There were too many hands on him, too many arms around him, and too many voices. They were friendly, well-intentioned, and concerned, and Scorpius told himself that over and over again, but it wasn't enough. It didn't matter. His heart kept pounding like it had at Saint Mungo's, and he gripped is bottle of pumpkin juice unnecessarily tight.
At least, he thought, I'm not setting things on fire anymore.
Hermione was telling him all about the Ministry's efforts to find him - how she'd diverted every resource she had, but that it still wasn't enough - and was lamenting the length of time it had taken for him to be found.
"All those aurors and it was still Harry who found you in the end," she said. "We turned over every rock we could think of and chased every lead. I guess Harry really does deserve his position."
Scorpius looked across the room at Albus, who was leaning on the table cornered by Ron and Hugo, who was asking excitedly about the battle. Albus looked uncomfortable.
It wasn't really Harry, Scorpius thought.
Rose and Lily appeared out of nowhere to tell him how worried everyone had been, and how even in Gryffindor they'd had moments of silence and had cooperated with the Ministry's questioning.
"Even Taylor seemed worried about you," Lily said. It took a moment for Scorpius to realize why that even mattered. School seemed like a lifetime away now.
The girls kept chattering, but he didn't hear them. He looked across the room and caught Albus looking back at him, concerned, and watched as Albus excused himself from the conversation and limped over to where he stood.
"Oh, I'm so sorry you got hurt, Al," Lily said. She hugged her brother for the fifth time that day. "Do you think it will get better soon?"
"I hope so," Albus said.
"I'm not sure how you're going to stay on a broom like that," Rose said. "And I want to beat Slytherin - don't get me wrong - but I don't want to do it because you're crippled."
"I'm not crippled," Albus all but growled.
"I am looking forward to getting back, though," Lily said. "It didn't really feel like Christmas this year with everyone gone all the time."
"Sorry," Scorpius muttered, looking down.
"It's not that," Lily backtracked. "It was just a strange break is all."
"It was," said Ginny, approaching. She looked at Albus accusingly. "It would be good for you to spend some time at home this week before you go back to school."
Albus nodded, but wasn't ready to commit to the idea.
Scorpius picked at his third brownie, eating tiny bits to have something to do with his hands. He was having trouble meeting everyone's eyes and their concern, while touching, was grating on him.
"Are you okay," Albus said quietly. Scorpius felt the warmth of Albus' hand between his shoulder blades and it grounded him. He nodded.
"I'll be fine," he said. "It's just been a long day."
Ron appeared out of nowhere and started talking to Scorpius about the gossip he'd unintentionally dug up in Digaon Alley while searching for information about his whereabouts.
Albus caught Pike picking up discarded plates and cups, weaving through his family members mostly unnoticed, and motioned her over. His instinct to crouch down to talk to her was checked by a sharp pain in his hip when he shifted his weight.
"Pike," he said softly. "Do you think you could go light the fireplace in Scorpius' room so it can warm up? And maybe take up some of that apple tea he likes?"
"Of course, Master Albus," she said quietly.
"And maybe a couple more of those brownies? He hasn't really stopped eating them all night."
She nodded and took off, presumably to do just what Albus had asked, and Draco approached while Scorpius was still listening to Ron's banter.
"Do you think he's okay?" Draco asked Albus.
Albus shook his head. "No. I think he's still in a bit of shock," he said. "He's getting tired. I hope you don't mind - I realize I didn't ask, but I told him I'd stay with him. I hope it's not a problem… that it's not weird."
"Under any other circumstances it might be," said Draco, looking at Scorpius. "But frankly, I'm quite grateful he has you right now."
When Draco gave Albus a pat on the back before turning away to talk to Harry, Albus knew his relationship with both his own father and Draco was irreversibly altered. While they'd been searching, Albus had been so focused on finding Scorpius that he hadn't considered how things would change with their fathers, but there was no denying it had.
Ainsley approached and handed Albus another drink.
"Everyone's really friendly," she said softly. "I normally don't get to see people during breaks. Mum's is pretty quiet and she'd keep me at home a lot."
"You'll like it here," Albus said. "Especially over the summer. Scorpius and I -"
"I'm sorry," he heard Scorpius say suddenly, and a bit louder than necessary. Scorpius looked around Ron as he took a step back, gesturing to everyone else in the room. "I'm sorry, but I'm exhausted. I'm really grateful that you all came over for dinner - it was lovely and I appreciate it, but I have to go to sleep."
"Of course," said Hermione, with a chorus of agreement.
Lily looked disappointed.
"You're not staying up until midnight?" she asked.
"I can't, honestly," Scorpius said. Albus could see the forced politeness on his face and knew he wasn't too far from snapping. He turned around to his parents.
"I'll come 'round tomorrow if I can," he said quietly.
"You're staying here?" Ginny looked surprised, but Harry did not.
"I need to," he said, apologizing though he didn't mean it. Scorpius was staring at him, waiting, and Albus grabbed his cane from the back of a nearby chair before grabbing his hand and following him out the door.
