Accidentally in Love
Chapter 6: When you're gone…
Hermione didn't know what to say. She was speechless. It didn't happen often and she knew her face was probably showing all kinds of emotions, but she couldn't help it. In the end, fury was the emotion that overwhelmed everything else. She went towards Ron and slapped him so hard, her hand was throbbing from pain. He looked at her utterly shocked, just whispering her name. But Hermione didn't care, if she'd have had her wand, she'd have probably cursed him to make sure he experienced enough pain. Instead she exchanged a deep glance with Harry, turned around and went back into the tent.
How dared he? He'd left, just like that, leaving them both on their own. They could have died, could have been captured and he hadn't cared. And now he was back, just like that, expecting to see her throw her arms around him as if nothing happened. Idiot. Jerk. Stupid brat. Hermione was so angry, she didn't even notice that Harry had entered the tiny bedroom she'd chosen to hide in.
He didn't say anything, he just stood there, his clothes and hair still wet and looked at her with those bright eyes, waiting for her to calm down and talk to him. And seeing him like that made her finally stop in her anxious pace and look at him, tears welling up in her eyes. With two steps Harry was next to her and held her in his arms and with that the anger and frustration disappeared and the only thing Hermione felt was resignation.
With a deep breath she made a step back, took her wand out of Harry's pocket and started drying his clothes and hair.
"Dying of pneumonia wouldn't be very heroic." She finally said and he smiled.
"You ok?" Harry finally asked, his voice holding so many different feelings, that Hermione wasn't sure what he was actually referring to. Probably the whole mess they were in.
She nodded. "What happened?"
Harry told her about the doe and the sword in the lake and how Ron had saved him. Hermione listened carefully and shook her head.
"You could have died. And I would have woken up without you and finally found your dead body in a pond. I should have slapped you as well. What the hell have you been thinking?" she asked confused, terrified by the thought of nearly losing him.
Harry sighed. "I'm sorry. I couldn't sleep and honestly, I haven't really been thinking much… I promise to be more careful from now on."
Hermione snorted, but couldn't bring herself to be angry with him. He was alive. Safe. And the locket was destroyed. All thanks to Ron. She didn't like that at all, but there was not much she could do about it.
"Was it hard to destroy the locket?" Hermione finally asked and there was a very strange shadow in Harry's eyes. Finally he just nodded and she decided to ask him again later. He definitely hadn't told her everything. And he kept a certain distance, as if he didn't want to get too close to her. It didn't feel right. As if everything that had happened the last days was forgotten. Hermione wanted to throw herself in his arms. She wanted him to hold her, to promise that nothing had changed, that he still cared for her. But she didn't. In the end, they both left the tiny bedroom and joined Ron in the living room of their little tent. He was sitting at the wooden table, lost in his own thoughts. His cheek was still red from Hermiones slap, but she didn't feel guilty. He looked at her expectantly, but she didn't say anything. She just sat down, created some of her blue flames and listened to Harry ask Ron questions about where he'd been and what he'd been doing. And all the time Hermione couldn't help thinking that she'd do anything to turn back time and be alone with Harry.
ooooo
Harry woke up early the next morning. Every night he relived the final battle again and again. He saw his friends die all over again and those red eyes tortured him whenever he turned around. But worst of all were Hermiones screams from being tortured. After a couple of hours, it was impossible to sleep any longer. He finally stood up and felt worse than before going to bed. Even taking a shower didn't help much. So he decided to go for a walk. It was a sunny morning and he enjoyed the sun on his face. But soon he knew that he wasn't alone any longer. Harry turned around and looked at Ginny.
She was pretty. With her long, red hair and a white summer dress she looked stunning. A couple of months ago, his heart would have been racing at the sight of her. Now he just felt sorry. Sorry and at the same time relieved that she was safe. One day she would find the right guy for her. He knew now that it wasn't him.
"Hey." She said smiling and Harry smiled back.
"Hey." He replied and they both grinned. But there was a strange sadness in her brown eyes that told him that she wasn't here by chance.
"Gin, I think we should talk…" Harry started, not really sure how to go on, but she just shook her head.
"I know that you're in love with Hermione." Ginny stated calmly, her expression sad but composed. He'd always liked that about her. She wasn't the crying, screaming type of woman.
"I'm sorry." Harry said low, not really sure how to go on. He wasn't good at these kinds of conversations.
Ginny shook her head again, taking a deep breath. "You don't have to be. You didn't make any promises. And I always knew that you have great feelings for Mione. I guess it was just a matter of time. However, I need to tell you something."
Harry nodded, not sure where this was going, but her next words let his heart freeze in his chest.
"Harry, Hermione left last night. She went to Australia to look for her parents. She said she needed time and space. This is for you." Ginny finally said, handing a letter to Harry. He felt like crushing the paper in his hand, but he didn't.
"Why?" he asked instead, not caring that he sounded strange even in his own ears.
"We talked last night. I guess she needs time to think about everything. She also wrote a letter to Ron. I'm not sure if he already read it…" Ginny said, frowning as if she wasn't sure which reaction to expect from Harry.
