Rose awoke feeling more rested and peaceful than she had in months. She hadn't really tried to fall asleep but feeling the Doctor's fatigue upon her she coupled with her previous sleepless night had led her there quickly after him. She was glad now that she hadn't resisted; she felt incredibly good from having rested. She didn't know how long she had been asleep but it didn't even matter because she could feel it had been good sleep. She knew that had everything to do with the warm body that was lying next to her.
She smiled before she even opened her eyes. It wasn't a dream; it was real. For the first time in a long time, waking up didn't make her sad. For the first time in a long time she wasn't waking alone. Even further proof of that were the lips that touched just briefly on her smiling ones.
She was surprised by the greeting kiss, brief but so comfortable it was like it had always been normal for them even though it had never been normal for them. Physical affection had yet to be a very common occurrence in their relationship outside of their bonding and the Doctor still wasn't the expert. But as she opened her eyes and looked at him smiling at her she would have never thought it had ever been a difficult area for him.
She sighed. "Well, you sure are good at that Mr.-I'm-a-Time-Lord-and-we-deny-ourselves-physical-affection" she teased.
"Weeellll I was always a rebel."
She smiled and reached a hand up to his head and ran it through his hair, happily tempting herself. Her fingers tingled with energy and her mind felt a stirring and anticipation she hadn't felt since she'd been parted from him.
But she was upset to feel that his mind did not respond to hers. As much as she felt right now she should feel even more being this close to him again after such a long absence. She should also feel his mind reaching out to hers; it should be reacting just to having her so near again even without the provocation of her fingers in his hair. She was so close to his mind but she felt nothing from it. It was clear that he couldn't feel her mentally. It was alarming and confirmed her fear that there would be lasting damage from what happened to him.
She tried her best not to get worried or jump to any conclusions. She pulled her hand back and smiled at him. "Did you sleep well?" she asked.
"Yes. Very well."
"I can't believe that I slept longer than you."
"Just by a few minutes."
"How do you feel?" she asked, propping her head up with one hand to look at him.
"I feel better, physically. Still much weaker than usual and much weaker than I would like. My mind feel like it's been through the ringer but I'm definitely on the mend."
Worry nagged at Rose over the state of his mind and how immobile it felt against her own. "I just can't believe this has happened to you," she said shaking her head and feeling sad as she really thought about it again. "To think that someone could hurt you in this way…I just can't understand it."
"Mental communication and touch can be very good things. But they can also be very bad things at times, if in the wrong person's power," he said sadly. "I'm sorry to say that it does happen."
She knew it to be true. Even once she'd glimpsed into the Doctor's darkest past and saw it to be true of him. But her experience with it had only been good. It had brought beauty and happiness into her life and it pained her to think that someone could use it for harm. She knew the power of it and knew that it could be intoxicating but she couldn't imagine doing what this person had done.
"I wish I'd been here. I wish I could have done something sooner." She wondered if she had gotten here sooner if she could have prevented him from suffering so much damage.
"You saved me. Rose, I'm alive because of you. You don't need to feel guilty for anything."
"I just can't believe this happened to you," she said again, still not believing that it had happened. "Why would someone want to do this to you?"
"Greed. Selfishness. Whoever this thief is, he's after information and he doesn't care about the life he destroys to get it. He had several victims on this planet alone before he got to me. I was just another source of knowledge to him."
"I'm so glad that I was able to get back and be here."
"Me too," he said quietly and suddenly he felt very unhappy.
"You look sad. Why?" she asked in concern, wondering what could be the cause of his sudden change of attitude.
"Rose," he said gently looking at her seriously. He took her hand in his own and held it.
"What?" she asked feeling worried at his sudden grave tone.
"Your mum," he said simply.
She broke her eyes away from his and looked down. She could feel where this was going. "Yeah?" she asked.
He reached for her chin and pulled her face up to look at his. "Please talk to me."
She remembered what had happened to his mind and realized he probably couldn't feel her emotions as he was usually able to. She instantly felt guilty for trying to hide from him. She needed to say what she was feeling in order for him to know right now. She was just so hesitant to. Thinking about her mum made her sad and she didn't want to be sad right now. This was a happy time and she wanted it to stay happy.
"She's in the parallel universe and I'm here in this one," she said shrugging. She knew she was stating the obvious but she did not know what else to say.
"I know you're upset. It's alright to be."
Tears sprang to Rose's eyes. "Yeah...I'm upset," she admitted. "She's my mum and now I can't see her again."
