sorry Lady Hijiri, but we found this first! There's no way we're letting you have it, just like that."
The gradient-haired woman draws a large western sword with a golden hilt, points it at the youkai, and says "we'll have to fight for it! Now, draw your weapon, or die where you stand. HA-HA-HAA!", then leans closer and sweetly says "come on girls, let's make it interesting."
There is a loud click, all the girls gasp, look around for the treasure chest that is SUPPOSED to be behind the karakasa and nue, and find it only five feet away, being opened by Orange and Chiyuri.
The two mentioned girls blink and look around in confusion, stare at the four angry girls glaring at them, then the blonde asks "um... where the hell am I? Why is that bitch Murasa here?"
The captain drops the backpack, throws the coconut halves, summons her anchor, and threateningly asks "you really want to die, don't you? You want to die by the hands of a bitch, am I right? Wait, that didn't sound right."
The four Myouren girls and the RKNS all gasp, takes a LONG step back, and shiver after Orange casually says "oh, this is one cute treasure."
The captain of the S.S. In Your Face Murasa turns to face the cute youkai girl, then gasps with surprise upon laying her eyes on the treasure.
The orange one holds an angry Shanghai on the palm of her hand, and is scratching her head while cooing and saying "what a cute little girl. Oh, I could just eat her up."
The little blonde girl stares unamused at her current captor, slowly takes as much air in her tiny lungs as she can, and in a sudden burst of energy, sound, and will, she screams out loud "MAMAAAAAAAAAAA~!"
The little girl starts to cry "stupid, stupid pirates... again in there... I hate *sob* stupid game! I want my *hic* MAMA ALICE!"
Orange panics and throws the crying girl to Chiyuri, who screams "NO, NO! Crying cute things cause PAIN!", then throws the little girl to the air.
Right after the tiny girl is in the air, a shower of blonde dolls with sharp javelins on their little hands fall on the orange and wannabe-captain.
Alice, Hourai, and a legion of armed London dolls glare ominously at my torture targets, and after seeing the pain (with the many holes) she caused to the girls, she angrily asks "where is my Shanghai?"
Giggles take the attention of the blonde puppeteer and her other tiny blonde daughter, whose expressions change from alerted and dangerous, to happy and calm.
Petal holds Shanghai on her hands, and kisses her little cheeks while combing her hair with her finger, and says "there. No crying tiny doll girls. Shatori-shama love good. Petal good. You laugh and smile with Petal. YAY~"
The miniature blonde girl hugs the cheek of the innocent, adorable shadow raven youkai, then looks at Alice and Hourai, and says "it's ok Mama Alice! This one is nice."
The original treasure-hunting girls sigh simultaneously, then Byakuren happily says "well, at least nobody got seriously injured this time."
Orange struggles to stand, looks to the air, and complains "wait! Why did you stab only us? They're the ones who found the treasure!"
Chiyuri rises up, looks at Alice, then demands "what the hell is your problem? You should ask before impaling someone repeatedly with dolls!"
"KYAAAAAHHH~" simultaneously scream the two girls when the legion of dolls rush toward them and repeatedly stab them again.
Seconds later, all the girls, save for the two stabbed lesb... er, I mean, youkai and human girls, laugh and cheer over a small feast, celebrating something that they are not certain what exactly it is, but don't care.
Koishi and Kyouko fly above the ship, and while looking down with pity at my two targets, the yamabiko says "umm, maybe we should stop now."
The satori girl sighs and says "yeah. The extra bribe money from the author was good, but those two are already pitiable enough on their own."
Right after saying that, and because now I'm on my own in torturing these girls now, an eight-foot wave rushes through the ship, taking only Orange and Chiyuri, making them scream as their clothes are plucked right out of their bodies, piece by piece.
Right after the blonde captain screams "what the hell~! Enough, please, let us have a BREAK already," Alice whoops and jumps on the wave, wearing her light-blue swimsuit, and starts to surf on Chiyuri's back, while Orange continues to be pushed and pulled up and down the water without hope of stopping.
Inside the bowels of the Palanquin, in the rooms quarters, Orin rests her head on Satori's lap, her face is completely flushed, and she hiccups and moans with pleasure as the purple-haired youkai cleans the kasha's ears (cat and human) with a thin bamboo stick that has one bent end, and another covered with a cotton ball.
