By the time November was coming to a close, Albus was already looking forward to Christmas. His grades were solid, his family was in good health, and he had Scorpius, whether everyone knew it or not. They'd fallen into a pattern of cramming everything they could into their weekdays so weekends were free to spend time together - a good bit of it up in the Astronomy tower where they read. Every time he wrapped the blanket tighter around Scorpius' shoulders and held him closer, he let himself hope that maybe, someday soon, they'd be able to stop hiding.

Albus settled into his desk in Charms on Monday morning after breakfast, straightening his tie as he leaned back. Scorpius was already there with his books open and his homework ready.

"I missed you at breakfast today," Albus muttered. He handed Scorpius the mug of coffee he'd carried from the Great Hall.

"Sorry. I had to finish up the assignment," said Scorpius, taking a grateful sip of the coffee. He didn't want to tell Albus that it was too hot - he was still trying to perfect the warming spell. "I was in the library at 7 o'clock."

"You didn't have your homework done?"

"Well, I was going to finish it up yesterday, but I got a bit distracted," said Scorpius, trying to force his face into an expression of contention and failing miserably. Albus grinned. He knew exactly what had distracted Scorpius.

Professor Flitwick took his place at the podium before Albus could comment and cleared his throat.

"Morning announcements," said Flitwick, waving a piece of paper until everyone quieted. Scorpius stretched out in his desk, and Albus took note for the millionth time of just how long his legs had gotten.

"First - Dueling Club practice is canceled for this week and will resume next Tuesday. Both of the remaining Quidditch matches this semester will take place at noon instead of one o'clock. And last, there will be a Holiday dance held on the last day of the semester before everyone goes home."

Each and every girl in the classroom turned to a friend and began whispering. Scorpius watched across the room as Molly and her Ravenclaw friend Anna giggled behind their hands and nodded to each other.

Albus met Maggie's eyes across the room, and she pursed her lips as if to say "well, now what?"

Scorpius snuck a glance at Albus, who was now tapping his quill idly on his desk, leaving marks on the surface. Albus met Scorpius' gaze out of the corner of his eye and offered the best smile he could, which wasn't much.


It was a long day for both Albus and Scorpius. By the time Albus got back from Quidditch practice, Scorpius' eyes were starting to get tired, and he was considering going to bed. He'd been waiting for a half an hour, and the rest of the team had already come back.

"I'm going up," said Flint. "You guys wore me the hell out."

"Take the first shower," said Albus. He tossed his shoes by the door and pulled off his robes. "I'll be up in a few."

A few other students were milling about, talking to one another, but Albus saw Scorpius had taken over a table in the corner, and he fell into the opposite chair.

"How was the rest of your day?"

"It was fine," said Scorpius. "Got caught up on everything. Went for a walk."

"A walk? You only do that when you're unhappy."

"Nah," said Scorpius. "I just needed to stretch my legs."

Albus nodded and ran his socked foot up the edge of Scorpius' pants leg under the table. Scorpius jumped a bit, but didn't move away. Albus leaned forward and said something in a quiet voice that he'd never had the opportunity to say, and he'd mulled it over long and hard during practice.

"Go to the dance with me."

"Albus -"

"Don't. Please. I don't want to do this anymore."

"I know. I'm trying to figure things out."

"Wouldn't it be better if we figured things out together?" Albus pled, leaning into the table. Scorpius looked pained as he tried to avoid eye contact.

"Well, yes -"

"So why?"

"Because I'm not ready to deal with my father."

"Are you not ready to deal with your father or are you not ready to deal with everyone else?"

Scorpius looked injured, but Albus needed to get to the bottom of this. Something about not doing something as simple as going to a dance with someone he cared so much about cut him to the core. All he'd ever wanted was to be normal, and what was more normal than going to a dance at sixteen with someone you had fallen for?

"Or is it something else?"

"Like what, Albus?" Scorpius took off his glasses, weary, and rubbed his eyes. The words came out of Albus' mouth before he could stop them.

