Ch 7

Natalie walked upstairs to her bedroom... it was late and she was exhausted, she had, had the nicest surprise tonight... miles had thrown his first dinner party... a house warming party for her at her cottage... it was so much fun... everyone important to her came... everyone ... of curse but john... she got depressed for a moment as she reached into her top drawer of her dresser. Pulled out without thinking his favorite nighty... the black one...she put it on and sat for a moment on the end of the bed... not tired at all... and knowing the night was warm... she went down stairs and out to the swing.

She sat for a few minutes just going over the nice night she had, the one that made her feel like her old self, how good she felt to feel others cared for her... that she was special to people... she often wondered... especially with her family whether she was... and tonight her mom, Jessica, and even her dad came for a little while and they showed her just how much... how much they seem to care... and that was a nice present... and excellent one... it made her forgot all about how hard these last few weeks without John were... how hard life with out him could and would be from now on...

Her eyes started to tear for a few minutes as she thought again about what had happened to them, how they had become, how afraid she was to lose him again after they found in under those bandages... but... she did lose him again... didn't she... along with herself... herself worth... she let him...no. She gave up herself for him... to him... with the dream that they would have a future...with the dream that they would someday have a family, a life ...even grow old together... she shook her head... and wiped the few tears from her eyes.

John worked late... it was sometime around 11 and he didn't want to go back to the hotel, or to a bar... not tonight... tonight he wanted ... and needed to see her... or at least be close to where she was for a few minutes... so he headed towards her cottage... in hopes of just looking in thru the front window and seeing her...just the beautiful sight of her that he missed so much.

Continuing to sit on her swing she ran her fingers over it... she smiled... someone knew her so well... didn't they... and no one at the party fessed up to sending it... not her family... not miles, and not even Vincent although he danced around the question some as if it was possibility him.

She closed her eyes tight for a moment as she felt a slight breeze come across the porch... as she felt a slight chill and knew she would have to go in soon since she wasn't dressed to be out here... but... she gave herself a few more minutes... to just...be.

Still with closed eyes she thought about herself... what she wanted in life... and his face came to her... of course... his face, his touch... how he made her feel... it was all inside of her... every caress... memorized, every kiss...making her feel secure.

"Will I ever feel like that again? The way you made me feel?" she asked out loud as she heard a noise come from the bushes on the path up to the cottage. She became alarmed for a moment and spoke when she continued to hear noises.

"Is someone there?" Natalie asked as she stood up from the swing, she walked closer to the front door, never turning her back from the dark night in front of her.

John knew he couldn't hide, he was walking up to try and see her thru the windows of the house and she was outside... on the swing... and she heard him. He walked up from the path of bushes and he saw her face. Mixtures of relieve and then a bit of anger ran across it.

"John...you scared me," she told him bluntly, her anger sparking her attitude some.

"I didn't mean too... I just wanted to see ... be near you, make sure you're alright" he said and he saw her just realize for the first time that she was wearing her short black nighty and nothing over it.

Natalie realized that she wasn't dressed for him to be around. She was wearing the black nighty he always loved and that was probably the reason still to this day she still wore it so much. She covered herself some for a few minutes, and then realized she didn't care if he saw her this way. It didn't matter at this moment.

"Why wouldn't I not be alright john?" she said a bit snide this time now, getting her point across. John watched her, she wasn't as mad as she could be. As he might expect her to be.

"Heard you had a big night, your place, it must be nice, it always was back when we first met" he told her trying to soften things some. He walked around the porch as he saw her let her guard down.

Natalie looked at him, he was being almost shy like around her, a lot like when they first met, well... after she found out who he really was. She saw him walk to the swing and stand.

" Yeah, I did... and I repainted the place got some new furniture" she told him and walked passed him, took a seat on the swing. He looked at her, their previous hostilities gone for now, or just taking a hiatus. He didn't wait to be invited, he sat next to her and saw her doing exactly what he wanted to see her do... look up to the sky, see the stars.

The two sat in silence for a few minutes till finally john saw her fold her arms, hold herself, she was cold. He turned some and took off his jacket, and put it over her shoulders. She looked at him, her eyes soft for now... and he thanked God for the reprieve... no matter how long or short it was.

"I love you Natalie... and... I'm so sorry... for... what has happened to us...for making you feel you lost yourself...I really am truly sorry" Natalie listened to his sincere words, she loved him so damn much, loving him was never the problem now was it? Being with him, what she had become while with him that was the problem right? How he had been making her feel lately... that was the problem... wasn't it? She searched his eyes for a moment and found more than the love he felt for her... she found her best friend. The one she hadn't seen in awhile.

