Special Disclaimer: Don LaFontaine was not on hand to deliver this promo. RIP, big guy.
--
In a world where instability and unpredictability reigned supreme...
--
He whirled around to see Kim... Fully clothed. The sidekick let out a lengthy exhale. The apocalypse wasn't occurring... At least not now.
"Eh... Nothing, KP. I was just waiting for you to uh... Not be naked."
--
"So, if you think if I just be me... they'll like me?" Ron asked.
Kim placed a hand on the uncertain boy's shoulder "Well, I like you..."
Oopsy.
"You know... as a friend." Kim quickly said afterward.
--
...it had finally happened...
--
"In fact," Ron said as he held his friend for much longer than probably either one of them could have imagined. "I was hoping that this Friday, I'd have to a chance to..." his nerve was cracking like a criminal under the hot light. "...show you how much I forgive you."
Kim's eyes widened to dinner plate proportions. Did he just say what she thought he had said? She pushed the boy away from her, and rubbed her eyes, just to see if what Ron said wasn't a product of some drive-by daydream.
"Ron Stoppable, are you asking me out?" She squeaked. The girl was dumbfounded, yet delighted at the same time.
Ron labored, and struggled, and grappled with his inner apprehensions. Heck, he got this far, why the heck not? It had been nearly nine months since this whole thing started. And to him, it felt as if it was more than two years and counting.
"Yes, Ms. Possible, " He answered, all fear seeming to leave his person for that very moment. He reached for any object with ballast to maintain his balance. "Ye-ee-s, I am," he trilled.
--
And now, after months and months of blushing, discomfort amongst the duo, jealousy and outrageous references to baseball, it's time for Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable to go...
--
"OK... Ron. You've gone this far. You're a man... almost. You're sixteen, now. That's what the calendar said three days ago..." He paced fervently once again. "Just take two steps to the door. Two steps toward... maturity?" He puffed his chest and let out a strong exhale. Boy, this wasn't going to be easy. Then again, there was always difficulty involved when one was going out of his own house.
--
"I know this is weird. Too weird. Ferociously weird," the worldwide do-gooder Kim Possible said to her own reflection in the mirror. "But... whatever happens, it can't be wrong, could it?"
Kevin Arnold & Winnie Cooper would beg to differ.
--
...on their first date!
--
"IT IS NOT A DATE!" both of them yelled to their respective parents.
--
Okay... so maybe it wasn't a date. Join Kim Possible and her BFF, Ron Stoppable as they attempt to take their friendship to the next level... or die trying!
--
"We're going to die?" A fearful Ron asked. They were seated together on the couch in the Possible home, hopefully not for the last time in their teenage lives. T-they had so much to live for. Like... playing Grand Theft Auto 22! Or... gaining gamma ray-related superpowers... or even end up on the cover of a trash tabloid.
"No, we're not going to die," Kim answered in an attempt to console to young man. "...I hope."
--
It's Tales of The Awkward; Date Versus Destiny... and this time, IT'S FOR REAL.
Well, as real as a fanfic could get, anyway.
Tales of The Awkward: Chapter 16; Date Versus Destiny (The First Stanza)
Yeeeeeaaaaah, BWOY!
5:32:22
Game time.
What time is this?!
Game time!
What time is this?!
GAME TIME!
WE GON' LET THE DOGS OUT?
WOOF-WOOF-WOOF-WOOF-WOOF!!
5:38:19
The day was long. The anticipation was much longer. Heck, longer than a Lord of The Rings flick. But, finally, the broiling sun decided to make its descent beyond the horizon. No one particularly knew how long the town of Middleton had been underneath this freak heatwave, that was to be sure. Every resident, however, knew that the temperature was to be hot from sunup until sundown. However, a different type of heat was beginning to build, and this one didn't have any sunrise or sunset... well, not for the past half-a-year anyway...
Ron Stoppable knew that nothing in this world was perfect, which meant tonight, of course, for the first time in the history in the world, he would attempt to accomplish the feat of being perfect. After all, for this whole... he dared not call it a date. Call it a get-together, hangout, or even a shindig, but a date, never that! Dates were for two people who knew what they saw in each other, not two uncomfortable teens who were more friends than crushes. What Ron was in for was going to be either a gold standard hallmark in which two friends could never become anything more than that, or... or...
He paused for a beat. What if the opposite came out of this? Maybe this whole thing wasn't going to be a disaster. No... it wasn't going to be a disaster. Heck, his last date wasn't a disaster, so why should this one be? He had to stop being an angst-ridden worry-wart and start going about his business with confidence!
I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And, doggone, it, people like me.