She watches tenderly as her pet twitches and moans, but can't see the many reactions on that flushed face, yet being a mind reader, she can read all that's going through her pet's head, and thinks "she really loves it when I clean her ears. Tee-heh, maybe I should tease her a bit."
The purple-eyed girl smiles wider and blushes, then thinks "no way, I couldn't do that. Let's just focus on cleaning these up."
"Alright Orin, turn around so I can clean the others," sweetly commands Satori, smiling upon seeing those blushing cheeks on her cat.
The blissful kasha nods, gives her master a quick glance while turning around, and now, her face completely changes upon laying her eyes on her master's lower stomach and groin area, and even though she's covered with her shirt and skirt, the cat girl can't help but get nervous.
The satori twitches, tries to hide her annoyance and embarrassment with a hard smile, and thinks "what is this cat thinking? Geez, that's so embarrassing. Ah, relax Satori. She's an animal, and animals survive by instincts, not logic or common sense. That's it Satori. Now relax and clean those ears as quickly as you can, and be done with this."
Shortly after beginning to work on that human ear, the kasha begins to twitch and moan inward, and as she does, she breathes hard through her nose.
This tickles the mind reader's lap, and without realizing it, her face begins to get redder and redder, until she starts panting as well.
"Just a bit more," says the heated satori after finishing with the human ear, and moving to the cat ear on the redhead.
Orin begins to twitch harder, and small and quick yelps escape her, adding to her moans, and cute flushed face, which keeps changing to several expressions.
Satori lays her eyes on that face and finds it adorable, and soon after begins to feel a little ticklish, and quickly taking notice, she thinks "what the hell? No way! I'm acting like some sort of pervert! Bad Satori! Ugh, let's just end this, and quick!"
The hurries her cleaning efforts, causing the cat girl to breath harder through her mouth, which in turn tickles her more and more, causing her cheeks to turn so red, she feels as though she has a fever.
Before Iku suddenly appears because of that last word used in that last sentence, the elder Komeiji declares "ALLDONE!", and rapidly straightens up to let the cat move away.
Orin takes a bit to relax herself, then rolls away from her master's comfortable lap, twists her body around as if break-dancing, and lands next to the mind-reader on her knees.
"Thank you very much, Satori-sama," happily says the kasha, giving the purple-haired girl a kiss on the cheek, and rubbing her own cheeks on the girl's shoulder.
The satori girl twitches and gasps, her face turns even redder (now looks like a tomato with purple hair), and furiously asks "HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?"
On the doorway, with a mischievous grin, and a pair of blushing stickers on her adorable face, stands the security hologram of child Byakuren.
She giggles while placing the back of her hand under her mouth, and mischievously hisses "oh, I've been here since, oh, you started getting all heated up over your pet's breathing on your lap."
The cat girl glances sideways, lowers her ears and frowns, then says "aww, I'm sorry Satori-sama. But you didn't tell me I was bothering you. I could have stopped."
Satori smiles as a vein pulsates on her forehead while she charges up a spell to the left of her head with both hands, and calmly says "oh, don't worry Orin-chan. It's not your fault. I'll just have to get rid of this little monster hologram."
The little monster chuckles, a vile glint escapes her right eye, the kasha immediately jumps in front of her master in an offensive position with her claws ready for action, then the little girl waves her hands around inoffensively, and says "no, no, I won't do anything. Just tell your master here she should stop thinking such lewd things while cleaning someone else's ears."
The mind reader twitches, and Orin's ears perk up, her eyes turn catlike, her top lip take two curves, and a giant heart appears above her head, while the tiny Byakuren continues "can I really read your thoughts when you can't read mine? Why yes, Satori Komeiji, I can, as a matter of fact. And I know you got heated up really bad back there. And you know what? Your pet is DELIGHTED by that."
Satori takes notice of how her own Orin has now turned on her, and how those hungry eyes, drooling mouth, and twitching hand-paws are all aimed at her.
Little Byakuren giggles, takes a pair of cat ears out of her pocket, tosses them on the mind reader's head, and says "tell you what. Let me watch you get eaten by your cat, and Orange and Kyouko will never, EVER learn of what happened here. Deal?"
