Ha. More scarce my ass.

Yeah, that's right! Ya' home-boy's back biatchez! Bizzoy!

...Remind me never to say that again.

Ah, Apollo Justice. Wocky Kitaki and his family were bloody great.

Anyway, have you guys read the newest Nisekoi chapter? It's 135, I believe. It's the weirdest thing, I hadn't even read the chapter before I'd started drafting Chapter 8 (yeah, I draft things WAY ahead of when they come out), and…

...Let's just say I love when things work out.

(EDIT: While I was putting the finishing touches on this, Chapter 136 came out. I wonder how far Komi-sensei's going to take this new arc…)

Yes, chapter 8 will be a kinda' filler-y chapter so I can take a break from the main plot. Because really, at the rate I'm going, I'll finish the entire damn series in less than a year.

So yeah, there'll be some spin-off original chapters, as well as completely original arcs with more fight scenes. Go nuts.

A note; this story will continue until the Nisekoi manga finishes. After which will be one final, completely original, badass, mother-fucking, over flowing with awesomeness, super-special awesome chocolatey fudge coated mega super arc!

YuGiOh Abridged reference aside, there's a new format. When it's just a change in perspective, I won't throw in all the dates, times, locations, etc. I'll only do that when it's necessary, like when the scene changes.

And I can't wait to write Marika! Or Haru! Or Mikage! Or Yui! Even Onodera's Mom! God, I love writing this!

Seriously though, Onodera's Mom is my favorite freaking character in the whole damn thing. She's awesome.

And here's the updated list of leitmotifs:

NarutoXTsugumi: Melancholic (Nano feat. Neko)

RakuXChitoge: A Kiss With a Fist (Florence & the Machine)

RakuXKosaki: Sooner (Andrew Allen)

RakuXMarika: You For Me (Terra Naomi)

RakuXYui: Geronimo (Sheppard)

RakuXHaru: Guessing (Against the Current)

ShuuXKyoko: Love Lost (The Temper Trap)

ShuuXRuri: Disgusting (Kesha)

AN: As for the chapter's title, it's the first part of the opening phrase to the gameplay video series "Steam Train". If you haven't watched the guys Grumping all over Steam, you're missing out!

Anyway, here's Chapter 6!


Japan

Bonyari High

Courtyard

June 3, 2014

10:13 A.M.

(Raku)


"Yo, honey. Mornin'."

Kirisaki looked up, "O-Oh! Good morning…"

It was the day of the school field trip. A day where the entire freshman population piles on a bus headed straight for the Himoku Forest. The school had an agreement with the administrators of a nearby lodging site that every year, the freshmen would use their housing during their trip. There were campsites, outdoor BBQ, and even an outdoor hot spring.

"S-Say, Darling…" she fidgeted, "D-Do you happen to know what group I'm in?"

"Hm? Oh right, you were asleep when we assigned groups yesterday."

I shoved our bags into the large compartment in the side of the bus, "Alright, so we have…"


1st Person - Tsubaki Konno: "Hey, Ichijou! Scoot over, will ya'?"

2nd Person - Chitoge Kirisaki: "Sh-She's right, darling! Not that I don't like being near you, but…"

3rd Person - Raku Ichijou: "HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGH!"

4th Person - Kosaki Onodera: "R-Ruri-chan! Quit pushing!"

5th Person - Ruri Miyamoto: "..."

I saw Shuu and Miyamura peeking over the backs of their seats, straight-up laughing at my situation.

Unfortunately, most of the other guys didn't share the sentiment. I'm sure that if looks could kill, I'd be seven feet under, twenty times over.

'You bastards planned this, didn't you!?'


(Naruto)


I yawned as Shuu and Toranosuke high-fived. Unfortunately, the former of the two managed to catch it.

6th Person - Shuu Maiko: "You seem tired, Naruto," he said, "Did Tsugumi keep you up last night?"

7th Person - Naruto Uzumaki: I deadpanned, "You do realize that if she were awake right now, she'd shoot you, right?"

8th Person - Seishirou Tsugumi: "(*Zzzzzzz*)"

9th Person - Toranosuke Miyamura: "Yeah, but she isn't," he said, flicking wax out of his ear, "Hey, you think she'll wake up if we grope her?"

"Yeah, definitely," I said, "Then she'll maul you like a rabid wolverine."

Most groups had only 6 or 7 members, yet we had a grand total of 9. Go figure.

"But seriously though…" Shuu said, "What'd you guys do last night? Did you take my advice?"

I quirked an eyebrow, "Whatever the two of us do behind closed doors is our business."

He grinned widely, "I'll take that as a yes."


I leaned back in my chair.