"Are you sure you made the right decision?" the Doctor asked. There was pain in his eyes and she could feel the sympathy and uncertainty in him. He was hurting to see her sad and guilty to think he'd caused it. She hadn't wanted to talk about this right now because she had known that this would be his reaction. But it was nobody's fault; this was a hard situation and there wasn't any way she could have had everything back the way it had been before.
"Yes," she said with confidence, even though a tear fell down her face. "Without a doubt."
"I'm so sorry you had to leave her."
"I am sad. I love her. And I care very much for her and the others. I will miss them. I do miss them. But this is my universe and this is where I belong. I didn't belong there; I'm meant to be with you always."
There was a time when he would have felt guilty over the connection she now had to him. He would have blamed himself that they were forever joined together. She was so glad that those days seemed to be behind them. He understood now that this was what they both wanted and what was meant to be between them.
"I wish there was something that I could do to fix this for you."
"It will be alright," she said with confidence feeling like it really would. "And Mum is really happy there with Pete. In the past several months that I've been with her I have seen her happier than I ever have in my whole life. Pete makes her happy and Pete lives in the other universe. So, even though I'm really going to miss her, I'm willing to let her go so she can be that happy."
It was hard but she genuinely meant it. She knew there would be ups and there would be downs. She knew there would times she would accept the separation from her mum well and times she wouldn't handle it as well. But overall she knew that it was the best situation for them both; they may be separate but they were both now exactly where they belonged.
The Doctor smiled at her and seemed to take some relief in her words. "Besides," she said. "I wouldn't rule out the possibility that we'll see them all again. Impossible things have happened before."
He genuinely smiled at her this time taking in her full meaning. What they had between them, even this moment, had once been impossible. They'd both believed for a time that it would never happen again. Something told them both that there was a very real possibility that they would see Rose's family again.
The Doctor's face turned serious again and Rose felt the shift in his emotions. This time it was a pleasant one. She felt the passion and longing building inside of him and could see it reflected in his eyes. His thoughts were changing and though she could read not them at this moment she still had a very good idea of what they might be. These were thoughts and feelings meant for her and she ached to know them better.
"I need you, Rose," he said quietly but it was so full of passion. He paused and took the hand he held in his and pressed it against his head. "I need you in here," he whispered looking deep into her eyes.
Rose shivered in anticipation. Her body and mind shook with excitement at his words. It had been so long since she had heard him say those words to her. It was what he said when he needed the touch of her mind, when he needed to spend time in her head. He never held himself back in his requests for this; in other areas of his life he showed incredible restraint but not in this. He had always looked at her clearly and with intention and let his emotions be clear in his voice when he asked for this. It had always been this way ever since they realized they were bonded and now was no different.
She had wanted this for so long and with so much of her. So many times she had longed for this moment exactly and everything it meant. Right now, all those times seemed to pull into the core of her filling her with want. "I need that too," she whispered back.
Nothing made her want to stop; there was nothing more she wanted to do or needed so much than what he was suggesting at this moment. But she couldn't keep herself from being fully aware of his physical state. He still felt so exhausted physically; she could feel he wasn't completely rested and healed from his ordeal. His face still looked tired and still bore traces of what he had been through. "Are you sure you're strong enough for it?" she asked voicing these concerns.
"I will have to be," he said with a smile. "I can't stand to be without it for any longer."
He had struggled so much in the beginning with believing that he could be loved. It had taken him so long to accept that he was worthy of that and that it was alright to want this bond. But those doubts were gone now.
She was relieved by the confidence that she felt in him. As much as she knew they both wanted it, she also knew he was wise enough not to do anything that he was unable to. But he didn't feel that waiting was necessary right now. "No arguments from me," she said with a smile.
He took her hand, still in his and held it between them. He glanced down at them and she could feel things inside of him shifting once more. The desire and anticipation for her were still there but something else was beside it now. "I need you," he said again, this time more heavily. This time it carried with it a double meaning. "I need…you to help me."
She understood. Just as she had not been able to ignore his physical state, she couldn't ignore his mental one either. His mind was still there in front of her, unmoving. It was broken and damaged. Right now, they wouldn't be able to bond their minds like they usually did. His mind had been torn apart and the very life of it drained out. Something would have to be done before they could proceed.
"I can't feel anything," he confessed, a slight waiver in his voice. He still didn't meet her eyes but she could feel it all anyway. It was so difficult for him to say. It was humiliating for him, a Time Lord, to have to say. Telepathic strength and ability were so important to his species and so much a part of who they were. A disability in this area was a cause for shame and he felt it.
She reached her hand to his face. "You don't need to be ashamed of this, Doctor," she reassured. She wished that he wasn't at this moment unreachable or she would send him feelings of peace and acceptance to go along with her words.
