[:Lucas:]
"I trust you. But, hurt me again. I'm never trusting you again. I'm not giving you another chance. Don't mess this up. And I don't full trust you. But I'm gonna start."
I can not mess this up. I already broke her. I already destroyed what has been slowly breaking since the beginning. She has the right to not trust me. I don't trust myself. Not with her. But, when she finally trusts me, then I will trust myself. This past year was hell for me, without Riley Matthews to cuddle me or watch Cuddle Bunnies with. All of that was thrown in the trash because I was so stupid to let her go. I shouldn't of let her wander off her self that night. I'm willing to mend the broken heart that I have created. I'm still in love with her. The way she walks. The way she laughs. Her smile, kindness, gorgeousness, sincerity, boldness. All of those qualities is what I love about her. I miss her touches and voice. The way where she would lay on my lap with her eyes close, humming such a beautiful song with her beautiful voice.
Riley and I were at her place, me wrapping her wrist with a gauge. It was a struggle. Watching those cuts turn so gruesome on her perfect, pale white, skin. I was failing in holding back the tears. I would glance up to Riley. She would just stare at the wall, with her chocolate brown eyes, piercing through it. I finished wrapping the gauge and closed the first aid kit. I kept looking at the fragile girl. I wanted to kiss her so badly. I sat next to her on the couch, slowly putting my hand under her chin. I made her turn her face towards me. I could hear her breath hitch. I wasn't going to kiss her or she won't trust me. I just wanted to stare at her. Get to be able to read her. Read what she is thinking.
"What are you thinking?" I asked my voice barely a whisper. She kept looking at me, her lips trembled and her eyes glassed.
"Why you keep doing this to me? It's like me falling in love with you again." She quietly said. My eyes I swore came out of my sockets. She's falling in love with me again.
"Riley-" I started until I heard a huge bang of the door.
[:Riley:]
Uncle Josh burst into the living room. He looked at me, anger and fear in his eyes.
"Riley, where the hell were you and why are you with him?" He asked, angrily. But, the emotion of anger went away as he saw my broken state and bloodily wrist. "Riles, what's wrong?" He doesn't know anything about my self harm or disorder or anything. He will freak out once I tell him. I looked at Lucas.
"I take that as my cue to leave. I'll see you later Riley." Lucas gave me a kiss on the forehead.
"I think that'll be best." Josh snapped. "Oh and by the way, don't ever step foot into this apart-"
"Uncle Josh!" I spat. He looked at the floor sheepishly. "He is the one that helped me when-" I trailed off. I don't know how to tell him.
"Riles, what? Talk to me!" Josh raised his voice, in worry. I closed my eyes and I felt Lucas's hand engulf mine. I felt my legs starting to shake and I felt the tears well up. "Riley!"
((I'm changing the POV to a third person point of view. Sorry I keep changing it. BTW 3rd person POV will be permanent))
"It was the day when Lucas and Maya, you know, said those awful things to me. Even though I forgave them, I will never forget what they said to me. I only pretended to like you because I felt bad for you. I can't believe I was ever friends with a weirdo like you. I cheated on you, you little bitch. I hated you. So I got my revenge and stole your boyfriend." Riley started raising her voice, tears streaming down. Lucas flinch from what the pretty brunette said, the grip of his hand tightened around hers and he clenched his teeth, staring at the ground in sudden shame and sadness. "On top of that, my parents were fucking addicted to alcohol, getting drunk everyday. It started from drinking at nights and coming back from home drunk like hell. Then, it rapidly became an everyday thing, from morning to night. Repeat. I have to take care of Auggie. I have to clean the empty wine and beer bottles. I have to clean the house. I have to cook. I once had this perfect life where I was happy, but from just that moment, my happiness just disappeared. They went to rehab and then I had bills and taxes to pay. I had to feed Auggie and walk him and myself to school. Auggie was coping from the absence of our parents, by drinking and getting into fights. He's so young, yet so broken. I have to be strong for him, yet I'm so broken and weak. I'm tired. I'm just so tired." Riley sighed, numbly. Lucas and Josh were in tears, hearing the heartbreaking story. "I can barely afford anything. I work two jobs. Day and night, when I'm not in school. I work as a fucking waitress, cashier, manager, owner, and bartender! I was there for Auggie of course but no one was not even there for me. Not you Josh, you are always travelling. Not Maya. Not Lucas. Not my parents. I had Farkle and Zay, but it was never the same. So, I-I" Rikey took a breathe, in and out. "Turned to cutting. Every time I do it, it just gets me away from the crappy world that I have to live in. You have no idea, how much I wanted to give up being able to breathe the air we breathe in but I couldn't leave Auggie here alone. This whole time, this whole year, I've been dealing with depression. I'm getting panic and anxiety attacks every night and I have to take a pill in order to get rid of them but I don't want to turn to that so I have to suffer for hours and hours until I finally cried myself to sleep. I stopped eating. There was no point. Literally no point at all. I lost everyone and everything in my life. So, why should I have to be happy when there is nothing to be happy about. I can only live in despair and in anger. Since then, I kept guard up and won't let anyone break that wall. Until, Lucas and Maya came to me. I forgive them but I don't think I could trust them right now." Riley was crying, hard. Her grasp from Lucas, loosened. She was clutching her stomach, sobbing like crazy. She dropped to the floor on her knees. Lucas and Josh rushed to Riley.
