Tales of The Awkward: Chapter 10: A Midsummer Night's Jealousy
When people thought of dangerous natural disasters, such as a hurricane, a tornado, an earthquake, or Donald Trump, their natural impulse is to go as far away from the phenomenon (or Donald Trump) as they possibly could. However, this natural disaster was walking and talking, and melting down even further as the minutes went on by. This natural disaster's long red hair was a wildfire, scorching the earth in it's wake. Her twin emerald green orbs were a nuclear meltdown, five times more intense more than any Chernobyl, and her thoughts were as stormy as a swirling typhoon in the Atlantic. Wait, that's a hurricane in the Atlantic, and a typhoon in the Pacific.
Kim Possible didn't know whether to feel disappointed in the fact that she may not get an opportunity to see Ron as more than her best friend this Friday or to be angry at him for having a social life while she was away fighting evil. That led to her being confused, and that led to frustration, and that led to her being more upset.
When she reached her home, she didn't have time to realize that she nearly slammed the poor front door and the door to her bedroom off their respective hinges. Besides, when did property damage ever matter when one was in a jealous rage? Inside her room, she trudged over to her bed and promptly threw herself on it. She placed a soft pillow over her head to shield herself from just about everything. She didn't want to see anything. She didn't want to hear anything. Hell, right about now, she would probably be okay if she didn't feel anything.
The News Crawl
This is a special report from the News Channel 8 Hormone Station... A Severe Emotional Overload Warning has been issued for the immediate residents of the Possible home. An intense high-pressure system with long red hair and green-eyes had entered the premises at 9:37PM and is likely to remain stationary until after Friday. Expect frequent mood swings, damaging words, and possible hail. Residents should either leave the premises or outright avoid conflict when the storm approaches in or around their area. Take cover when necessary. Stay tuned to the News Channel 8 Hormone Station for further updates...
The next day bought little relief. Little relief in the vein of taking aspirin for an Excedrin headache, or wearing a sweater in the blistering cold inside the house, or... purchasing a Sony PlayStation 3 the second it comes out, or, more realistically, the New York Giants defense.
Speaking of headache, the redhead woke up with one of the splitting variety. After all, Kim didn't have the most peaceful of rests last night. The world knew Kim as the girl who could do anything, they however, didn't know that she hated things like this; Things that she couldn't control. But then again, this was none of the world's business, was it?
'Stupid clueless Ron,' she fumed. 'How could you think that I'm okay with you just running around, carousing with some girl on our night? Who the heck do you think you are anyway? You wait til I...'
She did specifically remember telling him that it was okay, though. But in that situation, he was supposed to know that it wasn't!
Straight out of her bed, the teen adventurer began to pace back and forth in her room. She just couldn't get this off her mind. All of this craziness wouldn't be happening if it wasn't for Drakken and his crazy schemes to take over the world, or Shego and her stupid barbs. Grr... Next time she saw her, there wasn't going to be any back-and-forth banter and comments about her cute sidekick... just fists being connected with faces, and egos being bruised.
Throughout the morning, the auburn-haired girl deflected the blame of this matter from one person to another. From Wade to that henchman who just had to go down swinging to that silly rookie cab driver. Maybe it wasn't all Ron's fault... after all, he was just a boy, and most boys were clueless. That's what Agony County taught her, anyway. However, there was a perfect person for the blame in all this, as Kim just discovered.
Tara.
Tara. That blonde-haired, blue-eyed...
Traitor!
Kim Possible Presents: The who's-who of Traitors
Benedict Arnold - Plotted to surrender the American Fort of West Point to the hated British. Well, hated at that time, anyway.
Thomas Paine - Radical English scholar and intellectual who published anti-English literature.
Hollywood Hulk Hogan - Pumped up steroid freak that brazenly turned his back against the fans and joined the Outsiders to form the New World Order.
