CHAPTER TEN / RORY

"what the hell did you say to him?!" the door to the diner smashes back into the wall from the force with which i pushed it open. i'm past the counter and around to where Mum and Luke sit in seconds. Mum looks up, shock flying across her face, followed by a mildly mortified expression. "Rory, calm down. where's Jess?" i ignore her and glare at Luke, if my eyes could shoot daggers, i would've been doing that in this moment. "WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HIM, LUKE?" "Rory, i don't know what he said to you but i didn't mean any harm, it really wasn't a big deal."

"GODDAMN IT, LUKE, ANSWER ME OR I SWEAR TO GOD, I WILL—" "Rory, honey, people are looking. Lower your voice, please." Mum pushes her chair back, standing. "Perhaps we should go. Luke, we'll see you after you finish work later. i'll take Rory home and we can all discuss this later." "no!" i throw my arms up, letting them smack against my sides again. "there will be no discussing anything later, because we're leaving!" "what? Rory, you just got here last night! you can't leave, we haven't see you in months and you've been looking forward to spending some time at home ever since—"

"well, somethings change, Mum." i talk over the top of her and gather up my things, wrapping my scarf around my neck in a messy fashion, not really caring. "Unless Luke tells me what he threatened Jess about, i'm not—" "now, hang on just a minute." Luke stands, holding his hands up. "i did not threaten the kid. is that what he told you? is that what he said that i did? that little—" "no, of course, that's not what he said you did. he wouldn't tell me what you did!" i explode again, feeling out of breath and as though something heavy is resting on my heart.

"he asked me to leave. he wants to get away from this town and i need to understand why." "well, maybe that's something you should take up with him, Rory. after all, if you guys really stand a chance at working out this time, don't you think communicating with each other is an important part of that? i don't think it's very fair of you to come back in here to make a scene, the way you have, and simply demand Luke to catch you up to speed. shouldn't you be able to rely on your boyfriend to do that?" Mum tries to reason with me but i won't have it. "oh, just shut up, Mum!" i shout and she touches a hand to her chest, leaning back as though i took a swing at her.

"we were fine until we came back here! Jess and I, we were better than fine! we were happy!" "Rory, look i really didn't mean to cause any trouble between you and Jess. i just pointed out to him that there are a lot of factors to consider, for the both of you to figure out. it's not going to be simple, merging your lives together. i just wanted to warn him that he was likely going to have to make some compromises on a few things and, i mean, so are you, probably. i just told him that your Mum and i, we don't want to see either of you get hurt, but we also don't want to see you sacrificing your career, or trying to mould your work around him to—"

"Luke," i start. "i don't mean to upset you by saying this, but you had no right, no right to get involved. i know you care about Jess and that, you care about me too. i know you only want the best for us but you absolutely should not have interfered." "Rory, he didn't interfere, he was just trying to help Jess understand the reality of the situation. this is real life, kid, not a fairytale. and as much as you and Jess love your fiction stories, things don't always work out that easy in real life."

"God, you act like we're just kids, Mum! only, we're not anymore! we're grown. i turn 28 in October. and Jess is less than three years away from thirty, already! we are not children! we can figure this out on our own. and we will." i pause to take a breath, realising how exasperated i must sound, yet again. "look, i love you both. both your opinions, your inputs, they mean a lot to me but ultimately, i have to make my own decisions. and the same goes for Jess." "we know this, Rory." Mum puts in and i look from her to Luke, and back and forth some more. "good. well, okay then." i turn towards the door. "so you're not leaving town already, right?"

i stop, looking back at them. "no no, we are." i answer and Mum and Luke look mortified once more. "Rory, please, i really didn't mean to upset you or make things difficult." Luke stumbles over his words, his voice hurt and muddled. "i know that, Luke. and thank you for trying to look out for me. but i think Jess was right all those years back when he turned up at my dorms and told me we have to start new, somewhere away from here, away from New York. And he still is right, today."