"Like you don't want to be different - at least not any more than you already are. Or maybe you're not sure that this is what you want."

Scorpius leaned over the table, folding his hands. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked paler than normal.

"Don't say that."

"Scorpius, I just want to go to a dance with you."

"We can't. I need more time. I need to figure out how to tell my father and at least soften it somehow because I have no idea how he'll react."

"Will how he reacts change whether or not we're together?"

"No, of course not."

"I'm not looking forward to dealing with my parents either, but that's more because you're a Malfoy. But I can take it because this is what I want."

Albus saw Scorpius's eyes dart around the room, just a bit before falling back on his face, and he knew Scorpius was checking to see that no one was paying attention to them. Albus had never been this frustrated with anyone, let alone Scorpius. Heat rose in his cheeks.

"You know what? Fine. We'll do it your way."

Albus stood up quickly, his chair scraping the ground loudly as he did so. A few second years looked up from their game of Gobstones at him.

"Al, don't -"

"No, it's fine. I'm going to bed."

Albus swept down the hallway as fast as his tired legs would carry him and found only that he had to sit outside the bathroom and wait for Flint to finish his shower anyway.


The next morning, Scorpius risked being late to class for Albus to wake up. Everyone else had gone, and so he sat on his bed quietly, checking his watch. He didn't want to be the one to wake him, but he was itching to see if things were somehow better this morning. He tapped his heel on the ground over and over again, waiting. He checked his watch again. The alarm would go off in three, two, one...

Ring.

Albus stirred, pulling off the Selective Hearing Earmuffs from his Uncle Ron. He used them whenever he had a late class and wanted to sleep through everyone else's stirring.

Scorpius grabbed the clock and turned it off well before Albus could get to it and turned it off.

"Listen," Scorpius said, settling himself on the side of Albus' bed. It was warm where he had slept, and he had to fight the urge to crawl under the blanket himself. Albus, confused, rubbed his eyes and tried to orient himself.

"Huh?"

"I'm just trying to avoid upsetting my dad. He and I... we're finally in a good place. I want to make sure that's solid before I go telling him I'm dating Harry Potter's son. Does that make sense."

"What day is it?" Albus sneered against the lake-light as if it had assaulted him and grabbed the clock, trying to look at it through the fog of sleep and screwing his face up against the blurriness he was experiencing. "Am I late?"

"No. Your first class isn't until 9 o'clock. It's potions. You have three more problems to solve on your homework."

"Good to know."

"But do you get it? Al, you of all people should know what it's like to want to keep things on good terms with your father," said Scorpius.

"I'm not mad at you, Scorp. I'm just frustrated," said Albus, running his hand through his hair. It fell right back in his face. He ran his hand over his chin, trying to decide if he had to shave.

"I don't want you to be mad at me. I'm just asking for some time."

"I know!" Albus said, raising his voice. He took a deep breath to calm himself when Scorpius flinched. "I'm sorry. I know. But that doesn't mean I have to like the situation."

"It doesn't mean I do either," said Scorpius.

"Good, then we agree."

They fell into silence and Scorpius twisted the strap of his bag around his fingers, taking a glance at his watch. He didn't want to leave until Albus was happy with him again - until he was laughing and holding his hand and sneaking kisses in the seconds they had the dorm to themselves.

"I'm sorry I ambushed you when you woke up," said Scorpius, looking down at his hands.

Albus reached out and ran his hand over Scorpius' back. "There are worse ways to wake up."

Scorpius saw Albus smirk out of the corner of his eye and couldn't help smiling himself.

"You have to go, don't you?"

"Runes," Scorpius confirmed.

Albus nodded and crawled forward on his bed, giving Scorpius a quick kiss.

"Go on. Everything's fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," said Albus. "Go, you're going to be late."

Scorpius nodded and grabbed his things before rushing out the door. Albus fell back into his pillow and gave a mighty sigh to the empty room.

Frustrated didn't cover it.