"Oh," he said looking up at her, realization and embarrassment on his face. "You can feel that huh?" he asked smiling but it was an awkward one.
It had been so many months since they had been together he must have gotten used to keeping his emotions to himself. She couldn't say anything; she'd gotten very used to hiding hers as well. But that would never apply between the two of them and they would never want it to. "Of course I can," she said smiling. "You don't think I let myself get rusty while you were gone."
"I suppose not. It would be a critical error on my part to forget how incredibly skilled you are in this."
"You don't need to feel embarrassed of this," she whispered, trying again to put him at ease.
He looked down again. Words were still difficult for him as they always had been; it was still his worst way of expressing himself. Information he was great at conveying through words. His feelings through words were quite another story. "But I am," he admitted. "I can't do anything."
She knew it was a great blow to him to have his mind attacked and hindered. She burned with anger again to know that someone could do this to him. "I know," she said, empathizing with the loss he felt. "But it isn't your fault."
She reached her hand to the side of his head and brushed her fingers back and forth there. It was an action that should cause quite a stir in his mind. She felt the effects of it in her own but he felt nothing. There was no response from him in the action and no comfort he could gain from it.
"I can't feel you," he confessed and this was the most difficult of all for him confess. She felt how much he hated to say it; he felt he was letting her down. He felt like a failure.
"I know," she whispered, emotion heavy in her voice as she watched his struggle. "It's alright."
"No, it isn't," he said in frustration, looking at her again. "It's not alright. You're touching my head and I feel nothing. That isn't alright. I want to reach out to you. So many times since I lost you I felt it. It's not right that I don't feel it now. Especially now that you're right here..."
He reached out to her face and brushed her cheek with his hand, just staring at her longingly for a few moments. It wasn't right and it wasn't fair. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Someone had tried to steal the Doctor's mind and it belonged to her. She felt her anger grow. He belonged to her and someone had tried to steal him from her and though the Doctor had won the battle, he hadn't come out unscathed.
"It wasn't supposed to be like this," he said, mirroring her own thoughts even though he couldn't read them right now. "The first time I saw you again, I didn't want anything to get in the way of being with you completely. I wanted to give you everything."
This unknown enemy had stolen the reunion they had both pictured. She had also imagined what that first meeting would be like many times and none of them were anything like this. But while this thief had taken a great deal from Rose and the Doctor there was one thing he couldn't take from them.
"Doctor…you have already given me everything."
"How can you say that right now?"
"You're right next me aren't you?" she said, feeling a lump in her throat. "I mean…I can't believe you're here."
She leaned against the Doctor, burying her face against his chest. He soon wrapped his arms around her again and she took in the moment and simply being there with him. There was so much right now to be thankful for. She was in the Doctor's arms again and that was something she had feared many times would never happen again. Just being with him was the most valuable thing she could think of. She knew they both felt the loss of their mental connection but they still shared so much even without it.
He didn't speak for a few minutes, contenting himself with just holding her. Finally, he was the one to break the silence. "But I can't be with you the way I want to be," he whispered, worry plaguing him still. "I can't give you what you need right now."
She pulled back to look at him, her eyes locked on his. "They tore you up in inside." But then she paused and smiled up at him. "But don't worry. I'm going to fix it."
He looked at her, clearly surprised at her words. "Really?" he asked curiously.
"Yes," she said with confidence. This was her and the Doctor; they did not accept defeat. They did not give up. They hadn't lost hope when they'd been separated with little chance of being reunited again. She didn't play the victim and she had no intention of starting now. A thief might have gotten them into this but she was going to get them out of it.
"You really think you can do that?" he asked, a pleased smile spreading out on his face.
"Yes," she answered positively. Though she had never done something like this she found she did not doubt her ability to do it. The Doctor needed her help and so she would have to be strong enough to help him. His mind needed to be healed and she was the only one who could do it.
"And how will you do it?" he asked, clearly pleased at her confidence and eager to see where she was going with this.
"With my mind, of course. With my touch." Rose actually didn't know how she would do it but at the same time she didn't have any doubt that she would succeed. They had been separated from each for so long. They had been yearning for each other, for the touch and joining of their minds and she wasn't about to let this stand in the way. She felt herself more emboldened than perhaps she'd ever felt before.
"And you think that will do the trick?" he asked, feeling no doubt at all, his question only meant to tease her.
"Yes, I do. Looks like the Doctor needs a doctor," she said smiling at him slyly. "And I happened to be very qualified."
