I'm going to just apologise now...
"Come on! The movie's about to start!" Emma called to the boys.
"I've got the popcorn!" Killian announced as he collapsed onto the sofa next to her, offering the bowl to her, she reached in and took a handful. They nestled into the sofa together, Liam and Henry came bounding downstairs excitedly and sat on either side of them, squeezing Emma and Killian closer together, which secretly neither of them minded! Killian threw a big blanket over them all and Emma pushed play, the opening credits for "Wreck-it-Ralph" filled the screen. It was Emma and her kid's last night with Killian and Liam before they went home for 2 months; knowing it would be hard on Liam and Henry, who had become the best of friends, they asked the boys how they wanted to spend it and this was it!
Killian had been sulking around the house all day while Emma packed; she knew he wasn't happy she was leaving so soon, if she was honest she wasn't looking forward to being without him either. After their fight and subsequent reconciliation two weeks ago there had been a shift in their relationship dynamic. It was unspoken but they both felt it; Killian knew without a doubt that what he felt for her was more than just a crush, real feelings had developed, he was hesitant to label those feelings, especially with that four letter word but there was undoubtedly a genuine connection. Emma was aware of a change in their relationship too; however she was hesitant to think of it as any more than just the bond of a close friendship. She knew she cared for him and Liam deeply; she looked forward to Killian coming home from work, to spending evenings chatting late into the night. It was happening a lot more frequently since their fight, Killian wasn't going out with his friends as much opting to spend his spare time with her, and it hadn't gone unnoticed. Emma assumed he was trying to compensate for his behaviour on set the other week, that guilt was causing him to make more of an effort, not that she had any complaints! She loved spending time with him, conversation was effortless, he made her feel comfortable, and for the first time in a long time she was beginning to feel settled; that is until he'd look at her that certain way, usually after a few glasses of wine and when the hour was late, there would be that look, so subtly yet so intense at the same time, she tried to ignore it, to ignore the way it made her heart quicken and her stomach flutter. It would always be fleeting, just a split second and then he'd blink it away or shake his head and smile, a few times he even opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something but then shut it and took a drink before changing the subject to something light-hearted. And then there were the times he touched her, each time was innocent, his hand lightly touching her back if he had to squeeze past her, their fingers brushing against each other when she passed a mug of coffee to him, even now as they sat next to each other, their legs and arms touching, she could feel the heat radiating from his body and each time there was contact shock waves shot through her; she tried to push it far from her mind, not allowing herself to even entertain the thought of them being more than friends, she convinced herself the feeling of loss every time he moved away from her was just her body playing tricks. Perhaps it was the knowledge that this was her last night, that she wouldn't feel his touch, even if it was just accidental, or see that look in his eyes for months; whatever the reason she tilted her head until it rested on his shoulder, just like she did that night he apologised two weeks ago. He didn't seem to object, in fact he ever so slightly moved his head to lean against hers; realising he was ok with the contact she relaxed her body and tried to concentrate on the film and not on how easy it would be to just move her hand over a little and hold his.
Killian's heart skipped a beat when he felt the weight of her head on his shoulder, it took him a few seconds to realise he was holding his breath! Was it too much to hope that she has feelings for him too? He had thought about telling her how he felt, in fact the subject had consumed his mind the past few days, he'd been distracted on set, and then spending his car ride home each day playing possible scenarios in his head. Each day for the past week he'd convinced himself he was going to tell her just to talk himself out of it by the time he arrived home. They had a good thing going, living together, watching their kids grow up together, sharing their times together; in some ways he already felt like he was in a relationship with her, just not a physical one. The truth was he was scared if he told her things would change, what if she left him, the thought alone was unbearable. He also felt the timing wasn't ideal, with the anniversary of Neal's death just around the corner perhaps now wasn't the best time to tell her how he felt. How did he feel? He had to figure that out first. Right now he felt pretty damn good feeling her so close to him, breathing in the smell of her shampoo, apple, he thought. She had made the first move, so he took that as enough encouragement and tilted his head to lean on top of hers, holding back the urge to kiss her hair.
The film ended, both boys fast asleep sprawled across their parents laps, Emma smiled at Killian, shrugging her shoulders. He grinned back then said,
"I think it's time these pirates went to bed!"
They carried their sleeping boys upstairs and tucked then into bed, kissed their sons goodnight, and then quietly left the room. Emma quickly peeked into her room to make sure Kathryn was still sleeping then followed Killian downstairs.
"What now?" He asked shrugging his shoulders.
Emma bit her lip, "…well I was kind of hoping to watch tonight's episode of "Ever After", I don't suppose you want to watch it with me?"
Killian didn't always watch his show, when he did it was usually with Robin or other cast members but tonight he could make an exception, let's be honest, he wasn't about to refuse this woman anything.
He smiled at her, "I'd love that. It would be good to get a fan's reaction"
They took their places back on the sofa; he spread the large throw blanket back over them, this time he sat further away from her, wanting to see her reaction as she watched the show. The episode began and Killian watched her watch him on the screen. The light danced on her face, her attention was focused on the TV allowing him to study her expressions change seeing anger, surprise, frustration, humour, and romance. He continued watching in complete contentment until the credits rolled. Emma was misty eyed, there was a particularly romantic scene between Killian and Ruby's characters which touched her. She turned to him and smiled, "I loved that!"
"Thanks" he smiled back, God he wanted to kiss her! "More wine?" He asked holding up her glass.
"Not for me thanks, I should probably go to bed, we have an early flight tomorrow" she looked at him longingly, not wanting to leave him anymore than he wanted her to. She could stay up longer but she didn't trust herself to stay professional after the wine consumed, close physical contact, and emotions running high.