'Huh. Who knew Shuu's advice could be so…'

"Not perverted as fuck?" offered Kurama, "And here I thought I could get along with a mortal."

'Hey, you get along pretty well with me.'

"That's because it'd be inconvenient not to brat," he grumbled, "Don't forget that."

'Aw, I know you love me, you old fuzzbutt.'

"Love this," he shot back.

"I'm flipping you off right now, in case you can't see it."

'Yeah, I figured.'

I was about to turn my attention back to Shuu and the others before I was forcefully pulled into my mindscape. I fell flat on my back into the grass.

"Gah, shit! What the hell, man!?"

"Sorry," the demon uttered, not sounding apologetic in the least, "I forgot to tell you something rather important."

I sat up, rubbing the back of my head, "Important enough to pull me in here?"

"Well, it has to do with the possibility of failing your current mission," he said nonchalantly, "I'd consider that important."

I stood up, acknowledging that he was being serious, "Alright. What've you got for me?"

He grinned, claw/hand scratching at the fur under his seal-collar, "Well, after you muted me last night, I decided to go through some of your old memories. Specifically, those of your academy days."

I frowned, "Really? Why the hell would you do that?"

"Why do you humans watch movies?" he shot back, without any real irritation behind it, "Because you're bored and have nothing better to do than rot your brain watching something where you already know what'll happen."

"...Fair enough," I shrugged, "You were saying?"

"Right. Like I said, I skimmed through your academy days, and I found something rather interesting."

"Interesting how?"

"Well, for one, Kawamiri," he said simply, "When you swap two things of similar shape, there's no smoke cloud."

"Hm. So you're saying my Substitution could be more discreet?"

"Not only that…" he continued, "The cloud produced is laced with chakra. So, if you say, swap yourself with a log? Chakra is released, and you fail the mission."

My jaw dropped, "Shit, are you serious!?" I ran my hands through my hair, "Sonuva…"

"Oh, relax brat," he grumbled, slapping his 9 Tails against the earth, "You rarely used it during this mission, and the few times you did, you switched with an enemy," he chuckled lightly, "And the one time you didn't put your pants on right."

I growled softly as the beast chuckled some more, "When are you guys gonna' let that go? It was one time, and people make mistakes, okay?"

"Yeah, whatever brat," his deep voice bellowed, "Anyway, as long as you have the same vague shape, you're fine. But if say, you tried to switch a glass with a broken one, there'd be chakra vapor."

"...Good to know. Thanks," I said, calming down, "What else?"

"Well, did you know you could force a henge on someone?"

Hm. I hadn't.

"It's a delicate process, and your scar-faced sensei didn't go into much detail, but the basic concept is channeling your chakra in a layer around them, and perform it that way."

"Wow… that's pretty damn useful."

"Yeah, it is. But like I said, delicate process. You need to use a very small amount of chakra; just enough to coerce the person's chakra points into fueling the technique. Too much chakra, you'll give them chakra poisoning, too little, it won't work. It also works like a genjutsu; it can be dispelled by the expulsion of chakra from the subject's body," he said, "And as a genjutsu, you can't use it at the moment without failing your mission, so wait until afterward to start experimenting."

"Damn… I was kinda' looking forward to it."

"...I suppose if you really wanted to, you could create a seal that would imitate the effects of the technique, but doing so requires prior first-hand knowledge in performing it. Again, I recommend waiting until this mission ends until you mess around with it, unless you want it to blow up or something."

"Alright… is that everything?"

"Just a final reminder. Channelling chakra through a medium is fine, like chakra wires, kunai, or shuriken. Actual jutsu are off the table."

"Got it. Thanks Kurama."

The beast nodded, as I stood up, preparing to leave the mindscape-

"Hey wait. Why're you being so helpful? Normally, you'd just let me fail the mission for shits and giggles."

He looked almost amused, "Like I said, nothing better to do. Not to mention, if I did, you'd bitch about it for the rest of our miserable lives."

"...I'd put it a bit differently, but okay."

He gave a toothy grin, "Not to mention, if you failed, you'd have to leave, and you'd never see that Seishirou girl again. And like I said, I'll be damned if the Jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi-no-mother-fucking-Kitsune dies a virgin."

"AWP!?"

I sputtered nonsense, while the fox dispelled me with a wave of his hand.


"So how was it? How far did you two go?"

Apparently Miyamura was the far blunter of the duo.

I sighed, getting back into focus, "Well, it was exactly what you'd think. We ended up sleeping together afterward."

Their eyes widened and jaws dropped.

Wordlessly, expressions unchanging, they both offered me a high-five and a fist bump.

"Ah, you and your wording, brat," chuckled Kurama, "Never ceases to amuse me."

'Well, I'm glad to know you appreciate my sense of humor…' I thought back, dryly.


