BLURRING THE LINES
BY
AllyinthekeyofX
FOUR
I think the first thing that really strikes me as just how gentle he is, how soft his lips are upon mine, leisurely and without hurry but at the same time leaving me in no doubt as to the intensity behind his every move, his every thought, his every action. And the feel of him is so overwhelming that my breath is harsh; ragged sounding as I struggle to remember that breathing is pretty much a necessity of life, because right now, like a thousand bad clichés he is literally stealing it from me.
His lips meet mine over and over, carefully, delicately he kisses me before pausing suddenly, taking my face in his palms, stilling me with his touch as he draws back slightly and I know that he is seeking affirmation from me that this is what I really want, that this is right; and after seven years together I finally realise that this is how it has always been for us – questioning, doubting, consumed with uncertainties that seem to plague us every second of every minute of every day. Fearful of making a mistake that might leave us vulnerable both to each other and to those who seek to destroy us. But we have lost so much, sacrificed ourselves to this quest of ours that seems never-ending – hiding from each other because it has always just seemed too dangerous to do anything else. But I'm tired of it, so tired of letting them steal everything away from us that I just don't care anymore; consequences mean nothing to me now because I know that I just can't keep running away from this man, running away from all we can finally gift to each other.
And I tug lightly at him, reassuring him without words that this is what I want; that it's all I've wanted for longer than I can remember. Moving my hands to entwine once again in his hair, running my fingers through the silky strands, revelling in the way they feel against my skin because now I can allow myself this small token. Now I don't have to be content with a brief contact, compendious touch that has always left me wanting as I reluctantly return to a safe distance lest we go too far, safe behind our respective boundaries, behind lines drawn between us so long ago. But not now; not anymore; and I maintain the pressure as I capture him against me again, feeling him gasp as I lightly run my tongue across his bottom lip, seeking permission to take this farther, rewarded when I feel his lips part as his tongue meets mine, exploring, tasting, joining us together; and there is no awkwardness, no bumping of noses or uncomfortable angles. It's as though our mouths were always meant to meet like this; a carefully choreographed dance that has always existed between us but never unveiled until now.
I don't resist when, with his good arm he starts to manoeuvre me so I am over his lap, straddling him lightly before settling myself against him, feeling the evidence of his arousal against my core and despite the layers of clothing between us, the sudden contact evokes such an intense feeling of sensuality within me as my instincts take over and my actions begin to slowly slip out of my control, feeling Mulder shudder beneath me as I start to grind my pelvis in to his, slowly at first, then faster, harder, more urgent as my head tips back, no longer caring that I am now dry humping my partner of seven years with the same wanton abandonment as a high school kid discovering sex for the first time and by the way he is matching me movement for movement, thrust for thrust, I know that he feels the same way.
"Scully..."
His breath is coming in short pants, his eyes glittering in the firelight, arousal making them seem all pupil and even more infinite than usual and his voice grounds me slightly, shifts my focus as I realise that this isn't how it should be; that we both deserve so much more than we are currently offering each other, that I need him, I need all of him because God knows I've waited long enough.
"We need to slow down..." and I know he is closer to the edge than he wants himself to be, that we need time to breath, to make this count, to mean something.
So I just watch as he awkwardly reaches to grasp the hem of his t shirt, positioning his injured arm in such a way that he is able to pull the shirt over his head, but despite his care, I know it is hurting him and frown as he bites his lip at the pain that briefly flares in his eyes, because as much as I want this, as much as I know he wants this, I'm not prepared to allow him to push his physical boundaries, to add extra time on to his recovery for the sake of waiting a few more days.
"You're in pain."
He grins at me, then, shaking his head as he reaches beneath the hem of my sweater to lay his palm against my midriff, the re-connection like a jolt of electricity through me as his fingers skim across my skin, only barely touching me and sending my nerve endings in to freefall.
"Not really" he assures me, the grin replaced with a smile as he regards me languidly through hooded eyes "I'm not a Freudian Scully but I've always suspected he had a point with the whole pain pleasure theory..." his fingers moving higher, his eyes locked on mine as he travels his hand upwards, tracing the curve of my waist, the line of my ribs, coming to rest in the hollow where my breast begins to curve upwards, caressing the hem of my bra briefly with his thumb before passing it lightly across the thin satin, pausing for just a second to appreciate the nipple that is straining against the material and which elicits a low guttural moan from somewhere deep inside me as he makes brief contact. "You want to test the theory Scully? In the name of science?"
"In the name of science huh?"
And I scoot myself backwards off his lap, feeling bereft suddenly as his hand falls away from me but knowing that, if he wants this, we are going to have to move from the sofa. So I reach over him to snag the soft woollen throw from the back of the couch and spread it on the floor in front of the fire, adding a couple of cushions which I know will help support his arm; allowing myself to smile finally at the expression on his face as I kneel before him and slowly peel my sweater from my body.
"Okay G-man. Lets's do some science."
Concluded in epilogue.
