When Albus awoke, he knew something was wrong. The little bit of light that was filtering in through the window was too low and bright for early morning, and the shadows in his room were too long. He felt the space between himself and the wall and found it empty, and for a moment, was in a state of complete and utter panic, scrambling to find clothes and stumbling over himself when his leg gave out.
He was halfway through pulling on a pair of track pants and a sweater when he heard a laugh and music from downstairs and.
He just got up without me, Albus told himself. That's all.
Albus walked down the stairs and found Lily and Scorpius sitting on the couch in front of the television, wrapped in several blankets as the snow continued to fall outside.
"Hi, Albus," Lily said brightly when she saw him. Scorpius looked up at him and grinned. Albus noticed that his lips were bruised - just a little darker than usual - and he was wearing Albus' Chudley Cannons sweatshirt.
"Good morning," he said.
"You scared the hell out of me," Albus said, taking the last few stairs slowly. He kissed the top of Scorpius' head when he reached the bottom and ruffled Lily's hair.
"Sorry," Scorpius said. "You were out cold, so I figured you needed the rest."
Albus didn't want to admit that he was probably right.
"Scorpius didn't know what the word 'Disney' meant," Lily said. "He's getting an education."
"Oh, no," said Albus, realizing the music he'd heard was from The Lion King.
"Join us," said Scorpius. "This is an excellent distraction."
"You have fun with that," said Albus. "I'm going to go work on our homework."
"Oh, that," Scorpius said. "I guess I should do my assignments before we go back."
Albus shook his head. "I've got them all about half done. You can check them over and copy it later."
"Are you sure?"
Albus started limping to the kitchen. "Yeah, I've been copying your homework for years. Only seems fair."
Scorpius distracted himself for most of the afternoon, but when Lily said she had to go to her friend's house for a birthday party, he was left in silence in the living room. Harry and Ginny were already back at work, and James had gone to check in with Bill at Gringotts.
He made it nearly five minutes alone in front of the television before darker thoughts started to creep in, so he wrapped the blanket around himself and went in search of Albus.
"How's it going?" Scorpius asked when he found Albus at the dining room table, their school books and parchment spread across the surface.
"Almost done with Transfiguration," Albus said. "Saved Care of Magical Creatures for the end since it's easiest."
"You never told me you'd wanted a dog," Scorpius said.
"You heard that, huh?"
"Heard more of it than I was supposed to," Scorpius told him. He leaned back on the table beside Albus, blocking his view of the book. "Why didn't you tell me you and James were having problems?"
"Because I didn't really know what they were about until yesterday," Albus told him. "James has always been temperamental."
"Does he have a problem with me?"
Albus looked up from the parchment and set the quill down.
"Absolutely not," Albus said.
"I just don't want to cause you any family issues," Scorpius said. Albus wound his arms around Scorpius' waist and turned his face against his stomach, realizing for the first time just how cold his nose was.
"You could never," Albus said.
"Are we going to pass our classes?"
"I don't know," said Albus, his voice muffled. "You might want to check the assignments."
Scorpius sat down beside him and together they worked through all the worked they'd missed - a harsh reminder that Scorpius only had a few days before the term started. As he went through their Potions homework line by line, Scorpius thought about the stares he'd get, how tired he'd be at the end of a full day, the likelihood of getting a full night's sleep, and it seemed like too much too fast.
He'd been home for less than a week.
"I don't know if I'm ready to go back," Scorpius said quietly, setting the parchment down.
"What?"
"How am I supposed to sit through a Transfiguration test if I can't even sit still for five minutes without hearing her voice?"
"Scorp," Albus said, rubbing his back. "I'm going to be with you for most of it. And our friends will be with you too."
"I'm really worried. What if I only think I'm in control?"
"If last night is any indication, you'll be fine," Albus said with a smirk. Scorpius gave him half a smile.
"If you can't handle it, you can come home," Albus said. "And I'll come home on the weekends with your work."
"I don't want you to have to do that," Scorpius said.
"But I will," Albus said. "And this time next year you'll be working in the archives and you'll be the best first-year historian they've ever seen."
"It's hard to think that far ahead," Scorpius said. "At least right now."
"You're going to get past this," Albus assured him. "And I'm going to do everything I can to help you."
Scorpius rested his head on Albus' shoulder and watched quietly as he muddled through the rest of the Transfiguration assignment.
Scorpius and Albus were sitting in the fort of blankets with their books the night before they were due to return to Hogwarts. The Malfoy Manor had been largely quiet that day, and Pokey had been checking in on them hourly, keeping them supplied with hot chocolate.
