There had been a time when the intensity of the fire that burned in the Doctor's mind had been too much for Rose to endure. Once, she'd even been forced to ask him to calm it because it was too much. But she would never have to ask that again. Now, she could withstand the heat of his light no matter how bright it might burn. Even better, she even had her own to match it.
She hadn't been able to do this before and she was sure that their long absence was fueled the passion that was behind this new skill. Absence really did make the heart grow fonder; she just hadn't known it would make the mind so much stronger. That time apart had created such a longing in her that now she wasn't sure she could ever satisfy. The way it burned she wasn't sure she would be able to make up for it. But she sure was going to try.
She was glad that the Doctor didn't want her to calm it because right now she wasn't sure she could. She wondered how he had ever been able to extinguish the fire inside of him that time she'd asked him to. It proved to her just how strong he was that he had been able to manage it and how much he cared for her that he had been willing to do it. She was happy that she would never have to ask that of him again. She had worried she'd never be able to match him and that he would never be able to fully unleash his own fire on her but now she knew she'd been wrong. Now she was a match for him.
She let her light shine bright and consume him. The warmth of her spread to every part of him and banished every bit of coldness that was in him. It was so much of her and she had to give it to him. He was blinded and held captive by it. He had never seen her like this before. It had never bothered him that she couldn't match the fire he had in himself. He always knew he needed her gentleness. She kept him kind; she kept him in check. But there was definitely something to be said for passion. He had underestimated what it would feel like to have her desires actually leave their mark on him. It was something he'd not thought he'd see and it was something he did not know he'd enjoy so much.
My, my, he said simply, at a loss for words. She was so powerful and strong; she was as beautiful as ever but in a new way he'd never witnessed before.
Impressed? she asked.
You have no idea
Actually, I have a few, she said playfully.
This is even better than I remember
I dare say, Doctor, this is better than it's ever been
So, how about those ideas you were talking about? he asked teasing.
If you insist, she said with a smile. But first, I want to show you something else I learned since the last time we were together
Oh yeah? he asked curiously. What's that?
She pulled back from him and he instantly reached out seeking her. "Don't," he protested.
"Hold on," she said giving him a look of reassurance and feeling pleased inside with his obvious longing. "I want to show you something."
She removed herself completely from him, both physically and mentally, and he very reluctantly let her out of his hold. She scooted back only a couple of inches from him. She looked at him from her place across from him and reached out her hands to hover over him. She left them there clearly drawing attention to the space between the two of them and while none of her was touching him she reached out her mind to his.
She watched his face and waited for his reaction when he clearly felt her mind reach out and touch his while they were still physically separated. Surprise, she said, her mind continuing to brush against his.
She saw the look of astonishment on his face and watched as he quickly glanced at her, making sure she really was reaching across distance to him. Rose…when did this happen? he asked with a smile.
It amazed her still that there was anything that she could do to make a man like him, who had seen so much, surprised by anything she did, let alone this surprised. It happened by accident, sort of, she answered. When I walked into the TARDIS and I felt your presence for the first time my mind just leapt out at yours. I wasn't even trying to do it but it just happened
Will you ever stop surprising me with what you're capable of?
I certainly hope not
She knew that he was delighted at yet another new skill she'd gained. But he did have one important question he wanted to ask in light of this new information. Does this mean you'll want to stop doing it the human way?
Rose was glad she could reach across the distance now. There were times it would be nice to speak to him or to touch him when physically touching wouldn't be a possibility and she was glad to have this option for those times. But she knew that the Doctor had always felt that her need for physical touch was one of the positive elements she brought into the bond they shared. Though it had technically been a weakness on her part he had never seen it that way. He was glad she had brought the special aspect of physical touch to enhance their telepathic connection. It was clear he didn't want her to stop.
She may not have to touch to make it happen but she still needed it as much as she ever did. A lot of things may have changed but one that hadn't was that she was still very human. It made their experience even better and she had no intention of letting it go. Not a chance, she said with a tongue in teeth smile.
She reached her hands out to his head and dug her fingers deep into his hair. She raked her hands back and forth and up and down several times in his mess of hair scratching her nails against his scalp so hard they left marks on his skin. Good, he managed to weakly respond though how he managed to speak at all with the array of things going on inside of his mind she didn't know.
