a/n: this story is turning me into a freakin insomniac. i keep getting ideas when i go to bed then can't sleep until i type them! anyways, thanks again for all the reviews
disclaimer: yadda yadda yadda don't own grey's anatomy yadda yadda yadda
By the time Addison was alone in an up-going elevator, she couldn't contain herself, so she lowered herself to the ground, scrunched up into a ball, wrapped her arms around her bent legs, put her head on her knees, and sobbed hysterically. That was it. She couldn't take it anymore. She was obviously never meant to find love, and meant to be an old, bitter spinster forever. She knew her tears were completely ruining whatever was left of her makeup after today's excursions, but now she couldn't even care that her mascara was getting on her skirt. After all, there was no point in looking good if no one was going to appreciate it. She sat there in self-pity for a minute and then suddenly she was mad. How dare he make her feel this way? How dare that… that… bastard toy with her emotions like this? Who did he think he was? Did he really think that he could mess with her head like this and get away with it? She knew that he had feelings for her; he had kissed her back, hadn't he? She hadn't been drunk or delusional, so she hadn't just imagined it. He had had sex with her hadn't he? And the sex couldn't have been what turned him off, because that had been great. They had somehow just—fit. There hadn't been any awkwardness at all. It had just felt, there was no other way to describe it, right. And she knew she looked good so he couldn't find her repulsive, unless he was just as bad as Mark and would nail any woman who looked at him. But she knew, just knew that he wasn't like that. She had seen the way he had looked at her, when they were through. She had seen that look described to her before by Holli, "And you should see the way he looks at you! When he does, it looks like you're the only thing on the planet!" were Holli's exact words, she recalled. That was the exact look she had seen in his eyes. And she had seen the way that he treated her patients, even how he had treated Holli. He treated them all as if they were his personal responsibility. She had seen that in him every day, and she had found it incredibly sexy. Where had that Alex gone? The one who was gentle and caring and compassionate, the one she had fallen hard for. Where the hell was he, because she had sure not seen it in his eyes when they just talked, she just saw… blankness. There had been no emotion in those eyes when he had told her that she wasn't his girlfriend. It was the look she had seen in the mirror, before Holli and before him. The look that was so great for hiding something. Now the question was, what was he hiding? But she obviously wasn't his girlfriend, he had made that perfectly clear, if nothing else, so why should she care? In fact, why should she even stay in Seattle? There was no point in it, nothing for her to stay for except for Holli, and even Holli was going to be gone in a couple weeks. She had come here for Derek and that was over. She couldn't really remember why she had stayed after the divorce. So she decided she was going to leave, go someplace warm and sunny. Maybe it would be good for her and her cold, dark heart to be in a bright, sunny place. She could go someplace like…. L.A.
Then the elevator doors finally opened and she walked to Holli's room to relay her decision.
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"He said WHAT?!" Holli screamed angrily when Addison told her the story.
"That I wasn't his girlfriend," Addison sighed.
"But… but… but he seemed so nice! And he was so into you! Are you sure that's what he said?"
"Holli, I was there, I know what he said. And that was exactly it. Whatever. It doesn't matter, I'm going to L.A. anyways."
"WHAT?!" Holli screamed again. "But you, you can't leave! What'll I do without you?"
"You'll live. You'll get out of this hospital and go to school. You'll email me everyday and tell me what's going on."
"No. Addison, I'm not going to let you do this."
"Do what? Leave? Holli, you can't stop me, I'm an adult; I can make up my own mind and make my own decisions."
"Addi, you've got friends here, you've got family, okay, me, but not my point, and you've got a secure job. Life's pretty great here…" Holli trailed off.
"I've also got a hotel room instead of a house, a job that consumes my life, and a one night, well, day, stand, instead of a boyfriend. There's not all that much to stay for."
"Buy a house! Find one you love! Make more time for yourself! Are you really going to let everything go just because some stupid guy tells you you're not his girlfriend? You're really going to let everyone go just because Karev's a dumbass? You're just going to pack up and leave? I thought you were above that. I thought that you could survive without a guy. I thought that you were stronger. Clearly, I was wrong. You're just going to give in and let him win. You're really going to let everyone go, let me go, just because the bastard can't find it in himself to realize his own feelings."
"Holli, I'm not letting you go. You know that."
"I know. Sure. Let me guess what you're going to say; something along the lines of 'we'll still email each other and we can still see each other from time to time," Holli laughed bitterly, knowing she was taking the words out of Addison's mouth. "Let me tell you, I've been there, and it sucks. Sure, starts out fine, but then we get busy, have more stuff to do, friends to see and the emails start dwindling. They finally just stop and I don't see you anymore. That's just how these things work, Addi. They never work out! And I happen to like seeing you everyday! You're the closest thing I've ever had to a mom, and, don't get freaked out by this, but you're my best friend too. I don't want to lose that, and if you move to L.A. then I will!" Holli started crying, so Addison embraced her, trying to calm her down.
"It's okay, it's all going to be okay," she murmured.
"Please don't go Addi. Please!" Holli pleaded.
"Let me think about that one okay?"
"Please!"
"I'll tell you tomorrow. If you tell me one thing."
"What?"
"What is up between you and your mother? You always talk about how she hates you."
Holli face turned to stone, "I don't want to talk about it."
"I will ask you one more time, how do you know she hates you?" Addison strictly asked again.
"I just do, okay? I'll tell you tomorrow!" Holli lied, "Can we please change the subject?"
"Just this once…"
They ended up talking until Addison actually fell asleep, stretched out, taking up half of the tiny bed.
what is addison's decision? find out next time on the darling of seattle grace! hehe
ok. go review now!
