The Dating Game

This is no way canon but works if Yellow Diamond is Peridot's Mom

Enter to a seventies style TV studio set. The walls are in bright colors with big blotchy shapes. On one wall are the words 'The Dating Game'. The studio audience cheers as the host enters.

Ronaldo: Welcome everybody to the dating game. I'm your host Ronaldo Fryman. Let's introduce the lucky bachelor Steven Universe and his family.

Steven waves nervously to the crowd while his family Greg his dad, Pearl, Amethyst and Garnet smile and wave playing up to the audience.

Ronaldo waves the group off set and two other people enter.

Ronaldo: Now let's meet our bachelorettes Peridot

Crowd boos and hisses

Ronaldo: and Connie

Crowd boos and hisses louder

Ronaldo: Okay let's go over the rules. You will be out of sight of Steven in specially designed booths. You are to answer the questions posed by the bachelor Steven Universe and his family. You will not answer any questions regarding, age, occupation, name and species. When all the questions are answered Steven will choose his date and you will be off in a date at an undisclosed location. (whispering to the audience) mask island. Are you ready?

Connie: Yes

Peridot: Affirmative

Steven: This is a question for both bachelorettes. What are your interests and hobbies?

Connie: I like sword fighting, going on missions, doing magic stuff and Steven.

Peridot: I like building giant robots, fixing things and travel.

Pearl: This is a question for both bachelorettes. Where do you see yourself in 200 years' time?

Connie: Dead

Peridot: I see myself running a small practice in an isolated colony at the outskirts of the Gem Matrix.

Garnet: Pearl that wasn't a fair question. Now a question for both bachelorettes where do you see yourselves in 20 years' time?

Connie: I see myself fighting by Steven's side in the great gem war to come.

Peridot: I see myself as the attending physician on a cruise ship.

Amethyst: Okay I've got a good one. This is a question for both bachelorettes. You are trapped in a desert island with Steven what do you want to take with you?

Connie: I have everything I need when I'm with Steven.

Amethyst: Really?

Connie: Okay my sword and a box of condoms.

Crowd goes eww!

Peridot: Well that was disturbing. You've haven't even reached puberty. As for my answer I would want my limb enhancers, my robiniods and a working cell phone.

Amethyst: I thought you didn't need your limb enhancers.

Peridot: I can do anything with my limb enhancers from welding to flying as well as constructing and powering a shelter.

Steven: This is for bachelorette number 1. What is it you like about the planet Earth?

Connie: Peridot finds nothing that she like about Earth she finds the people stupid and ugly. Their culture is crude and lowbrow.

Peridot: I'll speak for myself thank you. Well Steven I've mostly spent time either hiding from your gems or working on the drill. I haven't really had time to explore this planet or its culture in depth.

Steven: Surely there's something you like.

Peridot: Yes, you.

Stars light up in Steven's eyes.

Greg: This is for both bachelorettes. Money time and place are no object name your perfect date with Steven.

Connie (with stars in her eyes) Well first we'd go on a mission. We'd fuse to become Stevionne.

Connies' mother calls out no way young lady.

Connie: We would fight and kill a monster after which we'd go out for pizza.

Peridot: My perfect involves no endangerment whatsoever. I'd take Steven to a music festival on Feldspar 6. Then we'd swim in the photon sea. After washing away the smell we would head to our luxury hotel room, fuse and watch a musical.

Steven: this is for bachelorette number 2. What's your favorite food?

Connie: I like anything when I'm with you.

Steven: Your favorite book? Both girls this time.

Connie: The Unfamiliar familiar series

Peridot: Treatment methods of low grade Corruption and Chipping by Ruby 26239-447

Greg: Both bachelorettes what is Steven's biggest fault?

Connie: Nothing Steven is perfect

Peridot: His ukulele the way he insist on playing it all the time.

Garnet: This is for both bachelorettes. Yellow Diamond is coming to Earth to start a war how would you protect Steven and the planet Earth?

Connie: I'd train even harder than before. I'd be at the ready to fight with Steven by his side.

Peridot: I'd take Steven to Homeworld and introduce him to my Matron.

Greg: For both bachelorettes this time. If you couldn't see Steven anymore what would you do?

Connie:(tears up and starts crying) I don't know what I'd do.

Peridot: assuming I'm still trapped here date Connie.

Greg: okay why?

Peridot: Well humans I find just look wrong but Connie looks like an obsidian. She knows gem culture and how to fight also she doesn't smell like garbage the way Amethyst does.

Amethyst: (Runs away crying)

Peridot: I'm just saying Amethyst may have cleaned up her room but she is in sore need of a sanitary immersion.

Greg: Name one thing you would change about the planet Earth both bachelorettes.

Connie: Everything on Earth is perfect. All life is sacred and everywhere is beautiful

Peridot: While this planet has many problems. The one glaring thing I would change is to extend the lifespan of a human being to about 500 years.

Steven: Bachelorette 1 What is it that you miss most about your home?

Peridot: I could really use a cup of hot Jalla.

Greg: Okay both bachelorettes this time Steven has eaten all your cookies or drank all your jalla. What do you do?

Connie: Everything of mine is his. I wouldn't get mad.

Peridot: I'd take him to the hospital and get his stomach pumped. Jalla is toxic to humans.

Greg: And if it wasn't.

Peridot: That would learn him not to drink all my jalla.

Greg: This is for Bachelorette number 2. What is your favorite-

Connie: Steven

Greg: What are plans for the future?

Connie: Steven

Greg: Your career?

Connie: Steven

Garnet: Enough let's ask the important question here both bachelorettes. You and Steven have been captured and sent before Yellow Diamond. Act out what you would do?

Connie: (Swinging her sword). You think you've won Yellow Diamond well you've not. You cannot break us our love is too strong. You can kill our family, make the world burn but we still won't give up. Because we believe in love and freedom.

Peridot: (Waves her hand) Hi Matron. This is Steven I've been dating him since I got captured by the Crystal Gems and forced to work on their drill. I sent a distress signal almost a year ago. I know you're busy running the matrix but seriously where the hells have you been?

(There is an uncomfortable silence in the room)

Ronaldo: Okay that's all the questions for today. Let's ask bachelor Steven his choice.

Greg: We chose bachelorette 2. She's human.

Steven: I'm not a kid anymore. Let me decide for myself.

Greg: Steven you're 14

Pearl: For 6 years in a row

Amethyst: (Turns into a helicopter) Actually I've got a better idea. Let's take Steven and Peridot to Mask Island right now. Kids get in!

Inside the Amethyst chopper

Peridot:(Turns to Steven): So who would you choose.

Steven: Not Connie

Peridot smiles

Moments later the couple are on a sandy beach staring at Amethysts retreating form.

Peridot clearly miffed: She just destroyed the warp pad. We're trapped here, we have no equipment or provisions. What do we do?

Steven waggles his eyebrows: Oh I know a game we could play and it doesn't need that much equipment.

A few weeks later the couple are in grass skirts. Peridot is wearing Steven's T-shirt. Both are sitting on the sand playing go with black and white stones.

Times passes. A giant warship in the shape of a big face lands on the beach of mask island. The mouth opens and out pops Amethyst tied up with a group of soldiers and a clearly irate Yellow Diamond.

Amethyst: I told you we kept them safe. Here's where they are.

Enter Steven and Peridot looking much older. Peridot is holding a baby to her breast. Yellow Diamond's jaw drops.

Peridot: Hello Yellow Diamond. This is Steven my paramour. I started seeing him after I got captured by the Crystal Gems which was over 2 years ago. I realize you were busy but seriously where the hells have you been?