June 21, 2008
Sirius Black opened his eyes, blinking at the ceiling. His hand absently slid over to Remus's side of the bed. It was cold. Remus hadn't slept there last night. Sirius smiled. They were getting married today. It was also his birthday. He was twenty-five.
As a gay man he had never imagined that he would be twenty-five and married with a child, but life had a funny way of surprising you. Most people don't meet the love of their life when they are fourteen. Most people don't lose their best friend and his wife in a car crash and adopt their son. And throughout most of history two men couldn't marry and certainly wouldn't be able to draw a crowd to that wedding.
Oh, they couldn't really get married, could they? It was just a civil union. You couldn't call it a marriage without pissing off Jesus or some load of bollocks. Jesus was love, wasn't he? Oh god, how Sirius loved Remus, and he refused to accept that any perfect being couldn't love their love.
Sirius pulled himself out of bed. He could hear laughter coming from downstairs. The kids were already up. His younger cousins, Tonks and Draco were over as wasHarry's friend Ron, who didn't really get along with Draco. That Narcissa Malfoy had relented to allow her son to stay up there for the week of the wedding was a strange miracle but despite all appearances the boy enjoyed visiting.
Sirius pulled on a shirt and hobbled over to the loo before going downstairs to find Tonks playing a video game on Peter's Xbox while the other children, even Draco, watched with excitement. Sirius had no idea what it was. It was something bright and colourful. He had never really got into video games, no matter how much James Potter had tried, though he wasn't ideological opposed to them.
Of course, Remus would suggest that Sirius didn't read enough books, and he was probably correct. But growing up it was always television and movies that his oppressive parents restricted and even at age twenty-five, with both of his parents now deceased, he still liked anything he could do to defy them.
"Morning," Sirius said.
"Tonks made breakfast," Harry said, pushing his still fairly new eyeglasses up his nose.
"It wasn't very good," Ron Weasley chimed in.
"That's not very nice, Ron," Sirius said, frowning at the red-haired boy.
"I liked it," Harry said.
Sirius smiled at his son. Such a sweet boy.
"Ron's right. It wasn't very good. Anyway, eggs are gross. I think I'm going to be vegan when I'm older," Tonks said.
Sirius smiled at his twelve year old cousin. In a strange way he envied her. Her mother and father were giving her far greater space to explore herself than he ever got. It was hard to believe they were from the same family. Sirius glanced at the silent, sullen boy with blond hair who was also part of the same family and couldn't be more different than his cousin. Sirius hoped Draco would be able to grow and never get too overburdened with his parents's beliefs and worldview.
"All right, you lot. I'm going to go take a shower. Try not to burn the house down while I'm not looking," Sirius said.
"OK," the kids all answered in near unison.
Sirius smiled and marched back upstairs.
You really couldn't place too high a value on a good night's rest, Remus thought as he yawned himself awake. The sounds of children sounded from outside the Weasley family household. Remus wondered if Sirius would've slept better than he did here.
"OK. Wedding day. I can do this," Remus whispered to himself then stretched.
For a moment he continued to lay in bed before repeating, "I can do this," and finally pulling himself out of bed. He wandered from the spare room and said a silent prayer that the loo was unoccupied.
It had been Molly Weasley's idea that they use the woods behind the Weasley family home for their wedding and Molly's idea that one of the two of them should stay the night before there. Given the offer of the former Remus felt himself compelled to accept the latter as well.
Remus desperately wanted some tea but forced himself to do all of his morning routine and didn't come downstairs until he had showered and dressed in his suit.
"There you are, Remus. Sit down and have some tea," Molly Weasley insisted.
The house was emptied with everyone presumably working to set things up in the woods. Remus and Sirius had delayed the wedding and moved the date around numerous times, much to the confusion and annoyance of anyone who knew them. A wedding in the summer and on Sirius's birthday finally made sense. And Harry would be starting school in the autumn so that was a factor as well.
"Did you sleep well?" Molly asked as she poured tea into a cup she set in front of him.
"Not as such. But don't worry. I'll manage," Remus said, giving the short red-haired woman an appreciative smile.
"I do try to keep the children quiet," Molly apologised.