He took a deep breath.
"Thanks, Gin." He finally said, turned around and went towards the back garden. He needed to read the letter. He had to find out why she'd left without him. And he wanted to shake Ginny and ask her what she'd told Hermione to make her leave. Harry knew that his ex-girlfriend could be manipulative if she wanted to. But for Hermione to just leave without even talking to him was strange. She wasn't the kind of person to chicken out of a situation, no matter how unpleasant it might be.
Harry sat down on the half-rotten bench in the garden and opened the letter. Hermiones neat handwriting felt like a slap in his face. Somehow he hadn't really believed the letter was hers. Her words blurred before his eyes, but he forced himself to concentrate on the content, even though he felt like smashing something.
Harry,
I'm sorry. There are actually not enough words to tell you how very sorry I am. I know that me disappearing and leaving just a stupid letter must feel like betrayal to you. Please let me explain. I never wanted to let you deal with everything on your own. And the last thing I wanted, was to leave without you. But I think it's for the best at the moment…
Harry, my feelings for you haven't changed a bit. And they never will. I don't have doubts when it comes to us, I don't have fears. It's not you I was running from. I hope you can believe that much.
We have been friends for years. I know everything about you, just as you know everything about me. I know how alone you've been. How very much you always wanted a family. How much you treasured the friendship with Ron and how it hurt you when he was being a jerk. I have seen the two of you laughing together, joking and fooling around. You were more than friends, you were more like brothers – family. The thought that I might be the reason for this to break apart, bothers me. It bothers me in a way I can't even describe. I know that you choosing me, means losing Ron's friendship. We've both been fools to think he might accept it. We know better. You know better.
If you think I'm now trying to be noble and self-sacrificing, let me tell you that I'm not. My feelings for you are too strong to really let you go. And they are much too strong to give up on what I think is something special – something worth fighting for. But breaking Ron's heart and leaving with you to Australia, would destroy any chance for you to ever be friends again. It's just not the right way. It's not how our relationship should start. I know it might sound stupid, but I'm sure you understand my intentions. Nobody knows me the way you do, Harry. So please, forgive me for having made this decision without you. Even though you might not believe it, you need Ron. Just as much as he needs you.
I also wrote a letter to Ron, explaining I need time for myself and that I want to spend some weeks with my family. I told him, that my feelings for him are those of a good friend and that I want us to go back to where we've been. I actually said something like that already before we went to Hogwarts for the last Horcrux. It shouldn't be much of a surprise for him. Hopefully. Eventually he will see the whole picture and understand, or at least I hope so. Of course I plan to tell him the whole truth one day. But I think it's too early for him to really understand and accept it. If he doesn't, at least I can say that I tried to save our friendship. This might sound stupid to you at the moment, but it feels right to me. What we all need is some distance. I really hope it will help.
I will keep writing letters and hope to hear from you as well, even though you're now probably angry with me. Just don't forget, that I will miss you with every heartbeat. Forgive me for taking the "easy" way out of this. Even though I have to say that nothing was ever harder in my life than leaving you.
I love you.
Hermione
Harry read the lines again and again. He couldn't stop. Especially her last words cut deep. She loved him. He was furious and at the same time touched. They'd never said it. Not really. They showed it, said it in other words, but those three magical words had never left their mouths. And now that she did say it, it was in a goodbye letter. Harry felt like shaking her and at the same time kissing her. And worst of all was that he actually understood. In a crazy way that didn't make any sense, he knew why Hermione had left. And why she had to do so without him. It hurt anyway. And it made him feel helpless. What was he supposed to do without her? He and Hermione hadn't been separated for months. They'd spend every single day together. Not being able to see her reading a book, playing with her hair, sleeping or just staring at the sky felt like a huge part of him was missing. How was he supposed to exist without her being close? For the first time in years Harry noticed that he was absolutely dependent on Hermione.
Finally Harry stashed the letter in one of his pockets, but he didn't move. He couldn't. After all he'd been through, Hermione leaving had hit him more than he'd have ever expected.
Harry didn't even hear the footsteps until Ron sat down next to him.
"She's gone." He said surprised, holding a letter in his hand. The bewildered expression on his face would have made Harry smile, but he didn't feel like laughing at all.
"I know." He just said.
They didn't talk much afterwards. They were just both sitting next to each other, each of them thinking of the same girl in pretty much the same way. Harry would have never thought that one day Ron and he would be in love with the same girl. But that was just what had happened. They both loved Hermione. And she was gone.
Author's note:
Here comes finally chapter 6. I'm so sorry for the late update, the last three weeks I've been sick and felt pretty much awful, so I couldn't really enjoy writing. I hope you don't mind that much and enjoy the chapter. You will probably hate me a bit for letting Hermione leave, but I promise to hear from her very soon For me it felt right to give the story this kind of turn. I will try to update the next chapter very soon, so that you won't have to wait too long for it. I hope you have a good time until then. Thanks for reading and if you feel like it, leave a review