You think I would give up the chance of having this? she asked, smiling to herself as she listened to the things his mind was saying.
I'm glad we're on the same page
Surprising her, he reached out quickly and took her in his arms. She was still recovering from the quick action when he pulled her lips in his own. She had been startled in the sudden shift of movement but she did not hesitate now that they were here. She reached a hand up to wrap around the back of his head pressing his lips harder against hers as her mind delved deeper into his. He felt it and took encouragement from it. With every movement he made she could feel the passion and longing behind of them. He was full on, properly snogging her. She felt at the moment that she had been waiting her whole life for this. Each motion was full of purpose like he had been planning for this forever and she realized that this had been completely worth the wait.
This was the first kiss they'd shared while their minds were connected. Rose remembered the first time that her and the Doctor had shared a significant physical experience while their minds were joined. The first time they had really indulged in the two fully at the same time she had played with his hair and he had played with hers during the second time they had ever bonded. That experience had been so stimulating she couldn't even imagine how much the heat would increase as the methods of physical touch became more intense. That first experience had, in itself, been almost overwhelming at the time and ever since then Rose had always imagined that their first kiss while connected would be an experience beyond the description of words.
She had been right. The first kiss they had shared, when he had woken up had been quick and full of passion. This one was slow and full of yearning. This was a slow burn, meant to last a while and it stoked the fire within both of them. This was the kiss she had been waiting on for so long. She hadn't exactly known all along just how much she was waiting on but now she knew it was for this. They had been waiting so that they could experience the kiss fully, sharing it both physically and mentally; it was complete as their arms and minds wrapped tightly around each other, their faces and feelings pressed together.
She could now feel everything he felt as he kissed her. She didn't just get to feel her own pleasure at the experience; she also got to feel his as well. Being able to feel the experience for them both was nearly overwhelming but in the best way possible. Their minds shared a conversation that wasn't made in words and it was the best kind of discussion that was possible. It helped them share this fully and guided them perfectly. It was all so much and even better than anything else she had ever experienced that it didn't even seem right to call it a mere kiss.
They had been separated for so long and they hadn't been as physically affectionate before their parting as most human couples were. The combination of those things and all that waiting had made this kiss time-stopping and sure to be something neither of them would ever forget. He had always told her that the combination of the physical and mental could be overwhelming and that it needed to be worked up to. She always accepted that but it was only now that she could fully appreciate what he had been talking about. She could feel him laugh when she thought that this might have done her in if they had tried it any sooner when she'd not been as strong. It was kind of funny even though she was completely serious about it.
It was hard to believe that this was the same man who at one time had worried about having a physical relationship. He had been embarrassed about his fear of a physical relationship and his lack of skill in that area but she knew now that he needn't have worried at all. She had always thought the Doctor would be better at this than he gave himself credit for and she was right; what she felt from him now was nothing but skill. Every move he made was everything she could have wanted. Through the bond he read her desire and he predicted her own movements, moving with her in perfect harmony. She wouldn't have thought it possible but this was even better than she had ever dreamed of.
She felt her longing and yearning explode as she finally got this from him and yet it seemed to grow at the same time. She hadn't even realized how much she had wanted this experience with him until it all started pouring out of her. The fire inside of her burned again brighter and hotter than ever before, encouraged by the kiss they shared. It was now the perfect competition for the Doctor's which now rose up from within him and it was beautiful to see them challenging each other. He burned without any hindrance or holding back now that she was able to withstand it. Her fire grew to a level that even rivaled the level she had felt from him. She could tell he liked the challenge; she felt pleasure in the way that he moved to keep up with her.
It felt like he could keep this pace up forever. Maybe that was his intention. She could tell it surprised him; she could feel that he hadn't expected how much he would enjoy this. His race hadn't shared in physical contact nearly as much as humans did and he didn't know how much he desired it. Now that he was fully aware he was intent on taking full advantage of it. Rose smiled to feel it all and poured even more of herself into it. Maybe he hadn't been aware how much he was waiting on and saving himself up for but in this moment she was glad. They may have waited a long time to have this but it made it all the better now that it was here.
