"Wow. You look like shit."
Killian cracked an eye open, blearily looking around the dim, cave-like room. Stalactites hovered threateningly over their heads, and the drip-drip-drip of the trickling water echoed against the walls. A small shaft of light broke the darkness, revealing a pretty, but extremely bored-looking girl across from him. She lifted her eyebrows, and jutted her chin at him by way of greeting.
"How you feeling?" she asked. "'Cause you look like shit."
Killian grimaced in pain: his bones ached, as though he'd just been thrown against a brick wall; a thin line of blood trickled down his face from a still-stinging wound; and he could still feel the hole gouged into his side, where Emma had stabbed him.
"Where the bloody hell are we?" he asked. "Last thing I remember is Hades, and he pulled a lever and—"
"Oh, that's just the lobby," she said offhandedly. "We're officially in Hell now. Tartarus, if you want to be technical."
"Tartarus." Killian gritted his teeth and tried to push himself to a stand. The girl watched with half-lidded eyes as he struggled to gain control of his wobbly legs.
"Whatcha doing?" she asked in a sarcastic, sing-song voice.
"What does it look like?" he said. "I'm getting out of here."
"Oh, okay." She rolled her eyes.
Killian winced, and stretched out a hand. "Come on," he said. "Let's go."
The girl smiled patronizingly. "Okay. I'll play." She took his hand, getting up with a little bounce in her step. "Lead the way, sweetheart."
He looked around, squinting through the darkness. Now that he stopped to consider it…there really didn't seem to be a way out. His surroundings seemed to be composed entirely of rock and sinister cave rumblings. It was a relatively small space, so there was little hope for secret escape tunnels; there were only great chunks of rock and stone, nothing he could dislodge; and the fact that this was Tartarus—as in, the deepest circle of Hell—was slowly dawning on him.
"I may not have thought this through," he frowned.
"Oh, really?" the girl smirked. "I'm shocked."
"Excuse me, but what the hell is your problem?" Killian snapped, turning round on the girl. "I am trying to rescue you, and all you've done is take the mickey out of me! A little common decency would be nice!"
"Common decency? All righty, then." The girl flashed a smile at him, and stuck out her hand. "I'm Megara, but my friends call me 'Meg'—at least, they would, if I had any friends. So—" she retracted her hand before he could shake it—"I'm going to take a wild guess here, and say…" Her hand found his hook, drawing it up to eye level. "You're Captain Hook."
"Those days are behind me," Killian said as he wrenched his hook away from her. "I go by 'Killian' now."
"You—?" Meg coughed, choking back a laugh. "Sorry, that's just a…wow, that's a pretentious name."
"It's a family name," Killian frowned defensively.
"Get a different family, sweetheart," Meg advised. "This one's not doing you any favors."
Killian stepped back as she started to circle him, following her with his eyes as she considered him from all sides. "What are you doing?" he asked warily.
"Trying to assess the damages," she said, tugging his collar to look at the scar Arthur had given him. She sucked in a breath. "Ouch—how'd that happen?"
"Excalibur," he said shortly. "Left a mortal wound. Should've killed me, but Emma brought me back." He caught her hand sharply, giving her a determined look. "Just as she will again."
Meg lifted her eyebrows. "And Emma is…?"
"My True Love," he said promptly. "The Savior."
"Savior of what?"
Killian opened his mouth—then stopped, realizing that he didn't quite know how to answer that. "Er…" He scratched the back of his head. "She saves, uh—she saves…um…"
"How inspiring," Meg said dryly. "So, you're a pirate captain who's no longer a pirate, and she's a savior who doesn't save."
"She's saved her kingdom!" Killian argued. "Multiple times! When Pan was terrorizing the town, she…well, she didn't do much, admittedly, that was more Rumplestiltskin. But when Zelena was terrorizing the town—no, hang on…that one was Neal and Regina." He frowned, twitching his mouth to the side. "Hmm. The Queens of Darkness just kind of lost interest…The Snow Queen defeated herself…Snow killed Cora, Greg and Tamara actually got one up on her before the Lost Boys did them in…I don't even know what happened to Arthur and Guinevere…"
"So, what I'm hearing is—" Meg laughed, spreading her hands—"she's fucking useless."
"No, she's not!" Killian objected, even as a small voice in his head said, Wow, she's fucking useless.
"Look, I'm sure her intentions are good, but if she thinks she's going to rescue you from death, she's high." Meg dropped her hands, and went back to her perch by the wall; she sat down with a heavy exhale, her smile faded now. "You'll get used to it, sweetheart. Don't worry."
Killian frowned, cautiously stepping toward her. "Used to…what?"
"Think you're the only one who was going to be rescued?" Meg smiled bitterly. "My boyfriend was a demigod. He was going to invade the Underworld, defeat Hades, and bring me back to life, so we could be together for the rest of eternity."
"And what happened?" Killian asked quietly.
"How the fuck should I know?" she shrugged. "I've been down here since I died, I don't what's going on out there." She picked at a loose thread, feigning nonchalance. "It's okay, though. Got a lot of thinking done down here. Lotta self-discovery."
Killian sat down; intrigued, despite himself."What did you discover?"
"That men suck, and I deserved better," Meg said flatly.
"Oh."
"That love is a lie, and I was a fucking moron for believing in it for those two minutes that I actually believed in it."
"I see."
"And that staring at a wall and brooding on the injustice of the universe is the actual worst."
"Fuck." Killian exhaled, his head dropping back as he stared miserably at the ceiling. "I'm going to end up just like you, aren't I?"
"Well, at least you've got some company," Meg pointed out. "I've been by myself for ages. Talking to myself, arguing with the wall…It'll be nice to have someone to make fun of."
"Fantastic."
"This is going to be so much fun," she smiled dryly. "Me wallowing my misery…you wallowing in your tears…"
"What a pair we are," Killian sighed. "It's a match made in Hell."
Meg's smile flickered. "Do me a favor, sweetheart?"
"Hmm?"
"Don't make jokes. You're not good at it. Just…sit there and look pretty, okay?"
"…'Kay."