"but, where are you going to go? Rory, do you really have to take off right now? you only just got here. i've really missed you while you've been overseas working and i've been really craving some girl time." Mum comes towards me, touching a hand to my arm. i hug her and then kiss her cheek, pulling back.

"i've missed you too and i promise i'll come home again much sooner than i did this time. i won't stay away for that long again, i swear. but right now, this is what i need to do. i need to go back to the house, find Jess and pack our things. i'll call you when we've figured stuff out, okay? i'll call you both." i move around Mum to smile back at where Luke stands at our table, with all the chairs pushed back except Jess's which is neatly flushed under the table.

"Rory, please don't think i tried to sabotage things between you and Jess. you've got to know, i wouldn't try to do that, ever. it'd kill me to know you think i'd purposely try and stick my head where it doesn't belong. you know me, i've never been someone to get involved in someone else's business.." "i know, Luke. and i believe you. really, we're okay." i assure him, glancing back to Mum one last time before pulling the diner door back open and walking out, shutting it behind me slowly this time and breaking into a run down the sidewalk. i tell myself that it's stupid to think Jess would just take off, but i can't seem to get my legs to stop running. i mean, it's not like he hasn't just taken off before, leaving me behind.

my phone buzzes in my back pocket as i rush about town, looking for him. i draw the phone out, barely glancing at the contact ID before answering it and bringing it to my ear. "Hello? Jess?" "Jess—what, no! It's Paris." Paris's shrill voice comes down the line and i flinch, holding the phone away from me for a moment.

"Paris, hi. sorry, i'm kinda busy right now, could i maybe call you back later?" "Rory, i haven't heard from you in weeks! where have you been?" i frown. "that's not true, i called you from the airport in Monaco." "oh, right." Paris shrugs. "oh, well. what's new? why did you think i was Jess?" she changes the subject, unfazed by the fact that she seems to have completely blanked on how we talked only three days ago.

"because i'm looking for him and he's run off." suddenly everything comes rushing out and before i even realise what i'm doing, i've told Paris everything that's happened ever since spotting him in Central Perk. she whistles down the end of the phone. "boy, Rory, it sure has been a hectic last 48 hours for you." "that's all you've got to say?! i pour my heart out to you, obviously in dire need of some advice and guidance from my best friend and you whistle?!"

"okay, okay." Paris gets serious, knuckling down, like she always down and finding her game plan voice. i stop still on the sidewalk, wanting to concentrate and process what she says to me, knowing it's likely to be just what i need to snap out of this and find Jess, ready with just what to say to reassure him we're going to make it.

"Well, Rory, it sounds to me, this is really quite simple and you're just making it complicated." "Gee, thanks for that, Paris." i roll my eyes, glad she can't see me. "Look, you've only got to ask yourself what is it about him that you're always seeking out?"

"but, what is it that you you think i should do? give it another go with him? i mean, what else is there? we haven't been together since we were seventeen, Paris! Is it really that absurd for me to have a hint of doubt in my mind that this might not work? that maybe the reason we've never found our way back to each other, through all these years, is because we simply aren't right for each other?"

"oh, that whole is he right for me or not right for me debate is bullshit, Rory! you know that, right? don't tell me that's what's got your head spinning over this." She dismisses that straight away. "but, what else is there though, Paris?" i repeat and this time she's ready with an answer which somehow erases all my doubt.

Reminding me of that night Jess brought the care package over to the house and ate takeout food with Paris and me, debating the classics and matching Paris with her rant over politics, i think about how i knew he was special back then and without realising it, could maybe even instinctively tell that he was going to be one that stood apart from the rest, the one that stuck with me, even when we were apart.

"He reads Jane Austin for fuck's sake! what else is there, really Rory?" i tell her thanks and i'll get back to her later, hanging up just as she shouts "GO GET HIM, RORY!" enthusiastically down the phone. i suddenly remember Paris and Doyle attended a party last night to celebrate Doyle getting his own column at the paper he's worked at for the last three years or so.

huh, okay that explains her irrational headspace and the fact that she called me out of the blue the way she did — she's probably still a bit drunk. i finally see our house looming up ahead, putting the disturbing image of Paris and Doyle dancing drunkenly on tabletops out of my head and focusing on finding Jess.

