Accidentally in Love
Chapter 4: In your Arms
Harry couldn't believe how hard it was to find a good time for the inevitable talk he had to have with Ginny. Every time he started saying something, she seemed to vanish or someone came barging in on them. It was as if Ginny knew what was about to come and as if she didn't want to hear it. And according to Hermione's gaze and the slight shake of her head, he guessed she hadn't been much more successful than him. He was lying in bed, Ron already snoring and felt frustrated. He'd tried to talk to Ron at least, but he'd played dumb and pretended to be sleeping. Harry had a feeling that both, Ron and Ginny already knew what was going on and that they just didn't want to face it. Harry couldn't even blame them.
He still wanted to tell the whole world about him and Hermione, but he also didn't want to be insensitive. The Weasley's had done a lot for him. Over the years, Ron and everybody else had become a second family for Harry. During the war, they had always believed in him and had suffered great losses. He wouldn't be here without them. Literally…
So naturally it didn't feel right to hurt those people he cared so much about. And even though he hated hurting Ginny, he was much more worried about Ron. Ron had been his best friend since 1. grade. He'd always been by Harry's side, always helping him out, always being more like a brother. Yes they had been fighting. And yes, sometimes Ron could be a dick. Especially the way he used to treat Hermione. But for Harry, Ron had mostly been a loyal friend. Until the day he left them in that forest. But he'd come back. He'd saved Harry's life and apologized and even though Harry was still disappointed that he'd left in the first place, he also knew that without Ron he wouldn't have been able to do it all.
And he knew something Hermione had never witnessed herself. He knew Ron's greatest fear. The fear of Hermione choosing Harry over him. Harry couldn't forget the locket and what it had shown. He'd told Hermione afterwards, but it was still different to see it. To witness Ron's reaction. To feel what he felt. That was the worst thing about his feelings for Hermione. The fact that their love would most probably break Ron. It was something Harry had never wanted to do to his best friend. But when it came to Hermione, Harry couldn't hold back. When it came to her, he would give up everything, his life, his soul, his very being. And he was also ready to sacrifice his friendship with Ron. It was heartless and maybe crazy and probably he'd regret it in one way or another, but he just couldn't live without her. He needed Hermione. He needed her to care about him. He needed her so much it hurt. The price to pay was high, but it was worth it. She was worth it.
ooooo
Something didn't feel right. That was what Harry had been thinking, right before hell broke loose. They'd went to Godric's Hollow and finally visited the graves of Harry's parents. Hermione had conjured flowers, which was one of the most beautiful things he'd ever seen her do, even though she wasn't in her own body. It could have been peaceful. But then Bathilda Baghot appeared and asked them to follow her to her house. Harry was sure she had something to give him. Gryffindor's sword probably. He had been excited and reckless and ignored Hermiones constant reminders that she had a bad feeling about it all.
She'd been right of course. Like always. One moment he stood in front of Bathilda Bagshot, the next a huge snake broke out of her skin and attacked him. And then Harry felt Voldemort. He felt him coming. It all went too fast, they weren't prepared. It was just a matter of seconds until they would be caught. Caught and killed. But Hermione was reliable. She saved them. It was close, just seconds before Voldermort arrived, but they'd done it. They'd escaped. Again.
It took a while for Harry to notice because they were lying on top of each other in another cold forest and Hermione was totally out of it, while Harry's scar hurt so much, he felt like either puking or losing consciousness. He didn't know which was better. Finally everything around him turned dark and he just heard Hermione's voice calling his name. He wanted to reply, wanted to tell her he was fine, but he couldn't. He fell into darkness.
ooooo
When Harry woke up, it was dark outside. He was lying on the mattress in the tent, the whole place only illuminated by the soft glow of one of Hermione's moving flames. His head hurt like crazy, but at least he was alive. They were safe. He felt guilty for dragging them to Godric's Hollow in the first place. Guilty and frustrated. They'd risked their lives for nothing. The sword hadn't been there and they nearly died. But then he thought about Hermione conjuring the flowers and suddenly he felt as if it hadn't been totally in vain. He'd been close to his parents. And she'd been there to hold his hand. He was grateful and worried about her, so he rose slowly, trying to get rid of the dizzy feeling in his head, and went outside.
Hermione was sitting on the cold floor in front of a small, blue fire. She was reading in a book, her face red from the cold.
"Hey." Harry said low and sat down next to her.