The ceiling explodes, a hole to the sky outside is visible through several other holes on the upper layers of the ship, and in the centered spotlight stands Iku Nagae, who energetically exclaims "did somebody say... FEVAAAAAA~?"
She twirls in place, raises her right hand, places her left on her hip, aaaaaaannnnd~...
Over the lake at the back of the Hakurei Shrine, Futo flies for her life as the mechanical chicken flies after her.
As she flies, she shouts "ASSISTANCE, PLEASE! I am being persecuted by a giant silver none-believing poultry monster!"
The metal chicken buckaws in a disturbing mechanical manner, then the silver-haired spanker explodes.
From inside the metal fowl, Nitori peeks her head from the side, while Ichirin looks behind at the explosion, then says "hey, I think we killed something."
The kappa waves her hand in disbelief and confidently says "no way! Nobody would be stupid enough to get in the way of a giant metal chicken."
Back at the Palanquin, the depressed oarfish youkai moans sadly and says "I'm such a failure. No lightning," while being patted on the ankle by little Byakuren, both which are completely ignoring the screams and moans from Satori as she's being eaten by Orin under the bed sheets.
Heck, they aren't even taking notice of the countless pink hearts floating around the dark room, completely clashing with the dark wooden design in the room.
The tiny girl pats the electric girl, and sympathetically says "it's alright, don't cry. Why don't you just try again?"
Iku gulps her tears down, looks at the girl with those sad eyes, nods, and straightens up.
One quick sob escapes her, but she remains there, quickly spins around once, stops, raises her right hand, places her left on her hip, and a bolt of lightning falls on her and spreads two feet around herself.
The excited oarfish jumps with joy and exclaims "I did it! Little girl, I'm not a fail...uer?"
She quickly takes notice of the tiny Byakuren's absence, looks around for her, not taking notice of the bits of debug pieces on the ground in front of herself, then shrugs and says "oh well, I guess she got scared. Good for her. Now, time for me to go. Bye~"
She waves at nobody in particular, takes flight through the holes she made, which for some odd reason, repair themselves after she flies through, then the cat-eared Satori and Orin finally poke their heads out of the bed sheets, wearing only their underwear while holding a pack of playing cards on their hands.
After making sure everybody else is gone, the mind reader asks "got any six?"
The kasha waves her two tails around and says "go fish Satori-sama."
The cute satori girl in pink frilly underwear says "just give me the six, you cheater."
The well endowed cat girl in dark-green underwear clicks her tongue, then says "hey, I'm not the one reading minds here, sister."
In the afternoon, at the Scarlet Demon Ark's ample insides, "SAAA-KUUU-YAAA~!" Remilia's screams of terror rock the entire ship... with terror.
The Scarlet Devil runs with tears in her eyes, away from one Rabid Karate Night Sparrow, who holds a Gungnir on one claw, and a cabinet on the other, and tweets furiously at the crying vampire in front.
"I'm SORRY! I won't attack when your back is turned again! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!", pleas the adorably frightened vampire, but to no avail, and the evil sparrow throws the spear at her, and knocks her hat off her head.
She yelps and rushes to get her hat, and the tweeting terror from above stops, shakes the cabinet, and the creature made of water (Called Jumy, by Flandre) falls from within, barking happily after seeing the mistress, then proceeds to licking her on the cheek, and gobbling her up, trapping her inside its watery innards.
Remilia's gurgled screams cause the water creature's skin to shiver violently, then it, along with the trapped vampire, is knocked to the ground by a red blur, that squeals with delight "JUMY~" then exclaims "where have you been? I missed you!"
Sakuya appears next to the cute vampire, and pointing her accusing finger, says "Flandre-sama, what kind of a master are you? You should always know where your pets are!"
The pouting girl looks away while cutely saying "but he just vanished one day, and I couldn't find him."
Patchouli appears behind the water creature, pats it twice, then casually says "even after all this time, he's still quite moist."
Remilia manages to push half of herself out of the creature's insides, reaches for her friend's hand, the magician yelps, and the mistress screams "PULL, BEAN SPROUT! PUUULLLLL!"
"What the-? MUKYU!", are the only words the well stacked librarian can say before getting sucked straight into Jumy's body, to share the moist torture with her dear, dear friend.