Johnny Damon – The self-proclaimed idiot and a brave man. After becoming a cult hero in Red Sox Nation, he escaped the clutches of Theo Epstein and escaped to greener... well, actually, more pinstriped pastures. He willingly dumped the evils of his hairy self to transform into a more clean-shaven soldier for the pinstriped cause. Yes, he still has a string bean for a throwing arm. But, man, did he deliver in that... ahem, late August series.
Ben Wallace - Afroed defensive superstar for the Detroit Pistons who ran off to Chicago to play for the Bulls.
Adam Vinatieri - The greatest pressure kicker in football history who left the New England Patriots for the Indianapolis Colts. Incidentally, that still won't stop Peyton Manning from throwing five interceptions in the AFC Championship game.
President Charles Logan - Richard M. Nixon look-alike who purposely allowed nerve gas attacks to be carried out by Russian terrorists. Luckily, Jack Bauer made him face justice.
Tara King - Overly sweet and innocent blonde-haired cheerleader/bimbo who purloined Ron Stoppable out from underneath Kim Possible... Or so it seemed.
Yes, a member of her cheerleading team was stepping out with her best friend this Friday. What kind of madness was this, anyway? Forget that. How on Earth did Tara get Ron's phone number in this place? Even more importantly, when did Tara of all people start liking Ron anyway?
Wait a minute, don't answer that. She'll get it soon enough.
When... When?
Then it hit her... Not hit like a ton of bricks, but a reasonable facsimile.
'Didn't you remember any of what happened at Camp Wannaweep months ago, or is your memory shorter than the San Diego Chargers' "run" in the playoffs? Didn't you catch Tara making all those doe eyes at him while we were stranded out there in the woods?'
'Wait a sec, she was, wasn't she?'
'I can't believe that you couldn't remember that.'
'Well, it wasn't important back then, now was it?'
Meanwhile, somewhere across town, a young man was experiencing the best part of this dating game... the part before the total nervousness of one first date, not the conclusion, or the beginning, or the middle, but the anticipation that comes with the business of hooking up. Heck, Ron Stoppable didn't even have time to be nervous this day. With the blessing of Kim, he had uber-confidence in what was going to happen on that night. Indeed, in under thirty-six hours, Ron was totally going to strike out!
Wait, striking out was never a good thing. Ah! He was going to be a hit Friday night. Boo-Yah!
Now what kind of hit would he be? A single? A double? Maybe a whole round tripper? Would the third base coach wave him around the bases when it was all said and done before the outfielders hit the cut-off men?
Woo... so many possibilities. There were so many outcomes, and so many silly baseball analogies. He couldn't wait.
What did hours upon hours of roasting in one's own juices, figuratively speaking, and over-thinking do for one cheerleader that happened to save the world quite often? It got her nothing, not much, and nowhere fast. Kim had been home all day, not bothering to venture out into this crazy, mixed-up world.
Actually, the world wasn't crazy and mixed-up twenty-four hours ago, sort of like what that Jack Bauer guy goes through when he's not fighting off psychotic terrorists who let off nukes. Anyway, now that the world as she knew it was totally spinning off of its axis, that same red-haired girl was doing the very same thing, attempting to figure out a way to deal with this Ron business. Add to that the fact that it was much too hot and humid of a day to really do much of anything.
With that in mind, she knew that she couldn't sit around and let that traitorous Tara take what was... rightfully hers?
Wait, take what? What exactly Ron Stoppable to Kim Possible? He certainly wasn't hers. If she thought of him as her best friend, then why react in the fashion that was? And if it was fireworks, as she stated that starry night in July, then maybe it's not meant to be.
For the first time that day, the flame-haired girl saw things a lot more clearly. It was a shame that most or the day was spent trying to figure out who's fault it was for Ron skipping out on her when she was trying to put Monique's advice into effect. Obviously, by now she figured out that it was all Tara's fault. By her estimation, it only should have taken her until the middle of the morning to...
...and no, she was not jealous, she reassured herself. She was just a little bitter.
A little?
He rarely ventured into this portion of the Middleton Mall on his own, but just like he had a first date coming up, there was a first time for a lot of things. Like, say, a sports team from Philadelphia actually winning something.