When the door opened near dinner time, Scorpius didn't look up.
"I think we're good until dinner, Pokey."
"Scorpius, can you please come out of your... whatever this is."
"It's a pillow for - oh."
Scorpius poked his head out and looked up at Draco, who was standing a few feet away with his arms crossed. Behind him was the healer from Saint Mungo's.
Albus looked out too, hearing the disappointment in Scorpius' voice. After the fiasco that was his first night out in the real world, both Scorpius and Albus had been grateful for the peace and quiet, because neither had gotten much sleep.
"Hello," Albus said.
"Hello, Mr. Potter," Dania said. She was wearing normal clothes, and out of her Saint Mungo's uniform, Scorpius found that she was even prettier. "I'm here to give you boys a once over and make sure you're ready to return to school."
"You were serious about the 'clean bill of health thing,' weren't you?" Scorpius asked his father, climbing out of the pillow fort and helping Albus up. He looked at Dania, suddenly self-conscious.
"We don't always do things like this," he said. "We were just really bored the other day..."
"The holidays bring out the child in all of us," Dania said. "My sister and I take a day each year to lay around in our pajamas and play Exploding Snap."
"That sounds lovely," said Scorpius.
"Your color has come back," Dania said, looking over Scorpius' face. "Let's see those wrists."
He pulled back the sleeves of his sweater to show her the pale, rough scars, trying not to look at them himself. She felt over them and nodded.
"They've healed as well as could be expected. How are the nightmares?"
"They're okay," said Scorpius. Albus glanced at him. The previous night hadn't been easy.
"So they're persistent?"
"I slept through the night once," Scorpius said, looking at Draco. He stood behind Dania, silent, with his arms folded.
"It will start happening more and more," she said. She spoke with such compassion and kindness that Scorpius almost believed her.
"Don't be afraid to take a sleeping draught if you need it," Dania said. "You can take it about twice a week without any side effects."
"I never liked them much," Scorpius told her. "I always feel so groggy after."
"All the same," Dania said. "Don't be afraid to go to Madam Pomfrey if you need to."
"You know Madam Pomfrey?"
Harry walked into the library and stood beside Draco. He looked confused for a moment before realizing the woman was the healer they'd spoken to.
"It's nice to see you again," Harry said.
"And you, Mr. Potter."
Dania turned and looked at Albus.
"Let's see you walk on that leg."
"I'd rather not," Albus said.
"That bad?"
"It's not fun," he told her, relenting. He took a few shaky steps. Harry and Draco watched closely as he limped a few meters, ready to catch him if he slipped, and Dania watched how he moved.
"Looks like it's all in your hip and knee," she said.
"I could have told you that," Albus muttered, leaning on the edge of the black piano that dominated one corner of the room.
"Has it improved at all day-to-day?"
Albus looked at Scorpius. He didn't want to lie, but he also knew Scorpius had been very concerned about whether or not his leg was going to heal.
"Not since the first couple days," Albus admitted. "It's been pretty steady since then."
"It could still improve," Dania said. Albus didn't believe her. "You need to take care of it. Every night before bed, put a hot cloth or something warm on your joints."
Dania turned to Draco and Harry. "I don't see any reason why they can't go back to Hogwarts. At least not physically."
"Are you ready to go back, Scorpius?" Draco asked. "Be honest with yourself. It's only been a week."
"I don't want to let them take any more of my life from me," Scorpius said. "If I don't go back then I'm just hiding here."
"You can hide here if you want," Draco said. "I wouldn't mind a bit."
Scorpius smiled at him. "I wouldn't mind staying here with you. And I hate leaving you after everything. But I have to go back to school."
"You wouldn't be you if you didn't."
"And what about you, Al?" Harry asked. "Are you ready to go back?"
Was Albus ready to face his classmates with a limp and a cane? Was he ready for the stares he and Scorpius would get? Was he ready to step back into normal life after the most harrowing and abnormal experience he could imagine - one that he felt entirely changed after?
"No, but I'm going to anyway," Albus said. "Like Scorpius said - either we go back now or we're hiding."
"I'm having extra security placed at Hogwarts," Draco said. "They'll be outside the Slytherin common room every night."
"No, dad..." Scorpius whined. "Please don't."
"If you want to go back, that's my condition," Draco said. "Take it or leave it."
Scorpius opened his mouth to protest, but Albus nodded.