"I think it was nerves more than the children. I feel like I've just remembered that I have a test today and I haven't been studying," Remus said.
Molly sat down across from Remus at the table, seeming very matronly.
"The entire time Arthur and I were courting he was always the nervous one. I was the confident one. I knew what I wanted and I wanted Arthur Weasley. Sometimes I think I might've been too much for him. But he came around. And then came our wedding," Molly said then snickered.
"He was a mess?" Remus asked.
"No. I was. I couldn't stop shaking. I was so bloody nervous. Arthur, on the other hand, was calm. Then we were wed. I don't think my nerves calmed down until our honeymoon," Molly said, hands clasped in front of her and her brown eyes looking wistful and nostalgic.
"Where did you go for your honeymoon?" Remus asked.
Molly grinned, beaming up at the ceiling almost as if she was about to take flight.
"New York City. I had wanted to see America since I was a lass. It was a wonderful week. I'd like to go back someday. It's expensive though with all the children," Molly said with a frown.
"Sirius and I have been talking about taking a road trip across America sometime. We'd really have to save for it. My sister is engaged to an American actually. She's moving to Seattle of all places," Remus said.
"Oh, that was where Frasier was set, wasn't it? I love me an American sitcom," Molly said then laughed.
"I haven't seen it," Remus said.
"It's lovely," Molly said, standing up.
"I'll have to take your word for it," Remus said.
"Fair enough. Now how do you feel about some eggs?" Molly said, shuffling to the kitchen.
"Why aren't you wearing a dress?" Draco asked his cousin who was standing in the sitting room, while her mother fawned over the lapels of her dress shirt.
Tonks scowled at Draco.
"Why should I have to wear a ruddy skirt?" Tonks replied.
"Language, Dora," her mother said.
"You're a girl," Draco said.
The way her cousin said the word 'girl' made Tonks flinch. Something about the insinuation made her uncomfortable. It felt like it implied too much about her. The word came with it an assumed identity and she wasn't entirely comfortable with that.
"So? Your mum never wears trousers?" Tonks countered.
The blond-haired five year old, looked down at the floor, clearly trying to remember.
"Narcissa does wear trousers from time to time. You probably just don't remember, Draco," his aunt corrected him, finally done with Tonks's lapels.
"Anyway, I don't mind wearing skirts when I feel like it," Tonks said, sitting down on the sofa.
"You look very handsome, Dora. You'll definitely impress that boy you like," her mother said, beaming down at her.
"Mum!" Tonks said, feeling herself turning red.
"You like a boy!" her silver-eyed cousin shouted, pointing at her and laughing.
"Shut up!" Tonks said and rushed out of the room, heading straight out the back door of the house and nearly bumping into her very tall cousin.
"Hullo cousin. In a rush to somewhere?" Sirius said.
"Away from Draco," Tonks said.
Sirius frowned and sighed.
"I'll have to get your mum to talk to him. He's only five, though. You're more than twice his age," Sirius said.
"He's just… so different. He's nothing like me. He's nothing like you either," Tonks said.
Sirius's son, Harry, and his friend Ron were playing in the yard with the family dog, Padfoot. Tonks had an urge to join them but at the moment couldn't allow herself to have such childish fun.
"No. He's not. But give him time. You wouldn't've liked me when I was his age either," Sirius said.
Sirius looked spectacular in his tux and his long, dark hair tied back in a pony tail. She wasn't used to him looking so formal.
"Are you excited?" Tonks asked.
Sirius smiled down at her with his grey eyes displaying surprising warmth.
"To put it mildly. How about you? Should be a fun party. The Lovegoods are bringing some of their pagan friends to play music," Sirius said.
"Yeah. I'm excited. I mean… I'm happy for you and Remus but…" Tonks said, avoiding mentioning the red-haired individual she was most excited to see.
"Good luck, little cousin," Sirius said, patting her on the back.
"Huh?" she said, looking up at him.
"Good luck," Sirius repeated.
"Oh. Cheers. Happy birthday," she said.
Sirius just winked at her and went back inside. Tonks shrugged and ran out to play with the boys.
"Remus!" Natalie Lupin shouted as she dashed into his embrace.