Rose had wondered so many times why the bond and their timing had warned against them having this sooner. When they'd been separated she had been angry that it had always put them off of kissing and kept them from ever having it. During that time apart she had wished they'd not listened and done it anyway, that they had had it while they still could. But now she could see that it was right all along. She was glad that this was the first kiss they'd shared this way. She was glad that they had this experience to share now after they had been separated for so long. Never before had their passion been so strong for each other and never before would this have been any better. It was a perfect reunion. It was like all along their bond knew that they would need this, for this time, to make up for the time they had been apart.
The heat of it both inside and out made Rose never want to stop. And with the time around them slowing down to let them linger in this special moment she wondered if maybe she wouldn't have to. But it was what was underneath the fire, the thing that fueled it that made her pause. Feeling the root of it all brought tears to her eyes and reminded her to breathe again. She stopped but left her face touching his, still feeling the burn from within at the places their faces touched.
Take it, Rose. Take it all. It all belongs to you anyway, he said.
He loved her, so much. She could see it, everywhere inside of him like she'd never seen before. It was woven all throughout him, spilling into every spot within him. Everywhere she could look inside of him she saw it. Ever since the first time their minds connected she'd seen that he had loved her but this was somehow different. This was something running out and requiring action on her part. She had always been able to see it and feel it but now she thought of more. She longed to reach out and catch it, to take it as he was suggesting. She wondered if she really could. It was in such an abundance, though she knew it wasn't too much for him, she wondered if there was still some she could take.
Ever since the beginning I've wanted to give it to you, he said pausing to smile. I never stood a chance against you
She reached out and ran herself through those feelings of love. They were soft and glowed and easily responded to her, running to her, meant for her. She felt herself twirling among them and she delighted in the way they swirled around her. It was amazing to watch it wind itself around her and press on her to be allowed to come in. She reached out and grabbed it and found that, though it was light, it did not retreat from her or fall out of her grasp. It remained there and she pulled it into herself.
Once before she had pulled on the Doctor's guilt to take it away from him. When she had pulled that out of him it had left him to stay in her; for the most part she carried it now. In a similar way, she now pulled on his affections for her, drawing them into herself. But it had a very different result than that previous experience. When she pulled this to take it into herself, it did not leave him as the guilt had done. She was pulling his love into her but the feelings grew so they could stay in him as well as her. It wasn't long before she realized she wasn't pulling at all anymore; his feelings were flowing into her effortlessly.
She thought to stop to allow him the same experience but he halted her from it. He was in no hurry and she couldn't say she minded being allowed to let her participate in this for a little while longer. He even encouraged it on so that she would be even less resistant to put up a fight. For all she had done for him he wanted to do this for her.
She could feel the gratitude in his hearts and the way it made those affections even stronger. She could feel how much this day had meant to him. He had gotten her back. She had saved his life, had healed his mind. They had restored their bond, touched minds again, shared memories, and burned with internal fire. He treasured every aspect of this day and every facet of their time spent together. It went beyond all gratefulness he felt he could express and she stood in awe of it all.
Suddenly, the Doctor let go of her and gently pushed away from her. It was so quick that Rose was taken off guard by it and opened her eyes to look at him questioningly as he stood up. Her mind sought his out for an explanation and she nearly cried when he even withdrew that from her. She hadn't been prepared and she was embarrassed when she whimpered at the sudden lack of his presence in her. It gave her a brief feeling of loss and sadness and she wasn't sure why he was doing it this way.
He realized his mistake and was quick to try and reassure her. He smiled at her and reached out to take her hands. Her head spun a little with disorientation as he helped her stand and he kept her hands in his own. He stared at her in front of him, quiet for a moment, just taking her in. Her suspense grew and she reached out her mind, tentatively, looking for his but found something she had never felt from him
There was a barrier around his mind. She couldn't hear what he was thinking or feel what he was feeling because he'd placed a wall between them to keep her out. It was so disconcerting to feel cut off from him and she wondered how she had ever been able to endure feeling like this. There had been a time when this had been the way things always were between them. Before the bond they hadn't been unable to feel or hear what the other was experiencing. She was glad those days were behind them and she had no idea why he would want to keep himself in and her out. But she remembered back to that time before their bonding. She had always trusted him even then when she couldn't read his intentions and she trusted him still. For some reason he wanted something to be a secret and she calmed herself to wait for him to reveal it.