Ron looked up toward the awning of the trendy clothing store known as Club Banana. Yes, it was against everything he stood for, and... Hold on. What did he stand for, anyway? Pants that fell to his ankles at the slightest provocation... was that what he stood for? No Sirree. There would be no embarrassment this Friday. Shaking his head in disgust, he entered the establishment.
Making himself as inconspicuous as possible, he made his way to the men's section. The boy was surprised to see that he was being watched --- Watched by a few girls as he walked through the shop. Even more confusing was the fact that his fly was actually up.
He gave a long look at the slacks. Hm, maybe Kim was right about this place. Most of the merchandise did look good. Now, what was his size. 30? 32? 41-0? Before any of his questions to himself were guestimated, he felt a pinch at his side. His concentration visibly broken, he turned around to see what shook him out of his...
Uh-Oh...this was unexpected.
"Eh..." Ron stammered. "Hi, Bonnie."
"Hmph. You think I didn't see you there, Stoppable?" The brunette cheerleader said, that old confrontational tone in her voice. "So, where's Kim?"
"Uh... Actually, I came here alone," the blond replied.
"Oh," Bonnie simply said. As if the girl got her hands on the last tube top before Kim did, her expression brightened considerably. Hastily, she grabbed the slightly taller boy and enveloped him in a long hug. Ron didn't know whether to be seeing stars or be as confused as figuring out what the f of x was.
For the sake of internal argument, the blond was both confused and seeing stars. The cheerleader's body was like... soft and so totally... curvy. Almost made him forget about that date with what's her name. When she released him, he had a slightly stupefied look on his face... see? Only slightly stupefied... he was improving by the day.
"Sorry about harshing on you, Ron. It's just that I haven't seen you in so long," the tanned girl confessed.
'It's only been two months and... since when was Bonnie Rockwaller ever happy to see me?'
"I-It's only been two months or so since the last day of..."
"Well, it's been two months too long, sweetie," she interceded while taking his hand, batting primped eyelashes at him all the while.
S-s-sweetie?
Critical Error 262B: Unexpected Term of Endearment from Total Hottie.
Treatment: Act like you've heard it from your mother and keep blushing to a minimum.
"I, uh..."
Treatment failed... and only after six seconds.
"So... what are you doing here?"
"Oh... Uh, I just wanted to get something a bit special or something..."
"Why?"
In the little time that the blond had, he wondered if it would be wise to tell Bonnie the truth about why he was here.
"...Because... I have..."
"Stop," Bonnie quickly snapped. "You're lying," she added with a knowing grin
"You didn't even let me say anyth--"
"You're avoiding eye contact, Ronnie. I know you're lying," the brunette explained. "Shame on you... Not telling me the truth," she playfully scolded.
Boy, how many different girls could have Ron dead to rights? His count at this point was 7.
"Now, tell Bonnie the truth and she won't laugh at you... Much."
"Eh... the truth is that I have a date," he said slowly and uneasily.
"Oh, really?" Bonnie asked, her enthusiasm dulling. "I knew it was only a matter of time before you and--:"
:"Uh, i-it's not Kim," Ron said, already knowing where she was going.
Just like that, the brunette's vigor returned. "Really? Then who is it?"
It was good to have the upper hand in a conversation every once in a while. Ron rarely felt the upper hand, so he wanted to revel in this one for a quick second.
"I'm afraid I can't tell you that," he replied with a wry grin. The girl pouted, but the sidekick wouldn't budge off this one.
"I'll get my info from... Whoops, I gotta run... But I'll see you around, Ron," she said.
"Of course you will," Ron quipped. "School starts in like, ten days."
The brunette giggled as she laid a hand across his reddening cheek, just like she did that afternoon in the cafeteria. "Hm, then hopefully it'll be sooner rather than later."
