A/N: I'm frustrated. I have exams all week and that's hard to concentrate on when all I want to do is write this story. All the things in my life will get figured out eventually might as well write when I feel something. I'll try and put more personal thoughts in. I didn't want a huge blow up fight. It's something that I have planned so stay tuned and never think that you know what is going on in this crazy head. Also, totally finished a book called Falling for Bentley (check it out) it was amazing. Super great read. Might have totally loved it because the main character's name is Haley. Anyways carry on.

"Don't" Peyton placed her hand in front of Haley.

Haley snapped her mouth shut.

I never wanted to be here in the first place let alone in this situation. I walked away I did my part. Peyton thought. "I need time. We can talk about this later. Right now I need to take a walk."

Haley nodded. "Okay. I'm sorry." I can't pretend like I didn't want her to come home. She never should have left. Haley smiled. "Take a walk, I'll make something to eat. Okay?"

Peyton nodded and grabbed her phone from her purse. She pulled her jacket on and left the house. She only knows one place to go. Why did they have to do this to me? I was doing just fine. I was accepting my life and now they want me to answer questions and pretend like this is a good thing. She deserved better, I gave her better and she threw it all away to come searching for parents who couldn't give her anything. Peyton was annoyed with her own thoughts. She slowed her pace as she drew closer to the river court.

She deserved better. She deserved to not have me as a mother. I can't be a mother. I barely had one how would I have ever figured it out. I wouldn't have been good at it. Peyton climbed onto the picnic table that sat next to the court. She could still remember the days they used to come here after school and mess around. Boys vs Girls. Peyton sighed. "Nothing ever stays the same. People always leave." Peyton said to herself.

"You left. No one here left. You left." Lucas said as he approached Peyton.

Peyton looked up. "What are you doing here?"

"Probably the same thing as you." Lucas closed the gap and took a seat next to Peyton. "You left Peyton."

"You left first." Peyton said back. She knew she sounded like a child but it was the truth.

"I may have chosen Brooke but for all I know you left the damn state Peyton." Lucas laced his fingers together and leaned forward on his knees resting his elbows.

"I left the town not the state." She said matter of factly.

"Then how did our daughter end up being raised in California?" Lucas tilted his head. He was intrigued to know the answer to this question.

"I met a nurse at the clinic, her sister was looking to adopt a child. She said they lived in California and She let me talk to them. I never met them but they were good people. When the baby was born a social worker took her and got on a plane. And thus California." Peyton unclasped her hands. "She had a good life. The nurse sent me a letter one time letting me know everything was well with them. I never replied. I didn't want to know."

"You didn't want to know how your child was?" Lucas said angrily.

"She wasn't mine. I didn't have any right." Peyton sighed and stood. "I walked away." Peyton turned to leave.

"Some things never change."

"What did you say to me?" Peyton turned around.

"You heard me." Lucas stood. "Some things never change."

Peyton placed her hands on her hips.

"You left here, you left her, and now your leaving me when the conversation is turning in a direction you don't like." Lucas pushed the issue. He was treading in deep water but he couldn't help it.

"You want to go there then fine. We hooked up, I betrayed my best friend Lucas. My BEST FRIEND." Peyton screamed. "I lost her because I wanted you and in the end she forgave you and you went right back to her. You never thought of me. You didn't look back you LEFT!" She was on the verge of tears. "I risked everything for you and I lost it all. My best friend, my dad, and you. It all went away so I left. I made a decision to not stick around and be resented and degraded because I made a mistake because I wanted you." She left a tear fall.

Lucas stared at her. "I didn't mean for it to happen it just did."

"You knew exactly what you were doing when we slept together. It wasn't like it was a one-time thing Lucas. It kept happening and when I couldn't take it and told Brooke you left me." Peyton sighed. "I wasn't going to be a second choice and I sure as hell am not going to be one now. If Callie wants to know you and let you be her dad that's great but I'm not her mother, I can't be a mother." Peyton let more tears fall. Callie doesn't deserve a mother who has no right being one. "Be the parent she needs but I can't."

"Fine, walk away. Again. Break her heart all over again." Lucas crossed his arms over his chest.

"It would break her heart more if I stayed and was a shitty parent. I won't give her false hope. I'm answering her questions and then I'm leaving… for good." Peyton turned and left the river court. I need a drink… a strong one. Peyton made her way over to Tric. She took a seat at the bar.

"What can I get you?" Chase asked. "Peyton."

"Strongest thing you've got." Peyton request. She put her head in her hands.

"Coming right up." Chase poured her a double shot of whiskey. "That bad of a day?"

Peyton looked up and tipped back the shot. "That bad of a life. I'll take another."

Chase obliged and poured another. "Anything you want to talk about?"

"Nope." She took the drink and placed it back down. "Another." I don't know how much more of this shit I can take. Chase did as he was asked and Peyton took the shot. "I'll take a long island iced tea… extra strong."

Chase groaned. This is not going to end well. "Peyton that's pretty much just alcohol."

"Exactly." Peyton waited patiently.

Chase obliged and then pulled his phone out. He texted Nathan You are going to want to come pick up Peyton later, she's drinking… heavily.

An hour later Nathan shows up and sees Peyton leaning against the bar. A guy was hitting on her. He stalked over to her. "Time to go home Peyton."

She groaned. "I don't want to."

"Yes, you do." Nathan put his arm around Peyton.

"She said no." The nameless guy says.

"Well you nor she have a say." Nathan growled at the guy. "She's leaving with me right now end of story." Nathan lifted Peyton over his shoulder and carried her out of the bar. When he placed her down outside of the car she pushed his chest.

"What the hell Nathan!" She screeched.

"No, what the hell Peyton." Nathan glared. "Shit gets hard so you hit the bar harder? Life that bad huh?"

"yeah Nathan it is. I have nothing. I don't need to be here." Peyton slurred.

"You have everything Peyton. Haley, Jamie, Lydia, Callie, and Me? Isn't that enough." Nathan was hurt that she thought she had no one.

"You aren't mine. I deserve to be alone. I ruined everything and now I have a kid that hates what I did and Brooke she'll never forgive me for what I did… and Lucas… my Lucas…" She trailed and swayed.

Nathan opened the door to his jeep and put Peyton in. What the hell… Seriously. How did it come to this? It seems like just yesterday I was doing the same thing with Lucas. Damnit. Nathan closed the door. Can't we all just get our shit together. Nathan wondered.