Albus opened his mouth to ask if Scorpius was okay, but he knew he'd lie, and judging by the death grip he'd seized Albus' hand with, he was eager to get out of sight.
Scorpius didn't say anything when they got to the stairs. He just wrapped his arm around Albus' waist and helped steady him as they took slow steps up, one after the other, until they reached the top.
"Well, that's going to be fun at Hogwarts," Albus lamented.
"I'm sorry," Scorpius said. It felt like the millionth time he'd apologized that day.
"For what?"
"If it hadn't been for me, you wouldn't have been hurt," Scorpius said. He stayed a few steps ahead of Albus and pushed open the door to his bedroom. "If I'd gotten there a few seconds faster..."
"Scorpius, no," Albus said. He nudged the door closed with his cane and set it against the wall. "Please don't."
"What? Apparently, I ruined Christmas. You're hurt and you might not get better."
"It's not like I was ever going to be a pro Quidditch player," Albus said in an attempt at humor. It failed.
Scorpius crossed the room and pulled his wardrobe open roughly, tossing a pair of pajamas at Albus' face.
"No, but you still have your whole life ahead of you," Scorpius said. "And you're in pain. I know you're trying to hide it."
Albus sat down on the edge of the bed closest to the fire, bending awkwardly to take off his shoes.
"And I've never seen dad look so tired -"
"Well, we didn't sleep a lot," Albus defended.
"Because of me."
"Because of Daphne," Albus said firmly. "And Selwyn. And Travers. And Parkinson. They did this. Not you."
Scorpius took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes.
"I know," he relented. "But it doesn't feel like that."
Albus moved to stand, but his leg wasn't having it and Scorpius shook his head.
"Just stay here," he said, walking to the bathroom. "I'll be back."
Albus changed carefully. Scorpius' pajamas came down a bit too long in his legs - and Albus remembered a few months before when Scorpius had triumphantly realized that he was now just a bit taller.
That was so long ago, Albus thought.
When Scorpius reappeared, Albus was standing over the small fireplace, holding his hands out to the warmth.
"I feel older now," Albus said. "I had to ask your dad if it was okay that I stay here, and I told my mom and she was surprised, and it seemed so… small."
Scorpius walked over to him slowly and Albus shook his head, staring at the flames.
"How is it that after all this we're still seventeen? That we still have to go back to school?"
"I want to go back," Scorpius said. Albus looked at him, the delicate, straight lines of his face thrown into sharp relief by the shadows. He saw the remains of freckles across his nose and under his eyes and a faint quiver in his lower lip.
"I want to go back to normal," Scorpius said. "Even if it's trivial."
"Let's start a new book tomorrow," Albus offered. "We can pick one from the library. Anything you want."
Scorpius nodded, but didn't smile, and turned away to climb into bed.
Albus followed slowly.
"Do you want me to sleep here or over there?" Albus asked, pointing to the window seat that was more than big enough for him to sleep on.
"If you sleep over there, I'm not going to sleep at all," Scorpius said.
"Okay," Albus said, pulling back the covers and sliding into the bed. It was soft - softer than his bed at Hogwarts - and the pillows molded to his back when he sat up.
"I just wasn't sure," Albus said. "We never really did the whole same-bed thing..."
Scorpius turned over and looked up at him, and Albus brushed the hair out of his eyes.
"I used you as a mattress last night," Scorpius said, and Albus laughed a little. "And I don't care what anyone says or thinks. I'm not ashamed to admit that I need you right now."
Albus slid down and laid his head on the pillow next to Scorpius, looking at him.
"I need you too," he admitted. "So we're even."
He watched as Scorpius' eyelids got heavier.
"Does all this mean that you'll let me take you to Italy this summer?"
Albus rolled his eyes and grinned.
"I'll let you take me to hell this summer if you want," he said.
He stayed awake for a long time after Scorpius fell asleep, counting the freckles on his nose and trying to make sense of everything that had happened for the both of them.
The Black Forest is dark and I can't see the sky through the trees - their trunks just darker shadows in the night.
I'm walking. I can't see the ground in front of me, but I walk all the same. I'm going somewhere, but I don't know where.
There's a rustling around me, and I turn and turn, twigs snapping beneath my feet, leaves crunching. There's snow on the ground, and I realize I'm barefoot.
Why am I barefoot in the forest? Where am I going?
Another rustle. Another woosh. I turn and turn but there's nothing there.
Where are my robes? It's so cold, and my hands are so heavy.
Why are my hands so heavy?
I see it - a shadow in the shadows. A Dementor gliding through the trees, and another, and another, from all sides. I want to run, but they're all around me.
"Think about Albus," comes Severus Snape's voice through the trees. "You're giving up your kingdom for Albus, right?"
But where is Albus? I look all around me and all I see are Dementors closing in, and the ground beneath me shifts and changes and I stumble.