"Indeed you are," he said smiling fondly at her. She no longer doubted her abilities. For so long she hadn't been sure of what she could do but now she was certain that she could do this. He knew she never should have doubted herself; he'd always known how amazing she was. But now all of the insecurities and doubts she'd had about herself were gone.
The Doctor pushed the covers back and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Rose watched in concern as he stood up and made his way, rather wobbly, over to his clothes. He glanced back at her and caught her watching him a look of worry on her face. "I'm alright," he assured her.
"Are you sure you don't need some help?" she said with a serious face before it broke and she gave him a tongue in teeth smile.
"I'm sure," he said with a slightly embarrassed smile.
It was strange to see him redden at her question after everything they'd been through. She'd even once had to dress him when he'd been unconscious. But the Doctor had always been very modest and he was embarrassed so she would allow him some privacy. "Alright," she said turning her back to him. "But I'm not going anywhere."
"I didn't ask you to," he said a smile in his voice, teasing her.
After a few minutes she snuck a glance back at him just as he was buttoning up his shirt. He wasn't completely dressed but he was covered enough that she felt like she didn't have to hold herself back any longer. She got up and silently walked over to him. She took the tie out of his hands and reached up, tying it herself. He smiled down at her, as he allowed her to do it for him. She then moved to help him slip into his jacket. She lingered, taking her time as she did the buttons on his jacket and he watched her closely.
She ran the lapels of his jacket between her fingers a few times before letting her hands rest on his chest over his two hearts. "It's real this time," she said quietly with a sad smile. She was remembering the last time they'd been together like this, how it had felt real but they had still been separated.
He leaned his head forward and rested his forehead against hers. Her skin tingled at the point where his touched hers but only lightly. For a moment, she didn't feel the press for more. Right now the moment was perfect; it was enough. She closed her eyes, just focusing on him.
"I'm sorry I can't touch you," the Doctor eventually whispered, having pulled away from her slightly, enough to look at her.
"You will," she said without a doubt in her mind about it. She wasn't in a hurry. Every moment with him was a gift; every one was a second chance she thought she'd never have again. She wanted to savor each and every one for what it was and take every aspect of it in.
That being said, she still thrilled when he pulled back, reaching out and taking her hand in his. He smiled and arched a mischievous eyebrow at her as he led her to the door.
"Where are we going?" she asked.
"You'll see."
"What about Jack and Martha?"
"I don't think it's necessary to involve them in this," he said looking at her with a playful look on his face.
She laughed. "I sure hope not. I just meant, you think they'll be alright while we're gone?"
"They'll be fine. They both needed their rest after the past couple of days and even if they wake up there's more than enough to occupy them here."
"Aren't you worried about leaving Martha with Jack? You know...how he is and all."
"Nah," he said as they finally made it back to the control room. "Martha is a smart girl. She knows how to take care of herself."
The Doctor walked to the control panel and stopped in front of it. Rose looked around the room, taking in more of it now than she was able to earlier. She'd dreamed of this room, of the places it took her, of being by the Doctor's side while she stood in it. She stared at it all, hearing all of the quiet sounds in it, taking in all the little details of it; truly seeing it with new eyes.
The Doctor was watching her as she looked around. When she paused she looked at him and saw his serious expression.
"This moment belongs to us. We give almost all the others away. This piece of time and space is ours."
"I've never heard you say something like that." They had always made time alone to spend together, especially after they were bonded. It wasn't that it hadn't been very important to them. But it had still seemed to take a back seat to everything else; it was always done after the danger had passed. She felt almost guilty to want them to have their time together first especially when the villain was still loose out there but she did. And it was clear that he did too.
"Well, I have had a lot of time to think. I know what's most important now."
"I never doubted that you did."
"I know. It's just good to be reminded sometimes."
He set a course for them and Rose held onto his arm as he did, not wanting to allow even an inch between them. The Doctor didn't seem to mind and made the needed adjustments easily one handed. They were soon drifting through the vortex, just as they were meant to. Even Rose herself had underestimated how much she'd missed it. She hadn't realized just how confined and stir crazy she had felt being tied to the Earth for months until now when she was sailing in the stars again. This felt so right she wasn't sure how she had been able to stand such a long time grounded. She knew she hadn't always handled it with as much grace as she wanted but she had to give herself some credit just for not going mad from it.
Their journey was quite gentle and soon enough they arrived. "Where are we?" she asked enthusiastically. She had missed the high of the excitement and anticipation that came from asking that question. It had felt like so long since she had been able to ask it, since she'd been able to experience the mystery of not knowing what place or time was beyond those doors.
"It's a place I found when you were gone," he said as they walked slowly towards the doors. "It's an abandoned planet. Very peaceful. I would come here from time to time just to take comfort in the solitude."
