Thank you for your reviews thus far! I've had some of you ask that I continue, and here is another chapter. I don't know if it's too sappy, but I just went with what felt right. Still debating about writing on surgery. This could be a semi-decent two-shot. Regardless, thank you all for taking the time to read and comment!
I open the refrigerator door and pull out a bottle of wine. I turn to reach for the corkscrew when I realize that I am not supposed to be drinking wine at the moment and return the bottle to its original place. I reach for a bottle of water with a heavy sigh.
I'd come straight home after my doctor appointment. I couldn't deal with work anymore and I needed time to regroup. The doctor had asked if she needed to call anyone and while I immediately thought of Jane, I couldn't bring myself to say her name just then. It wasn't until I was nearly home that I got an incoming message from Jane asking me where I was. I texted her after I'd stopped the car and told her that I'd gone home because I was tired. It wasn't a lie; I just couldn't deal with the diagnosis and how to tell her yet. I asked if she wanted to come over for dinner, figuring I would have enough time to think of what and how I wanted to say it. She said she would be off a little late but that she would bring pizza. I don't know how long I sat on the sofa, reading article after article on subdural hematomas and surgical intervention when I heard the door. I quickly closed my iPad and put it away as Jane's familiar boot click got closer.
"I'm starving! Tell me how I managed to forget I hadn't eaten lunch?" Jane set the pizza box down and immediately reached into the fridge for one of her beers. She turned to me as she unscrewed the top off and took a drink. "How are you feeling?"
A heavy sigh.
Jane set her beer down, her eyes staring into mine. Her forehead creased and she looked worried. She didn't miss a beat. Hadn't she just told me a few days ago that a heavy sigh was a tell tale sign coming from me? She rushed over to me and sat by my side. She took my right hand in between hers while still trying to gauge the situation.
"Maura, what's wrong? Did it get worse? I went to the morgue earlier today and Kent told me that you'd gone out again. Did you go to the hospital?"
"Yes, I was at the hospital earlier," I confirmed.
I feel the scar on her hand against my knuckles as she tenderly begins to rub circles on my palm. It's a small gesture that isn't meant to take my attention away. It's comforting. Nice.
"What did the doctor say?" She asks as she maintains eye contact and continues her ministrations.
Her voice is raspier than usual. I hear the worry in her tone. I'm afraid.
"The doctor performed a repeat CT scan today." She gives me a questioning look. "I've been forgetting things and the headaches have not completely gone away."
"You told me you were better, Maur," Jane replied, a bit of hurt in her voice.
"I know; I didn't want to needlessly worry you," I replied.
"But there is something to be worried about." It's not a question.
My breath hitches and it takes all my willpower to hold my tears at bay as I slowly nod. She gives me a minute as I try to compose myself. I try to take deep breaths and calm down once more. Releasing one last breath, I gather my composure before replying. "The doctor says the results show a larger subdural hematoma than initially diagnosed."
She closes her eyes for a moment as she takes the information in. "What does that mean?" she asks.
"It means that this is not something that is going to go away on its own and that I need a surgical procedure done," I say as I try to keep my composure.
"Brain surgery?" she rasps.
I nod. A few seconds pass. "I've been doing research and it isn't too long of a procedure. From what I've read it is a fairly routine surgery, especially one for the best neurosurgeons in the country."
"There's something you're not telling me," Jane states. "If it were a simple procedure you wouldn't be this unhinged."
That breaks my resolve and tears start rolling down my cheeks. "What if I lose everything Jane? What if I forget everything? My knowledge, my life," I manage to stop myself before yelling "you".
Jane closes the small gap between us and hugs my body to hers. She hugs me strongly yet gently, with her left hand resting on the back of my head.
"Listen to me Maura," she says clearly. She holds my face in her hands. "I don't know what this surgery means exactly. I don't know what complications can come from it, what can happen to you. But one thing I do know is that you're not in this alone, do you hear me? I can tell you right now that if I could switch places with you to take your pain and worry away, I would, but I can't. All I can promise you is that I'm going to be here, every step of the way. I promise you that I will do everything that is in my power so that you come out of this just like you were before. I know this is scary. I'm scared. I'm so scared just to think that I could lose you. I will do everything in my power to have you be the same Maura Isles you've always been. I love you Maur."
She hugs me to her again and holds me in place as she tries to calm us both. I don't know what this intervention is going to bring me, us, but I feel Jane's love, and that's all I need to know that I will be ok.