Natalie fiddled with her fingers for a moment and then looked away from his eyes, towards her hands and then looked back at him... her john... if even for a few minutes... he was here, sitting with her and she didn't have it in her to make him leave. She didn't and instead she did something that was all her, all Natalie... just jumped in without thinking things thru... she reached over to his face with her hand and brought her lips too... eager to feel his skin, his stubble, his tough lips touched hers, urgently, anxiously as he slide his body closer.

Tangling his hands in her hair... he was lost in the kiss she initiated... lost in her feel, in the love radiating off the two of them, he slowly lowered her back on the swing, climbing on top of her, kissing her mouth, moving his lips, his hands down her body, down her curves, her breasts... his mouth licked at her neck and down to her throat, down further to her breasts and he started to suckle her nipples over the black lace that covered them.

Natalie still wasn't thinking, his touch made her without senses... made her melt into his body, into his touch and she knew she wouldn't be stopping this... she watched as he moved some and undid his pants, anxiously pushing them down as he saw her make no attempt to stop him... none.

Suddenly moving all the way on top of her again he positioned himself over her, ready to push inside her body and feel her... all of her... to show her just how much he loved her and would always love her... he moved slowly towards her core and he knew she wore no panties under his favorite nighty... he knew just how make her react to him as he teased entrance for a moment, watched her face get even more flushed and then pushed inside, deep... even deeper.

Stopping his actions for only a moment, just one to watch the desire fill her eyes... the blue pigment in them darken, deepen he started to pusher harder, deeper... as he heard her moans, as he felt her pulsating around him... as he felt himself let go... as he felt her accept him and all of him.

Natalie accepted him and what he did to every piece of her body... over and over again till she was completely done... till he was done too... till she felt him move himself to the side, over the small narrow seat of the swing and positions them so he was holding her in front of him, her back to his chest... cuddling in the aftermath like they always did. How they always liked to sleep afterwards.

Natalie took a deep breath and after a few moments of silence her mind started racing... and it wouldn't stop... she felt him continuing to hold her and she thought if this changed anything... after a few more minutes she concluded it didn't... loving him... and making love... perfect love whether quick or slow... it was never the problem. Now was it?

"John" she spoke softly as he knew what was coming.

"I know... I know... "

'You better go" she told him but never moved from his hold on her.

" I know... in a few minutes... lets just stay like this for a few more minutes" he told her and she didn't protest for a few minutes

Finally she had to get up, she just did. Any longer and she would forget what their break was. Why they weren't together. So she sat and looked at him as he moved to stand. She started to open her mouth but he wouldn't let her speak. Instead he caught her off guard and picked her up in his arms. Started to carry her into the cottage.

"John" she said as he carried her inside the cottage, laid her on the couch, grabbed the blanket that sat a few feet away on a chair and covered her with it, tucking her in with it he kneeled on the floor next to her, stared into her eyes.

"How... how did this happen to us?" he asked as she studied his eyes.

"I honestly don't know... cause I never wanted it to be this way"

"Neither did I?" he said softly as he started to stand, as he started to lean in to kiss her gently one last time before going.

"Not yet" she said almost a whisper as she closed her eyes... as she pulled him down to her body... as he laid on top of her and she started to kiss him... to feel him yet again... to love him.

Continuing to kiss he moved down her body... yet again... with his mouth... with his hands, feeling every inch, or her, every heated part of her and she still had her eyes closed... she didn't open them.

"If this is a dream... then I don't want it to be over yet" was all she said as he moved his whole body... sliding down hers... pulling the blanket off of her as he did... moving his mouth to her most intimate spot... touching her gently with his fingers first... making her squirm a bit as he reached in with his mouth and took her... his tongue taking every ounce of core... showing her the pleasures... that things ... that she could come first to him again... that he wanted to show her... just how much.

Showing her over and over his tongue finally took a hold of her clit... pushing her to the point of making her moan out his name... to the point where he moved his fingers too inside her and felt her arch her body up... felt her let it go... all of it...as he didn't let up... as he continued to show her great pleasure... bring her to a place he was happy to still be able to bring her.

Natalie's fists, they crumples up... he was pushing her to a place he knew he always could... he was taking a hold of her and showing her this was about her... all about her and she let him... she felt her body ignite and she couldn't control it... she let him do it to her, please her.

Finally coming down for a moment from earth shattering release she looked at him as he still stood near her core... she leaned her body up... pulled him towards her some and started to take his shirt off, to unbutton it and then pulled at his pants ... showing him... without words that she could give to him... that they could give to each other again... that she wanted too.