(Raku)


'O-Onodera… she's…'

Even my thoughts were incomprehensible at this point.

'Dammit! What do I do!? My heart's going a mile a minute! She's sitting right there! What if she can hear it!?'

As I thought that, her side pressed up against me, perfectly-sloped shoulder leading the charge. Flustered, I tried to lean away, only to be put in a less-than-comfortable position with Chitoge.

"H-Hey!" she whispered, "Scoot over, wouldja?"

Unfortunately, that position was about to get even less comfortable. The bus began to turn…

"Oops!" cried Miyamoto, "Darn that centrifugal force! Well, nothing we can do about it!"

"Yikes!"

"Eep!"

"Curve!"

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

I could just feel the jealousy rolling off the guys.

"I-I'm sorry, Ichijou-kun!"

"No! Nonononono, it's fine! Totally okay!"

"Oi! Darling! Get off me, wouldja!?"

She turned to face her longtime friend, face redder than a strawberry.

"Ruri-chan! What was that for?"

She said nothing, but grinned and winked. Shuu glanced back and did something similar with me, before the girl clocked him in the face with her shoe.

"Hey, Ichijou…" grumbled Konno, "Try not to lean so much next time?"

"S-Sorry...!"

"Another Curve!"

(*FWUMP*)

And I fell headfirst into her lap.

She glared, but said nothing.

"S-Sorry?"

She sighed, pushing me off, "Just be careful, alright?"

"Another Curve!"

(*WHUMP*)

Her eye twitched as I laughed nervously.


Himoku Forest

Campsites

2:17 P.M.


And so, about 40 curves later… we arrived.

'Geez… not like I didn't enjoy it, but…'

"So?" Shuu asked, grabbing his things, "How'd you enjoy the supreme drive I set up for you?"

I shrugged, "Overall, it was awesome," then I glared, "I still feel like slugging you."

I glanced over at Onodera, squeezing Miyamoto's nose for some reason as the shorter girl tried to put her shoe back on.


(Naruto)


"Okay, everyone, listen up!" called Kyoko, "Time to get into your groups—we're making curry at the camping area. The instructions are in your handouts. Have fun!"

"Haaaiii!" the class dispersed.

I saw Cross stiffen at the prospect of cooking with Chitoge and Kosaki.

"Onodera, Miyamoto, Miyamura, and Shuu! You three go and gather some wood!" he said, taking command, "Konno, you tend to the fire with Kirisaki. Tsugumi and Naruto, you're with me. Let's move people!"

We all nodded, and set off to do our assigned jobs. Cross had us start on the vegetables, while he went to help Chitoge.

"...Soo…" I started, moving on to the onions, "Shuu's idea for yesterday?"

As soon as the words left my mouth, her face lit up like a firecracker.

"W-What?"

"I'm surprised you didn't do more with it…" I shrugged, "Not that I didn't like it, of course, but I wouldn't object to you improving on it."

Impossibly, her face reddened further.

"Y-Y-You actually w-wanted to do that?"

I frowned, "Well yeah. Who wouldn't? I ended up staying up late anyway, might as well have made the most of it."

Alright, now her cheeks matched her eyes, and steam rolled from her ears.

"...Are you alright?" I asked, honestly confused, "You don't look well."

"I-I'm fine!" she said a bit forcefully, bringing her knife down on the onions.

"...Sure, whatever…" I shrugged, "I'm just saying, run stuff like that by me next time. Maybe it'd be better if we picked the movie before I actually showed up? Not that I'm not one for winging it, but still."

She whipped around.

"Wait… you think… Shuu's idea…"

That blush turned into a look of rage.

(*FWAAAAM*)

"GAAAAAAGH!"

And with that, I flew across the campsite at literal breakneck speeds.


Campsite: Storage

Moments Earlier

(Raku)


I walked over to the food crates, and grabbed a basket for vegetables to pass along to Naruto and Tsugumi. Rolling up my sleeves, I glanced over at my 'girlfriend', giggling about… something or other. I don't know; girls are weird.

'Wow… Kirisaki sure seems happy,' I thought to myself, 'Of course, she always gets excited when she's around her friends. She's totally having a ball over there...'

She rubbed her hands and put them near the fire, testing its warmth, "Nice! The fire's nice and hot…"

'...Hey, wait. I still haven't thanked her for fixing the pendant, huh…?' I realized, 'It had to be her too; there's a new link on it that doesn't match the others. Damn, I must've lost it when the chain broke.'

I tapped my chin in thought, 'This seems to happen a lot… Maybe I should ask Shuu if he could get a stronger one. Or maybe Naruto; he seems to have all kinds of super-enhanced-by-chakra stuff...'

She grabbed a metal pot (with her bare hands, might I add), and began pouring boiling water into it.

