A/N: I mostly use the italic for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian (yes guys, Italian is my first language, so I guess I chose that so it is easier for me to handle it). And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts.

I'm sorry if there are mistakes, English is not my language.

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Chapter Three: Only worthy of war

The leaders of the Coalition are around her. Lexa's sitting on the throne at the end of the long table. Everyone is talking at once, and for a while she just let them.

Of course they had already heard about the falling of the Mountain, and also about the betrayal. Some were concerned about the Sky People, some others were disappointed they didn't get their revenge over the Mountain Men.

"We should go find the sons of the Mountain" the voice caught her attention and she sits more upright in her throne. Was someone suggesting they take their revenge on some children?

"They're children. They're not involved in this." Luna speaks before she has the chance to.

"We can't have their parents, we should go for them! Jus drein jus daun" the voice replays, and this time Lexa focuses her eyes on the man who the voice belongs to.

It is Adon who's speaking, the leader of the Cloud People.

"We are not taking revenge on children. They have nothing to do with their parents' actions. The matter is not to be discussed further." The voice of Heda is strong and clear. And no one dare questioning her. Though Adon seems more and more disappointed.

"What about the Sky People, Heda? They will seek revenge for your betrayal." the one to speak now is Aima, the leader of the Blood Clan, and she makes it clear with her tone that she disagree with the Commander decision back at the Mountain.

"The Sky People culture is different from ours. They won't try anything against us. Even if they sought revenge, they know they couldn't win. Anyway my scouts watch them carefully and report regularly to me."

Lexa's never liked the young woman of the Blood Clan. She seeks war as if it were her favourite game and she's actually very good at playing.

Fixing her posture, Lexa tells the leaders about the grounders saved from the Mountain. She answers every question that comes up and wait until the subject is finally over.

She's about to end the meeting, when a voice calls out.

"What of the Coalition? Shall our alliance stand now that we no longer have a common enemy?" Amhràn is the one asking. He's the leader of the River Clan and the alliance has been a very good thing for his people. They are not as strong as many other clans and having the protection of the Heda allows them to focus on their trading, which is a pretty rich one. But, without the alliance amongst the clans and with the Commander, they could soon become an easy target.

Lexa sighs under her breath. She planned on bringing it up later, not now.

"We will discuss of that later. We will have a meeting in a few days. Now let us eat and rest properly. War is over for now. The Mountain Men are not a threat any more. Let our people go back to their family and celebrate the peace we're witnessing today." She speaks with diplomacy, suggesting that the peace could and should last, suggesting they should not break the alliance, for the sake of their people.

She knows it won't be that easy to keep the clans together. But neither it was easy to bring them together in the first place, still she did. She really hopes her efforts won't have been for nothing.

Some of the leaders still are disappointed, some others seem content with just giving their people some little time to remember what peace is like. Lexa acknowledges this, but doesn't show to care.

She announces that the meeting is over and slowly walk out without waiting for other questionings.

Outside the war tent she can see people celebrating the coming back of sons and brothers. It's thank to her if so many came back. It's thank to Clarke that they will never fear the Mountain again. The Sky girl saved her people even more than she did, and she thanked her by betraying her and leaving the girl and her people to die.

She feels uneasy in her stomach. She worries she's going to vomit. She disgusts herself.

Clarke is probably dead. No. She surely is dead. And Lexa killed her. Now she feels so weak she doesn't even know who she is anymore. But she's the Commander, and her people need her to keep the peace. The Alliance can't break.

She doesn't know how she will keep the clans together, but it's important that she does. Or the Ice Queen will come back for the south lands. She has always wanted to conquer the clans of the centre and the south. The only thing stopping her right now is the Coalition.

Lexa worries the Ice Queen will not let the Alliance stand. She always said they have no need of the other clans. They have strong allies and they have the strongest army. And as much as you don't consider the Storm Nation that's true. The Trikru are the only one who seems to be able to fight and handle her army.

The Ice Nation and The Tree Clan are the bests. But Lexa is not sure that they will be able to stop Ice this time. If the Alliance breaks, many clans will ally with the Ice Nation. And if the Queen manage to take the Storm Nation on her side, Lexa won't win, that's sure. The Storm Nation never ally with anyone in particular. They're part of the Coalition, and very rarely some merchants come from the far away land and trade with the clans, but it's never by orders of the King. It's never something that interests the whole Nation.