"Riley! Calm down. Lucas and I are here for you. Always!" Josh reassured her, engulfing her with a hug, tears streaming down his face as he held a sobbing Riley in his arms. Lucas was rubbing Riley's back in soft circles. Riley fell asleep in Josh's arms. He carried the brunette to her room and laid her down into her soft mattress. He had to wipe off the tears that came out, quickly. He pressed a kiss on her forehead as he just wondered why Riley deserved what she had to go through. He blames himself as he was so focused on his career and pushing the people she tried to forgive away. He blames himself.
"It's not your fault, Josh." A voice suddenly said. Josh jumped in surprise. It was the Texan cowboy, dried up tears on his slight tan cheekbones. He was leaning against the wood frame of the door. Josh motioned them to go to the living room's bay window was. The two boys sat down, an uncomfortable silence lingering in the Matthews' household. Josh was the first to speak.
"Look Lucas, I'm still pissed of what you said to my niece, but I know you did that to protect Riley's well being." Josh started, staring at the Texan. "Over time, I'll accept whatever it is you are for Riley. I appreciate you being there for Riley, but I'm her uncle. I'm taking a break from travelling and I'm staying here, with Riley and Auggie. You are welcome to come by the house but you cannot be here twenty four seven. You can come once or twice a week because Riley doesn't need a boy to cope. She needs an immediate family member to be with at the time. You can be there for her and I can't stop you at school. But, if you think to hurt my niece ever again, I will fucking kick your son of a bitch, ass out of her life, for good." Josh explained. Lucas nodded, understanding the brunette uncle.
"I understand Josh and I'm not gonna hurt Riley ever again. I don't want to lose her again. I'm just gonna be a friend right now. Nothing more. She needs more of a friend then boyfriend." Lucas stated, even though he still loves the New Yorker girl.
"Then, we have an agreement?" Josh asked, trying to see if Lucas will finally agree. It's time for Riley to heal, without the crazy ass drama. Except, it'll be harder to keep away a certain blonde best friend away from Riley, as he knows certain intentions of the blonde beauty what she is doing to the pretty brunette. Little did Riley know, her uncle Josh knows more than she led him on. After five minutes of thinking, Lucas answered.
"I agree."
Hiiiii guys, don't kill me. I'm 100000000 so sorry that I haven't written in five months. I've been really busy with school, friends, BOY DRAMA and dealing with personal issues. Such as depression. It's been a great summer except those few days. Literally, what Riley said was emotionally something to me where I just cried writing that because it's literally how I felt during the time. The addiction and living alone is not true in my life. I write because I love the hobby and being able to pour my heart out with characters that really relate to me. But thank you, for all my fix me readers for staying with me ok this rocky journey because I now have my parents and friend supporting me through the hell. I have a guy in my life. I've grown from the experiences I had as now I matured not only in life and independence to my writing as I have new experiences I can add into my story. I'm sixteen now and I got my permit today. I have school soon. I'm hoping to do a Q&A soon so start asking me questions. Let's hope I can post soon Chapter Eight. I had no Inspiration in writing this story and I was gonna give up but I couldn't do it all my fix me readers. I love all of you guys support.
-Jackie