Over his sister's shoulder he could see his parents and Natalie's fiancé following close behind.
"It's been too long, son," his mother said as he dropped Natalie and embraced his mother, desperately trying to fight back all tears.
"We're proud of you, son. Marriage is a big commitment. Takes a strong man to take that leap," Remus's father said.
Remus smiled and wiped at his eyes as he let his mother go.
"Luckily, I have another strong man to help me take that leap," Remus said, wondering if Sirius was here yet, though he couldn't see him.
"And where is the groom? Err… the other groom," Remus's father said as they hugged.
"I don't know. We agreed not to talk before the wedding. It's terrible, really. I'm so nervous and he's the only one I want to talk to," Remus said.
"No second thoughts, I hope. I bought this dress especially for this wedding. If you bail I might have to kill you, big brother," Natalie said, giving him a sly smile.
"Of course not. There's nothing in the world I want more than this," Remus said.
Behind him a maypole was being set up while a friend of Pandora's strummed her guitar and sang a Celtic folk song he vaguely recalled. Remus smiled. He wasn't nervous because he was afraid. He was nervous because he was excited. He felt like the luckiest man in the world.
"Good!" Natalie said, sticking her tongue out at him then laughing as she joined the party.
Sirius got out of Andromeda's car and exhaled. There was something in the air. Sirius could almost taste it. It was like love but more earthy. His heart pounded in his chest and he was thankful for a clear sky, as if the sun insisted on being present for his wedding.
Andromeda smiled at him and laughed. His cousin looked radiant with her light-brown hair in a bun accompanied by a small flower and she wore a green dress that flowed with her movement. It had faint prints of leaves all around it as if she was made for the forest, just for this evening.
"You look nice, Andromeda," Sirius offered.
"Cheers. Happy birthday, Sirius," she said, clutching him by the shoulders.
Draco and Tonks stood beside her, the former looking petrified at the sounds that came from behind the Weasley home. Tonks was looking around, clearly searching for the object of her adolescent affection, Charlie Weasley. Harry and Ron came behind Sirius. Harry took Sirius's hand. Sirius looked down at his bespectacled son.
"You're going to go with Andromeda, Harry," Sirius said.
"OK," Harry said, letting go and joining Sirius's cousins.
The group walked off as another car pulled up and Peter Pettigrew and his girlfriend, Morag Cunningham got out. Peter shouted and nearly tackled Sirius.
"Happy birthday! You bloody bastards. You've made me so happy," Peter said, and dropping down.
Peter was looking a lot healthier than it had in the past. He'd put on some weight and there was a bit more colour to his skin than there used to be.
"Cheers, mate. Yeh wouldna believe how this laddie has been bouncing off the walls. Yeh'd think he was the one gettin' married," Morag said, giving her boyfriend a full lipped smile.
"Oh, uh. Haha," Peter said, laughing nervously.
"Don't worry, Pete. No one is going to make you get married today. It's our turn today. You'll just have to wait," Sirius said.
Peter rubbed his blond hair nervously then laughed again. Morag wrapped an arm around him and kissed his cheek then laughing.
"Dinna fash, Peter," Morag said, and guided the shorter man back to the party.
Sirius took a deep breath. This was it. He looked up at the sky as tears filled his eyes. He didn't think he believed in God and he didn't believe in the Gods and Goddesses of the pagans. Nonetheless, he thanked the universe for giving him this day.
When Remus first saw Sirius, walking up to the outcropping in the woods where everyone was gathered, he felt like he couldn't breathe. Here was this tall, gorgeous man in a fine suit, his thin lips turned in an eager smile, his hair in a ponytail wearing a flower crown and he was here for Remus. Sometimes Remus almost forgot to remember how gorgeous Sirius was. He gulped and wondered where all the moisture in his mouth went to. Remus mouthed Sirius's name almost without control and choked back a sob. Hold it together, Lupin, he kept telling himself.
Pandora's friends sang a song while she danced with her four year old daughter, Luna, and Luna's friend Ginny Weasley, her husband smiling with approval. The birds were chirping, the sun was shining and the man who would soon be his husband strode down the center of the circle that made up the party. Remus faintly wished Sirius had been there to watch Pandora's friends cast the circle to ward off negative energies.