'On the other hand… she doesn't seem to want to talk about it. Otherwise she would've said something,' I figured, 'So should I just let this go?'

She shut off the tap, still talking with a few of her classmates before walking off with the hot water.

"Yikes! HotHotHot!"

(*KPLSHHH*)

"ACK! What the hell?!"

"Oh, sorry! Are you okay?"

"No, of course not! You just dumped a gallon of boiling water on my head!"

I carefully peeled off my soaking shirt, checking for any possible burns. Fortunately, I found none, though the skin felt a bit tender…

"Watch what your doing next time! Geez'..." I ran my hand through my hair to get the water out.

(*PING*)

"Huh?"

Something caught my eye; something metal. At least, that's what it looked like anyway. It was golden, with an odd shape at the top and a protrusion at the end… a key?

There was something scratching at the back of my mind; had I seen this thing before? Nah, that was crazy. What were the odds of that?

It caught the light of the sun, almost like it was glaring at me, daring me to remember. But what was there to remember? I'd never seen her wear it before…

(*KRSHH*)

We both looked over at the sound, where a set of legs were sticking out of the bushes. Eventually, the owner of said legs pushed himself out, nursing his jaw.

"Dammit that stings… good to know she hasn't lost her edge though," he muttered.

Chitoge frowned, "Naruto, what the hell are you doing? I thought you were with Tsugumi chopping vegetables?"

"Ah, this and that," he said simply, standing and brushing himself off, "Don't worry, I wasn't slacking off, if that's what you were worried about."

We both sweatdropped as he walked off, presumably back to his station.


Campsite: Woods

2:24 P.M.

(Ruri)


(*RSSL RSSL*)

"Yo."

I glanced over at the rustling leaves, where Miyamura emerged.

I sighed, annoyed. Frankly, at the moment I was a bit too tired to deal with their behavior right now. Nevertheless, I responded, "What do you want, Miyamura?"

"Ooh, straight to the point," he said, hands in pockets, "I like it."

I growled, as he looked to Kosaki,"Hey, do you mind helping out Shuu over there? Make sure he stays out of earshot too; I need to talk to her in private."

I raised an eyebrow, "If you think I'm letting Kosaki anywhere near that guy, you're crazy."

He shrugged, "Fine, she can stay; it's your choice. If you want her here for this, I won't stop you."

I glared, "What. Do. You. Want?"

"When do you plan on making your move?"

I paused, looking up from my current task, "...I beg your pardon?"

"You know. Your move on Shuu," he said, flicking some wax out of his ear, "You like him, don't you?"

I visibly recoiled, as Kosaki dropped her firewood in surprise.

"EEEEHH!? Ruri-chan, you like Maiko-kun!?"

"I-I most certainly do not!"

I clenched my fist, scowling at the boy. "And what ever gave you the idea that I did?"

"Well, you both are constantly pushing for your best friends to get together," he listed. "You're both obligatory megane characters, and you interact quite a bit, usually ending with you slugging him across the face," he said, "These are all the usual conditions for a blossoming relationship. That last one especially; classic Tsundere on your part."

"...Classic what?"

"Never mind. The point is, don't you think it's a bit hypocritical of you to push Kosaki here to make a move when you yourself don't?"

"...I'm not even going to dignify that with a response. In fact, I'm trying very hard right now not to slug you across the face," I growled, "Secondly, in what universe is my punching him the 'usual conditions of a blossoming relationship'?"

"In most of them," he said simply, "Geez', haven't you ever seen ToraDora?"

"Can't say I have," I muttered, "Look, if you're going to stand there spewing conjecture all day, you're wasting your time. There's no way I could ever like an animal like him."

"Whatever. Your loss, I guess," he shrugged, walking away, "I'll see you all at the campsite."

"...So is it true, Ruri-chan? Do you really like him that way?"

I scoffed, "Not in a million years. The day that happens, aliens will arrive, the dead will rise from their graves, and you'll finally confess to Ichijou."

"H-Hey! Ruri-chaaann~!"


(Miyamura)


"You didn't have to do that, you know."

I glanced up at Shuu, looking over at me with that odd face of his.

"You heard?"

"How could I not? You were pretty loud, and like my uncle always says, 'Keep your ear to the ground at all times.'"

I quirked a brow, "Is this the uncle who moved back to America? The one who taught you how to develop a network?"

"That's the one," he said, "Anyway, don't bother. I've set my sights on someone else. Someone with natural beauty… like a flower at the top of a mountain… just out of my reach…"

"...Right… whatever that means…" I murmured that last part to myself.

"Besides…" he said, walking out of the clearing, "I've given up on her. She's the flower beyond that flower. She's too good for me."

