The Dating Game Part 2

We are back at the 70's style TV studio set. Same bright colors and décor however there is one small difference as they are armed gems standing near the audience.

Ronaldo: Welcome to the dating game. I'm your host Ronaldo Fryman. It's been 4 years since we had our last show and our benevolent overlords have agreed to another show after rescuing Steven and Peridot from Mask Island. We have our bachelor Steven.

Steven is in the studio. The crowd claps and cheers. Stevenhas grown is looking much older about 18. He is about 61/2 feet tall and muscular. He has a ratty beard and is wearing a grass skirt. Beside are what remains of his family a tied up Amethyst, a cowed Greg, a broken Pearl and an irate looking Yellow Diamond.

Steven: At least you could have gotten us dressed.

Ronaldo: And we have our 3 bachelorettes. Bachelorette #1 is Lapis Lazuli a powerful water elemental who was a member of the late Blue Diamond's court.

As Lapis enters the crowd claps and cheers.

Ronaldo: Then we have bachelorette #2 Connie Maheswaran. Connie is 17-year-old high school student. She is an accomplished violinist, leads the cheerleading squad, gets straight A's and has a scholarship to Princeton.

Connie enters a beautiful confident girl who soon loses her confidence as the crowd boos and hisses.

Ronaldo: I hate her too but she digs Steven and finally we have bachelorette #3. Peridot is a single teenaged mother recently rescued after spending 4 years on a deserted island.

The crowd politely claps as Peridot in a tatty T shirt and a grass skirt enters. She is looking much older as well about 18 too. She is 51/2 feet tall and looking quite curvy. In her arms she is holding a small baby who looks like Steven.

Peridot: Whoa you are really trying to put me down aren't you and for the record Steven and did marry on Mask Island.

Ronaldo: Sorry marriages performed by melons don't count. The rules are much the same as last time. Steven and his family will ask questions to the three bachelorettes. They will not answer any questions regarding name, age, species or profession. Now here is the vital difference after all the questions are asked, you the viewer, will get to vote who will get to go to another date. This time another island Manhattan in New York City.

The crowd cheers.

Ronaldo: Cherish it viewers this is now one of the few times we get to vote now due to the generosity of Yellow Diamond. Okay girls are you ready.

The bachelorettes nod.

Ronaldo: Steven are you ready?

Steven:(laughs nervously) Ready as I'll ever be.

Greg: I have a question for the bachelorettes you've won the contest. Tell me what you would do in Manhattan.

Lapis Lazuli: I would fly up to the Empire State Building, then I would look at the Statue of Liberty using my wings and then I would fly to Staten Island.

Steven: You sure are fond of flying.

Lapis Lazuli: Hey why waste perfectly good money on bus fare. Then I would go see the MOMA art Gallery.

Connie: Well first I would- (due to explicit content this portion of the dialogue has been censored)

Greg: Wow and to think I liked you over Peridot. That was really disturbing. Now onto Peridot.

Peridot is nursing her baby.

Ronaldo: Ma'am you can't do that here this is a family show.

Peridot: Yet it's okay for Connie to say those things on television. She isn't even legally an adult yet.

Ronaldo: There's a two-minute delay in viewing. We're censoring that.

Peridot: Then censor this, you hypocrite. Okay first off we would go down to Baby Gap and get little Jaundice some clothes. Speaking of which can you turn down the air conditioning? The baby's cold. Then we would buy some clothes for ourselves, check into a hotel have a quick shower and then I would let Steven take the lead and have him show me the sights.

Yellow Diamond's lips quiver.

Yellow Diamond: You named the baby after me? That's so sweet.

Peridot: See Steven, I told you naming the naming the baby Jaundice was a good idea.

Amethyst: Now it's Pearl turn

We focus on a broken Pearl. It does nothing.

Steven: I'll fix that.

Steven kisses Pearl's gemstone. The gem heals and Pearl emerges looking very confused.