It was Albus' turn to clean out the bat cage after Care of Magical creatures later that week, which despite being rather messy was something he enjoyed. The bats were friendly and languid during the day, roused only when he pulled back the shade and exposed them to the sunlight. Three of them hung off his fingers while he used his free hand to clean the cage with a rag. He didn't like using magic so close to small animals.

"Hey, Albus?"

Albus glanced behind him and saw Maggie approaching. She had her arms folded into her robes and her scarf was wrapped high around her neck, trapping her long brown hair against her neck.

"Grab my cloak if you need it," Albus said, nodding to the pile of his things on a nearby tree stump. Maggie gratefully did so and wrapped it around her shoulders.

"Thanks," she said. "How are the bats today?"

"Lazy, as usual," said Albus. "Maybe that's why I identify with them. I'd rather be asleep too."

"True," Maggie laughed. Albus tossed the rag into a nearby bucket and carefully placed the bats back on the rungs that stretched across the cage. The last one didn't want to leave his finger - he was the runt of the group, and Albus was quite fond of him, so he covered the cage and cupped the little bat against his chest for warmth.

"I actually had a question for you," Maggie said slowly, uncertain.

"I might not have an answer, but ask anyway," said Albus, leaning agains a feed barrel.

"Are you going to the dance with Scorpius?"

"No," replied Albus.

Maggie sighed. "Okay, so I obviously don't support that -"

"You've made your opinion clear."

"My friend - you know Anna, right?"

"A bit. We were partners in transfiguration once." Albus stroked the small bat with the back of his fingers, feeling it move closer to his chest, and he smiled. Care of Magical Creatures was the highlight of his academic week.

"Well, she's being harassed by several boys in Ravenclaw and in Slytherin. Since I'm going with Flint -"

"I thought you liked Farley."

"Well, actually, no. I mean, Farley is great but that kind of fizzled. Duncan and I have been seeing each other for a few weeks now, and he asked me to the dance last night."

Albus had called Flint by his surname for so long that he never even thought of his first name anymore.

"Well, that explains why Flint and Farley have been communicating in grunts recently."

"Have they? Oh, that's awful," said Maggie, wringing her hands. "Well, anyway. I'm going with Duncan and since Anna wants to go to the dance but doesn't want to go with anyone who's going to be an ass, I was hoping the four of us could to together and you could take her."

Albus raised an eyebrow.

"Is this because you... know what you know?"

"What? No!" Maggie squeaked, taken aback. "I just know that you're not going with who you want to go with, and my friend really needs a date. She won't go without one, and I know you won't try to snog her against her will."

"Because you know what you know."

"I mean, I don't think I've ever seen Scorpius show any interest in a girl since that time he asked Granger-Weasley out," said Maggie with an eye roll. "Which was doomed to start and I don't really think his heart was in it."

"You know about that?"

"Anyone that was in a fifty-meter radius knows about that. Rose isn't exactly a quiet person," said Maggie. Albus cringed on Scorpius' behalf. "What I'm saying is that I don't know if you're gay or bisexual or straight leaning-a-little, but I don't care. I know you won't be a jerk to her, and she needs that after some... stuff."

"I don't know what I am," admitted Albus. He tried not to think about it or to classify anything he felt, which was getting harder and harder by the day.

"I'm sorry," said Maggie, and for a moment Albus actually felt like someone appreciated the struggle he'd been enduring. "That's got to be tough."

"I guess it is." Albus looked down at the bat and stroked its wings with his finger. "I'll go with you guys."

"Bring Scorpius, obviously. We'll find someone for him to dance with."

Albus smiled. "I'll talk to him about it. Take my cloak, ok?"

Maggie clapped him on the shoulder like she did after every Quidditch match. "Thanks."

Albus watched as she walked against the wind, back to the castle.


Rain was coming down in sheets as Scorpius flipped through the pages of his textbooks. He was bogged down with too much homework and too little sleep, and several of his assignments were due before the week's end. Potions, runes, transfiguration - it was all running together in his head as he tried to scratch out the last few sentences of an essay.

"Hey."

Albus sat down in front of him, windswept and with damp hair. His nose and cheeks were red from the cold.