Thanks, Stewart.
"What do you say, Rufus?" He asked his naked-mole rat.
The diminutive rodent raised two thumbs up in approval. If only he had the confidence that Rufus did. Well, it wasn't very hard to not be confident and be naked... but that's just grasping at straws.
"OK... Ron. You've gone this far. You're a man... almost. You're sixteen, now. Well... at least since Tuesday, you are..." He paced fervently once again. "I mean, you like K.P., and K.P. likes you... she did kinda kiss you on the cheek slowly that day..." Of course, that proved very little to Ron. "Just take two steps to the door. Two steps toward... maturity?" He puffed his chest and let out a strong exhale. Boy, this wasn't going to be easy. Then again, there was always difficulty involved when one attempting to turn a doorknob to one's own room.
He shut his eyes and visualized the worst. What, precisely, was the worst that could happen? OK, Yes, his trousers could drop at the very second he went in for a goodnight kiss, or he could spill either an anonymous condiment or liquid refreshment in Kim's lap, and generally make a total ass of himself, but the law of averages say that's gonna happen anyway.
The blond turned the doorknob to his destiny... to his date with destiny. The young man's confidence restored, he chugged on down the stairs, hoping that his parents wouldn't question him about his upcoming whereabouts. But, at the bottom of the staircase and there in the living room sat both his dad and mom, watching a movie of some sort. On cue, they both turned toward the source of the footsteps that pounded down the stairs.
"Where are you off to, son?" His dad asked, an eyebrow raised in curiosity.
Now, the television set (In all its unlimited teaching power) warned him that if he told his folks that he was on the precipice of a date with his best friend, then said parents would blow immediately the entire thing out of proportion, complete with talk of marriage, grandchildren and, dear God, the heart-to-heart about the birds and the bees on top of an entire host of subjects that Ron didn't have the time, comfort nor patience to think, much less talk about. So, he kept his answer short, sweet and unsuspecting.
"Going over to Kim's," He replied. "Just gonna chill over there for a while." It didn't take but two seconds for him to start feeling the self-imposed heat. "You know, like we usually do."
"Dressed up like that?" His mother asked. "Why, you're hair is combed!" She marveled. "You're wearing a clean shirt that I bought you! You're wearing slacks, and..." She paused and sniffed in his direction as if she picked up a scent. "...is that cologne I smell?"
Gutted.
"I think he's going to Kim's to do more than just chill," Mr. Stoppable hinted to his wife.
Both of them exchanged glances at one another, then beamed at him. Oh, no. Here it comes.
"I always knew Kimberly-Anne liked our boy. I mean, whenever she asked him to go with her on those ludicrous missions..." His mother blabbed.
"Never doubted it for a moment," Mr. Stoppable chimed in.
Serious embarrassment washed over the young man like a fine bar of Lever 2000. If what they were saying was so elementary about Kim and himself, how come it wasn't simple as, say... turning a doorknob? As his parents came toward him, undoubtedly with questions and suggestion on their minds and thoughts of grandchildren in their eyes, Ron had one thought in his mind that was relevant... make like Cee-Lo Green and RUN!
And out the door he went.
5:44:10
She couldn't believe that it had finally come to this. And not in a bad way, either.
The Sun just about ready to set, but Kim Possible's skittishness wouldn't seem to fall.
She could do this. She could anything humanly possible. She was a Possible, after all. It just seemed so ironic that out of the Josh Mankey's, Robert Johnson's and Vincent Vinson's of the world, the redhead had most of her pre-game jitters about a boy that she knew most of her life. Then again, said boy that she knew for most of life, didn't really see her like this until rather recently, and vice versa.
Hm, it seemed like a great idea when he asked her last week.
Wait... it still is. It was as if a gigantic weight of awkward was lifted off of her shoulders. Heck, it had been a week or so afterward and she hadn't been riled up enough to throttle Bonnie... yet.
Still, there was just this nervous excitement about her on this early evening. There was an air of unpredictability about what was to happen. Like, at the end of the night, everything could go back to normal between them, or things could escalate... like, maybe to the tune of them kissing passionately underneath the starlit night... like right out of a romantic comedy... or a contrived fanfic. Or, then again, this entire thing could get shot down straight to the murky depths right from jump street, much like the New England Patriots' season.
(It should be noted here that S-Chrome spent hours upon hours trying to cope with his newfound maturity and not gloat at the second-best 18-1 team there ever was, but failed miserably.)
Time was slipping by, and she did ask Ron to come over by 6, and that was about... say, thirteen minutes away. She gave a peer into her reflection before she went downstairs. She figured that the right way to go about things was to take things as they come with Ron. No sudden moves or... coming on too strong. Everything should go fine this night... although, it'd get kind of hairy if Ron wanted to go to the movies.