"JESS!" I shout darting across our lawn, passing Mum's old jeep. "hey, sugar, you looking for that bad boy spunk of yours?" Babette's voice carries in the wind over from where she stands on her front stoop, watching Morey water the garden. "not now, Babette! sorry, in a rush!" i shout back, up the stairs and flinging open the front door.

"JESS! JESS, WHERE ARE YOU?! TELL ME YOU'RE STILL HERE! JESS!" I barge into my room and sure enough, there he is. standing, an arm out, hand posed on the spine of a book on my shelf. "Rory? why were you yelling? what's going on?" i come right up to him and hug him tight. "i found out what Luke said." "ah." he lets go of the book to stroke my hair.

i release the hug, to be able to look at him when i say this. "you were right." "when?" "back at the dorms at Yale. when you said we had to get away, somewhere new for the both of us. you were right and still are." "so what does this mean?" Jess's face is blank. he's keeping himself at bay. "it means i'm saying yes." "yes?" "yes!" i can't help but let a strangled laugh escape me, the excitement and suspense and anxiety all battling each other inside of me to come out as the dominant emotion.

"yes, let's go. let's find somewhere new. just us. away from Stars Hollow and away from New York." "really?" he finally breaks into a grin. "really, really." i repeat, pulling at his neck, tangling my arms around him, getting as close as we possibly can, kissing and kissing. he laughs against my mouth. "well, okay." "okay!" i shout. he laughs. "are you going to repeat everything i say? just with more enthusiasm and volume?" "maybe!" i shout again and pash him some more.

"we've got to pack." he points out and i push him away even though i was the one clinging onto him and rush to my wardrobe, yanking the doors open. "you're right, oh my god, we have to pack!" i start tugging things viciously off hangers and draping them carelessly over my shoulder and arm, switching to my chest of drawers and wrapping my fingers around the knobs on every draw, pulling them out and throwing my eyes over the clothes. my mind is racing, my heart is like a jackhammer inside my chest and my skin is hot where his touch just was.

"Rory, i love you." he says, watching me, as he stands over his own duffel bag. "i love you more, Jess." i walk by him, kissing him quickly and dumping the pile of clothes on the bed. he laughs and starts to pack up the mattress on the floor, dragging it back to the cupboard in the hall while i search for where Mum stashed my suitcase. she always hides it somewhere different each time i come home after a business trip for work in some crazy and childish attempt to keep me from jetting off somewhere else again. it's just this funny and cute tradition we've sort of fallen into.

MEANWHILE BACK AT THE DINER…

Lorelei leans against Luke, resting her head on his shoulder. "so, they finally figured it out, huh?" her voice is soft and gentle, a happy smile filling her face. "yeah, guess they did." he replies. "wait, figured what out?" Lorelei laughs and looks up at him. "Rory and Jess, as much as they both love it here…"

at the face Luke pulls, she corrects herself. "as much as she loves it here, this was never the place for them. Stars Hollow may be beautiful, but a small town life isn't for everybody. and try as he might, Jess just never seemed to strive off the community atmosphere. in fact, he rebelled against it, all he could." "yeah..that's all true, but i still don't get what you're saying they figured out. they both already knew Jess couldn't stand it here."

Luke pauses and then readjusts the cap on his head. "well, i mean, it's not that he couldn't stand it here. that makes it sound like he honestly loathed the place, which i don't think is true, or at least, i'd like to think he didn't see it that way… that badly.." Lorelei nods, knowing this is something that matters to Luke as he was the one who introduced Jess to Stars Hollow and vice versa, and as a result, has kind of always held himself responsible for the incompatibility of the two.

"i know, honey." Lorelei starts. "but what i just meant was.. everybody has a place, their place, and here just isn't Jess and Rory's.. they'll find it. just wait, they will." Luke's face changes. "what? what's wrong?" Lorelei says, worried easily. "nothing. nothing's wrong. except..how are they going to make it starting out somewhere new?"

