Chapter 19: Suicidal, Again

He stares at me; grinning madly, from ear to ear, "You think you're so quick!" I scream, jokingly, as he bolts away from me, "But I'll catch you in the end."

I laugh, gaily, and chase my new husband through the dark forest; the ground is brown and crackling with the fallen dead leaves of the oak trees. It is fall, and we have been married for nearly two months, "You cannot catch me!" he screams, and I begin to laugh again; trying to catch him-- but just as the laughter has subsided, the sun is gone from the sky-- as if the hand of a giant has simply plucked it out. I scream; enveloped in the new darkness of the evening; the cold black of night choking me. My husband disappears, and I begin to sprint; Why did I come here? I wonder; screaming his name, though I know he cannot hear me; Why did I come here...?

I hate it here now. Everything that I had loved about the place before the disappearance of my husband, I now hate. Everything is frightening now-- everything... I no longer remember the reason I came. There is no one to help me. No one at all.

"Run, run, as fast as you can... But you cannot escape me, for I am the death man," the voice comes suddenly from out of nowhere, and seemed to come from the skies; its speaker was invisible to me, and although I asked, I knew deep down who it was.

"Who are you?" I roar, as my bare feet begin to blister and bleed; I cry out in pain, knowing that more pain will come if I do not get out of the forest-- fast, but I do not know the way out. I don't remember how I came to be there; my memory is a total blur.

"Who am I...?" the voice asks, cackling, "I am everything... I am your death!"

And then, my running ceases, and I fall through a gaping hole, and into the earth; a snake waits at the bottom for me... I scream as it untangles itself upon seeing me, and begins to wrap its slimy body around me; choking me-- I am defenseless against its powers. As I breathe my last breath, I can distinctly see Jacqueline; standing just above the hole, laughing at me... Laughing at my pain, and throwing dirt upon me to bury my body-- corpse.

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I awoke from the dream; screaming for help, and then realizing that the dream wasn't a reality, the sound of my echoing voice bouncing off of the attic walls is cut off, and I shut up; not wanting to awaken the members of the household-- especially the man, for I could almost imagine his reaction at seeing me half-naked-- the way the eyes would widen... I shuddered, and lay back down, and soon fell asleep; dreaming my normal dreams of slitting my wrists-- or slitting Jacqueline's-- or the horrid family's to whom I owe my sickening "debt--" for there is no escape from them.

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The following morning, my hands trembling with excitement, I slowly opened my pack; remembering what was inside. The knife is just as I remember it; glittering and sharp... I hope to penetrate my hear with it. I touch its sharp blade, and I smile; knowing that my troubles will soon end forever.

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Later that afternoon, while cleaning out the fireplace for what seemed the millionth time, I found a small rag-doll hidden behind a few loose stones; the rag-doll's face is caked with soot, and is cracked; the little thing is broken, and her once blue dress is now fated, filthy, and torn... She looks like me, I realized; slipping the rag-doll into my dress-pocket to ensure that it is would not be confiscated.

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Days came with no improvement; one day-- although her parents wouldn't have believed me had I bothered to tell them, Jessica snuck out of the house late at night, and didn't return until early the next morning.

While I was making breakfast, she sauntered into the kitchen, with a smug look on her face as she saw me, "Where the hell were you?" I asked.

"None of your business, peasant," she spat, while I rolled my eyes.

"Isn't it beautiful?" she asked, suddenly flashing a huge gold ring in front of my eyes that looked like it was suited for a man, "I guess," I whispered, "Where'd you get it…?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "I think I found it."

Liar, I thought, You probably stole it from a jeweler's…

After having slipped it back into her pocket, she left the room, and disappeared upstairs.

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A day soon came when the wretched family that had practically enslaved me for so long decide to go into town. I am left a sprawling list of chores to keep myself busy while they are away; I laughed, when reading the list, and then rolled it up into a ball, and tossed it behind my shoulder, and into the fireplace. There would be no need to do chores now. Not ever again, actually.

I watched them from the attic-window as their carriage slowly pulled away from the mansion, and then I jumped out of my straw-bed; quickly finding the rag-doll and the knife (along with all of my other worldly possessions) hidden under a loose floorboard-- just where I had left them all night.

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I told the rag-doll my life story as I carefully stroked the silver knife that would end my life at last. I told the rag-doll my story, and although I knew that it was deprived of both ears and a tongue, I felt that it could somehow hear me. I told it everything; how my mother and father were murdered, how my stepmother tried to kill me… attempted… discovered… "But I won't allow her the satisfaction of seeing my dead body," I finished dramatically; my voice hardly louder than a whisper, "That's what the knife is for," I smiled to myself, I only hope it won't be too very painful... and then a second thought, But what could be more painful than this life?

And I raised the large knife; ready to plunge it into my heart; I said a quick prayer for God to save my soul-- if there was a God; after all, I would soon know it--or I would know nothing at all, and just then, a strong wind crashed through the window; shattering the glass. I dropped the knife to the floor, and screamed at the sight of who had entered my bedroom-- for I know that it is no plausible. Or possible.