'Stupid Middleton Multiplex... 90-day ban from the facility for disorderly conduct. What a crock of...'
An opening of the front door broke the redhead from her hate-filled thoughts of what was a fine cinema establishment. In from the warmth of the late summer sun stepped in her dad, who didn't look his chipper self at all.
"Hey, dad," she greeted uneasily.
"Oh, hey, Kimmie-cub," he replied with little emotion.
"Bad day?" Kim asked.
"You wouldn't believe it. One disaster after another," he answered. "First, the head of the department told us the funding for the exploratory committee was cut in half two weeks after we started... two of our interns went to the hospital with second-degree burns, and for the second time in three weeks the guys in accounting messed up the staff's paychecks..." he began pacing, frustration rising from each step... he looked as if he was going to explode any minute. "Sometimes being a rocket scientist is a big--"
He was about to let loose one of those seven dirty words that you couldn't say on television... or in a reputable fan-fic, but he did keep in mind that his teenage daughter was in the room with him... for if she wasn't, he would've let it fly out the holster like you wouldn't believe. Instead, he showed a bit of adult-caliber restraint and began the unwinding process.
"So, how's my Kimmie-cub?" He asked, retaining his fatherly warmness.
Now, it wouldn't exactly be in her best interest to spring the fact that she was to go out a date... much less with Ron. So, she decided to go the way of the professionals... with inane gibberish.
"Oh, I'm fine. It was such a nice day today... it was really humid, but it was nice. You could feel the sun's rays beaming on you, the rays were just so bright... I mean, you can doubt a lot of things, but you can't doubt the rays... and the crazy thing about it is that there's many different types of rays... gamma rays, alpha rays, the ray that's half of a radius..."
(Can you take the hint?)
"Um, Kimmie?"
"Yes, daddy?"
"What are you babbling about?" Her dad asked, bewildered beyond belief.
Oh, what the hey, she may as well tell him. It wasn't like he could ground her until she graduated from high school... she had plenty of dates before... and besides, she was already a junior and with a bit of extra work, she could get enough credits to graduate by Apr...
Oh, right... back to telling dad.
"Yeaaah," she began. "I'm kinda nervous about tonight... 'cause I've kinda got a date."
"Well... that's nice," he spoke slowly... as if he was taking her words with a tall glass of liquid glycerol. Still, he appeared to compose himself with this news being sprung on him. "Hope you have a good time."
She smiled at him brightly. He already saw the buttering up coming.
"Yes, yes... just be back by 11."
"I will, thanks again, da--"
"But, just out of curiosity, who are you going on this date with?"
It was definitely a worthy question... he just couldn't leave his virtuous teenage daughter in the hands of some vagrant young boy... absolutely no chance in... heck.
"Welll..." Kim stalled.
Before the last 'L' could be slurred from Kim's mouth, the door opened and in stepped a well-dressed Ron Stoppable. Both eyes turned toward him, one of delight and the other of absolute horror.
Guess which one was which.
"Hey, K.P.! Hey, Mister Doctor..."
Mr. Possible stared just about a hole through the nattily-dressed young man, his eyes wild with disturbance. It didn't take
a rocket scientist to figure out that Ron was this mystery man... and ironically, the same young man that he tabbed as the only one he could fully trust with to be alone his daughter. And... and now... they were going out on a date... together? He looked on in despair as Kim left the couch to greet who he thought was just her best friend... but ended up just being a garden variety teenage boy with obvious teenage boy hormones... just like the rest of them.
"Et tu, Ronicus?"
He didn't notice Kim plant a kiss on his cheek and the traitorous scoundrel waving his goodbyes as they left the house. He immediately needed to take action on this. James Timothy Possible would be absolutely remiss if he let he let his daughter go forth with that... treasonous wretch of a boy. He always had his suspicions about that Ronald, and now his doubts about him were realized. Sure, he had his sweater and his cargo pants and unkempt hair, but somewhere behind that veneer stood a rebel without a cause. An untamed spirit that had no respect for structure and authority.
And he probably wore a leather jacket too.
The middle-aged man bolted to the attic and grabbed his trusty SHOTGUN! With the powerful weapon in his hand he ventured onto the roof of his home with a newfound resolve and a finely-tuned promise for his daughter's treacherous best friend-turned-love interest...
...either he bought his Kimmie-cub home at approximately 10:59PM... or, it would be Armageddon for Ronald Stoppable.
Armageddon! Nothing less than Armageddon!
End of Part 1