Floating inside the slimy sea, Knowledge glances flatly to her right at the vampire, and says a gurgled "I hate you right now."
Thuds, slams, clanks, and pows from above alert the still free maid and blonde into adopting a defensive stance, then Meiling and the RKNS burst through the floor right under Sakuya's feet, knocking the chief maid straight inside Jumy.
"HA! You've gotten better, bird, but SO HAVE I," declares the gate guard before throwing a kick straight at the little evil bird, landing a direct hit on its miniature chest.
Izayoi stares discreet daggers at her workmate from within the blue creature, and as the red vein on her forehead grows, and several torture methods cross her mind, she ominously says a gurgled "oh yes, that gate guard is so screwed when I get her."
She turns around and gasps in surprise, forgetting her promise of revenge against the sexy redhead, when she sees Remilia and Patchouli sitting under a working kotatsu while playing cards in the water.
"My Lady, Lady Patchouli, um... what-what are you doing?", asks the stunned maid with fright.
Remilia raises her lazy face to address her servant, and casually says "we're playing Old Maid. Wanna join?"
Jumy has taken the shape of a dog, so that Flandre may scratch him under his chin, while inside him, screams are accompanied by bits of blood and wandering knives that have shrunk along the water dog.
Meanwhile, just a few feet away, the little sparrow holds the dragon youkai above its head with its wings, then throws her down to his thin knee with all his strength, and applies a noisy backbreaker that causes the girl to gag in her attempt to scream.
As soon as he kicks her upward, he twirls in the air and spin-kicks the redhead away, just as the little devil in the tight, totally revealing fairy-dress and red panties enters the room and calls "Patchouli-samaaaa! Please, stop hiding and give me my clothes baaa-aack?"
She's struck by Meiling's body, bounces diagonally-left from the wall, bounces from the floor, then the ceiling, then the other wall, then is kicked by the RKNS, then bounces off the recovering gate guard's head, then the center of the ceiling, then off Jumy's back, then lands in a moaning daze inside the slow-closing evil cabinet.
The understandably furious gate guard covered in bandages and band-aids springs on her feet, and furiously demands "where the HELL is that cheap-shot son-of-a-bird!"
Hina spins through the scene from left to right, singing "spinning~, spinning~, unfortunate spinning~", and a giant metal washtub falls right on top of the dragon youkai's head, knocking her down after a few seconds of crazed giggling.
Meanwhile, outside the ship, the evil little creature spawned from the deepest darkest regions of Shikieiki's worst nightmares, grabs the massive ship from the bottom, and tweets as he uses every single muscle in its miniature body to turn the whole flying eyesore upside-down.
Inside the ship, Flandre giggles happily as the entire Scarlet Demon Ark is being turned around, while all the other girls (except the missing Koa, or the unconscious Meiling, of course) scream in sheer terror from within the slime monster's body.
The little blonde flies to avoid colliding with the ceiling (which happens to be the floor now), and screams "JUMYYYYY!", after her lovable little pet falls and becomes a splat on the woodwork, thus releasing the trapped girls it had inside.
Remilia springs off the ground, inexplicably wearing her pink swimsuit with the frilly waist, and furiously declares "I'm gonna erase that bird from HISTORY," then punches a hole on the now-floor and quickly flies outside.
Patchouli, who inexplicably wears an indigo bikini, scratches her head as she gets off the ground, and asks "has anybody seen Koakuma around. I need a back massage."
Sakuya, who wears a leather mistress suit with a red bottom, whips the crying, gagged, tied, and totally helpless Meiling on the back, stops beating on the gate guard to casually look back, and says "I'm sorry, but I haven't seen her."
The librarian groans while stretching her pale, silky bare back with some slightly visible love handles on the sides on the hips, and says "oh well. I guess I'll go back to my room and-"
"I'LL HELP YOU," declares the little sister, to which the purple-themed, barely dressed magician desperately shakes her head and says "no, no, it's alright! I'll just rest!"
The little sister's vicious face indicates she's not listening, and all the terrified magician can do is raise her arms defensively, and clench her eyes shut, as the crazed vampire squeals "Jumy~ You're alright!"
The slime monster in the shape of a small puppy licks the little girl's face and makes her giggle out loud, allowing Patchouli a powerful sigh of relief, and just as she smiles and begins her flight to her small study, the young mistress says "now you can help me massage Patchy~", and the well endowed bookworm gasps and twitches as her face turns blue with fright.