John stood... after her actions; he quickly took his pants off, boxers completely off this time and stood naked in front of her lying on the couch for a moment. He watched her eyes and she sat up...he watched and sat next to her as they both glanced at each other... as after a few moments... Natalie moved her body and climbed on top of him... on top of his sitting body and john wasted no time kissing her, and urgently...

Natalie sat on him... she straddled him and after a few minutes of heated kissing she guided her core down around his hardness... taking him into her yet again… allowing him entrance to her and what she had inside. More of what she had inside for him.

Starting to rock... to move up and down on him as he took his hands and guided her motions with his hips they both started to sweat... to peak... with each and every action... as there bodies gave in to each other... like they always did...melted... molded together with every piece of the other... till finally all that was heard was screams from Natalie's mouth... and soft whispers of love from Johns.

"I Love you Natalie" he said softly, a whisper as he grabbed her breast, her nipple in his mouth as she arched back... as she came… again... for him... from him... causing him to come too.

It was early in the morning when john finally woke; he sat when he didn't feel her next to him. He looked to see her sitting in the chair across fro the couch string at him. She looked deep in thought.

"How long you been sitting there/' he asked

" Since after you fell asleep" he just nodded his head and stood up. She wasn't lying with him all night.

"Its almost morning you need to leave" she told him and looked on to her more confused now.

'What?" he asked softly not sure why... he thought making love the few times last night would be enough for them... to move on and together.

"You need to go... "

"You regret it"

'No. I don't regret it but... making love last night, this morning... it's the same as you asking me to marry you" he looked on to her more confused and she explained it.

"You didn't feel asking me would solve our problems... so you weren't... aren't ready to ask... not sure you'll ever be and Making love... it doesn't solve those problems either... it could just cloud them or cover them for a bit but they'll resurface so... you need to leave"

"but... I don't want to go... and I know... you really don't want me too either" he told her as he walked closer to her. Really close.

"A part of me... doesn't want you too... but... you have too...I can't... I won't allow myself to fall back into things... with you... and so fast... I still have a lot to figure out...with myself first" his eyes... his ears... they heard her words and she talked as if. As if she would be coming back to him... and she wanted too. He smiled weakly at her and she looked at him confused.

"You said... you implied that we still have a future…that... when all is figured out...we can be together?" he asked wanting to be reassured of her words, wanting to make her aware of how they came across.

Natalie hadn't even realized what she said, and how she said it, she turned away from him and his optimist and looked to the window facing outside, and facing the swing she was pretty sure that he bought.

"I just don't know john... I don't... but" she started to say and looked to him. " But... as I once told you... I've always wante4d you in my life... good or bad... maybe... just maybe when I find me...when this person I've become is gone... when my life is back on track and I feel good inside... maybe... okay? That's the best I can do right now... its all I have and all I can promise for now" she looked at him, she thought giving him hope, telling him, admitting to him that she still needed in, wanted him would make her weak but... it did the opposite... it made her feel strong, stronger than she had felt in awhile.

John heard her words, and maybe for he first time in a long time really listened to her. He moved closer to her, touched her face and then her hair. Looking into her eyes, her sincere open eyes he leaned in gently and kissed her.

"We... we're intertwined Natalie... we can never be completely apart... now could we?" she shook her head reassuring his words and he let a small brief smile pass his face.

"Maybe... to me... means we'll have ... we'll be what we're suppose to be... maybe ... we can build it better this time... stronger this time and not lose who we both are... and each other in the process" she looked into his eyes...

"Yeah" was all she said as he again kissed her gently on the lips, he moved away from her, got dressed quickly and moved towards the door. She followed him.

"Does..." he spoke softly and ready as he looked back at her,

"Does all this... does it mean... if we take it slow... does it mean we can spend time together... nothing major... just... dinner, pool, sitting and not talking even... there's no harm in any of that right?"

"NO..." he looked at her at first, she was saying no and she saw the misunderstanding on his face.

"No... There's no harm in any of that... but... slow john... I won't be going back to your place... you wont be my main priority... that will be me...doing what I have to... too make myself right"

"I know... making yourself right... so... so we can be better I can make myself right too... so we can be better, have it even better...cause that's what I want" he told her and she touched his face with her hand.

"And that's what I'd like too" she told him and kissed him this time. She backed up as he started out the door.

Natalie sat herself back down on her couch, the one they had made love on earlier, she closed her eyes and felt his warmth in her heart for a few minutes... she heard her phone ring and she went to answer it.

'Hello"

"Hey its John Mcbain... I'm sorry its so early, but, I was wondering if you didn't have plans tonight for dinner... if... you'd like to meet at Rodis' for a burger and fries?"

She smiled as she heard his words, his cute attempt to ask her out

"As friends?" she asked smiling,

"Of course" he said and she chuckled.

"Okay... what time John mcbain?"