The Doctor opened the door and before Rose was one of the most beautiful planets she'd ever set eyes on. The TARDIS was parked on a large and open field of grass. To the left of them was a forest of trees all coated in a deep purple color that completed the color scheme of the night sky above them. The sky was a mix of blue and a deep green and saturated with stars. It was incredibly calm and serene and she couldn't hear a single sound around them.
"It's beautiful," she remarked as they walked.
"I thought you would like it. I looked forward to bringing you here."
"It's such a shame that it's abandoned. Someone should get to enjoy it."
"Never fear about that. The inhabitants of this planet fled following an environmental disaster. In time the threat passed and the planet actually thrived in spite of it, producing the scene you see around you and making it even more beautiful than it was before. But in a couple of centuries the descendants of the original inhabitants will return and colonize it all again."
"Good. I'd hate to see a place like this wasted."
"It won't be wasted. But for right now we have it all to ourselves, giving us some much needed privacy," he said with a smile. Rose felt excitement shoot through her and her mind jump at the suggestion.
They walked a few hundred feet before she saw a structure in front of them. It appeared to be a glass building of some sort, maybe an old greenhouse, though it appeared smaller than greenhouses usually were. It was round with a domed roof on top and every surface was made of glass. It also seemed to be their destination as the Doctor lead her inside. It was overgrown with vegetation but not terribly so. There was greenery growing on parts of the walls and there were a few pieces missing glass from the ceiling but it was still beautiful. The glass was also surprisingly clear and provided them a good view of the night sky and scenery around them. Not that she thought they would spend too much time looking at it all.
"It seems you found a very nice secret place," she said with approval.
"It will do then?" he asked.
"Of course." They had a whole planet to themselves and this piece of time set aside for each other; of course it was perfect. "Though you know I would be with you anywhere," she added honestly.
"I know. I just wanted it to be extra special."
"It is."
It really was very special and she wanted to kiss him but she wasn't sure if she should. This was still so new to her. Even before they'd been separated this physical aspect hadn't been a part of their relationship. She wasn't sure how much he would want it to be or how much would be too much for him.
She was still debating to herself when the opportunity passed. The Doctor pulled away and reached for a blanket that he apparently had kept here. He unfolded it and laid it down on the ground. He reached for her hand again and pulled her with him as he sat down.
He reached his hands to the sides of her head and ran his fingers through her hair slowly. She took a deep breath and let out a long sigh. She was glad that she was sitting because her whole body went weak and she had to hold onto to his wrists just to keep herself upright. Delightful sensation ran throughout her entire body and her mind was now completely awake and ready for connection. This was only a greeting of everything that was to come and it was still so good. It was unfathomable to her that the Doctor was unable to feel this way right now and she was even more determined to set things right again.
She pushed him gently back to lie on the blanket. She smiled down at him. "You just relax now; you're in good hands."
She scooted in close to sit beside him. She felt a small tremble run through his body as he looked up at her but his mind was still silent. "I have no doubt of that," he said with a smile but it didn't reach his eyes.
The Doctor felt anxious as he looked up at her. She could feel it distinctly but it was still so strange that she couldn't hear his thoughts to explain why he was feeling that way. She knew that this would be different than when they normally came together. Normally, she would feel his anticipation as she prepared to enter his mind but neither of them knew what to expect exactly.
Maybe she should be more nervous about this too. But she just wasn't; she had to do this for him. She felt her own mind nudging her on, practically pushing her to hurry on with it.
She placed her hands at either side of his head. "You're sure you're ready for this?" she asked one final time.
"Yes," he answered positively. "Just be gentle with me."
"I promise. Please tell me if I hurt you or you need me to stop at any time."
"This is a turn around, huh?"
He was trying to play it off but she could tell that he was embarrassed by his position and this turn of events. She knew that he admired her strength and aptitude. She had always felt how impressed he'd been by her skill in telepathy. She knew his embarrassment didn't necessarily come from her being the stronger one at the moment. She knew that it had everything to do with his weakness and his lack of ability.
"Doctor, you have taught me everything that I know. I wouldn't be able to do any of this if it weren't for you. You are the reason that we even have this…so let me do this for you," she gently encouraged.
He sighed and she felt him relax considerably. "Alright," he said smiling genuinely at her. "But I will warn you; this is probably going to hurt."
"I can handle it if you can."
He smiled and she felt him wrap his arms around her waist. He closed his eyes and waited for her to begin. She closed her own eyes and took a deep breath. She pressed her fingers to each of his temples and through the connection pushed her mind inside of his head with intention.