The freckle-faced boy was perplexed once again as he watched the swiveling hips of the tanned brunette disappear from his view. Then again, watching her swiveling hips would be enough to perplex any man, but that wasn't the point. Months ago, Bonnie probably wouldn't spit on him if he was on fire, and now... it's was almost like she liked him.
Nah... That couldn't be. She was being nice to him now that he wasn't in her bad graces anymore. It couldn't have been any more than that. Besides, just as quickly as she could be nice to him, she could be that the prissy, stuck-up, self-centered, gold-digging, snooty, conniving Ho-Bag that she was to him months back. Plus already had a fairly attractive girl interested in him.
He shook his head and returned to his shopping.
Sometimes, Monique felt that all of twenty-eight hours a week of work at a high-end fashion store wasn't exactly worth the discount she would get in and about the mall.
These were one of those dreaded stockroom days for her. Not all days would be spent behind the counter, placing monies in the cash register. Days like this were nothing more than heavy lifting and a lot of nothing, followed by more heavy lifting. The sound of the clock striking 7 o'clock felt like music to the clerk's ears. Gathering her things, she made a beeline for the exit. She felt like she wanted to collapse the moment she stepped out of the store, but then again, over-dramatics and calling attention to oneself were mainly looked down upon in a mall.
She reached a particular comfortable bench to take a rest on. Well, benches went almost never comfortable, what with them being hard as rocks, stones, or the final boss in Vectorman. Hard or not, she had to sit down and rest her body for a few moments. Minutes passed by as she sat there, watching the crush of patrons enter and exit the mall. That is, until, she saw a face that stood out in the masses.
Say, what was Ron doing here? Well, that wasn't any of her business. What was strange was the bag he was carrying, though. It piqued her interest enough to take herself off of the not-exactly comfortable bench.
When did Ron figure out that he was at Club Banana and not at Smarty Mart?
He seemed to notice when his wallet turned up more barren and vacuous than the Serengeti. It was such a good thing that he saved as much money as he did. Because if he didn't his first date would be spent at...
"Since when did you Banana?"
The sidekick's eyes went wide as he saw the form of Kim's best girlfriend, Monique. After trying to keep a low profile at Club Banana... Sheesh.
"Oh.. Hey, Monique," he said, very much unsteadily.
"You didn't answer my question," she replied, now crossing her arms.
"Jeez, Mo... A brotha can't get his shine and freshness on?" He asked, furrowing his eyebrows.
"Anyone else, yes." She answered. :"However, if someone used terrible lingo like that, such as you, no." Monique replied. "Spill," she commanded.
Critical Error 3: The Third Degree
Symptoms: Sweaty palms, intense questioning, and the occasional glare.
Treatment: Answer question without really answering the question... like politicians.
"Welllll," the sidekick stalled. This was going to take a little bit of wordplay. "I happen to have a gathering of sorts with a lady friend of mine."
Yep, double talk always worked when it came to Ron. He so had the gift of gab.
"So, you've got a date, huh?"
Ron hung his head. "Yes," he uttered. So much for the gift of gab.
"Is that so?" Monique asked. She had to smile at her own handiwork. It looked as if Kim had taken her advice after all.
Indeed, Monique loved when a plan came together.
Ron nodded.
"Ron Stoppable going out on a date? You go boy!" The fashion store clerk congratulated, slapping the boy's shoulder hard enough to make him stumble... then fall to the floor.
"Thanks, I think," Ron replied, dusting off. "If you excuse me, Mo... I've gotta be getting..."
"Oh, no problem, Ron," Monique said, taking the hint. "I know you'll hit a home run tomorrow," she added with a friendly smile.
It seemed that everything was right with the world. Kim apparently took her sage advice, and now teen super heroine and goofy, but loyal sidekick were on the fast track to Loveland. She had to be prideful of her deed and her wicked matchmaking skills. Kim & Ron were definitely right for one another, and with a little bit of nudging in the right direction, it was going to happen.
Now.. if she could find herself a guy worth her time...