"Rose Tyler," he said letting out a breath and smiling nervously at her. "My fantastic Rose."
His manner was so nervous and his words so reminiscent of his former self she couldn't help but smile. "That's me," she said, teasing him with a tongue in teeth smile. She was still anxious to know where this was all going.
Though she couldn't hear it she could see that his mind was full of thoughts. He looked at her with such affection, she was surprised by it and though she longed to hear what was beneath the surface she was content for the moment just focusing on the way he looked at her with warmth.
"I love you," he said quietly but full of emotion.
She was startled by his declaration and pressed her lips together as tears sprung to her eyes. The Doctor had finally said it. He had never said those words out loud to her before. This is what he'd wanted to be a surprise and she was surprised.
"I don't know why it took me so long to tell you that," he went on. "But I can tell you that I will never let another day of our existence pass without telling you that."
She smiled even as the tears were becoming more visible. "I knew it."
"I know. And I know that I have told you in other ways. But spoken words mean something too."
"Yes," she said nodding her head. "They do." They did have some amazing forms of communication between them but especially for her, human as she was, the words were still important.
"I shouldn't have kept them from you and I promise that I won't ever again.
"I'm not good at words," he admitted, then smiled. "Of course, you know that. I can tell you how much you've had an impact on my life but I'd fail miserably to express myself with words alone."
He reached out one of his hands to her and placed it on her face. The impression he left on her was so quick but it held so much. He meant to show her just how much she had changed his life and, finding that words were inadequate, he used this form of communication. Rose watched as their life together flashed quickly in her mind through his eyes.
She closed her eyes and watched as it all ran past her. She saw him as she first knew him. He was so different back then that it was hard to believe it was the same man but she remembered him. She felt him lonely, hurt, broken and closed off. She felt her come in. He opened up, he hated himself less, he found his way again, he knew his hearts again. She saw him falling in love with her. She saw it all. She saw his face change. She felt his doubt and insecurity around her come back. She saw him try to run away again. She felt him lonely again but in a different way even on that night that this began. She felt her steal that from him. She felt it all. Every day he was changed and every day he felt himself better than on the one before.
It was a beautiful story and he told it so well. Words really weren't his best mode of communication but this was different. She opened her eyes to look at him as he drew his hand back and took hers again in it. "I understand," she said breathless.
The Doctor paused and got down on one knee, his hands still holding tightly on to hers. Rose's eyes widened in wonder as she realized what was happening. "Doctor…what are you doing?" she asked even though she knew exactly what he was doing.
"I think this is the way humans do it," he said smiling and teasing before his face turned serious again. "Rose…you have changed my life completely. You've changed me. You've saved my life, my hearts. You have made me a better man than I could ever have hoped to become. You've already given me so much of yourself but I wonder if I could be so bold as to ask for more."
"Oh…Doctor," she exclaimed with a smile and openly crying now.
"Rose Tyler, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife, of being my bond mate, my companion for life?"
Tears covered her face but she laughed in happiness. "Yes. Doctor…yes! Of course."
He laughed himself and looked relieved, as if he had had a doubt that she might say yes.
"Doctor," she said squeezing his hands. She loved him so much; she couldn't believe how much. "I think every girl dreams of fairy tales and handsome princes. I know I did when I was little," she said shaking her head at those long ago childhood memories.
"But as I grew up, and got older…and life got harder," she said her voice cracking. She paused as she remembered the most difficult parts of her past. They were memories that the Doctor knew and carried part of with him as well. "I began to wonder if anyone would even love me. Forget princes…I forgot how to dream at all."
She smiled, forgetting a past that was dead and gone. "I certainly never would have thought to dream for a time traveling man from a different planet to come and whisk me away," she said laughing and he laughed with her. "But there you were. You gave me a chance when I had long ago given up on myself.
"This journey into the stars and into your mind has far exceeded any dreams I ever had and has satisfied all the desires of my heart. I don't know if I ever thanked you…but thank you for this amazing life."
"It has all been my pleasure," he said, emotion heavy in his voice.
"I love you too Doctor, so much."
"I love you."
"Kiss me," she requested. She no longer felt unsure asking him for that and he no longer felt nervous in obliging. He smiled at her as he stood and reached out his hands to take her face and mind as he kissed her.