"I suppose you do" was all he could say, the air was thick with tension, and they both felt it. He'd seen her lick her lips when his and Ruby's characters shared a passionate kiss; was it too much to hope that she had developed feelings for him too?
They walked upstairs stopping at her door like they had grown accustomed to over the past few weeks. Killian had an early shoot tomorrow and had to leave before Emma and her kids would wake up so this was goodbye.
"Thank you Killian, for everything...I'm going to miss you"
"I'll to miss you too..." He stepped closer, she stood her ground, her breathing shallow. He could feel his heart beating out of his chest as his gaze moved from her eyes to her lips, "Emma..."
She looked up at him, her eyes filling with tears "yes?" She whispered.
It pained him to see her upset about leaving him, but at the same time it filled him with hope that this was more than just a casual friendship and business arrangement, she'd told him before that she cared for him but now he saw it plain as day. He leaned closer and cupped her cheek; she didn't flinch or pull away. Then gently pulling her to him, their lips crashed together, his other hand wrapped around and pressed in on the small of her back. She was taken by surprise at the hunger of his kiss but allowed herself to get lost in it, her fingers combed through his dark hair and giving it a tug, making him groan into her mouth. She could feel the weight of him, pinning her against the door, and it was everything; everything she'd wanted for the past two weeks, everything she'd been terrified would happen, and at the same time terrified it wouldn't. Reluctantly they pulled apart for air, lips swollen and panting as they stared into each other's eyes both dark and full of want. The tears eventually escaped her eyes as she stroked his cheek, "goodbye Killian" she leaned forward up on her tiptoes and kissed his forehead then turned around opened her door and closed it behind her. She sank to the floor and began to cry.
Killian stood there, unable to move, his fingers slowly coming up to brush his tingling lips. He hadn't exactly planned to kiss Emma tonight, I mean he had been thinking about what it'd feel like to kiss her for weeks, but tonight just happened! And now she was behind her door, he could hear her sobbing and he just wanted to barge in a scoop her in his arms but he could tell she wanted space. The problem was he knew he wouldn't see her again for months, she would leave tomorrow and they wouldn't have a chance to talk it. He wouldn't be able to tell her that it meant something to him, that he didn't regret it, that he would never leave her, that he…he…oh fuck, there it was, as clear as a neon sign blinking at him in the night…he loved her!
David was waiting at the gate when they arrived home, Henry ran into his uncles arms. He squeezed his nephew tightly, set Henry down, gave Emma a hug and took the luggage kart, leaving Emma to just push Kathryn in her stroller.
"How was your flight?"
"Good!" Henry said excitedly, "I reached level 20 on my new game, they gave us ice cream, and I watched 2 movies! But the dry air kept hurting mummy's eyes and making her cry..." He added.
David looked at his sister-in-law's bloodshot eyes with concern, "you ok Emma?"
"Yeah...I don't know what was up...but they feel better now" she avoided his gaze. The last thing she needed was to tell her brother-in-law that she kissed her boss and was pretty sure she'd completely fallen for him head over heels.
Mary Margaret waved excitedly at them as they pulled up in the driveway, after hugs and hellos the group went inside.
"Ok Henry, you've been awake since we left so a quick nap for you then you can spend time with your Aunt and Uncle!" Henry yawned and made his way upstairs to his room. Kathryn had fallen asleep and David offered to carry her up to bed. Mary Margaret eyed her friend, sensing something was off.
"You look exhausted too, Emma!"
"Yeah...I didn't sleep much" Emma replied honestly.
Her friend looked at her suspiciously,
"Is everything...ok?" She asked gently,
Emma's eyes filled with tears. Mary Margaret rushed over to her and threw her arms around her, Emma finally let out the sobs she'd been holding in all day.
She calmed down and pulled away from her friend who waited patiently for an explanation.
"He kissed me last night...I kissed him back...I mean...well, we just kissed" Emma admitted.
Mary Margaret's eyes widened,
"Oh my God! He likes you?"
Emma let out a deep breath, and shrugged her shoulders in frustration, "I don't know...I guess...it doesn't matter, I broke my rule, I got involved with the Dad, and I can't work for him anymore!"
"What did he say?"
Emma looked out the window, "nothing, we kissed, we said goodbye and I left before he could say anything. I couldn't bear to hear him say it was a mistake."
Her friend looked at her with compassion, "well we're here for you no matter what Emma. Maybe he wants to have a relationship with you..."
Emma cut her off, "I doubt that" she looked down, "I need to stop working for him".
"But Emma..."
"It's ok; I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm home now, for good!" Emma said determinedly.
That night when she finally went to her room Emma picked up her phone and opened her e-mail, there was one from Killian. Her heart skipped a beat and her stomach felt like lead! After staring at it sitting there in her inbox for a few minutes she opened it;
Emma, I hope your trip was as smooth as possible with the kids! I've been thinking a lot about you all, the house feels very empty. Liam misses you all too! We should talk soon, love. Tell me when it's a good time to call. Killian
Emma read and reread it over and over. He wants to talk about the kiss no doubt, let her down gently. They had crossed the line! He probably felt like he couldn't fire her because of her situation, the thought made Emma feel sick. She'd make it easy for him; she owed him that for his kindness to her and her kids. Emma typed out a reply;
Killian, we arrived safely with no delays, thanks for asking. Henry misses Liam too; he's asked if he can have his own e-mail so he can keep in touch, I hope that's ok? I wanted to let you know after much thought, I've decided we are going to stay in Belfast, thank you for all the kindness you have shown my family. I trust 2 months will leave you enough time to find a replacement nanny, please accept this as my official resignation. Emma.
After reading it over she took a deep breath and hit send.
