Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar or the musical The Music Man by Meredith Willson.

Author's Note: I don't think this will be the best one of the collection, but it's kind of funny and merits a raise in the rating to T, though it's still fairly mild. I've seen Jun's beast spelled as Shirshu or Xirxiu. I don't know which is the official version, so I picked the one I haven't yet been criticized for.

Sadder But Wiser Girl

No wide-eyed, eager, wholesome, innocent Sunday schoolteacher for me.
That kinda girl spins webs no spider ever—

Listen boy, a girl who trades on all that purity
Merely wants to trade my independence for her security.

General Iroh, Dragon of the West, had been married once. He had, in fact, done all of the proper things expected of someone in his position: served in the military, married a girl from the right family, raised a son. It was funny, he thought, how life could change dramatically. He had lost his wife and son to death and retired from the Fire Nation army. In many ways, he felt like he had been trying to redefine his identity over the last few years.

In any case, Iroh didn't really object to marriage; it was a fine institution, generally speaking. However, he rather felt that he'd "been there, done that." Traveling around with his nephew, though burdened with its own responsibilities, nonetheless provided him with some…romantic freedom.

Iroh was aware that Zuko was completely appalled by Iroh's current taste in women. Of course, Iroh had difficulty discovering what Zuko's tastes were because he never showed the least interest. Iroh was very worried about this. He remembered what he'd been like at sixteen, and Zuko's single-mindedness in pursuing the Avatar was clearly not normal.

The only affirmative she will file
Refers to walking down the aisle.
No golden, glorious, gleaming pristine goddess – no, sir!
For no Diana do I play faun,
I can tell you that right now.

Jun was a prime example of Iroh's new perspective, and of his disagreement with his nephew.

"We're going to see Jun again?" Iroh asked eagerly when Zuko indicated his intention to search her out. "Wonderful!"

"It's strictly business," Zuko snapped. "I don't understand what you see in her. She's so…so…"

"Intriguing? Capable?"

"I was going to say 'scary,'" finished Zuko dryly.

"To each his own," replied Iroh mildly.

I snarl, I hiss; how can ignorance be compared to bliss?
I spark, I fizz for the lady who knows what time it is.
I cheer, I rave for the virtue I'm too late to save –
The sadder but wiser girl for me.

The pair of firebenders found the bounty hunter in a gambling hall, doing quite well. Zuko immediately accosted her, demanding her services in return for the damage done to their ship.

Iroh, however, saw that threats would be to no avail on this woman. His regard for her did not diminish in the least while Jun and Zuko exchanged words. Iroh offered gold, knowing that was the only way to really get her attention. He laughed appreciatively when she countered his offer, requesting his weight in gold rather than her own. A wise decision, indeed, and it was clear that Jun was a woman who knew what she wanted and knew how to get it. Both shrewd and beautiful, she was the whole package.

No bright-eyed, blushing, breathless, baby-doll baby, not for me.
That kinda child ties knots no sailor ever knew.
I prefer to take a chance on a more adult romance.
No dewy young miss who keeps resisting,
All the time she keeps insisting!

At the same time, Iroh had no illusions. He knew he was at least twice Jun's age, overweight, and far removed from any claim to attractiveness he might once have had. Jun probably had no interest in him at all. Still, Iroh retained a certain charm that often succeeded where looks and youth might have before.

Riding on the back of the Shirshu, Iroh had ample opportunity to observe Jun from behind, despite the rather bumpy ride. Zuko caught him at this.

"You can't be serious," he muttered, so as not to be overheard.

"I once valued purity," Iroh told him by way of explanation. "That's a young man's prerogative. Now that I've been settled down and married, I prefer to look for something a little more…exciting and more mature."

"She's just helping me find the Avatar," Zuko murmured. "I have no other interest in her."

"You might not," Iroh quipped. Zuko blinked at his uncle a couple of times.

"I'm not hearing this," the young man declared, turning his attention completely to the road before them.

No wide-eyed, innocent, wholesome female, no sir!
Why she's the fisherman, I'm the fish, you see – plop!
I flinch, I shy when the lass with the delicate air goes by.
I smile, I grin when the gal with a touch of sin walks in.

As it turned out, the Avatar found them rather than the other way around. Admittedly, Zuko helped this along by securing the Avatar's two Water Tribe friends. In a very clever move, these friends managed to spill several jars of perfume during the ensuing fight, effectively blinding Jun's Shirshu and making it lash out in panic with its paralyzing tongue.

Zuko fell to the tongue, and Jun was struck by it shortly thereafter. Iroh instictively rushed to her aid, providing a soft landing for her when they fell to the ground together. Iroh rested there contentedly. He might pay for it later, but he had approximately an hour to enjoy the feeling of her body on top of him, and he intended to do just that.

It was worth it.

I hope, and I pray for a Hester to win just one more "A"
The sadder but wiser girl's the girl for me!
The sadder but wiser girl for me.

--

Member of the Boomeraang Squad: charleegirl, Jesus.Lives, Liselle129, Avatarwolf, Strix Moonwing, MormonMaiden, libowiekitty, and honorary member SnakeEyes16.

Author's Note: Literary notes, for those who might not be familiar: Diana was the virgin goddess of the moon in Greek mythology, and Hester refers to Hester Prynne, the main character of Nathanial Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter, who had to wear a red "A" as punishment for committing adultery.

Review responses:

MormonMaiden: I think Song can handle a lot, and I really hope we get to see her again in the series.

SnakeEyes16: Yes! I need to see Song again!

Nuclear Kitty: I'd say Zuko has shown both vulnerability and variability. Seeing him all happy at the beginning of the finale was actually kind of creepy.

Kumori Doragon: It's okay that your review wasn't long – thanks for writing one!

Kimbalynn616: I just figured he didn't have much choice, given his new position. He sort of had to show up with all of the trappings of power. My own interpretation. Yeah, I love the barbershop songs.

Snows Of Yester-Year: Um, yeah. That's the way I saw it, if I'm reading your review correctly. I'm currently rehearsing for an upcoming production of The Mikado, where I play Pitti-Sing. Here's my favorite line (sung): "When a man's afraid, a beautiful maid is a cheering sight to see, and it's oh, I'm glad that moment sad was soothed by sight of me."

UNDER-CITY WALLS: I think I already answered your question in another story. I really loved the name Boomeraang Squad, too. I thought it was a great suggestion!