a/n: you guys seriously make my day! thanks for all the reviews! oh and please don't hate me for the end of this chapter either!

disclaimer: i just don't own it okay?! don't rub it in...


"So, we definitely liked that first one the best, right?" Addison asked Holli.

"Yes. Now can we please go get some food? I'm completely starving."

"No one starves when their last meal of the day was breakfast," Addison pointed out.

"Stupid medical training," Holli muttered, "Makes it no fun at all to talk to you."

"Uh, that's just common knowledge."

"So not my point. Please, my stomach is growling and my eye is throbbing. Can we just go eat?"

"Would you like to tell me exactly why your eye is throbbing?" Addison asked as they got into her car.

"You're the surgeon; you'd be the one to know."

"I didn't mean literally."

"I know."

"So are you going to tell me?"

"Am I going to tell you what?"

"Okay, now you're just being difficult."

"You know you love me."

"Stop trying to distract me."

"Distract you from what?" Holli asked innocently, as they walked up to the restaurant.

Addison let out a frustrated sigh. Clearly, even though Addison had opened up to Holli, Holli wasn't reciprocating the favor. "You can't hide it forever you know."

"Hide what?"

"Would you stop that for God's sake?! Why won't you talk to me?"

"There's nothing to talk about," Holli replied coldly.

"Holli, you've got a black eye that pretty much mysteriously appeared-"

"I told you, I got hit with a baseball!"

"And I don't believe you! Why are you lying to me? I thought we talked about things like this!"

"Like what?!"

"Like the fact that someone is hurting you and you're not saying anything about it!"

"The only person hurting me right now is you, Addison," Holli replied in a very frosty voice, her arms crossed across her chest, her eyes straight forward. Addison stared at her in shock. "You think I don't want to talk to you? I'm telling you all that I can, and you think I'm lying! Since when have I ever lied? I have never doubted anything you said, unless you gave me reason to! So please stop staring at me as if I a) just strangled your kitten or b) was run over by a truck! I'm sick of it! I'm sick of people not believing me!" Now she was yelling.

"Holli, I-"

"Just forget it, okay? That's probably best anyways. Just forget it, and get over it. That's all you need to do in life."

"Holli. Whatever it is that's bugging you needs to come out or you pretty much destroy yourself. Believe me, I know. You can't just get over it. It takes time and effort and the want to be over it. And you not telling me, tells me that you don't want to be over it. So you're just going to hold it all inside and bottle it up, and put up a nice, perfect façade and every little thing will break you a little more, until finally you just can't function anymore."

"Gee Adds, you sound like you're speaking from experience," Holli deadpanned.

"I'm serious."

"Look. Did it ever occur to you that maybe I don't want to talk about it? That maybe I'm not comfortable telling anyone?"

"That didn't stop you from making me talk to you about Alex."

"That is on such a different level that they're not even in the same building."

"Holli, you need to talk about whatever it is."

"And I will… when I'm ready. You know what? I'm not hungry anymore. Could you take me back to school please?"

"Holli-"

"Oh for God's sake, Addison! Would you please just stay out of my life?!" Holli yelled before storming out of the restaurant.

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She managed to keep her composure until she reached her room. Then she had to break down. Thank God she had a single, because no one could see her like this. Not even Addison.

Why had she done that? Why had she yelled at Addison to stay out of her life? That was the one thing she didn't want her to do! She wanted her to stay and make things better, like she always seemed to.

What if she took her seriously? What if she really did get out of her life? What would Holli do then? Had she really just ruined the single closest thing she had ever had to a mother-daughter relationship?

She was so caught up in her tears that it took her a moment to realize the phone was ringing. "Hello?"

"You know, it's rude to not pick up before four rings."

"Sorry, Mom," she sighed. "I didn't hear the phone."

"That's no excuse."

"Look, I apologized. Can we just move on to what you called about?"

"I'd like to see you for dinner, if it's convenient for you," Judging by the tone of her mother's voice, this wasn't a request, it was a demand.

"Well, I have to study for a test…"

"Holli," her mother used the same warning tone Addison had used earlier, but coming from her it was a lot scarier.

"Right. I'll be there in half an hour."

"Make it twenty minutes please."

"Please don't expect me for at least half an hour. I can't get there in any less time than that."

"Don't be late."

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It had been a really long day for Addison. She had successfully managed to avoid Karev once she came back from the disastrous lunch with Holli, but that had meant taking the stairs, and staying away from any place he might be, which was pretty much anywhere in the hospital. It had involved a lot of looking around corners before turning them and constantly checking behind her. In any case, she was completely exhausted, so when she got a page to come to the Chief's office. she was less than pleased.

"What is it Chief?" she asked, annoyed.

"Holli," he said somberly, "was just readmitted. She showed up at the hospital doors, looking really beat up, and then just collapsed. We're still trying to figure out all that's wrong with her, but she's in pretty bad shape."

"But-" This just couldn't be true. This was the last thing that girl deserved. What was going on? What wasn't Holli telling her? "When can I see her?"

"Give us a couple hours, and then we'll see where we are. I just thought that you would want to know. I saw how close the two of you were."

"Yeah, thanks Chief."

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The next hour was positively hell for Addison. She sat there with nothing to do, nothing to concentrate on except her worries. She knew the hospital was busy and needed all the unshaken help (unlike her) it could get, so that's why she was so surprised when Karev sat down in the chair next to hers. Well, that, and the fact that she was pretty sure he hated her. "What do you want, Karev?"

"I heard Holli was readmitted… I thought I'd check on you…" he trailed off.

"Why do you care? I'm not your girlfriend, remember?" she spat, throwing his own words back at him. "You made that perfectly clear the other day. I understand. Now if you would be so kind as to leave me alone so I can-"

"I'm sorry," he cut her off.

"W-what?"

"I said I'm sorry. I was an ass, I know that now. I was just scared. Scared of being the kind of guy you wanted. I was afraid of trying to be that guy and failing and hurting you. And instead of saving you from being hurt I hurt you even more. I am so sorry."

"You're right. You did hurt me. But I'll live. I've been living without my husband, the man that I was supposed to commit to for life, and I can live without you."

"Addison-"

"Just forget it. Forget it and get over it, that's all you have to do in life," And with that, she got up and walked away.


2 things...

1) please don't hate me!!

2) feel like pressing the little square button in the corner??