Scorpius glanced up from his work and forced a small smile. "Hey. You look cold."

"Yeah, it's getting rough out there," said Albus. "I almost didn't find you back here."

"I needed some quiet to get some work done," said Scorpius. He sighed and cleaned his glasses on the edge of his shirt. "Maggie told me to tell you your cloak is on the hook in the Common Room. Why did she have it?"

"We were outside and she looked like she was freezing. You look stressed. Is there anything I can do?"

Scorpius shrugged, putting his glasses back on and blinking a few times. "Just trying to get through all this homework."

"Well, I think I've got something that might cheer you up," whispered Albus eagerly, leaning into the table. "I talked to Maggie, and her friend, Anna really needs a date to the dance. I figured since we can't go together, I could go with Anna and you could come with all of us."

Scorpius stared across the table at Albus, his eyes blank and his jaw slack.

"I - I thought it was a good plan," Albus stammered. "We both go to the dance. I help a friend out. Apparently, some of the guys have been harassing Anna and she's actually really nice -"

"So, let me make sure I understand you," said Scorpius, holding up his hand. Albus knew he was in trouble. "You want to go to the dance with Anna and Maggie and whichever of our roommates Maggie is into right now -"

"It's Flint."

"Whatever," Scorpius dismissively. "And then you want me to tag along as some fifth wheel?"

"Well, when you put it that way..."

"Yes," said Scorpius, accusing. "Yes, I am putting it that way."

"That's not what I meant," defended Albus. "You know that's not what I meant."

"Is it? Because you've been distant ever since this Christmas ball was announced."

"I was just mad because I know neither of us wants to go alone but you don't want to go together," hissed Albus.

"Want and can't are two different things, Albus," Scorpius hissed back through gritted teeth.

"Well, it's been a little difficult being Harry Potter's son and trying to keep a secret like this," said Albus.

"And it's a little difficult being the last Malfoy and being gay," retorted Scorpius. "We talked about this. I need to find the right time to -"

"Tell your father?"

"Yes."

"What about me?" asked Albus. "What about what I want?"

"You said you were fine with this."

"That was before I almost fucking died, Scorpius," spat Albus. "I think that changed my perspective a bit."

"Then maybe this is just too much for you and your new perspective," said Scorpius.

"Don't say that -" interrupted Albus.

"Maybe you want to go explore your options and go to the dance with Anna," challenged Scorpius.

"Scorp." Albus tried to reach across the table for Scorpius' hand, but he withdrew it too quickly. Scorpius' chair scraped on the floor as he jumped, and he looked around to see if anyone had noticed, and Albus' temper flared.

"What are you so afraid of?"

"I'm not afraid," retorted Scorpius. "I just wanted to wait until the right time for my father to find out."

"It's been more than half a year," said Albus. "I didn't think you'd want to keep me a secret for this long, or that you wouldn't want me to at least have fun at a party with other people while you did."

"Well, then is maybe we shouldn't do this anymore," snapped Scorpius. He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth, and they left a sour taste on his tongue, but before he could take them back, Albus retorted.

"Maybe we shouldn't."

Scorpius' stomach dropped. He felt like he had been punched in the gut and was falling and falling with no ground in sight. He wanted to grab onto something, but Albus' was breathing hard, and his jaw was set. There was nowhere to go.

"Fine," said Scorpius. He stood up, and gathered his papers with shaky hands, shoving them into his bag. Without thinking of it - without willing it - his books stacked themselves on the edge of the table and he scooped them up. Albus just sat there, hands on his knees, staring straight ahead.

Scorpius stared at him, taking it in. The floor felt funny beneath his feet - like it wasn't as solid as it used to be. Albus didn't say anything. He didn't look at him, and he just stared straight ahead at a bookshelf full of the history of witches and wizards that had come before them.

Scorpius was sure none of them had ever been as miserable as he felt now.

"Fine," he whispered again, and walked out of the library on shaky legs.

Behind him, Albus put his face in his hands and cried for the first time in years.