Chapter 15

Katniss

We say goodbye casually, with smiles and a promise of tomorrow. I close the door behind me and move automatically, my head still reliving the day. I sit in the kitchen going over everything that happened today and drift away.

I wake up, as if from a dream and realize the house is in complete darkness. I don't know how much time it's been since we got back, but it's definitely late. I stand up. Everything hurts. I go upstairs and shower. I need to wake up early tomorrow to help Peeta. "Peeta" I say his name in my head.

I go to bed and close my eyes and all I see is his face. This day at the lake, the Hob, together…was a dream. "No!" I scream in my head. "It was real. This is real!"

Minutes, hours pass, I'm not really sure. I breathe in and out, toss and turn in bed helplessly. Sleep is simply not coming back, and I can't just take Peeta out of my head. I know how much I need him, how much I love him and still I keep holding back. I didn't think this would be so hard.

"What are you waiting for?" I ask myself. "What are you really waiting for?"

And the truth is I don't know. I don't know.

Life won't get any easier just because I keeping pushing it away, leaving it for tomorrow, giving it time. Love won't get any easier if I keep pushing it away.

"If you keep pushing Peeta away."

But I'm not. I'm not pushing him away, not anymore.

"What are you waiting for?"

I close my eyes, my heart beating faster. "Not for tomorrow." I say aloud and get out of bed.

I go out feeling as insane as the first time, but I have to do this. I notice the moonlight illuminating everything around me, showing me the path I have to take, because there's no way I'll make it until tomorrow.

The door is unlocked just like it always is, and I move carefully through the house finding the stairs once again. I go upstairs through the darkness, feeling the walls like I've done so many times at home, here. I can feel how my body is alive.

I stop, there's too much energy around, in the air. I can feel the blood running through my veins, my heart beating like a drum, my breaths windy and hard. I'm alive. Alive, when so many are not. I'm alive and I'm choosing to live my life now. Not the one I dream; the life I have because this life is real. Peeta is real.

I try to steady my breathing and keep moving.

The door is open and there's no light in the room, except from the moonlight coming through the window. It's enough to see Peeta's silhouette in bed, he's lying on his side.

I get closer. The bottle of pills still on the table and his eyes are closed. I exhale, both because of relief and disappointment. I realize how silly this was. I knew he was taking the sleeping pills; I don't know what I was expecting to find.

I get closer and sit on the bed, as close to him as I can. Tonight was supposed about moving on and here I am, doing the same things I've done before.

"I was hoping you would come tonight." Peeta says in a whisper and I freeze.

"Katniss I…" He starts saying, but I don't let him finish. I break out from the trance and almost jump out of the bed.

"Please don't go!" Peeta says grabbing my arm, holding me in place. "Please"

I sit again, mostly because I honestly don't know if my legs will hold anymore.

"Just, listen to me. Please." He says, moving next to me. I look straight to the floor.

"I…I was awake when you came here the first time."

My head jerks involuntarily and I look him in the eyes. Feeling overwhelmed, I feel my body will explode from all the emotions going through it. Peeta seems to sense this and takes my face in both his hands, and rests his forehead in mine, closing the distance between us.

"I wanted to tell you, but I didn't know how and then you…I don't want to lose you again." He says, his voice breaking.

"I love you. I love you Katniss. I love you." He repeats over and over and I feel every wall breaking, every tense muscle relaxing, every emotion leaving my body except for what I feel for him, and I just let go.

"I…" the word comes out hoarse, like it's holding on my throat and fighting not to come out, but I push through. I have to do this. I need to do this. I swallow and try again.

"I love you too." I say in a voice so small it's hard to believe it's my own.

Peeta moves and looks at me. I put my around his neck and we kiss, not hard or with the hunger from before, but soft, slowly; as if this thing between us was so fragile it could break if we were too rough or moved too soon. As if we were two broken people trying not to break each other further.

And we were, but we'll put the pieces together.

I trace his face with my fingers. I close his eyes with and rest my head on his shoulder, breathing him in; feeling home.

Peeta

She's here, with me. Not fighting me, not hating me. She's here, in my arms and I'm never letting go.

"Can I stay?" She whispers in my ear.

I open my eyes and turn to look at her. "Tonight?" I ask.

"Forever" Katniss says.

"Forever."

Life happened, but I never forgot about this story. If you've been here since 2012, thank you. If you just started reading, thank you.