"I'll feel better with you having extra security," Albus told him. "This isn't a game. I know there doesn't seem to be anyone else involved, but I'll sleep better at night knowing there's extra security out there to keep you safe."
"And you," said Harry. "Draco and I talked about this. You poked several hornets' nests while we were searching. You broke into several houses -"
Albus cringed as Scorpius turned to him, looking offended.
"You didn't tell me that."
"Indignation doesn't suit you," Albus said. "I did what I had to do."
Scorpius' expression softened as he thought of Albus scaling walls and breaking windows. It wasn't a pretty picture, but he was touched none the less.
"Fine," said Scorpius. "Security."
Draco nodded slowly. "Then you can go back tomorrow. Though I would request the two of you and Ainsley Floo to Hogwarts rather than take the train."
"That's fine," Albus said quickly before Scorpius could protest. Just the idea of navigating the platform and train with their things made his leg ache.
"Excellent," said Dania brightly. "It seems that you have everything settled."
"Thank you," said Draco with a slight bow.
"I'll show myself out," she said, giving Scorpius and Albus one last smiled. Pokey stood at the door, ready to escort her.
She turned to Draco and spoke quietly. "And I'll see you on Tuesday?"
"Of course," said Draco with a small smile. She grinned, and Pokey showed her from the room. Draco looked at his feet, still smiling, while Harry, Albus and Scorpius watched her go, agape.
"Tuesday?" Scorpius asked after the door was closed. "What's Tuesday?"
"She's a half-blood, and she has training in magical healing and muggle medicine," Draco said. "I was talking to her when I asked her to come approve your departure for school, and she suggested she might be of use to some of the Ministry's new initiatives -"
"He has a date," Harry interjected, grinning smugly. "Draco has a date."
"We're not twelve, Potter. You can stop," Draco said, but Albus knew his father would do no such thing.
"A date?" Scorpius said.
"A date," Harry confirmed.
"It's not a date," Draco said. "We're going to discuss Ministry business."
"Over lunch or dinner?" Albus asked.
Draco sighed, rubbing his forehead.
"Dinner."
"It's a date," Harry and Albus said in unison.
Draco, ignoring their teasing, looked up at Scorpius.
"Is that okay?"
"Of course that's okay," Scorpius said. He paused for a beat, considering his words. The last thing he wanted was for his father to be alone while he was at Hogwarts, and later when Scorpius moved away. "I want you to be happy. And mum would want you to be happy too."
Draco smiled at Scorpius and nodded, satisfied with his son's answer, but still with a bit of sadness lingering in his eyes.
"It's been several years," Scorpius said. "You deserve to have someone special in your life. Not someone who's more special than me, obviously."
"Obviously," said Draco with a small smile.
Harry resumed his teasing mercilessly, and as they escorted Scorpius and Albus out of the library to have dinner, Albus caught Scorpius peeking into the sitting room and glancing at his mother's portrait.
Albus and Scorpius walked down the long, deserted hall toward the Slytherin dungeons after saying goodbye to Ainsley. Scorpius carried both their rucksacks down the hall, walking slowly beside Albus. The halls smelled of pine and bread carried back from dinner, and Scorpius almost regretted that they'd stayed at the Malfoy Manor so late.
"I don't remember this corridor being so long," Albus said with a groan. Scorpius' heart ached watching him struggle - all because he'd been two seconds too late.
"Al, you can't fly like that," Scorpius said as they neared the portal.
"Can we not do this now?" Albus asked. Scorpius fell silent, his energy waning under the weight of their bags.
Scorpius muttered the password and the stone wall gave way to the rounded hall that spilled into the common room. Albus tried to straighten himself and failed miserably, and together, they walked in.
The room was full of Slytherins catching up on holiday gossip, swapping stories of presents and trips and family mishaps. The first years were huddled around a table covered in sweets and small toys they'd brought from home, and some of the older students were engaged in what appeared to be a heated battle of Exploding Snap.
Scorpius spotted Maggie sitting on Flint's lap, laughing, surrounded by Pucey and Farley and a few of the Slytherin girls, and when they stepped into the cool glow of the lake windows and lanterns, a hush fell over the room.
Albus felt all the eyes on them at once - their friends and acquaintances - people they'd known for years, and instantly felt smaller than he'd felt in ages. He wanted badly to reach out for Scorpius - to ground himself - but Scorpius had a far-off look on his face that told him tonight wasn't going to be a good night.
"Merlin's beard," Maggie said. She leapt off of Flint's lap and ran toward them, wrapping her arms around Scorpius' neck.