I sighed, "...Bullshit…"


Himoku Lodging: Room

3:02 P.M.

(Raku)


"Wooww~! So this is where we're staying?"

And so, after a meal of delicious curry and rice (courtesy of Naruto, Tsugumi, and I), the group made its way over to our room. There was a divider between the bedroom and the living area; the girls would probably take the former, leaving us guys stuck with the latter.

"This place is really nice! The school really went all out on this one!" he gushed, "I can't believe the girls will be sleeping on the other side of this skimpy partition! I'm so glad I picked this school!"

I reached into my pack, pulling out my things, "Well, at least you're honest…"

"Alright Maiko-kun," Miyamoto spoke, "Would you rather sleep on the veranda or in the hall?"

"Eh!? I can't sleep inside!?"

'Wow… We're sharing a suite with the girls. Makes me kinda nervous...'

I said nothing as the girls discussed their plans to visit the hot springs later. Instead, I began to unpack.

Meanwhile, Miyamoto dumped all her stuff out onto the dresser. A knife, mace, a net, grenades, duct tape, tazer, mouse trap, rope, grenades, a bow an arrow…

"R-Ruri-chan, what's all this for?"

"Fighting off perverts," she said simply. We all sweatdropped.

'Hmm… I thought Kirisaki was acting weird earlier… more klutzy than usual, perhaps?' I thought, 'Nah… must be my imagination.'

"Oookay, so now what? We have some free time… Wanna' play cards?" Shuu asked, "Let's make it interesting— the loser suffers a penalty!"

Miyamoto narrowed her eyes, already suspicious, "Penalty...how exactly?"

"The loser has to reveal her three siz—"

In a flash, she was at his side, hand on his shoulder, exuding an aura that promised death should he continue.

"S-Sorry. That was a joke," he said calmly, "How about the color of her underwe—"

(*BLAAM*)

"What she thinks are her sexual poi—"

(*WHAAMM*)

"Where she washes first in the showe—"

(*BAKRAAAMM*)

Beside me, Miyamura gave his friend a look. Of course, I didn't think much of it at the time, but later, I'd learned what it meant:

"Pushing her away isn't going to fix anything."


? ? ? P.M.

(Naruto)


And so here I was, playing a game of 'Old Maid' to decide who would end up spilling the beans on their first crush. Of course, that story in particular was something I'd like to take to my grave.

So, I decided to cheat. A lot. By making use of Kurama's advice and Kawamiri'ing the shit out everything. So, whenever I got a joker, and Tsubaki reached for a card, I'd slip it to her.

...What? Not like I was alone in cheating. I saw Shuu slide a couple cards down his sleeves when he thought no one was looking, and I saw Tsugumi making use of a few of Johnson's special brand of sleight-of-hand tricks. It was clear that nobody in particular wanted to divulge that particular tidbit of information.

...Which made it all the better as one by one we were eliminated. The only two left were:

"H-Here I come darling!"

He nodded, "Go for it."

Everyone's favorite couple…

The final play; it was so close… the loser was—!

"HEEEY!" the doors flew open to reveal Kyoko, "You're all super late! Dinner started half an hour ago! Hurry up and get downstairs!"

"Ah shit! C'mon Raku!"

"Oh, right!"

As the others vacated the room, I caught Raku glancing at his card before tossing it over his shoulder.

"You're lucky…" he said, revealing that she'd taken the joker.


Himoku Lodging: Halls

7:45 P.M.

(Raku)


"So should we hit the hot spring?"

I looked to Shuu, who'd just spoken, "I hope you're not planning on peeping. Kirisaki, Tsugumi, Miyamoto… they'll gouge your eyes out if they find you."

"Oh please! I think I have a little more class than that..." he said, with that '83' expression, "Besides, girls and boys are scheduled to use the baths at different times...for now."

"Hey, Ichijou!" Kyoko peered from around the corner, "You have a call down at the front desk!"

"A call huh?" Shuu said, "Well, I'll see you later then! I'm going on ahead!"

Naruto reached into his pocket, for his wallet, "I'll head down with you then. They've got vending machines in the lobby, right?"

I nodded, as we walked down the stairs.

'A phone call? Who could it be?' I wondered, 'Maybe it's just Ryuu and the guys wanting to check up on me...'


(*KCHAK*)

I saw Naruto walk up, a Coke in his hand, as he tossed me some tea. "So what's up? Who was it?"

"There was no one there. Strange…"

He shrugged, "Maybe it was just a mix up. Come on, let's get moving; the others are probably waiting."

We pushed past the curtain to the boys' changing room.


Himoku Lodging: Hot Spring

7:52 P.M.


"Ah crap. Looks like we're the last ones," I muttered.

