[:Riley:]
I sat on the bench, breathing heavily, trying to not break down again. I told Maya I wanted to be alone. I looked around at my surroundings, trying to find something I know I wouldn't be able to get. Something shiny had brimmed my eyes. I squinted through the hard light of the sun. Bingo. I found my relief. I walked toward the object that laid on the brown dirt next to a tree. Picking it up, I stared at the object then eventually closing my eyes, feeling the sharpness and grasping the handle as tightly as I can, like my life depended on it. I took one breath. I hid behind the large tree, took a long glance at the sight of the sharp blade. I raised it up and placed it on the flesh of my skin. You could see the previous scars starting to fade but new ones were replaced last week, making new scars. I slowly pressed the blade into my skin, feeling the blood ooze out of my skin. I can feel my skin tearing. I closed my eyes, feeling the numbness and relief swept away from me. I felt tears of relief stream down my face as I keep slicing through the skin. I felt strong hands grasping my hand, making me let go of the blade that was now covered in blood. I slowly opened my watery eyes, my face inches away from a figure that has dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, perfect jaw. I was face to face with the guy I once loved who betrayed me. I was face to face with the guy who hurt me. He looked at me. Sadness and anger plastered all over the features of his face. I remember so clearly how his features looked like when he would get angry and upset. His brows would narrow together, his eyes gets pierced, and his standing position gets hunched. I could smell his minty breath. He kept looking at me with the same expression. He looked too speechless to say anything. We stood there for what seems hours but in reality it's only been a couple of minutes. He finally had the courage to speak and I was afraid of what he was going to say. He took one long breathe, shutting his eyes. A tear flew out.
"Why? Just why, do you keep doing this to yourself?" He asked, his voice cracking and you could hear the roughness in his throat. "You don't deserve to be hurt. You deserve to be happy. I betrayed you. I destroyed you. I made you feel this way. It's my fault you went through this. I can't apologize for what I did to you because I know you wouldn't forgive me anyways." I looked at him, tears already dried up on my cheeks. I was about to reach up and wipe away his tears but I couldn't give in.
"Lucas." I took a long breath, carefully trying to watch what I was going to say. "Before I say anything about what you said. I need you to clarify one thing."
"What is it?" He asked me, curiosity invaded his expression. Tears kept flowing out of his blue eyes.
"Did you tell Missy, what I told you?" I questioned quietly. He looked at me, hurt now covering his curiosity expression.
"What? Of course not. Is that what you think I would do? After everything I put you through? I would go tell a person whom I strongly hate, something so serious and something that kills me inside that I was the reason. Is that how you see me? Is that the guy I am now to you?" He cried, frustration hinting into his voice. I could feel his body trembling. His eyes full with puddles of tears that pooled down. His face was expressed with anguish and hurt. Why do I feel so guilty? He was the one who hurt me, destroyed my heart. So, why do I feel like I'm the bad guy here?
"Will you stop? Stop acting like your the victim here. What about what you have done to me? What about how you treated me? Do you think I would of forgiven you right away? That I was the same Riley last year that would go straight into your arms and forgive you that easily? I changed Lucas. I am definitely not that naive and dumb girl who you thought I was. I grew. Maybe you need to be able to accept that before you ask me for forgiveness." I explained, hurt, betrayal, anger was all mixed in my voice. I closed my eyes, letting the tears fall.
"Riley please." He begged, closing his eyes in despair. I could see the hope slowly drifting away from him. "I know. I know I screwed up. I know I lost you. I know that I can probably never reconcile what we had and probably ever get that same love we had in junior, but I'm asking you. No, I'm begging you to please give me another chance. I can not handle being without you. You are my life Riley. I let you go out of trying to protect you! Everything I did was out of protection and love. You have to trust me! Please." My breath hitched through my throat. I could feel the blood drying up in my arms. My arm wasn't numb anymore. I felt more pain than the relief I always would have. Why did I feel like this. God, why does Lucas Friar make me feel like this? Why can't I not love him. I'm still naive. I want to jump into his arms and tell him that I forgive him, but I don't want to get hurt again. He is- wait. What did he just say? Everything I did was out of protection and love. You have to trust me! Please.
What did that mean?
"Lucas, what did you mean about protecting me."
"Oh shit." I heard him mumble, his eyes full of fear. I looked at his facial expression and realized he's been hiding something from me since last year. "Riley. Please, you need to trust me on this. I'm only keeping this from you for your own good. I need you to trust me on this!" I narrowed my eyes, trying to decipher whether I should trust him or I shouldn't. I could tell by his face he was sincere and telling the truth. Damn it Riley. I'm under the spell. I won't give in 100%, but I will start to become more sympathetic about it. Lucas, please don't make me regret this. Hurt me again, I'm never trusting you again.
"I trust you." His eyes jumped in glee. "But, hurt me again. I'm never trusting you again. I'm not giving you another chance. Don't mess this up. And I don't full trust you. But I'm gonna start."
"I won't hurt you ever again." He said.
"Well good."
While I was writing this, I realized that in the first chapter Riley finds out what happens. Ignore that. She does not know what happens. She will figure it out sometime through the story. You thought she would find out this chapter. Psh yeah right. I took some of you advice and decided not to rush things. This chapter isn't rushing things honestly. Riley isn't gonna trust him that easily. Oh and you are probably gonna wonder why in the hell am I not gonna explain more of the cutting incident. I have something planned next chapter . *evil smirk* You guys won't be disappointed I hope. My story isn't that boring right ? This chapter literally kept me on the edge of my seat as I wrote. What do you Guys want to happen? Comment. I wanna hear them and maybe I will use that idea :) Until next chapter. Jackie signing out.