"what do you mean?" "well, i love him and i know he's really knuckled down in recent years and worked hard, but Jess really doesn't have that much stored away in terms of savings, y'know?"

Lorelei laughs. "oh, honey, i really don't think Rory is expecting him to put her up. she's not exactly one of those girls to depend on a guy for financial security or anything like that. i mean, she loves her work and does it because it's what she's passionate about it and all that, but she still gets paid too—" "no, no. i know Rory can take of herself, but i don't want her having to take care of him too." he kisses Lorelei's lips before yelling out to Caesar that he'll be right back.

"Luke, hey! where are you going?" Lorelei grabs her purse and rushes after him. "Luke!" "you're not honestly going to give them money, are you? because they wouldn't expect anything, Luke and i mean, they said so themselves, they're adults now. they have been for quite some time. and they're determined to make this work on their own."

"i know that, Lorelei. i was there too, y'know." he replies, walking with a determined look on his face. she studies his expression before looking back ahead, walking two steps for every one of his, in order to keep up with his wide strides.

"yeah, i know you were there too. so then why are you…" her voice trails off as she realises she doesn't know what exactly Luke's planning on doing right now. "moving costs a lot of money, Lorelei. and i know they might not take it.." "they definitely won't take it." Lorelei cuts in and Luke nods. "okay, they'll resist it but that doesn't matter, i still have to try." "why?!" "because." he spins around on her and they stop at the start of their street.

"because i want this to work." "oh, Luke." she puts a hand on his chest. "i want it to work too. and so do they, but we've got to take a step back and leave them to figure it out themselves. on their own. just the two of them." she reasons and Luke shakes his head. "no, you don't understand." "Luke, of course i understand. you want to help them, you love them both and you want to make things easier on them, but things aren't always going to come easy for them and it's better they learn that now, then further down the track when they both have more to loose."

"no, Lorelei. you don't get it." Luke starts walking again and Lorelei keeps quiet, upset that he's acting like they're not in this together, and as though they don't both want Rory and Jess to work out. "you didn't see Jess after Rory turned him down at Yale. you didn't see him after Rory kissed him at the book signing and then went back to that blonde dick—" "what blonde…you mean Logan?"

Lorelei smirks. "look, i know you were suss on that boy from the start, when you barged in on them at my parents' vow renewal and they were half undressed but Rory was old enough to make her own choice about him and it all turned out fine anyway. i mean, they weren't right for—" "and then there's our wedding." "what about our wedding?" "remember that weekend i drove up to New York to see Jess a little after our honeymoon?" Lorelei thinks. "uh..yeah, i think so..what about it?"

"well, you didn't come with me, remember?" "yeah, because i had to work. that was the time that Michele got the chicken pox and couldn't come in and we had that college acapella group staying at the Dragonfly.." Luke gives her a look as the house appears in before them. "sorry, i got off track. yes, i remember." Lorelei smiles. "Jess was a wreck." "a wreck..why?" "because of what happened with Rory." "wait, just stand still for a second." Lorelei grabs ahold of his arm and they stop before the steps to the deck. "what happened with Rory?" surprise fills Luke's face and it's rare that Luke lets himself look surprised.

"you don't know?" "Luke, what happened with Rory and Jess?" "how can you not know? it was at our wedding, Lorelei.. you were there! And even if you were busy, Rory tells you everything." "well, obviously not this." Lorelei squeezes his arm, desperate for him to focus. "what happened with Jess and Rory at our wedding?" "i don't have time for this. i'll tell you later." Luke snaps himself out of it and goes inside the house, Lorelei groaning before racing after him.

"Rory! Jess! you still here?!" Luke pokes his head in every room and bumps into Jess just as Lorelei's voice comes from behind them. "they've got to still be here. her car's parked outside." "Luke." Jess says as Lorelei walks in on them and stops. "where's Rory?" "in her room. she's just finishing up." Jess explains, pointing. "finishing up, what?" Lorelei narrows her eyes. "Packing." Jess, unable to meet her eyes as he does. not because he thinks what they're doing, by leaving, is wrong. but because he knows Lorelei mustn't like it. not one bit. and he's not wrong.