A couple meters away, Naruto shook his head. "No, we're not. It's weird; I can sense their presences right now, like they're really close, but I don't see any of 'em…"

"Maybe they're hiding out on the far side, waiting to scare us or something. Wouldn't put it past them," I said, stretching out, "But there's really nothing like soaking in a hot spring. The water's nice and steamy; it's like heaven!"

"You kidding? That all-you-can-eat ramen buffet this place has, now that's heaven!" he said, shaking water out of his hair, "I'm heading back for fifths later; wanna' come?"

I raised an eyebrow, "No thanks. After this, I'm hitting the sack. Today was just one damn thing after another; I'm way too tired to put up with any more crazy shit…"

"YAHOOO!"

(*KA-SPLOOSH*)

Our conversation was cut short, as someone jumped right into it. Literally. There was a tremendous splash as they dived right into the water.

"Hey! What's the big idea?!" I shouted, "Swimming's not allowed in the hot spring!"

"Oops! I'm sorr—!"

"Huh?"

"Eh?"

Standing there, in all her naked glory… was Chitoge.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

"WHAT'RE YOU DOING HERE!?"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! This is the men's bath!"

(*KLONK*)

She brought up a wooden bucket and bashed me over the head with it as we argued.

"This is the women's bath, you idiot! (*KLONK*)"

"D-Don't be ridiculous! (*KLONK*) GAH! W-We saw the curtain on the way in!"

"Eh? 'We'...?"

It was then she finally took notice of her bodyguard, standing in the steamy water fully nude.

Her face flushed redder than her ribbon, "Na...N-N-Naruto! What's going on here!?"

He put a hand over his face, and tossed her a towel, allowing her to preserve her modesty...somewhat. "That's what I'd like to know. The curtain at the entrance said this was the men's bath."

"!... I think I get it now," she said lowly, "This is Claude's doing."

"W-What!? Megane's here!?" I cried.

"...Wait," I realized, "Why did you believe Naruto and not me?"

She glared, "Unlike you, I actually trust him. He's not a pervy mutt like you!"

"H-Hey! Who're you calling perverted! That's Shuu's thing!" I roared indignantly, "And Naruto and I are in the exact same situation here! Why am I perverted and he's not!?"

"EEK!"

She threw the bucket at me, "Don't look this way! I'll fucking murder you!"

"Ack! Sorry!" I moved to stand, "C'mon Naruto, let's get going! Before the other girls get here!"

"Yeah! Right!"

(*SHFF*)

"Wooow! This place is huge!"

"!"

And at that moment…

...I knew I was fucked.


(Chitoge)


(*KRSPLRRSH!*)

I shoved Raku's head under my foot, keeping him out of view, as Kosaki and the others made their way in.

"Oh, Chitoge-chan! You're in the water already? That was quick!"

"Umm… yeah! I just couldn't resist! Hehe…"

The brown-haired girl looked around, "...Wasn't there someone else here just now? I thought I saw someone…"

"Ahah….well, um…"

'Ah! That's right! Where'd Naruto...go?"

(*SPLLSH*)

A busty red-haired woman walked out from behind a nearby rock, crossing her arms.

"What? Are you just gonna' stare at me all night?" she asked, "Or are we gonna' get Cross the fuck outta' dodge?"

"N-Naru—mmph!?"

She put her hand over my mouth, "Not so loud! Tsugumi might hear!" her face fell, "And she'd flippin' kill me…"

I pulled her hand away, "Alright, alright, I got it, geez'... How are you even doing that?"

She struck a pose, left hand on her jutted hip, other on her neck as she winked. "It's an old technique of mine for combatting perverts. I call it the 'Ninja Centerfold', or the 'Sexy Jutsu'."

I frowned, "A technique? So it's an illusion?"

"Well, no. The one I based it off of was fake yeah, but this is a legit shapeshift."

(*BOI-YOING*)

I felt her ample bosom, "Wow… This is pretty convincing actually."

She swatted my hand away. "You can fondle all you want later," she said, making me blush upon remembering who exactly it was, "Right now, we need to get Cross— hey, is he okay down there?"

I looked down at him, where bubbles were starting to form, "Oh, crap!"

I put the bucket down on the water, allowing him to finally resurface.

"Sweet Jesus you two!" he grumbled, "I almost died!"

"And you'll probably suffer a fate worse than death if you don't get out of here," Naruto shot back, "I can't send you over the wall; Tsugumi will definitely catch it. You're gonna' have to find another way through."

"Hey!" called Kosaki, "Who's that with you? And what're you whispering about!"

"O-Oh! Everyone, this is—"

"Kushina."

"—Kushina!"


(Naruto/Kushina)


"Are you serious, brat?" the demon growled, "Of all the fucking people to transform into, you chose her?"