When I fall, it's not into dirt and leaves - it's onto cold stone, thick with dirt and dust and dead bugs. The trees have morphed into the pillars and walls of the Gingras dungeon, but I'm not alone. One of the Dementors has followed me and I scramble back from it, trying to think of Albus, to picture his face when he laughs, but the edges are fuzzy - like someone I haven't seen for a long time.
When did I last see Albus?
The Dementor pulls back its hood, and it's not a normal Dementor. It has eyes and a face, though the skin is grey and cracked like the Dementors I've seen.
It's Daphne, or part of her, and she leans over me and I try and try to think of Albus, and I try to conjure any happy thought, but all my memories are too far away and I'm falling -
If the thrashing wouldn't have woken Albus, the scream surely would have. Scorpius yelled, his voice echoing around his bedroom, and sat upright in the bed, clutching his chest and gasping for air. Albus sat up, coming to consciousness quickly, and placed his hand on Scorpius' back, pulling him close.
"Scorp?" he asked. "What happened?"
Scorpius didn't answer. He couldn't find his voice - he'd left it somewhere back in the nightmare. Hovering in front of him still was the Daphne-Dementor's face, twisted and distorted, and he felt a sense of being pulled from himself - just like he'd imagine a Dementor's kiss would feel at the start.
"Scorp?"
Scorpius looked at him, blinking furiously against the blurriness without his glasses, his blue eyes wide and his face pale. Still cluching his chest, Scorpius leaned forward and placed his head against his knees, and the gasping gave way to sobbing.
Albus did the only thing he could. He pulled Scorpius closer, letting him collapse into his chest, and held him while he cried. He didn't need to know what the nightmare had been about - Scorpius had seen and felt some horrific things, and he remembered the sleepless nights after the time turner, but it wasn't like this. Maybe he'd been too young to understand - or maybe Albus had been too naive to notice or to ask if he was okay.
He held Scorpius as he cried, grateful in some part that he had someone to cry on, and that he could be that person. He held him while Scorpius gripped his shirt as if he was afraid Albus wasn't real, and when Scorpius finally calmed, Albus kissed the top of his head and told him that everything would be okay.
"I'm sorry," Scorpius said eventually. His voice was raw, and the vulnerability of it made Albus hold him tighter.
"You have nothing to be sorry for."
"I'm crying like a child."
"You're crying like a human," Albus said. Scorpius sat up and looked at him - his face splotchy and red, and he used the corner of his quilt to dry under his eyes.
"I don't like feeling this weak," Scorpius admitted. "You've always been the strong one, but -"
"I've never thought so," Albus said.
Scorpius looked at him from beneath the disheveled curtain of his hair.
"I don't know if I'll ever feel normal again," Scorpius whispered.
"You were never normal, love," Albus teased as Scorpius leaned back into him, his head against Albus' shoulder. "But you'll find a new normal."
Scorpius wrapped his arms around Albus' waist as he closed his eyes, and Albus watched out the window as owls swooped back and forth across the moon, delivering New Year's greetings and well wishes to the Malfoy family.
In the morning, things were clearer – that there was work that only time could do. Scorpius spent the day in the library with a blanket wrapped about his shoulders. Albus read to him from a book of Grimm's Fairy Tales – a suggestion from Draco, since it was one of Scorpius' childhood favorites – until his voice was hoarse, and when lunchtime came Draco ate with them on the floor.
While Scorpius dozed off on the couch in the early afternoon, Albus worked on their assignments from school, and heard his father's voice in the distance – voices carried in the silence of the manor, he'd found.
"How is he doing today?"
"The shock has worn off," he heard Draco say. "He and Albus are in the library. Last I checked Scorpius had fallen asleep."
"Is Al okay?"
"He's fine. They're keeping to themselves and it's… it's difficult, Harry. That my son doesn't need me."
"He needs you, Draco. But he and Al have been together the majority of the last seven years. Think about it. Most of the year he wakes up in the next bed over. To them it's just normal."
"I know," said Draco. The voices were indistinct for a moment, and Albus limped closer to the door to hear.
"James is coming home for a few days," Harry said. Albus pressed his hear to the crack in the double doors. "I don't think Al is going to leave Scorpius. Can they both come over to our place? He can stay with us, and you're welcome anytime."
There was silence for a moment, and Albus held his breath. He didn't want any arguing – any more stress – for Scorpius' sake or his own. He was so tired.
"That's fine," came Draco's voice, finally. "I know Scorpius liked spending time at your house over the summer. He liked the muggle movies."
Albus heard his father's laugh and he smiled.
"You'd like some of them too if you'd give it a shot," Harry said. "Your dad isn't here to judge, you know."
"You're probably right," Draco admitted. Albus stepped back from the door and looked back to Scorpius. His legs were tangled in his blanket and his glasses had half fallen off his face, threatening to take out one of his eyes if he moved wrong.
Albus crept over as quietly as he could with a lame leg and carefully removed the glasses from Scorpius' face. He looked peaceful, and Albus didn't want to do anything to disturb him. He folded the glasses and set them on the arm of the sofa and lowered himself to the floor and continued with the assignment, staying close just in case Scorpius needed him.