"You scared the hell out of us," she told him. Scorpius hugged her back slowly at first, then all at once, as Flint, Farley and Pucey joined them, hugging Albus and then turning to Scorpius, enveloping them both in a warm embrace of concern and relief.
"We were so worried," Pucey told them both. "I checked the papers every day."
"Thank you for keeping us in the loop," Farley said to Albus. "Even if it was just a little bit."
"I kept asking Albus if we could help," Flint said to Scorpius. "We kept checking in."
"My dad's at the Ministry," Farley explained. "But he wouldn't tell me anything. I kept asking though."
Scorpius looked at their faces, his face wan and weary but grateful. Albus watched as Farley and Pucey took their bags from Scorpius, and Maggie put her hand on his shoulder, looking up at him.
"You look better than you did in the photo from the hospital," she told him. "I was so worried when I saw that."
"What happened, mate?" Farley asked. "I know what the paper said, but you can't trust the Prophet."
Scorpius looked at Albus. He wasn't sure whose tale it was to tell anymore, or if either of them should tell it.
"Can we go to the dorm?" Albus asked quietly. "I need to sit down, and if we're going to talk I'd rather not do it here."
"Yeah," Maggie said.
With his hands freed, Scorpius walked with his arm around Albus' waist to give him a bit more stability, for which Albus was grateful - he could feel Flint's eyes on him, evaluating his every move.
"I won't know how I am until I get on the pitch," Albus said preemptively.
That, for the moment, seemed to be enough for him, though Albus saw him exchange a worried look with Farley.
As they walked to their dorm, Scorpius tried not to look at the first years gaping at him. He walked down the corridor with his friends - something he'd done a hundred times before - and felt so far away from the person he'd been in December. Albus looked at him and understood, tightening his arm around Scorpius' back.
"I know," he muttered, and it was enough for Scorpius to know that he wasn't alone.
The sight of their dorm brought Scorpius an intense rush of familiarity. Pucey and Farley deposited their bags on the floor between their beds, and Albus and Scorpius sat down on the edge of Scorpius' bed, while their four companions settled on windowsills and trunks around them, looking on expectantly.
"You don't have to tell us if you don't want to," Farley said after a moment of silence.
"Yeah, we don't want to pressure you."
"Is that why you're all staring?" Scorpius asked. Maggie looked away, ashamed.
"We were worried sick," she told him. "When you didn't show up... and that crater."
"I'm sorry I worried you all," Scorpius said. "Really. I know it put a damper on everyone's Christmas."
"Mate, we're just glad the Ministry found you," Flint said.
"Is that what they're saying? That the Ministry found me?" Scorpius asked, resentful.
"Well, they haven't said much," Farley clarified. "Just that you were found in some old wizarding home in the middle of nowhere that wound up burned to the ground."
"That's one way of putting it," Albus said. "That's really all they said?"
"I think so," Maggie said. "And that it was your aunt who was arrested? Ainsley's mum?"
Scorpius nodded solemnly, and Albus watched him closely, ready to put a stop to the conversation if it was too much.
But Scorpius knew their friends had been worried, and so he told them what he could with as much honesty as he could muster - about his out-of-control powers and hand Daphne's extremism and compatriots. He told them about the dungeon and the cuffs, and when he told them about the Cruciatus Curse, he reached out for Albus' waiting hand and gripped it tight.
"They found me just before New Year's Eve," Scorpius told them. "And I heard my dad's voice, and Albus and Harry were dueling Daphne and Selwyn -"
"You dueled them?" Farley asked, surprised. "With your dad?"
"Not successfully," Albus said, patting his sore leg. "She caught me with a curse."
"Selwyn tried to kill him," Scorpius said. He looked at Albus. "Give yourself some credit."
Albus absently felt over the amulet beneath his shirt. He hadn't taken it off the entire time, and still wasn't sure whether or not he really deserved the credit. He shook his head. Now wasn't the time to question how they'd both survived.
Albus took over, telling them about the fire and ice and how relieved he and Draco and Harry had been to find Scorpius alive.
"So it was you who burned the mansion down?" Farley asked.
"That's pretty intense," said Pucey.
"Are you okay?" Maggie asked.
"Clean bill of health," Scorpius told her. "Just need to eat and sleep."
"That's not what I meant."
Scorpius sighed. "I know it's not what you meant, but it's the best answer I can give you right now."
"What about you?" Farley asked. "Not that it matters in the grand scheme of things, but -"
"We'll see in n a couple days, won't we?" Albus said. "I'm going to try to play. I won't know if I can fly until I give it a shot, but I've been trying to put it off. See if it gets better."