"RORY!" Lorelei leaves in search of her daughter. "come here to stop us, have you?" Jess says to Luke, moving around him, continuing with shoving the mattress in the cupboard. "here, it doesn't go that way. you've got to edge it in on an angle. let me help you." Luke nudges him aside, to show him how.

"Thanks," Jess says, uncertainty still backing his words. "we're not here to stop you from running away." Luke tells him finally, as they push the cupboard into clicking shut with their shoulders, leaning their body weight into it. "no?" "no. at least you're running away together, this time." Luke laughs and then abruptly stops, as though realising it's a cruel topic to make a joke of. "sorry." he mutters and Jess dips his head, not saying anything.

"we came back here looking for you guys because.." he clears his throat. "well, you see, the thing is.." he curses. "why is this so freaking hard?" he tilts his head back, looking to the ceiling. "why is what so freaking hard?" Jess prods. "i'd like to give you some money." Luke finally blurts out and looks back to Jess who's dumbfounded. "you'd like to what?"

Luke laughs lightly under his breath again and knots his fingers together. "i'd like to give you and Rory some money. moving is expensive and starting a new life somewhere isn't cheap either. now, i know neither of you have decided on a place yet but.." "uh.." Jess swallows. "you're kidding, right?" Luke shakes his head, his face as sincere as he can make it. "no. i'm dead serious."

"wha…" Jess can't seem to form words. "look, i know you and Rory want to do this by yourselves, just the two of you jetting off somewhere. but i want you to be safe and to do this right, Jess. i know Rory's set with her career path, as a foreign correspondent she can find work anywhere on this earth. but you, on the other hand, it may prove of a challenge." "hey, i can write and edit books anywhere." he puts in, his tone defensive.

Luke holds up a hand, fishing out his wallet from his back pocket with the other. "i know you can, Jess. don't get offended now, i didn't mean anything by it." "what are you doing now? honestly, Uncle Luke, this is ridiculous. you don't have that much money yourself and you've got Lorelei now, you can't go around giving—" "Jess." Luke silences him and holds out his credit card. "Use savings." he instructs firmly, his voice leaving no room for argument. "are you sure about this..?" Jess eyes off the card as though this is all some elaborate prank or test about whether he's really good enough for Rory.

"i wouldn't be offering if i wasn't sure." Luke confirms. "and i don't expect you to just mooch off me forever either. i'm trusting you to get a job once you've landed on your feet, once she and you are settled in enough.." "and pay you back every last cent." Jess finishes. "well, no, that's not where i was going, i don't expect that. i just want to help you both with starting off. and then from there, you'll be on your own." "no." Jess shakes his head, meeting his Uncle's eyes, his voice sure of himself and much more levelled than Luke's ever heard it come out before. "i won't take this, Luke, unless it's a loan. and i'll pay interest. just me, not Rory. she can use the money too but i'll be the one paying it back, i have—want to."

Luke stares him down. "well, alright. i can respect that." he holds out his other hand and Jess shakes it. "now take the damn card, would you?" Luke shoves it forward and Jess takes it, slipping it inside his own wallet. "thank you." "don't mention it." Luke and Jess slap hands and hug, patting one another's back the way guys do with each other.

"Mum..what are you doing here?" i say, looking up from my full suitcase to see her leaning against my door jam. "Need some help there, kiddo?" she laughs at me. i look down. i'm sitting on my suitcase, trying to cram it shut and am tugging so hard on the zip it's bound to break any second now. "maybe.." i say, looking back up to her. "that depends.." "on.." "on whether you've come to stop me—to stop us, or not?" her face softens and she comes over to me, kneeling on the bed.