Upon closer inspection it was obvious that Sirius wasn't even trying to hold it together, a stream of tears falling from his grey eyes. Sirius finally arrived to stand opposite Remus, a pagan priestess friend of Pandora's standing between them, her red hair and green eyes painfully reminding of his departed friend who was unfortunately absent today in the physical but present in his heart, soul and mind.
Even still, Remus leaned over and whispered in Sirius's ear, "I wish they were here. James and Lily."
Sirius bit his lip and nodded, wiping at his face with the back of his hand.
"Welcome beloved friends and family. We are gathered here on this blessed ground to celebrate the joining of Remus Lupin and Sirius Black. We have cast a circle and made this space that was offered in friendship a sacred space. I now ask you if it is true that you both come of your own free will and accord," the priestess said.
"It is true," Remus said, gazing at the face of his beloved star.
"It is true," Sirius echoed, his thin lips still quivering.
"Today we bring together two hearts and two souls as one. They will now light a candle of unity to show all of nature that their light burns brightly, no matter the darkness," the priestess said, gesturing at the large white candle beside them.
Peter handed Sirius a small lit candle and Pandora handed Remus one of his own and together they touched their wicks to the the larger candle, watching it ignite, giving Remus a rush of excitement. Slowly they pulled their candles away and passed them aside.
"Remus and Sirius are choosing to incorporate the Celtic practice of the handfast into this ceremony. With full awareness you are declaring your intent within this circle to all your family and friends and to whatever Gods or Goddesses you keep. The promises you make today will strengthen your bond across the years and the contribute to the growth of your souls. Do you still seek to enter this ceremony?" the priestess asked.
"Yes," Remus and Sirius answered in unison.
"In spirit I now offer a blessing to this ceremony: Blessed be this union with gifts from the East. New beginnings that come from the rising sun and communication of the heart, mind, body and soul," she said, gesturing eastward.
"Blessed be this union with gifts from the South. Warmth of hearth and home and the heat of the heart's passion," she continued, gesturing south.
"Blessed be this union with gifts from the West. The swift excitement of the raging river, the cleansing of a rainstorm, the all encompassing passion of the sea and the deep commitment of the ocean," she said, gesturing westward.
"Blessed be this union with gifts from the North. A solid foundation on which to build your lives. A stable home to which you may always return and find yourselves in each other's arms when the day is done," she said, gesturing northward.
Remus said a silent prayer of affirmation to his Goddess, Cerridwen, while the priestess smiled at them both.
"Each of these four blessings will help you on the journey that will help you build a happy and successful union. Yet, they are only tools, tools which you must use together in order to create the love you so richly deserve. I bid you look into each others eyes. Remus, will you cause him pain?" she asked, smiling at him.
"I may but it is not my intent," Remus said.
"Sirius, will you cause him pain?" she said.
Sirius's shining eyes gaze deeply into Remus's eyes and said, "I may but it is not my intent."
Remus was glad they had practised this a few times recently. It wasn't like Christian weddings which everyone has seen in movies and television even if they've somehow never attended one. Pagan ceremonies seemed to vary but they at least made sure to go over an example one with Pandora a few times.
"Will you share each other's pain and seek to ease it?"
"Yes," they both answered in unison.
"And so the binding is made. Join your hands," she said then draped a ribbon across their hands as they complied.
"Will you share each other's laughter?"
"Yes," they answered.
"Will you both look for the brightness in life and in each other?"
"Yes," they replied as she draped another ribbon across their hands.
"And so the binding is made. Will you share each other's burdens?"
"Yes," they said and she draped another ribbon across.
"Will you share each other's dreams?"
"Yes."
"And so the binding is made," she said, draping another ribbon across.
"Remus, will you cause him anger," she said.
Remus couldn't help but chuckle then say, "I might… but it won't be my intent."
"Sirius, will you cause him anger?" she said.
"Probably. But it won't be my intent either," he replied, his face contorting in failed attempts at stopping the flow of tears down his cheeks.
"Will you both take the heat of your anger and use it to temper the strength of your union?"
"Yes," they said and she draped another ribbon across their hands.