Feeling like she had resolved her sitch for the being, Kim finally raised herself from the swiveling chair next to her desk that she had used for contemplation purposes. Besides, all of this thinking was making her so very tired.
That, and she finished having dinner.
She climbed into bed and placed herself underneath the covers. Sure, it was around 9PM, but that matter much to her right now, as last night didn't bring much rest after all. Clutching her Pandaroo tightly, she slowly drifted off to...
...no, wait... she wasn't drifting off to sleep. There had to be some explanation for this. She was in her night clothes, her Pandaroo was by her side, and the lights were off. So, why wasn't she in her dream world?
Penal Code 192-A Section 10 relieves the right to state the obvious.
The redhead sparked an idea, maybe some music would help her to elevate to the world drowse. Turning the clock radio on, she took a listen to what was blasting on the airwaves.
"I'm going through a tunnel, stuck in a canyon
in an elevator, do you even listen?
No, no, no, no
No, no, no, no
Oh-oh
Hello, hello, hello?
Can you hear me now?
Or am I losing you ( Hello )
Got to reconnect somehow
'Cause I can't hear you
Hello, hello, hello..."
'No communication... That sounded really familiar,' Kim thought. Uh-Oh... In about a half-second, she changed the station.
"Yeah, I'm in this business with Terror
Got a handful of stacks, better grab an umbrella
I make it rain, I make it rain
I'm in this..."
'Ugh... rap music.' Kim really didn't feel like being up all night listening to... that. She turned the dial once again. Hopefully, the next station was a bit softer than the last.
"I can love you, (I can love you), I can love you (I can love you)
I can love you better than she can
Sitting here, wondering why you don't love me,
the way that I love you and baby
Have no fear, cause I would never ever hurt you,
and you know my love is real and I can..."
Absolutely. She could definitely relate to this... Hmph, who was Tara anyway? Ron had only known the blonde since freshman year. He'd known her since Pre-freaking-K! How could he possibly cancel on her for Tara? The nerve of...
Uh-Oh... the redhead switched the dial quickly. Apparently someone at KRMN had been trying to tell her something.
'Next station,' she thought fearfully.
"...Because
I can see us holding hands
Walking on the beach, our toes in the sand
I can see us on the countryside
Sitting on the grass, laying side by side
You could be my baby, let me make you my lady
Girl, you amaze me
Ain't gotta do nothing crazy
See, all I want you to do is be..."
'See, why we couldn't be like is beyond me…''
The redhead gasped. What was going on here? She had wholly convinced herself earlier that her mind was not on Ron... However... her thoughts, and apparently, the radio stations weren't letting her achieve that. She switched to the next station down the dial.
"...Dream if you can a courtyard
an ocean of violets in bloom
Animals strike curious poses
they feel the heat
The heat between me and you
How can you just leave me standing
Alone in a world that's so cold? (So cold)
Maybe I'm just to demanding
Maybe I'm just like my..."
The teen super heroine threw her hands in the air, and probably threw the appliance hard enough against a wall to make it not work anymore. This was really something... even Unpronounceable Glyph was against her! Why would all these romantic songs play on the radio...at the same time? Either this was one hell of a coincidence, or she was going crazy. Was she going crazy?
(Paaaaah-sibbly! Thank you, Cee-Lo Green)
There was a disturbance in the force. Monique could almost feel it in her bones... well, maybe not her bones. And, perhaps she wasn't that in tune with the ways of the force. There was, however, a couple of nagging thoughts about her latest matchmaking success. It was enough to keep slumber from coming after a day work at Club Banana. The African-American girl took a look at the clock, which read 11:12. She really ought to be sleeping like a rock by now., but this little silly thought was tugging at her to no end.
It may have been a bit silly, but what if this lady friend that Ron had mentioned wasn't Kim?
Nah. It couldn't be. What other lady friend did Ron have? Believing it would be anyone else besides Kim would be fairly silly, the girl reassured herself.
There was just no way.
Was there?
The night had finally arrived.
Friday Night.
