This chapter is much shorter but I hope you'll enjoy it just as much, I've been failing miserably at updating daily but thanks for your patience!
This was actually my first fan fic I ever wrote but I wasn't really happy with it so I have been tweaking things, adding to it and now that I've had more practice writing I'm hoping that I'm improving it!
The song this fic is named after and that features in this chapter is "Say You Love Me" by Jessie Ware
As always I appreciate your feedback and reviews and thanks to all those who have favourited this story.
Killian inhaled sharply, rereading the email for a third time. He felt as if he had been punched in the gut; Emma was gone…forever. He cursed himself for moving too quickly, for pushing her, for fucking kissing her just days before the anniversary of her husband's death; "What the hell is wrong with you, Jones?" He should have known it was too soon, it felt like every time he thought they were getting somewhere Emma would put up another wall, another hurdle for him to jump over. He slumped into his chair, there was another problem; the kiss. It was so much more than a kiss, it awoke something in him, it haunted his dreams that night, played on his mind the whole next day on set, he couldn't put a number on how many times he'd thought about that kiss and he certainly couldn't see himself moving on from it anytime soon, not now he knew he loved her. He let out a groan and rubbed his temples, "Well Jones, how are you going to clean up this mess?" he asked himself. Truth was he didn't know that he could…Emma was gone now and by the sound of her e-mail she was never coming back, even though Henry seemed keen to keep in touch with Liam. Would that be their only connection now, the parents of two boys who are friends? The thought left a sour taste in his mouth; he picked up his phone and began punching numbers,
"Hey Ashley, can you babysit for me tonight?"
"Oh hi Killy! Yeah that's no problem, hot date?"
"Great! Thanks love, 9pm!" he said, rolling his eyes and ignoring her inappropriate line of questioning and her ridiculous nickname for him.
He ended the call and sent Robin a text;
"I've fucked up royally; meet me at The Rabbit Hole at 9:30pm!"
3 weeks had passed since Emma moved back home; it was beginning to feel like she'd never left. Visiting Neal's grave with her kids was hard but strangely therapeutic. She missed him dearly but for the first time she felt like she was going to be ok, like she could do this.
Killian had replied to her resignation saying he was sorry to see her go and passing on Liam's email address for Henry, the boys had been e-mailing back and forth since with help from their parents, but Emma hadn't heard directly from Killian again. She wasn't surprised, just sad, she missed his company, she missed laughing together, and watching their children grow up together. She was convinced that it was for the best though; she had felt herself falling for him and that kiss! She'd replayed that kiss in her mind countless times; she rolled her eyes thinking about it yet again, "Why did he have to be such a good kisser? Great Killian, thanks for ruining men for me! No one is ever going to compare to that!" She sighed; Emma had decided the lack of communication was probably for the best. It was time for her to start being independent, she moved back into her home, despite David and Mary Margaret insisting she and the kids stay with them longer, Emma needed space to figure out what she was going to do now. She was in the process of redecorating her whole house, time for a fresh start, Emma thought, as she peeled the wallpaper away in their living room.
She was startled by her phone ringing, she smiled when she heard Mary Margaret's voice on the other end,
"Hey Emma, got any plans Friday night?" She asked in her usual chirpy voice.
Emma shrugged and smiled, "just my usual Friday night putting the kids to bed, pouring myself a glass of wine, and curling up with the IKEA catalogue, why?" She made a mental note to get a life!
"Leroy needs a favour"
Emma rolled her eyes, Leory was Mary Margaret's friend, he was the owner of Waxy O'Connors, a local pub known for its live music and wide variety of draft beers. With Leroy there was always a crisis!
"What's wrong this time?" Emma asked sarcastically.
"His music act for Friday cancelled on him, he wants to know if you can fill in; David said he can babysit!"
Emma wasn't sure, "I dunno Mary Margaret, it's been a long time since I've..."
"Please Emma! He's expecting a full house and they'll be expecting music. He said the band will be there that afternoon to run through your set." Mary Margaret pleaded then added slyly, "I know you've been working on something, a new song?"
Emma stiffened and remained silent.
Mary Margaret sighed, "Is it about Killian?"
Emma squeezed her eyes shut, then took a deep breath, how could she explain this to her friend?
"I…I just had some things I had to get off my chest, feeling's I've been wrestling with…writing it down was therapeutic, you know, since I can't tell him…"
"You could you know" Mary Margaret said softly.
"Could what?"
"You could tell Killian…"
Emma shook her head stubbornly, "No, that's not going to happen! He doesn't feel the same way; I don't want to bother him. I gave him an out and he took it!"
"How do you know that for certain?" her friend asked, exasperated.
"Come on, Mary Margaret! Famous actor makes out with his nanny…we've heard that story a million times and it always ends up the same, them both alone…I'm not saying that Killian took advantage, it was just a mistake to have two emotionally unstable people living in that close a proximity to each other."
"You know Emma, in all 'those stories' it's an affair, neither of you are married nor otherwise attached, maybe he just fell for you? Good old fashioned falling in love. Maybe he thinks you don't want to be with him because…well that's basically what you told him when you said you weren't going back! Maybe his heart is breaking too?"
Tears started to pool in Emma's eyes, and she bit her bottom lip to stifle a sob.
"I know you're just trying to help, and I love you for that, but this isn't like that. Fairy tales aren't real. As for Leroy…"
Emma thought for a moment, she did miss singing and maybe this would be a good place to try out her new song...she agreed, "ok...I'll do it, but tell him he owes me one!"
"Thanks Emma, will do!"
The atmosphere in Waxy O'Connor's that night was electric, the place was packed and the crowd loved Emma. She was enjoying herself too, the house band was great and she loved playing and singing alongside them. It was time for her last song; she got up from the piano and walked to the centre of the stage. She cleared her throat and said, "you all have been a wonderful crowd tonight, I'm going to finish with a brand new song I've written...you'll be the first to hear it, I hope you enjoy it!" The music started, she lifted the microphone off of the stand and help it to her lips, closing her eyes she sang;
Say you love me, to my face
I need it more than your embrace
Just say you want me, that's all it takes
Heart's getting torn, from your mistakes
'Cause I don't wanna fall in love
If you don't wanna try
But all that I've been thinking of
Is maybe that you might
Baby, it looks as though we're running out of words to say
And love's floating away
The words flowed freely from her lips, weeks of pent up emotion finally finding its release. She sang out the last note and then the pub erupted with applause and cheers. Emma smiled shyly, and mouthed, "thank you", giving a small bow then pointing to the band and applauding them before exiting off the stage.
"That was awesome Emma!" Leroy high fived her then pulled her in for a hug. Emma laughed at his enthusiasm, slightly embarrassed; she'd never taken compliments well.
"Thanks for thinking of me Leroy; it felt good to do that again!"
"Anytime sister!" He patted her on the back then left to go talk to the bartender.
A number of people came up and complimented Emma on her performance, she posed for photos and talked to a few of them then after things died down and when she'd given up trying to find Mary Margaret in the crowd, she finally perched herself at the bar, after politely declining a few offers from various men to buy her a drink, something she definitely wasn't ready for yet, she ordered herself a shot of whiskey. The burning sensation it left on her throat was soothing. She'd written down her feelings, poured her heart out to a room full of strangers, and now it was time to move on; even if that meant she had to drink away any memory of Killian Jones.
She was just about to order a second shot when she was interrupted.
"That song was something else Swan!" a familiar voice said behind her,
Emma spun round, "Oh God!" she thought as she swallowed nervously; standing there in ripped jeans and a black leather jacket looking devilishly handsome was Killian Jones.