Meanwhile, outside, Remilia and Rabid Karate Night Sparrow ignore the bloody "MUUUUKYYYUUUUUNN~" from inside the ship, as they face each other on top of the ship's belly.
The Scarlet Devil raises her right claw, points at the bird, and ominously says "I don't know what the hell's your problem with us now, but..."
She raises both hands, summons a spell card to her right hand, and declares "I'll just have to solve it by cooking you to a crisp! Divine Spear, Spear of the Gungnir!", then throws her spear with all her might.
The evil little bird takes flight and prepares to grab the scarlet spear with its claws again, but the mistress grins vilely and adds "Spread!"
Just like that, the spear separates into countless tiny red spears, and the bird whistles with surprise.
Remilia smiles smugly with victory already in her grasp, then her smile is replaced with shock after the gasp she makes so abruptly, before covering her face with her arms, while the volley of spears fly by her.
After the flying spears pass by, she unwinds her arms, and with two white disks for eyes and jagged teeth, the shouts "HOW THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT? KYAAAIGH! Auuuuuuuu~"
The RKNS has grabbed Remilia's swimsuit from behind, given the mistress a powerful wedgie, leaving those pale, pale cheeks completely exposed in the air, then winds her up and throws her head-first against the ship, turning it around again to its upright position.
The vampire mistress wakes up on the deck of the ship with one hell of a headache and a sore groin, and as she stands up, she pulls the uncomfortable nether regions free if their tight squeezed swimsuit, and looks around to realize she's not alone.
Her powerful embarrassment turns her entire face blood red, but before she can scream, the nosebleeding maid of perversion approaches her with a small piece of folded paper, and says "my lady, you did it. The ship's back in good shape, and upright!"
The mistress stammers with embarrassment while accepting the piece of paper and looking around, then takes notice of Meiling, lying on the ground with her butt raised and steaming, and Patchouli lying next to the gate guard, with her back shaped like a zigzag, and her legs bent outward.
As her embarrassment diminishes, she slowly looks up at Sakuya and asks "what's this?", while opening the piece of paper.
On it, there is a message that reads "Thank you very much for the fun afternoon. I hope we can do this again soon. Love, The Rabid Karate Night Sparrow."
The vampire's face turns red with rage, her body shiver violently, and she screams "that mangy mo***** ****** ****** piece of ****** feather duster **** ***** *********! I am going to KILL HIM!", all while shredding the piece of paper into tinier pieces and repeatedly jumping on those after they land.
From the sky above, a black blob asks "is that being a potty mouth~?", to which Flandre, who sits next to her cursing sister, casually smiles and says "yup. One hell of a charisma break here!"
Patchouli moans as she tries to move her arms, then groans after a thud and a very loud crack, then expels her breath while smiling.
The mysterious cabinet has fallen from the sky and landed on her sexy bare back, straightening it back to its gloriously perfect shape, then Koakuma, wearing a sun hat, a red shirt with pink palm trees, and a long grass skirt, walks out of that piece of furniture, waves inside and calls "thanks for the drink boys~", then looks around, sighs with delight, and says "now then, back to work I..."
After looking around at the vampires, gate guard, magician, and (don't know why) chief maid lying on the deck, she raises an eyebrow, scowls, and says "well, I leave for only two months, and everyone becomes a lazy sloth! So sloppy!"
Remilia pulls a glass of blood from her swimsuit, says "please, Koa, it's been a long one," then gulps down the entire glass, and all that blood sprinkles out of several unseen holes on her body.
Flandre grimaces while looking at her sister, the little devil raises an eyebrow toward her mistress, and the vampire girl looks confused at the staring girls, takes a look at herself, then she takes a deep breath, raises her hands and face toward the sky, and screams "CLASSIC SPRINKLER JOOOOOOOOOKE~"
Later that evening, the raging Kanako flies above the ships, and cautiously analyzes every single one of them while muttering to herself "calling me an old hag while my back is turned. You're going to pay. Divine retribution befalls all."
She swoops down from the clouds, stops eight feet above the front of all four ships, then cackles like a maniac to get as many of the almost pirate girls' attention.