"oh, Rory," she tells me as she reaches out to twist a strain of my hair around her finger, like she's done ever since i was a little girl. "i'm not here to stop you and Jess." "you're not?" "definitely not." she shakes her head and i drop down from the suit case to hug her, us both kneeing on the bed now. me, with the wheel of my suitcase wedged painfully into my lower back. "i love you, Rory. and i only want you to be happy. if Jess is going to be the one to do that…" "he is, Mum. oh, i promise you, he is the one. he's already made me so happy these past 48 hours." Mum smiles. "well, then, i guess that's all there is to it, isn't there?"

we hug again. "now, go on, get." she bats me away, off the bed. "out off the way, so i can fix this mess you've made." she dabs at her eyes with a napkin with Luke's coffee cup logo on it which she draws from her pocket. "are you crying, Mama?" i ask, watching her pull the suit case toward her and open the lid, observing the damage. "no, of course not." she replies to me, dismissing the idea immediately.

i smile to myself before stepping forward and helping her refold some of my clothes and together, we tackle my suitcase into zipping firmly shut. "thank you." i say as she climbs off my bed to stand again. "anything for you. you know that, right?" she pulls me into her, kissing my hair. "i do now." i whisper into her shoulder, letting myself lean into my mother for a few moments, admitting to the reality that i will always need her.

even at twenty seven years old, one month away from turning another year older, even after graduating from Yale, even after jumping from continent to continent for work…the one thing that will always stay the same is my bond with my mum.

"everything alright in here?" Luke's voice booms across my room, bouncing off the walls which are still decorated with the Yale merchandise and the world map. Mum and i break apart as Jess says, "we didn't meant to interrupt." Mum shakes her head, again wiping underneath her eyes, careful not to smudge her mascara. "you're not." she replies, willing herself to smile. i go to lift my suitcase down but Jess is right beside me in a flash, taking over. "thanks." i say as he nods, like it's no big deal and just what's expected of him before taking it out to the car with his duffel.

now it's just Mum, Luke and me in the my childhood bedroom. "it makes me so happy that you guys are happy." i tell them as Mum gravitates back to him, like she always seems to do these days, leaning into his side as he brings his arm around her shoulders, kissing her head fondly. "i want you both to know that."

"we do." Luke replies, looking over Mum's head at me. "and it makes us happy to know that you're happy, Rory. or at least, on the road to being happy." i smile, walking up to them. "thanks, Luke. you know you'll always be more than just a second dad to me. you've been there practically my whole life, supporting me. you were at my graduation from Chilton, you moved my mattress into my dorm at Yale, back out again and then in once more." we all laugh at this memory. "and you've always been the one for my Mum." i look to Mum's calm face. "i guess what i'm trying to say is..you'll always be family to me." when Luke doesn't say anything, Mum takes her head off his chest, to look up at him. "Luke.." she smiles when she sees that he's crying, touching a hand to his cheeks to wipe the slow tears away.

"get in here." Mum grabs at me and pulls me into them, squeezing me in the middle, their arms coming around me from every side. i laugh, and so do they as we group hug, like a sandwich. "we love you, Rory." Mum tells me. "and i love you back." i say. after we separate, laughing, Jess reappears and holds out his hand to me. "Ready to go?" "i'm ready." i thread my fingers through his, not even looking back at my room one more time before following him into the kitchen and out of the house.

Luke and Mum walk us out, waving from the deck when we drive away. i fling Jess the keys this time and he only just catches them, having not been expecting it. he looks to me, questioning. "i trust you." is all i say, before standing by the passenger door and motioning for him to unlock it. he does and i dip my head, climbing inside.

he pauses outside the driver's side, his hand on the door, thinking it over as though he's afraid somehow. not afraid of driving me anywhere safely, since he's right, he did that after the wedding. but rather, afraid of having my trust back, after all that's happened and all the hurt we've both felt at the mercy of the other.

then he's inside, clipping his seatbelt and starting the engine, barely breathing. i hang most of my upper body outside the window as he reverses us out of the driveway, waving at Mum and Luke, not wanting to look away until i can't see them anymore. after Jess turns off our street, i slip back inside easily and buckle up myself. then i position myself as close to him as i can get, what with the gearstick and everything between us — and put a hand on his knee. "so where to?" i ask, grinning, mischief dancing its way behind my eyes. he laughs, leaving one hand on the top of the steering wheel and dropping the other to cover mine.

