Chapter 2:
Incoming Snot!
Ciel sat at the dinner table with Jacky as they ate. For an American, Jacky was a really good cook! She'd made macaroni and cheese seasoned with garlic powder for the main course, garlic bread for the side-dish, and a moist chocolate cake for dessert. I'm officially impressed, Ciel thought in amazement as he tried not to snarf everything down like a pig. Her cooking's on par with Sebastian's! I wonder what else she can do?
"How'd you learn to cook like this?" he asked the Reaper.
"Well, long story short, my mom taught me how to cook when I was about eight years old," Jacky began. "When she kicked the bucket when I was 12, I had to do everything for myself, including cooking. In fact, selling the pastries I made was how I kept up with the rent, since I refused to let my dad be a part of my life."
"You don't like your dad?"
"He was a petty thief and a mama's boy," Jacky explained, sounding extremely bitter. "He didn't even start paying child-support until I was 16. Cheap, lowlife bastard."
"What's child support?" Ciel asked. He'd never heard of such a thing.
"Basically, if your parents are divorced, the one who the child doesn't spend the majority of it's time with has to pay a certain amount of money every month to help provide for the kid until said kid is 18," Jacky explained. "To this day, I've never seen the bastard's face. But if I ever meet him when I get to go back to my era, screw the ordinances! I'm beating him to death with my death-scythe!"
"Maybe that's why William brought you here," Ciel theorized. "So you wouldn't break the rules and end up like your vulgar uncle."
"Maybe," Jacky said with a shrug as she went for seconds on the macaroni. "But I'm still pissed off about it. Now, by my watch, it's time to check up on Sebby. C'mon, let's see how the poor devil's doing."
Still carrying her plate, she told Mey-Rin to get the dining room cleaned up, and that she and the other servants could have the left-overs. Then, she and Ciel went to Sebastian's room and knocked twice.
"Achoo! Come in," Sebastian responded. They opened the door, to find Sebastian sitting up with bleary eyes and a running nose.
"Still feeling shitty?" Jacky asked, earning a tired nod. "Well, it'll help to get all that gunk out of your nose."
"How? It feels as if there are gallons of it in there," Sebastian asked, only to find a faucet attached to his nostril and a bucket held beneath it. The snot was drained, and the bucket set to the side, replaced with another. This repeated until it was all out.
After draining Sebastian's nose of 20 gallons of black snot, Ciel and Jacky were left wondering what to do with all that gunk. "How the Hell are we supposed to dispose of all this?" the young Earl Phantomhive asked, gesturing to the 20 buckets.
"Hmm, an interesting dilemma, indeed," the young Reaper replied, looking at the stuff quizzically. Suddenly, she had an idea. A wonderful, awful idea that caused her to smile like the Grinch who stole Christmas. "Ciel? Do you have any enemies we can dump this stuff on?" she asked, giving him a wicked grin.
Ciel stared at her for a moment like she had gone mad (though, really, most who met her knew she was slightly insane.), but when he realized what she meant, he mirrored her smile. "The Trancey household is in for an unpleasant surprise," he said deviously.
Meanwhile, at the Trancey estate…
"Hmm, that's weird," Alois muttered from where he sat. "It feels like someone's plotting to humiliate me again, but who?"
Back at Phantomhive Manor…
"Thank you all for attending this mandatory household meeting," Jacky said, standing in front of a chalkboard with pictures drawn on it. "I suppose you all except the young master are wondering why I've called you here today?"
"Does it have something to do with why Sebastian-san left his room today, does it?" Mey-Rin asked.
"Indeed it does, Mey-Rin," Jacky said. "Sebastian-san is sick, and in his current state, his nose has produced 20 gallons of snot and mucus in just a 16-hour time-period." This caused a horrified gasp among the servants. "Ciel and I have come up with a plan to dispose of said waste product, by dumping it on the Trancey Household via trebuchet. Finni, you will use your awesome strength to help assemble the trebuchet, Bardroy, you will assist with loading the ammo, Mey-Rin you will use your amazing eyesight to help with the aim, and Tanaka-san… please carry on as per norm."
"Ho ho ho!"
"Are there any questions?" Jacky asked.
"What are you going to do while we do all the hard work?"
"Power tools, blue prints, and telling you when to launch," Jacky answered. "Meanwhile, the young master can simply sit back and enjoy Alois' humiliation with a nice glass of lemonade."
"Sounds good to me," Ciel said, crossing his legs casually. "I approve of this plan, so the lot of you, carry it out post-haste!"
"Yes, young master!" the servants said eagerly while Jacky gave a sharp nod.
After only two hours, the trebuchet was set up and ready to hurl the balloons filled with Sebastian's pneumonia-laced snot. "Is the telescope focused on the Tranceys, yet?" Ciel asked Jacky.
"Specifically, it's focused on that psychotic shota, himself," Jacky said, hooking the telescope up to a projection screen. Alois was drinking tea in his garden, while his butler was busy conversing with a bird, a flower in his hair. Jacky burst out laughing at the sight. "What a Disney princess!" she said, trying to breathe.
"Disney princess?" Ciel asked, having never heard the term before.
"I'll explain later, Ciel," the reaper promised. "Mey-Rin, is the trebuchet aimed at the blonde boy in booty-shorts?" she asked, looking up at the far-sighted maid.
"Locked on and loaded, it is," she said, taking on her old assassin behavior.
"Bardroy, at the ready!" Jacky ordered, handing Ciel a bag of buttery popcorn. "Aim… FIRE!"
Claude and Alois were seen looking up, only to be splattered with black goo. Almost at once, Ciel burst out laughing at their reactions. Alois was bawling like a bitch, and Claude's eye was twitching. Another round was launched, and this time, it hit Hannah, the demon-maid. The third round hit the triplets.
By the time every last snot-bomb had been deployed, Trancey's entire garden was pretty much in ruins. "You wanna know something interesting about demon snot, Ciel?" Jacky asked as Bardroy loaded the final balloon into the trebuchet. "it sticks to fabrics like glue, and catches fire with a single spark." The balloon was launched, and Ciel watched in amusement as Alois ran around screaming bloody murder until he slipped and fell face down in the slimy substance.
"That was the most hilarious prank ever!" Ciel said, trying to catch his breath so he wouldn't have an asthma attack. "We should do that to Viscount Druitt, next!"
"Sounds fun!" Jacky said with a smile.
A/N: OMFG! I am SO sorry it took me so long to update this, everyone! I was without internet access for a whole month and 8 days, and while it gave me plenty of time to write more for this chapter, it was so damn frustrating to not be able to post these things! I honestly though I was gonna go insane (not that I am completely sane to begin with)! Thank you for your patience, I really hope you guys enjoyed the second chapter. I'll have chapter 3 up post haste!
Sebastian: (Cough, cough) The more of you who review, the sooner Jedi Alice will update, and the sooner I'll be healthy again! Seriously, Demon Pneumonia is the pits!
Me: You heard the sick demon! Review!
