"Bored, Bored, Bored!" the almighty Dark Lord mumbled, "GOD DAMN I'M BORED!!!" after several moments of tapping, humming and whistling, he rifled through the draws in his expansive desk and cried out, "Where did my list go?!?"
Lord Voldemort's Fourth To-Do-List
91. Buy myself a vacuum cleaner and give myself a hickey (What? All the teenagers are doing it!)
92. Turn off the fridge at Death Eaters Headquarters (Mwahahaha! Rotten, smelly, nasty food!)
93. Make Wormtail clean out that very same fridge three days later — the muggle way! (Hopefully that would kill him!)
94. Buy some sexy-ass women lingerie and parade around in them for one full day (imagine everyone's horror!)
95. Go to an all-you-can-eat venue and eat everything! (Bet they won't be expecting that one!)
96. During the last battle, steal Harry Potters glasses (Booyea! He won't be able to see! The little blind Pott-boy will die in my mercy!)
97. Stand in the middle of a muggle road and see how many people would try to run me over (of course I would be protected by my own magical power)
98. Spray flowery girl perfume throughout Snape's room (no more many scents for him!)
99. Ask the order if I could stay with them (I could say I was fighting with my death eaters and rock up on their doorstep with tears in my cute little eyes — they just wont be able to resist!
100. Give Macnair a big, fluffy pink bunny rabbit for his birthday (hehe no particular reason other than seeing his face contort with rage)
101. Put a 'kick me' sign on the back of Lucius (hehe who would have the guts to kick him? ME! MEEEEE!!)
102. Steal a muggle mini-bus and go on a car trip with my closest death eaters (just a random urge!)
103. Use the phone box to get into the ministry and state my business as 'the murder of the Minister of Magic' (do you think it would still let me in?)
104. Make Wormtail leap off the astronomy tower at Hogwarts (if we are lucky, he won't survive!!)
105. Offer a random muggle a cup of tea and then get all enraged and insulted when they sensibly decline (no one, particularly muggles, say no to this little lord Voldemort!)
106. Get Wormtail to transform and then pluck every hair from his body (There's nothing lick cruelty to vermin like Wormtail!)
107. Write a book about how great I am (it in all seriousness may require a sequel)
108. Force the Malfoy's to use public toilets with cheap toilet paper (it is something that they do detest the thought of)
109. Grow an emo fringe (if Snape can have one, the so can I!)
110. Walk down Diagon Alley dressed as a drag queen (its just a secret burning desire of mine)
111. Learn how to do back flips unaided (it will be hard, but as the dark lord, I know I will be able to do it)
112. Attend a rock concert and 'mosh it up man' (whoooooo!)
113. Steal the Mona Lisa (such a sexy whore she is!)
114. Make Bella dress like a girl (we'll even paint her nails pink!)
115. Search for the dictionary meaning of love (god it was all bloody Bumblebore would ever drone on about!)
116. Kidnap a monkey (they are just so ickle and cute and they can learn tricks!)
117. Install a disco ball at Headquarters D-E (it would be sooo cool — mad raving parties into the early hours of the night!)
118. Go to the movies and wear and afro wig (would it be pushing it if I sniffed every five minutes and crunched up old lolly wrappers?)
119. Grin creepily at people until they run away fearing for their lives (would a straight jacket be a good accessory?)
120. Hang, draw and quarter Harry Potter and co (for the obvious reasons!)
"Oho, done for know, but never fear dear list, you shall grow in later times, for Lord Voldemort will never tire of free time!"
Yo homies...next installment...hope ya enjoyed...please leave a review!!!
Mwah
Queen of the Scoubies