After making sure she's being watched, she summons eight sacred logs that spin around her in a circle, shoots beams from all her fingers that cross the logs and spread into four more beams each, mixes them with thick oval bullets, and as soon as the first beam touches the first ship, she shouts "MUAHAHAHAHAAAA I'm NOT an old hag! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA~"
The girls scream in horror as their ships begin to sink, YET AGAIN, to the land below, and from the Palanquin, Minamitsu shouts "DAMMIIIIIT This chapter got extended after all! ARGH! We're going down again!"
By some form of miracle, Chiyuri's ship is the only one that remains airborne the longest.
From it, Mystia sings "captain~ we are under attack~ Should we re~tali~ate~?"
Chiyuri furiously shouts "what the HELL kind of question is that! OF COURSE YOU SHOULD RETALIATE! FIRE AAAAALLLLL!"
All eight deck cannons shoot their balls at the same time, and all head straight to Kanako's old-lady hairdo.
The goddess sees the cannonballs coming, shouts "you dare attack a GOD?", and shoots those balls with beams and charms.
The mirror-polished orbs reflect every single shot back at the insane goddess of war, and all she can say to that is "ohh, balls come to my face now," and by some defiance of logic, the mirror balls explode like bombs upon touching the bushy hair, red outfit, or ample bosom of the goddess.
Right after Kanako explodes, her flaming body takes a dive straight at the S.S. In Your Face Murasa's bow, and all the girls on it scream as their ship catches fire, before it plunges to the ground below.
Skipping the crashing, exploding, pieces of wood flying everywhere, girls being tossed around like dolls, and bodies piling up on top of debris, we find many girls groaning and moaning as they get off the grass or pieces of lumber.
Ignoring the many girls, we focus on Orange, whom lies on top of Chiyuri, and it looks like they are kissing again, though upon closer inspection, they are plainly unconscious, for the time being.
Kyouko flies over, followed closely by Koishi, then the flying girls snicker, and the yamabiko says "heheh, lesbians. Aren't they cute?"
The satori giggles and says "aww, and we didn't even help cause this little kiss. I'm a little disappointed."
The orange-haired youkai slowly opens her eyes as she regains her consciousness at the same time the blonde captain does, and it doesn't take too long for the girls to notice the easily misunderstood state in which they are on.
They blush as they look into each others' eyes, then Orange frowns, her eyes water, and... oh crap, I may have pushed her too far.
The poor girl pushes herself off the blonde, sniffles and sobs after dropping on her knees, then breaks down to cry. (Great, now I feel like a monster.)
She rubs her watery eyes as she slumps and cries "it's not faaaaaiiiirrr! I didn't do anything wrong, and *hic* bad stuff keep happening, and *sob* he keeps forcing me on girls, and *sob-sob* makes fun of me, and makes me huuuuuuurt!"
"Oh, now he's done it! Way to go Willie G.R.! You made a cute girl cry! Are you proud of yourself?", says the flat-chested blonde captain while looking at nowhere in particular.
Kyouko and Koishi shake their heads and click their tongues in disapproval, making me feel even worse, especially with Orange sobbing and boo-hooing louder.
And so, seeing as I made this girl cry without need or making it look funny in any way...
Byakuren walks from behind, kneels behind her, combs her orange hair, and sweetly says "now, now, calm down. No more crying, alright."
The youkai girl sobs, chokes, and when she tries to speak again, she cries "but it's just *sob* not fair. I've been *sob* good, and all I get is pain and more pain *hic*."
The Youkhrist grabs the girl in a warm and tight embrace, calming her down fast enough for her to stop crying almost instantly, and smiles that sweet and motherly smile of hers, as she softly says "there you go. No more crying. You don't look as cute when you cry."
Orange's eyes remain watery as she slowly stretches her lips and smiles, then the sudden surge of warmth and relief fills her head, and without realizing it, she falls asleep on that comfortable chest.
Byakuren giggles, presses a finger against her own lips to signal the other girls to remain silent, then whispers "come on, let's go and make dinner. We all deserve a warm meal after the day we had today."
The Palanquin girls raise their fists in a silent cheer, and fly after the motherly monk and the sleeping youkai.
Chiyuri watches as they leave, sighs, then says to nobody in particular "eh, whatever. Can't expect a treat like that for myself. Bah, even if I did, I'm still getting you, Willie."