ONE WEEK LATER

Jess and i are packing his things into boxes, kneeling on the floor in his room. we've spent the last week in New York at the place he shares with Sebastian. they made up from their fight the minute we walked through the door. not saying anything and just slapping hands and half hugging, like boys do.

Jess took me out for dinner somewhere different every night this week, sharing with me his favourite tucked away spots of the city and walking me through Central Park and through the streets. we stopped at the most amazing bookstores, which were hidden away in alleyways or upstairs, above shoe shops. i never would've found them on my own.

it's been a fun, carefree week and we've laughed a lot and shared a lot. but we did take Mum and Luke's advice eventually, and got serious about two nights ago, when he took me up to his rooftop. Asking me what might've happened if my hotel had had a rooftop, he traced circles on my hand, pulling me up the stairwell.

i laughed until i couldn't breathe and he just smirked, not smugly. "you think things would've turned out differently if we rushed into this?" i ask as we stop before the edge, looking out at horizon of the city as dusk falls. "no. do you?" i simply shake my head.

anyway, we'd sat down on this old couch that gets left up there on the roof and talked things over. we lost track of time and ended up spending the whole night out there. a little before the sun came back up, Jess said a single word, the name of a city. "London."

and as pictures of me in wooly scarfs, my favourite old trench coat and brown heeled boots with his hand in mine and a takeaway cup of warm coffee in the other, of us jumping in puddles and walking down streets with grey clouds rumbling overhead, of waking up wrapped in warm sheets with him every morning, of taking him to cafes with fireplaces and cosy booths for lunch as it poured rain and snow outside, watching him scribble in some notebook, chewing on the end of his trusty pen until inspiration inevitably took over…

…as pictures of me rushing to the bathroom in the building of Huffington Post, kneeling by the toilet and throwing up from morning sickness, of my water breaking in a meeting with one of the Daily Telegraph's columnists, of Jess holding up our baby girl above his head as she kicked her little legs and giggled, cheeks popping with dimples just like his, of him telling me she has my eyes, of Mum and Luke flying over to London for her first birthday and staying home with the baby while Jess and i go out on date night, of Jess telling me not to bother them and to not be one of those parents who texts every five minutes for updates on whether the baby's made any noises in her sleep — when really he's badgering Luke with exactly those kind of texts under the table, himself — of us laughing about the fact that we hate leaving our baby girl and we're actually completely okay with being those kind of parents before heading back home to check on her ourselves…

as pictures of all those moments and memories that we'll share in our future fly through my mind, with my head resting on Jess's chest, i say one single simple word back. "Yes."

now at the airport, as i'm waiting for Jess, i hear his voice before i see him and i know it's him even from behind. i walk up to him and tap his shoulder. he turns, a phone pressed to the side of his face. "i'll have to call you back." he tells them, hanging up. "Rory!" Logan hugs me, without warning. i don't hug him back, so it doesn't last long.

"what are you doing here?" he asks, as though it's the most implausible thing in the world for me to be at an airport. i laugh. "i could ask you the same thing." he laughs too. "i'm actually about to go to London." i answer first. his eyes widen. "no way!" he exclaims. "yeah, i know, pretty crazy, right." "yeah, yeah. how long are you going for?"

"actually, we're moving there." i say, fiddling with my necklace. "who's we?" Logan asks, looking around us. "he's just checking our bags in." i explain. "um, we is Jess and I." "Jess..Jess.." Logan racks his brain and something must click because his expression changes. "Jess as in the guy from Philly, the guy who wrote the short novel?" "yeah. that's him." i say, swallowing. "wow, Rory, i didn't realise you guys…got back together." it's as though the words are physically painful for him to even say.