"What do you think, Rufus?" A sharp-as-a-tack, dress-to-the-nines Ron Stoppable asked his naked mole rat.
The pink rodent gave him a tiny thumbs-up. "Thanks bud," the blond said, petting his hairless friend on his forehead. "Now, the waiting game begins."
He stole a glance at his analog watch... it was about twenty minutes from showtime. There was no time to be nervous, because he was either going to be great, or he was totally going to make an idiot of himself. There was no grey area with him. And no matter which way it turned out...
-Ding, Dong-
Who could that possibly be? Tara wasn't due for another eighteen minutes and forty-seven seconds. (7:41:13 PM)
"Ronald, its Kimberly!" his mother called from the living room.
Kimberly? Who was Kimberly? Ron didn't know of anyone named Kimber--
Oops.
He paced downstairs and there she was.
"She says that it's important," Mrs. Stoppable said quietly, issuing her son a knowing grin before she left the room. No wonder Ron looked so handsome tonight..
Then again, it would have been a knowing grin if Ron actually knew, of course.
Kim couldn't believe her eyes. Ron looked so nice this night... he would look even better if he looked this good for her instead of;..
With the two active members of Team Possible alone, both found it surprisingly tough to say much of anything to each other.
"So..." Ron began, shuffling his foot timidly. "Didn't expect to see you here tonight... Not that I didn't..."
The all-too familiar hesitation was coming back, this time, however, Ron noticed it. "You said to my mom that you had something important going on. What's up?"
"I... uh," the redhead stammered. She wanted to tell him, but the words wouldn't come to her. It just wasn't working for her.
"I wanted to... say sorry for kinda storming out on you the other day..." It definitely wasn't the words that she wanted to say to him, but at least it was words, and in truth, she really wasn't sorry about how she handled that... news.
"Oh, it's cool, K.P.," Ron said jovially.
More length silence followed.
"Sooo... Tara's about due by now, hm?" Kim asked. It took her a Herculean effort for her to not spit out those words venomously.
"Oh... yeah, she should be about due in... twelve minutes and thirty-six seconds," Ron answered, as he checked his watch. (7:47:24)
"Hm, I'd better go then. I don't want Tara to get the wrong idea," she said evenly.
"Yeah... you..." Ron trailed off.
"Hey, like I said, good luck. Remember, show her the real Ron, and she'll be putty in your hands," she said to him, believing in every words she stated. With that, she turned away from him
She went for the door, but was stopped by the blond.
"Ron?"
"I wanted to say thanks, Kim..." he trailed off again. To the teen adventurer's surprise, she felt the boy's arms wrap around her in an embrace. Kim couldn't help but to return to favor. She honestly wanted to stay in this position for as long as she could.
"...thanks for being my best friend," he said, his voice a bit broken.
The embrace ended about three seconds after he said that. "Yeah, we'll always be friends," Kim added before going out the door.
Mandatory Master Card Advertisement:
Black Lacoste Golf Shirt: $39.99
Crocker's Casual Fitted Slacks: $33.99
Belt, just in case your pants fall down: $9.99
Your best friend, who just slipped a GPS Chip underneath the collar of your shirt to track your location without you even knowing it:
Priceless.
Someone had to pay for this... and Kim Possible knew exactly who to blame for this whole darn thing.
The blame is all on the girl who claimed to be the Matchmaking Specialist.
And she was sooo going to pay her a visit.
End of Chapter 10
Questions? Advice? Comments? Much needed aspirin for Kim? Can Peyton Manning finally make it to the Super Bowl?
Well, I certainly hope so.
S-Chrome
Mandatory Notes on Copyrighted Music
The song lyrics are from, respectively...
"Hello, Hello, Hello" from those delightful Oh Boyz
"Make It Rain" from Fat Joe & Lil' Wayne
"I Can Love You" from Mary J. Blige
"My Love" from Mr. Justin Timberlake & that T.I. guy
and of course, one of my favorites...
"When Doves Cry,": from my main man, Unpronounceable Glyph (Prince)