For some reason, I don't feel like owning this girl (kinda feeling all warm and fuzzy after that scene), so instead, Yumemi crawls from beneath a chunk of bamboo, wearing a small red bikini, tight enough to reveal some features, and coughs and says "oh man, that was a nasty crash."
The blonde captain with the bleeding nose, pants hard as steam rises from her ears, then says "alright, so maybe I'll forgive a few. Now... thanks for the meal!"
The red-themed scientist twitches upon laying her eyes on her subordinate standing ominously in front, then nervously asks "um, Ch-Chiyuri? Why are you looking at me with those hungry eyes?"
Since this IS a T rated fic, we can only hear Yumemi scream and moan with pleasure while her curvy and slightly tanned body is being ravaged by the hungry blonde captain wannabe, so, umm, use your imaginations on this one, 'kay?
Meanwhile, at the entrance of the Youkai Forest, Kanako chuckles nervously while sitting on her knees and looking up at the several burnt tengu and kappa glaring down at her.
Some hold weapons, while others just snicker while staring at the downed goddess.
The airheaded woman chuckles, then says "um... it was the author's fault. Er... he made me do it."
"Ara~ Regardless of that," begins Suwako, who sits on a rock to the right, full of scratches and nasty burn marks "you caused a lot of trouble and grief, old lady. Now I suggest you say ahh while we apply divine punishment to that body you chose to inhabit. So now... bottoms up boys and girls!"
Kanako suddenly finds herself tied with her face, arms and ankles to the ground, and her butt to the air, but even in the position she is on, she can see the kappa, tengu, and curse goddess, softly smacking paddles against their hands.
All the way at the Moriya Shrine, at the top of the Youkai Mountain, Sanae hums happily as she sets up the table for a romantic dinner for two.
She sighs with delight and coos at the sight of a job well done, then says "oh, I hope he likes it! Tee-hee, this should beat the rose-petal cuddle-chair date he prepared for me last time."
"!"
Kanako's horrible howling scream reaches all the way up to the shrine, startling the shrine maiden to almost having a heart attack, and promptly after recovering from the surprise, she exclaims "what the HECK was that?"
The entire shrine explodes, thus closing a wonderful chapter of Tales of the Almost Pirates.
To be continued...
Characters, spell cards and scenarios belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-
Kimi, Kali, the little red-haired fairy, and the RKNS were created by Willie G.R.
Referenced elements belong to their respective owners.
WHAT WAS REALLY SAID BY LILY AND CHEN DURING THEIR DIALOGUE:
!) Por fin, los houevos estan cocidos! = At last, the eggs are hard-boiled!
2) 卵、牛乳、ソーセージ、レモン、穀物! = Eggs, milk, sausage, lemons, cereal!
3) トーンの音であなたのメッセージを残す! = Leave your message at the sound of the tone!
4) Me fui a caminar con mi novio al parque! Nos tocamos y nos besamos! = I went walking with my boyfriend to the park! We touched each other and kissed!
5) (French) Je ne suis pas sous-vetements! = I'm not wearing underwear!
6) (Irish) Bhfuil roinnt beoir, agus an ifreann stoptar suas! Nuhuhuhu = Have some beer, and shut the hell up! Nuhuhuhu
DEC 9 2011
Written by
Willie G.R.
A/N:
Yeah, I know, I should be writing the Icicle Sukima, or Undying Gensokyo final chapters, but I NEEDED the random stuff. Please remember that Tales of the Almost Pirates is a totally-humor spin-off, and as such, it takes elements from the main stories and turns them on themselves. That's why Kali is alive and well here. Isn't that great?
Now, since it's been so long since the 6th chapter of TotAP was posted, I may have forgotten some things I intended to do. For example, I think I said little evil Byakuren was going to get into a fight with Chiyuri, but I liked the idea of Lily Black better, particularly since she hasn't appeared in this mess yet, and I thought it was a fun idea. Also... well I forgot what I was going to say. Anyway, thanks for reading this, and if your brain cells are still intact, then I did a terrible job in this chapter. Take care, and see you around.
A quick note. Don't fret about tiny Byakuren. She'll be rebooted by next chapter, and not that I used Google Translate for those awesome off-sync dialogues.