'Hey, in my defense,' I thought back in her voice, "Tsugumi's seen most of the girls I know already, through pictures, henge, or whatever. This was one of the only one's she doesn't know; it was either this, Tsunade (oh, hell no.), Shizune-nee-chan, or...her…'

"As much as I find it amusing that you find it more acceptable to turn into your mother rather than your ex-girlfriend…" he muttered. "This form brings back plenty of bad memories for me. I was stuck in her body for almost 30 years, you know. Just hearing her voice again…" he shivered.

'Not like I'm particularly happy with the situation either, Kurama…' I grumbled, 'And besides, I only copied her face and hair. The rest of it's just normal 'Naruko'."

"Still fucking weird," he muttered, "Though in retrospect, she was fairly attractive, at least by human standards."

'...Did you just call my mother hot?'

"Oh sure, and that's disturbing to you."


I saw the bucket beginning to move. I see… so Cross was going for the service entrance.

"Hey," I whispered to Chitoge, "I'm gonna' go cover him. Keep the girls occupied!"

She nodded waving them over, "H-Hey! Look up there! A tanuki!"

(*fsssh*)

He began to rise out of the water…

(*FWWP*)

"Well, well! This place is actually pretty big!" came a familiar voice.

"Whoa, sensei! Nice curves!"

"Heheh… wanna' cop a feel?"

'Shit...' I swore, 'He's really in for it now, isn't he...'

"Hey, why not Hiraishin?" asked Kurama.

'I didn't set up any seals around here yet...' I cursed myself, 'And if I throw any kunai, Tsugumi'll catch me for sure!'

I watched as Cross' pail moved to the back of the bath; seemed like he was gonna' wait it out. I made sure to stick with him, keeping him out of sight.

"Hm? What's this, Tsugumi?" said Kyoko, "For someone who always dresses like a boy, you've got a damn fine body!"

"H-Huh?"

The girls began to crowd her:

"Ooh, can I feel?"

"Your bust is huge!"

"How do you keep your skin so smooth?!"

I heard a small noise from within my mind.

'Huh. I didn't know Bijuu could get nosebleeds.'

"Shut it, brat," he grunted, "Not my fault your mate is such a bombshell."

'M-Mate?!'

Suddenly, my danger senses kicked me into gear. I brought my hand up and caught a flying shampoo bottle.

"Yikes… be careful where you throw these things!" I said.

Across the water, I saw Tsugumi, standing up straight from her earlier throwing position.

"That was a nice catch…" she said, "Who were you again?"

"K-Kushina! Kushina Namikaze!"

'Ah crap…' I thought worriedly, 'Shouldn't have caught that… Now she's suspicious!'

She waded through the bath, making her way over. Meanwhile, I was actually doing a great job keeping my eyes above the shoulders.

"DAMMIT NARUTO!" the kitsune roared, "Look down at least! You can get away with it this time, and I'll make sure to burn it into your mind! Eidetic memory, remember!"

'No use buddy...' I thought back, 'I think I'm busted anyway...'

She finally reached me, leaning over to my ear and whispering:

"Naruto… what the hell are you doing?"

I looked at her seriously, "There is a completely logical explanation for why I'm here."

She blinked, and sighed. "...Fine, I believe you. But you owe me a full explanation later."

She walked back toward the others, before turning back and hissed:

"And nothing perverted! Or I swear to god, I won't cook you ramen for a month!"

I did a small salute, "Message received."

She nodded and walked back.

"Geez'..." I heard Cross say behind me, "Why do they all trust you so much?"

I shrugged, "I dunno', maybe they've just known me longer."

My eyes began to make their way down at Tsugumi's retreating back, "Now c'mon. Let's find a way out of this mess."


(Tsugumi)


'Honestly...that guy...' I shook my head, 'I've known him for the longest time, and I still have no idea what goes on in that head of his.'

At the moment, the girls were pressing him about who s/he was, what s/he did for a living, and what s/he did to get a bust so large. And she was actually doing a great job of not letting her eyes stray; he didn't even look down once. That probably took quite a bit of discipline.

Meanwhile, their attention turned to Ojou:

"So tell us Kirisaki… how far have you gone with Ichijou?"

"EH!? H-How far? What do you mean?"

"You know what we mean!"

"We all know you've been dating for a while now…"

"So… you should've done quite a bit by now~!"

I was about to step in and stop them from pestering her, when:

"Hey! What about Tsugumi! How far'd you go with your boyfriend?"

Cue two simultaneous spit-takes from Kushina and I.

"Wh-What!?"

Kushina looked to me, "S-So, you have a boyfriend, Tsugumi-san? What's he like?"

I glowered at her, "I do not. He's just my roommate."