"Remus, will you honor him as an equal in this union?"
"Yes, I will," Remus answered, knowing in his heart that it was true.
"Sirius, will you honor him as an equal in this union?"
"Of course I will," Sirius said and she draped a final ribbon across their hands which she began to tie.
"And so the binding is made. The knots of this binding are formed not by these ribbons but by your own promises. Either of you may drop the ribbons as you hold in your own hands the making or breaking of this union," she said.
The priestess then removed the ribbons and placed them on the altar. Remus supposed they would get in the way when it came time for the rings.
"Now it is time to say your vows and seal them with the giving and the receiving of rings," the priestess said.
"Go on, Harry," Remus heard Andromeda say and the boy came dashing up, holding two silver wedding bands in his hand.
They weren't as fancy as the engagement ring Sirius had given Remus but they would do for the moment.
"Thank you, Harry," Remus said, taking a ring from him.
"Cheers, son," Sirius said, also taking a ring.
"Remus and Sirius have asked to say their own vows. Remus, you may begin," she said.
"I was going to write something down but everything I tried to write sounded daft. Sirius is the writer. I just… I just wanted to say that… I know the world can be a hard place. It can be a hard place for people like us. It can be a hard place for people like our son. But I swear that I will love and protect our family with every last drop of energy that I have. You're the only man I have ever loved, Sirius Black… the only man I ever will love," Remus said then placed the ring on Sirius's hand.
"Now, Sirius," the priestess said.
Sirius pulled a sheet of paper out of the inside pocket of his tux. He was visibly shaking, Remus unsure if it was anxiety or simple nerves causing it.
"God," Sirius said, unfolding the paper and look out at everyone.
"I'd say I promised myself I wouldn't cry but that would be a lie. I can't help it. I can't help but feel an overflow from my heart for this man that stands in front of me. He is a wonderful father and an amazing partner. I must confess to often feeling unworthy of him. I am plagued with a sense of inferiority. But I vow to always strive to be your equal. I vow to always try to be someone worthy of your love. I vow to always be willing to compromise and to listen. I vow to communicate and be honest. I vow to give you everything I am because that is all that I have to give," Sirius said and placed the ring on Remus's hand.
"As a final blessing to this union you may kiss," the priestess said and Sirius leaned down and into Remus's mouth, whimpering with emotion as their lips met.
Sirius pulled away but they gripped each other's hands.
"Ladies and gentlemen, the union of Remus Lupin and Sirius Black is complete. Please send them all your loving energy," the priestess said and everyone cheered and clapped.
The grownups were doing the maypole dance but Tonks was searching for Charlie Weasley. She didn't have to wander too far into the woods to find the object of her affection leaning against a tree by himself.
"Hi, Charlie," Tonks said.
The short-stocky boy with the fiery red hair and a seemingly infinite amount of freckles grinned.
"Hi," he replied shyly.
"Did you like the wedding?" she asked.
"It was all right. All that stuff makes me feel weird, though," Charlie said.
"Whatcha mean?" Tonks asked, sidling up next to Charlie and leaning against the tree.
Charlie shrugged.
"I suppose I just don't get it. It all seems like… such a big deal," Charlie said, furrowing his brow.
"I bet you'd like a dragon wedding," Tonks said, grinning from ear to ear.
Charlie flashed his blue eyes at Tonks and smiled.
"Do they have those?" Charlie asked.
"They should. Who's to say what kind of wedding you could have?" Tonks said.
Charlie frowned.
"Yeah but my… wife or whatever might not like that," Charlie said.
"I guess you better just marry the right person, then," Tonks said.
Tonks's eyes peered at Charlie's lips. They were thin and interestingly shaped. She slid closer to him. Charlie looked surprised but closed his eyes as her lips met his. Half a moment passed and Tonks was in heaven but Charlie quickly pulled away in apparent panic.
"I've… I've gotta go. Sorry," Charlie said dashing back to the wedding party.
Tonks didn't realise she was crying until she discovered her cheeks were wet. What had she done wrong? Was she just that bad at kissing? It was only her first time! If Charlie would just come back she could explain to him that it was only her first time.
