JUDGED CHAPTER FIVE

A/N: I want to credit the brilliant Sweeet-as-Honey for her invaluable input here. And thanks for my reviews as usual.

Robyn's major problem in life had been that she'd tried to fix things, often with disastrous consequences. When she received her eagerly-awaited birthday present of a small tabby kitten at five years old, she thought the tabby markings were dirt and had crept downstairs just after midnight and put him in a bowl of water to wash him. Luckily for the little animal, Robyn's mother had heard the water running and had come to investigate. Sammy the kitten was soon rescued, and dried but from that day on he would never go near Robyn again. Robyn's mother, who was not a cruel woman by nature, had told Robyn that it was her own fault if her special birthday kitten hated her. Even when Sammy was an old cat he would go to anybody but Robyn for a cuddle but would ignore all her desperate efforts to be kind to him.

When Robyn went to Comprehensive school she was quite liked by her classmates until the day Elsie Dunn had confided in her. A prank had been played on the English teacher and the whole class were to be kept in on the Friday night unless somebody confessed. Friday was the night that Robyn was going to a musical with her mum and dad and she really didn't want to miss it. Elsie confided in Robyn that she'd been the one to play the prank. Robyn adored Miss Curzon the English teacher, and saw her as kind and fair. She went to tell Miss Curzon that it was Elsie Dunn who had misbehaved. Sadly, Miss Curzon had never had much time for Elsie who was given a double detention and Robyn was sent to Coventry by her classmates for an entire week.

The third attempt to fix things was, up till then, probably the worst decision Robyn had ever made. By now, her parents had grown apart; her mother had had an affair and they were on the verge of splitting up. Robyn knew they really loved each other, and once again blundered into a stupid action. She phoned each parent, telling them that she'd been mugged and was recovering at home. Could they please come to her? She needed them. She forgot that life wasn't Mills and Boon novels or daytime television. Her parents had been incensed by her deception and the stupid lie only drove them further apart. Soon they divorced and Robyn had the guilt of that to live with.

Poor Robyn genuinely wanted to help people and after losing her job to redundancy, searched for voluntary work in her area. Holby wanted volunteers to work in their Mortality Café, which was linked to their local hospital. This café was a place where people who had been bereaved or were terminally ill could meet and discuss their situation together. One day a man called Glen came in, and he and Robyn began a conversation. He told her about his wife, Emma, who had died of cancer, Robyn told him about wanting to help people, and they found they had plenty in common.

Then, at the end of one long chat session in the café, Glen and Robyn kissed. Unsure of her feelings and worried that Glen might have just been trying to start a relationship out of loneliness and desperation, Robyn had made an excuse and had fled.

Robyn also struck up a friendship with a nurse from the hospital, Louise, who thought her new friend would make good nurse material, was interested in the café and how it worked. She coaxed Robyn to tell her more about her life, and though she was blunt in saying some of the things her new friend had done in the past were "bloody stupid", she reassured her that she wasn't the biggest villain in the world either. As Robyn walked her friend back to hospital for her late shift one night, she saw Glen approaching her.

"I'm sorry about the kiss-" she began awkwardly. Glen smiled.

"I've not been able to think of anything else" he confessed, adding:

"Do you work here?"

"I don't, but Lou does. She's just going into work now."

"Ooh, get rid of me, why don't you?" Louise huffed, but her smile belied her words.

Soon Robyn and Glen were dating regularly. Robyn should have been happy but she did wonder how Glen could start a new relationship so soon after losing Emma. Foolishly, she asked Louise to do some digging and there was nothing more that Louise liked than digging.

Robyn walked into the pub and her heart sank at Louise's worried face.

"Robyn" she said quietly, "Emma never existed."

Somehow Louise had got Robyn home that night. Robyn would have welcomed Louise staying with her to comfort her, but knew that her friend had to be up for work the next day, so she persuaded Louise to go home. Then she sobbed herself to sleep.

Robyn carried on with her life almost on auto-pilot. Then one day Glen came back into the Mortality café where Robyn had chosen to go on working. He'd begged for another chance. What he had confided to her was more heartbreaking than anything she'd encountered previously.

Glen had cancer and he was afraid. Day after day Robyn would see the fear in his eyes. Soon he'd not have the strength to go out alone any more; soon he'd be in hospital, battling the pain every day. He told her of people he'd spoken to in the café who had said that some cancers didn't kill quickly, it was a slow deterioration. Robyn dreaded the pain that lay in store for the man she cared about so much, but not as much as she dreaded living without him.

She knew she couldn't persuade Louise to help her with her latest plan to fix things. She'd be more likely to lose a good friend and even incur a visit from the police. But desperation had made Robyn crafty. She knew how loose Louise's tongue could be when she was off her face.

Louise, looking the worse for wear, giggled:

"Oh, a novel? Hmmm… well if the heroine can't persuade her friend to steal drugs for her it'll have to be the over-the-counter painkiller trick. Not prescript-ip-iption drugs, those that you buy over the counter. And not from th'same pharmacy… different ones…"

She'd travelled from chemist to chemist over the next few weeks, then finally had what she needed. Enough for both of them. Glen wasn't going to die in pain and she… no, she wouldn't think too much about it or she'd weaken.

"I shouldn't drink" slurred Glen, "But just for once… why not?"

He sipped the brandy then raised his glass to her.

"To us, Robyn. For however long we have left."

She kissed him hard and then said calmly:

"I'll go and make us both a strong coffee. Sober us both up a bit, eh?"

Her last memory was of a frightened moan coming from Glen, as she held him. He'd realised what she'd done.

She looked round the room in despair.

"She wanted to help him" Ben was brave enough to say to David.

David froze Ben with a look.

"Oh she helped him. She helped him to die reasonably painlessly."

He turned his cold attention to Robyn:

"Did you know that when you two were examined by the coroner, Robyn, that Glen was found to be in remission? Once again you fixed something the wrong way, didn't you?"

He turned his attention from the sobbing woman and turned on Ben.

"Since you keep trying to interrupt me, I think we should hear your story next."

The ginger-haired man stood as if in protest. David's voice was unusually gentle.

"Yes, Dylan. You're involved in this. You'll speak straight after Ben."