Pearl: What happened?

Steven: Well you fought a war with Yellow Diamond and lost. Now the Earth is under the heel of the gem authority and people have lost all rights and freedoms. Also Amethyst marooned Peridot and I on Mask Island for our safety and together we had a baby girl.

Pearl: (Gem cracks again) You and Peridot had a child. Nooo!

Amethyst: Okay my turn now. A question for all the bachelorettes now. You and Steven are trapped on a desert island what would you do?

Lapis: Oh I would just fly Steven out on my water wings.

Amethyst: Now imagine that you've lost your water powers.

Lapis:(curls up on floor) Lost my powers no not that.

Amethyst: Okay that's Lapis out for the count. Now to you Connie.

Connie: Well Steven I would give you all my love.

Steven: What do you mean by that?

Connie's dialogue is censored due to mature content.

Amethyst: Whoa my ears are burning. You really would need condoms. Okay now you Peridot.

Peridot: Really?

Amethyst: Yeah really.

Peridot: Okay first I would first attempt to escape the island. After that failed I would help Steven seek food and water and I don't know conceive and bear his child.

Steven: My turn we have just got married what would you do? Clean answers this time.

Lapis: I would entertain you with my many, many tricks.

Lapis warps and morphs the water in the glass into various shapes. Then she flies around the studio showing off.

Connie: I would be your loyal and devoted knight. I would slay all our enemies and protect you with my sword forever and always my liege.

Peridot: I would be up all night signing up all the correct paperwork. Dotting every I and crossing every T.

Steven: And why would that be?

Peridot: Because I want our marriage to last and not be ignored through some legal loophole.

Crowd goes aww.

Peridot: Then in two words Conch Diving.

Steven splutters the water he is drinking and blushes.

Steven: Okay final question what have you been doing for the last 4 years. First Peridot, then Connie and finally Lapis Lazuli.

Peridot: Well Steven I assume this is for the audience's sake. I have been living with you for the past 4 years and although conditions have been harsh and unbelievably primitive these have been the happiest 4 years of my life.

Steven: Now you Connie beat that.

Connie: I have been training constantly waiting for you to return my love. I never lost faith and still want to be with you despite all that happened with that slut Peridot.

Steven: You say that despite what you've just said on television. Okay what did you do during the invasion?

Connie: Well the military was totally unprepared. We were defeated in a matter of days. I waited for you all this time hoping you would come back. Hoping you would save us.

Steven: What about the Crystal gems?

Connie: Oh forget about them you are the one that matters.

Steven: Lovely, okay Lapis Lazuli tell me what you did.

Lapis: Well honestly I thought the gems had killed you so I set about avenging you.

Steven: What do you mean?

Lapis: I may have told Yellow Diamond about the Crystal Gems' defenses and the military capabilities of Earth.

Crowds goes silent

Ronaldo: We have some fresh info from Tumblr. They see nothing wrong in what you did. You're forgiven. Okay now the votes are coming in let's see who's going to Manhattan. I don't believe it the results are in so soon and the winners are Lapis Lazuli and Peridot.

Crowd cheers loudly.

Peridot: Why in the name of the Goddess would anyone think we're compatible? You haven't even seen Lapis speak a civil word to me.

Ronaldo: I guess people think you look good together.

Peridot leaves her chair holding her baby. She stands in front of Lapis Lazuli who looks her up and down.

Lapis: Well this might be okay. You don't look so bad without your limb enhancers. Lose the brat and then we can go on our date.

Peridot's fist snakes out and she punches Lapis on the jaw. The punch is so hard Lapis instantly poofs.

Peridot: Steven let's leave this place. It's full of idiots.

Steven starts to get up while Greg tries to stop him.

Greg: Steven she's an inhuman monster.

Steven: Dad she is the mother of my child. I'm also an adult now. I will be with whoever I want. Nobody tells me what to do.

Peridot runs over and kisses Steven.