Tonks gathered herself up by the knees, sitting with her back against the tree and cried in confusion, feeling guilty and wishing that pained feeling in her chest would just go away.
"Regs never showed," Sirius said, taking a sip of his cider.
"I noticed. Did you call his mobile?" Remus asked.
Sirius nodded.
"The truth is I've not heard from him in months. I got a check from him with the latest bit of my half of mum's inheritance maybe four months ago but he's been silent since then. He swore up and down that he would be here. That's troubling," Sirius said.
His husband rubbed a hand on his back.
"I'm sure he's fine," Remus said.
"I just… don't want him disappearing again. When he showed up alive it was a miracle… I don't want… I just don't want to go through that again," Sirius said.
Andromeda walked over and said, "Have either of you seen my daughter? She was supposed to be watching Draco and now I can't see him."
Sirius surveyed the crowd. He couldn't see Harry either.
"I'll look for them. Just stay here," Sirius said, sitting his drink down.
Sirius walked into the woods, his eyes scanning about for sign of children. Suddenly, he heard a sniffling sound. For a moment he felt a spark of parental rage, fearing that the crying individual might be Harry. But no. It was an older child and as he approached the source around a tree he saw that it was Tonks.
Tonks looked up at Sirius, her face sad and worried.
"What's the matter?" Sirius asked, crouching beside her.
Tonks shook her head.
"All right. You don't have to talk about it. But your mother is worried about you," Sirius said.
Tonks nodded and let Sirius pull her up with a hand. Sirius reached into his tux and gave her his handkerchief.
"Cheers," she said as she wiped at her face.
"No problem, little cousin," Sirius said and they began walking back to the wedding.
Arriving back at the group, Sirius discovered Harry and Draco walking back over to Remus with Andromeda.
"They were off playing in the woods," Andromeda said with a smirk.
"Playing?" Sirius said, looking down at the boys in disbelief.
"Playing," his cousin repeated flatly.
Sirius shrugged. Perhaps Harry and Draco were getting along better than he knew.
"Well, all right then," Sirius said.
Remus gave him a smile and Sirius kissed him, enjoying the good feeling that seemed to be permeating, almost magically. Sirius noticed that Tonks had disappeared and was on the other side of the party talking to Charlie Weasley. Sirius hoped that whatever problems they were having wouldn't ruin their friendship.
"I'm sorry," Charlie said.
"It's OK. I shouldn't've done that," Tonks replied.
"No, it's fine. Lots of people like doing that. I'm just not sure I do. Maybe when I'm older. I don't know. Can we still be friends? Please?" Charlie said with a smile.
Tonks smiled and nodded, though she knew her feelings weren't just going to go away.
"Cool," Charlie said and they walked off together into the party.
"Are we ready to go?" Remus said, standing next to their car in front of the Weasley family home.
"Yes. I think so," Sirius said.
Most of the party goers had already departed, aside from the Weasleys and Pandora's friends who were working to clean up whatever mess was still remaining. Andromeda, Harry, Draco and Tonks stood by, waiting for their departure. Andromeda was going to watch the kids while they were away in Venice on honeymoon. Sirius stood next to his husband and grabbed his hand, squeezing it.
"Take me! Take me!" Harry shouted at his fathers.
"Sorry, Harry. This one's just for us. We'll take you someday, I promise," Remus said, scooping Harry up and giving him a tight hug before passing him over to Sirius.
"Do try to come back in one piece," Andromeda said, walking up and giving them both hugs after Sirius had set Harry down.
"We'll try," Remus said, eager to get moving.
After a long couple of days Remus really just wanted to be alone with his new husband. Perhaps that was the point of the honeymoon. It wasn't about shagging in fancy hotel rooms or getting to go somewhere nice. Maybe it was just a chance to escape from the chaos of your own wedding and be alone to have a conversation.
"OK," Sirius said with a smile and got inside the car.
Remus got into the driver's side and as they sat down they quickly kissed. It was more slow and sensual than any of the kisses they had allowed themselves to have in front of friends and family.
"Feels funny doesn't it. Like everything is beginning again," Sirius said.
"Yes. It's… kind of wonderful," Remus said then kissed him again.