"yeah, it's still kind of new, actually. it didn't happen straight after…well, after us or anything." i clarify as Logan nods slowly, processing. "well, as long as you're happy, i'm glad for you." he touches my arm lightly. "thank you." i say. "and how about you? what's new with you? still living in the U.K?" i ask. he shakes his head. "no, no, i ended up riding that job out in California, y'know the one that i was offered around the time of your graduation from Yale?" i face palm myself, feeling embarrassed. "oh my god, yes, i remember now. sorry, i don't know how i could've forgotten that."

Logan laughs. "it's okay, Rory, i didn't expect you to remember every detail of my life." "well, anyways, how's California?" "it's good, we left there about two years ago but i assume it's still good." he laughs. "oh, we?" i tuck a loose strain of hair behind my ear that's come loose from my braid as Jess comes over to us, his face emotionless as he recognises Logan. or at least, i think he recognises him. it's hard to tell when he does this.

"look who it, the big hotshot novelist, himself." Logan holds a hand out to Jess. i hold my breath, only exhaling when Jess finally shakes it. i slide an arm around his waist after he steps back from Logan, reminding him that i'm with him now, that i'm his and he's mine. "well, if it isn't the blonde dick from Yale." Jess fires back as i pinch his hip, mouthing cut it out when he looks at me, forging innocence. Logan isn't bothered by this though.

"anyway, you were saying.." i try to steer our conversation back to where we were before Jess returns. "oh, um, just that i met someone out in Cali and we're actually married now." "really? wow, that's brilliant, Logan! you must be really happy." i smile at him, feeling genuinely proud of him. he smiles and nods, sticking his hands in the pockets of his suit pants.

"Thanks, yeah we are. Actually, i might have a picture." he brings up a selfie of him with his wife. "aw, she's beautiful." i remark. "and you look happy. what's her name?" i ask. "Julia." he replies, taking his phone back and then his grin grows. "oh and there's something else.." "oh?" i say as Jess puts his arm around my shoulders, mine still hanging off his hips. "yeah.." Logan suddenly looks nervous and then locks his phone, passing it back to me. Confused, i press the home button, assuming it's his lock screen he wants me to look at.

a baby boy is grinning a toothless gum filled smile right at the camera, sitting with his legs half crossed and a chubby baby hand pinching at his own toes. "oh my god." i whisper, looking from the phone to Logan and then back again. "he's yours." i know it without even asking, not just because it's common sense that the baby on Logan's lock screen be his own child but because this kid has Logan's exact nose and cheeky smile. "eighteen months old." Logan reveals, adding; "we called him Andrew but Andy for short." "cute." Jess chimes in and Logan clips a nod, as i hold out his phone and he slips it back inside his suit jacket.

"well, i hate to run off like this, but i'm actually running late for a connect flight. Julia's with Andy and Honour, my—" "Sister. I remember." i cut in, looking to the floor. "yeah. and Honour's husband..you remember her wedding to Josh, don't you?"

how could i forget…that was when i found out that during the time we'd agreed to take apart to cool off after a fight, Logan had slept with more than half of Honour's bridesmaids. "Yeah. kinda." is what i actually say. Logan nods and then looks to Jess. "You take care of this one, yeah? She's one of the good ones." Jess's jaw tightens but he manages to nod. "good." Logan slaps Jess's arm, in a friendly sort of way before looking back at me.

I get the sense that if my arm wasn't around Jess, he'd hug me again. "was good running into you, ace. all the best, okay?" "of course. you too." i say. "and by the looks of things, you got just the life you've always wanted." i add, remembering the baby. Logan smiles and then he's moving past us and walking away. i watch him until he disappears and then face Jess, removing my arm from around him. "hey, i gotta tell you something." i say and Jess's eyebrows shoot up, curious.

"what is it, Rory?" "i'm so happy to have you in my life." i say and kiss him deeply. "and on top of that, i'm so crazy in love with you." he smiles against my mouth. "i love you too." he says before retuning the kiss.