Albus ignored Scorpius' sideways glance. Scorpius knew Albus' leg hadn't improved for days, and had the sinking feeling that it simply wasn't going to.
"I'm so sorry that happened to you, mate," said Pucey.
"You look exhausted," Maggie said, ever-observant. "Are you sure you're ready to be back?"
"I'll be fine," Scorpius assured her. "I'm just going to take it a little slow, I think."
"Well, let us know if there's anything we can do," said Farley.
"Yeah. We're right here. Obviously," said Flint, gesturing to their beds.
"Thanks, guys," said Scorpius. Farley looked at the clock beside Albus' bed.
"Early morning tomorrow," he said regretfully, and everyone agreed that it was time for bed. Maggie hugged Scorpius and Albus one more time and gave Flint a quick kiss before retreating to the girl's dormitory.
It was more quiet than normal as the boys changed for the evening, and Scorpius helped steady Albus as he put on his warmest pajamas.
"This place gets so frigid in the winter," Scorpius said. "I don't think I've ever minded it this much."
"Yeah, it's not helping," said Albus, testing his leg again and cringing. Scorpius looked at his bed. He'd felt the physical distance between them before. Out of respect for their roommates, they'd never snuck into each other's beds. The last thing they needed was to make the living situation unnecessarily complicated, but now, the few feet between his bed and Albus' seemed like a particularly deep valley, and he didn't want to be on the other side of it.
Albus watched his eyes dart between their beds.
"Do you want me to sleep in your bed?" he asked quietly. Scorpius nodded, glancing over his shoulder.
Albus was having none of the uncertainty. When Scorpius pulled down the covers of his bed, Albus limped to the other side and started to climb in, and both sincerely hoped their roommates would have the dignity to keep their silence.
"Oh, come on," said Farley. "We talked about -"
Scorpius held up a hand to silence him.
"Rules be damned," Scorpius said firmly. "I've been beaten, tortured, and starved and if sleeping next to my boyfriend helps me get through the night then that's exactly what I'm going to do."
Albus smirked and looked over his shoulder. Farley looked surprised that Scorpius had raised his voice. Flint and Pucey watched with interest.
"Also, he can crush your skull with his mind now," Albus added. "So I'd be careful."
Scorpius settled into bed and pulled the hangings around them with a flick of his wrist. Albus laid down facing him and Scorpius warmed his hand, running it over Albus' side.
"Healer's orders," Scorpius said. Albus nodded and began the questions.
"Where are you going to bed?"
"My bed in the Slytherin dorm," Scorpius answered quietly.
"Who's here with you?"
"You are. And our roommates."
"And where are you going to wake up?"
"My bed in the Slytherin dorm. With you."
"And what are we going to do tomorrow?"
"Classes."
Albus continued as Scorpius eased the soreness, the movements of his hands getting slow and languid as he dozed off, and after a few minutes, Albus pulled the comforter up around Scorpius' shoulders and closed his eyes, hoping they'd both sleep through the night.
Farley, Flint and Pucey each lay in their beds, staring at the dark ceiling as Albus and Scorpius spoke to each other quietly, absorbed in what sounded like a new ritual - the kind that shouldn't be questioned.
Pucey thought about his parents - how they'd had a quiet holiday at home, and felt guilty that he'd had such an idyllic break while his roommates had suffered. He felt guilty for each day he'd spent lounging at home and racing his sister through the countryside on their new brooms, and for drinking too much on New Year's Eve, realizing for the first time that he'd been indulging while his friend had been nearly dead.
Farley listened as Albus had Scorpius run through his schedule and thought of his father who still had nightmares about the Battle of Hogwarts from time to time - nightmares that would wake him loudly and violently when Farley was young. He thought of all the ways he'd heard his mother comfort his father through the thin walls of his childhood home, and all the times she'd tell him that things would seem brighter in the morning, and he closed his eyes tight, wishing he couldn't hear them.
Flint stared at the ceiling, wondering how he'd been lucky enough that his family, who'd been far from perfect and had its own checkered past, had escaped largely unscathed. Why had he and his family been allowed to lead normal lives when Albus and Scorpius - who, while imperfect, were two of the most loyal men Flint had met - were left to count tomorrow's smaller blessings just to get through the night? Why had he and his family been allowed to live such normal lives?
Farley, Flint and Pucey each knew the others were awake, but lay in reflective silence until Albus and Scorpius' voices faded.