She looked up relieved and put the book aside immediately.
"You're up. Thank God. How are you?" she asked softly and Harry blushed. He'd fainted in front of her. Again.
"Much better, thanks. Mione, I'm so sorry. You've been right all along, we shouldn't have gone to Godric's Hollow."
Hermione shook her head.
"In a way it was good Harry. You had to see for yourself. And at least we know now, that the storybook might have something to do with the Peverell's. Besides, look what I found in Bathilda Bagshot's house."
She let him have a look at the book she'd been reading in and Harry's eyes widened in surprise. It was Rita Skeeter's biography of Dumbledore.
"I thought, maybe you want to read it. Even though it's as terrible as expected. She tried to bash Dumbledore wherever possible. I hope you won't take her words too seriously once you read this…"
The worried way Hermione looked at Harry made him feel caught. She knew him so well. She knew he had started to doubt Dumbledore and his motives. That he felt frustrated and overwhelmed by the huge task his old mentor had given them. Harry and Hermione had nearly died. Again. Just because they hadn't gotten enough information upfront. Dumbledore could have made everything so much easier. But he hadn't. He'd left and now Harry was facing a nearly impossible task. And nobody cared how the hell he was supposed to measure up to everyone's expectations. He looked up into Hermione's soft, brown eyes. No, he was wrong. There was someone who cared. She'd saved them. Again and again. And even though Ron left, she was still there, looking at him understanding, travelling from forest to forest just to try and help him survive.
She'd abandoned her family, her life, her education, which meant pretty much everything to her, just to be with him. Just to fight by his side. Fearless. Reckless. Brilliant. He would be lost without her and she had to know. And still there she was, buried in a thick blanket, her dark hair braided, her cheeks red from the cold, looking at him with trust and hope and affection. Even though he was the reason she was in danger, every day of her life. Harry's heart felt as if it was about to explode. She was his only friend. The only one who'd never left him. The only one who'd helped him through everything, all those years. It was crazy, that he'd never seen it. That he'd been too consumed by himself and his problems to notice what kind of treasure was sitting right in front of him.
Without thinking any further or planning or finding the right words to say what he felt, Harry did the only thing that made sense to him in that very moment. He leaned forward and kissed Hermione. She froze in surprise, but didn't withdraw. Harry took that as permission and deepened the kiss. It should have felt strange. He'd always imagined it to feel like kissing his sister. He'd been wrong. Kissing Hermione felt like flying on a broom, high above in the sky. It felt like lying in front of a cozy fire in winter, like eating freshly baked cookies. Her lips were perfect, soft and tender and sweet as chocolate. And suddenly his stomach fluttered, his heart started racing and he felt like he'd die that very moment if he had to stop kissing her. His hand moved up to her neck, his other hand pulling her closer.
Harry couldn't tell when they started losing control of the situation. He hadn't really meant to start anything that crazy, but once he did, he couldn't stop. And to his surprise, Hermione responded in a way that went beyond his wildest imagination. He'd never felt anything similar with Ginny, not to mention Cho. It went so far, that Hermione finally sat on his lap, her hands around his neck, their bodies pressed together so tight, that she could most probably feel how hot she'd made him.
It was so surreal, that Harry expected to wake up any minute. But it wasn't a dream. Kissing Hermione and holding her in his arms was probably the realest thing he'd ever felt and done. They'd been so close to death. Again and again Harry felt as if it was just a question of time until he wouldn't be able to get out of one of those situations and then his life would end in a green flash. Just like his parents' life had ended. He didn't want to die. And hearing his heart pound in his chest, he felt more alive than ever before.
"I thought you were dead." Hermione suddenly said breathless, putting a certain distance between them. She had tears in her eyes. "When you lost consciousness, I was scared you wouldn't wake up. I was scared you'd leave me alone. I couldn't stand the thought of you leaving me as well. Sorry, I know I'm rambling and I'm being silly, I just feel…" she stammered and Harry finally kissed her lips lightly and made her shut up.
"I know. Mione…, I know. I'm sorry." He finally said and she relaxed in his arms, her eyes shining and her cheeks rosy. "It's cold, let's go back inside." Harry asked and they both stood up slowly and went inside.