At that, she straightened, realizing that the girls were referring to her.

...Damn, he's slow.


(Naruto/Kushina)


While the girls were going on and on about who knows what, I was channeling chakra into the water. Doing so allowed me to sense every little detail of the small displacements in the water, from the positions of the rocks, to the girls' bodies (something Kurama would probably never let me forget).

Finding what I was looking for, I made a small pointing motion behind my back to Cross, who evidently caught it. His bucket began to move again; I'd found a hole in the wall below the surface, probably there to let the water flow freely between the two baths.

Meanwhile, Tsugumi was desperate to divert their attention, "E-Enough about us! I wonder what kind of guy Onodera's crushing on!"

The pail stopped moving.

'God dammit Cross!' I mentally growled, 'This is not the fucking time to troll for gossip!'

And so, Kosaki ran across the bath, stopping…

...right in front of the hole.

I facepalmed, 'Welp… That plan's fucked.'

"Hey, at least he gets some enjoyment out of it," muttered the kitsune, "Unlike you. You're such a prude."

I raised a mental eyebrow, 'So I'm a prude for not shamelessly perving on women?'

"Come onnnn…" he whined like a child, "Just one little peek! It couldn't hurt!"

'Yes it could! Physically!' I thought, referring to Tsugumi or Miyamoto, 'And that thing about Cross? Kinda' gross, by the way.'

He shrugged… or rather, a fox's equivalent to it, "I'm just saying, if he walked into a wall right now, he wouldn't break his nose. Catch my drift?"

'You're a moron.'

"Says the moron."

'Shut up.'

As that was going on, Chitoge moved to pull Kosaki out of the way…

...only for her to fall on him.

"Eh? I think I felt on something soft…"

"P-Probably your imagination! Here, c'mo— WAAH!"

Then she slipped and fell…

...right onto Cross' ass.

'Well, if this isn't prime blackmail material, I don't know what is.'


(*BLSSH*)

"R-Raku?" I heard Shuu say, "What the hell were you doing?"

"J-Just a bit of underwater swimming…"

I breathed a sigh of relief. Time to get going…

"Well…" I stretched out, "It's been fun ladies! But, I've gotta' hit the hay. My bus is heading out first thing tomorrow."

"Ah, bye Kushina-san!"

"Have a safe trip!"

"Wait!" Tsugumi called, wading over, "I'll walk down with you."

"A-Ah! Alright then!"


So, it was fine.

It took a lengthy explanation and the promise of a massage or two (which she decided to hold in reserve), but everything was cleared up now. She walked off to bed with Kosaki and Ruri, and I set up futon for me and the others.

A few minutes later, Shuu walked down from the showers, his hair still wet.

"Hey man, I didn't see you in the bath. Where were you?"

I shrugged, "I was definitely there. You just didn't see me."

He blinked and nodded slowly, probably a little suspicious now.

...Meh. Whatever.

We clicked the lights off, as did the girls.

Cross showed up a little while afterward, followed by Chitoge. I assume they'd went to talk about what'd just happened.

"And Raku!" Shuu called, "What the heck were you doing holding your breath for so long? We must've been there for ten minutes!"

"M-Maybe I was training to become a swimmer?" he offered shakily, "I dunno', just drop it."

He narrowed his eyes slightly.

"You guys are acting weird..." he muttered, "But anywho!"

He pointed at the screen, raising his eyebrow in question.

"Screw that..." Cross muttered, "I'm tired. I'm sleeping."

"I'm with Cross," I grunted, stretching a bit, before wrapping myself in a blanket, "You're on your own, buddy."

Miyamura shrugged, "I'm up for it."

They both walked up and slowly slid it open...

...revealing a waiting Ruri, who promptly poked their eyes out.

A couple seconds later, they were both hog-tied and strung up on the balcony.

I smirked.

"Hmph. Amateurs."


Yeah, yeah, I'm an asshole.

Least I didn't kiss one! OOHH SNAP!

In all seriousness, update rate will be a bit slower than it was during the summer. Thought I'd let you all know.

So yeah, during the chapter I developed Miyamura and Tsubaki a bit, Raku got to see exactly how developed Kosaki was, and Shuu and Ruri's story has been kickstarted by Miyamura. Joy to the world.

Sorry if that Kushina bit made anyone feel uncomfortable. I have a couple buddies who wanted to see her in the fic.

...And 'see her' they did.

It was actually pretty hard (no pun intended) to write this chapter without feeling like a fucking pervert, but hey, I got through it (pun intended). I tried to keep it as 'T' as possible, but since it's Nisekoi...

Ah, whatever. I'll see you all before September is out, okay?

'Til Then!

-Objection234 (Akane Sasu Sora on YouTube)