Harry didn't really know what to say, he'd practically jumped Hermione and felt overwhelmed by what had happened. And he was pretty sure she felt the same way. They were both standing in the small living room of their tent, tentatively watching each other as if it was for the first time. And it probably was. Harry felt as if he'd been blind all those years and now he finally saw clear. But there was so much standing between them, mainly a certain redhead, or better two. And still, Harry needed her to know. It felt essential to him, that she didn't misunderstand him.
"Mione, I didn't kiss you because we nearly died. I have wanted to kiss you. I just didn't really know until now." Harry finally admitted, surprised about his own courage.
Hermione had tears in her eyes again. She opened her mouth to say something, but Harry didn't want to hear it. He knew. So he stopped her by taking her hand.
"Don't. Please. I know. I really do. Just, let's go to bed, ok? It's late." He said low and Hermione nodded.
They both took off their jackets and went to bed, Hermione on the couch, Harry on the mattress on the floor. Harry had never felt so confused and at the same time so clear.
"Where's my wand?" he finally asked when he couldn't find it. He noticed Hermione tensing in the light of the blue flames she'd conjured. She sat up, now really crying.
"Harry, I'm so sorry. When Nagini attacked us, I used a spell and it fired back. I guess it broke your wand. There are only pieces left. I'm so sorry." She sobbed and Harry took a deep breath. It wasn't her fault. He knew. She'd saved them. If it wasn't for Hermione, they would have been dead. Still, losing his wand was hard on Harry. He'd always felt like it was more than just a wand, more like a friend. His wand had been able to protect him from Voldemort. He felt naked and weak without it and he noticed only now how much he'd relied on his wand to protect him when he himself couldn't.
He sighed and Hermione still cried softly. He took her arm and pulled her down on the mattress which made her squeal in surprise. "It's ok, it's not your fault. Stop crying. You saved us, I'm grateful we're both alive. Don't worry. We will share your wand. It's ok. Will you stop crying already…" he said softly but she couldn't. She'd obviously been scared to tell him about the wand and was both relieved and sad and probably confused.
"Mione, stop crying, or I'm going to kiss you again." He threatened smiling and she looked at him surprised. And then she was the one surprising him, because she lifted up on her elbow and put her lips on his. Harry moaned, burying his hand in her long hair. And with that the passion that had built up with that first kiss suddenly flashed up again and Harry lost himself in the feel of her skin, the smell of her hair, the feeling of her hands on his chest. He didn't feel cold or worried or defenceless any longer. He felt strong and warm and he was turned on like hell when she straddled him and they kept kissing like it would kill them if they stopped now.
Hermione finally leaned back slowly, taking off the locket around her neck. She put it aside without breaking eye contact with Harry. And the she suddenly started taking off her sweater slowly and Harry's breath hitched. His head felt light he was trembling. She was so beautiful in just her blue bra and that incredible look in her eyes. Hermione shivered under his gaze but she seemed to like it. Finally she put her hand on his cheek, her face so close to his, he could see every single golden dot in her amber eyes.
"If we die tomorrow, I don't want to go as a virgin." She said low and blushed so deeply, Harry could practically feel the heat radiating off of her.
His breath hitched again and his heart raced. "I don't want to hurt you." He finally croaked, feeling terrified and at the same time thrilled by the thought of really going on with what she'd started.
"You won't." Hermione just said and with that she kissed him and made him forget any doubts or fears or prophecies or responsibilities or whatever it was that kept him unhappy and worried. And in the end, when he was lying on top of her, her slender body so close to his, he could feel every of her heartbeats, he did hurt her. Even though he was being soft and tender. But she didn't even seem to mind. And she didn't want him to stop. And Harry had to admit, he wasn't even sure he could have stopped. Never before had anybody else ever made him feel like that. If he died soon, he hoped it could be in Hermione's arms.
Author's note:
Thank you so much for all those reviews I've been so happy about every single one of them! Thank you for your ideas and inspirations and your wishes, I have read everything carefully. I really hope you like chapter 4. I first wanted to describe the last scene much more detailed, but in the end it didn't feel right. There will be more detailed scenes in the following chapters, but for their special first time, I wanted it to be like this. Less is sometimes more
I want to say one more thing about myself and also about the story. This will not be a Ron or Ginny bashing story. I love every single character JKR has invented and Ron and Ginny are part of it. I think Hermione and Harry should have been the main couple, but Ron is a great character and Ginny as well. I want to write a story that does justice to everything they both stand for. And I hope I will be able to avoid them being too much out of character, because I think like this the story will feel more real. I hope you all nevertheless enjoy it