The King is quite indifferent about what happens within the other clans. However Storm Nation is not far enough to be out of their trading ways and political matters. The Storm Nation allows to the clans to come trading in his land, but doesn't seem to be personally interested in doing the same. In time of war sometime they decide to take a side. But it doesn't happen often. Though every time they join the battle, they win.

As far as Lexa can recall they have never been bested in war. So that's the clan that worries her the most. If they ally with the Queen, the fate of the south lands is sealed.

When Lexa takes a look around and sees how happy her people seem to be, she feels warm for an instant. Then she sees two people hugging in front of a house. The woman is squeezing the man so hard he's probably not breathing. Then they laugh and kiss. She takes his hand and walks him inside. Lexa can see his eyes bright and she thinks he has tears of happiness in them. Will she ever know what tears of happiness are? Will she ever feel it?

She thinks about how she could have celebrated the victory with Clarke. Taking the blonde to her favourite place, showing her Polis, riding with her to the ocean. She bets Clarke has never seen the sea.

Lexa thinks back to that time she found Clarke sketching on a little notebook. It was evening and no one was around. She scolded her for being without guards. And the Sky Princess replied her guard was right in the tent next to her.

It was soon after Finn's death and Lexa didn't start a conversation, but she did take note that Clarke seemed very good at drawing.

Maybe she could have drawn the ocean too. Maybe she would have enjoyed doing so. No, Lexa was sure she'd have enjoyed it. She's sure Clarke would have loved the ocean. But now. Now everything was lost.

Lexa dreamed about showing her some beautiful waterfalls too. And there is a lake she loves so much, that is simply perfect at sunset. But now she can't have any of it. She can't have Clarke.

Not yet. Not anymore. Never.

Victory stands at the back of sacrifices.

The Commander spirit may be right. But a human, a warrior, even a commander can only live if their heart is beating. And she's not sure hers is beating properly.

But she chose that. She chose to betray her love. And now she can see it. She's only worth of war.


The heat coming from the little fire is soothing. Clarke is grateful for the warmth. After all those days in the freezing cold she has started to forget what being warm means.

She doesn't know how much time's passed since she left Camp Jaha. Since she took down the Mountain. Since she became a monster who kills innocent people. She still sees Maya's death. And Jasper broken by her hand. She killed his love, who was not only innocent, but who even helped them. And she killed her. She's no better than Lexa.

The thought of Lexa hurts more than any other. Clarke wonders why. They are so similar. She did the same thing Lexa did. She betrayed people who helped her, she killed them. She only saved the children, for cowardice.

But you had no choice. Lexa had.

She desperately wants to believe that little voice of her, but she can't. She's a monster.

Just like Lexa. Just like Lexa. Just like Lexa.

Another voice.

Maybe that's why you like her. She's so similar to you. Maybe that's why she kissed you. She knows you two are the same.

She wishes she could at least believe this one. But she's not like Lexa. Lexa's strong. She lets people die, she kills whoever she shall for the sake of her people. Lexa is strong enough to do it properly. She is strong enough to sacrifice her heart to her mind.

Clarke can't even do that. She couldn't have betrayed Lexa. Ever. Maybe she actually is weak.

And now there's this girl who's opened her door to Clarke, who's taking care of her and offering her a place where she can sleep in a real bed.

How long has it been since she last slept in a bed? Since before the Mountain. The last time she was with Lexa.

Great. Lexa is everywhere. In her mind. In her recent past, in everything she recalls of this war.

She pushes everything aside, she tries to stop thinking about anything that regards the past. She turns her attention to Aeryn who's coming back into the room.

She's short and thin, her hair is almost white and her eyes reminds Clarke of a frozen lake that's thawing under the sunlight. Her skin is pale, even more so than Clarke's. Her lips draw Clarke's attention, they look like the one of who had been in the water for a little too long. There's a shade of blue or sort of in them.

She's beautiful.

She's carrying two plates full of food and she's soon out of the room again. She looks at Clarke just for a moment and she smiles.

Clarke tries to smile back and she wonders what this girl would do if she knew who Clarke is and what she has done. Surely Clarke wouldn't be in her house if that were the case.

When Aeryn comes back the second time, she brings two cups and a canteen. She then gestures for Clarke to sit down at the table and sits herself.

Clarke slowly moves to sit with her and she's unsure of what to do. The food is obviously for her but she waits for the girl to gesture again before starting to eat.

It's damn good to finally eat something cooked properly. She has been eating fruits and whatever she found, and some meat when she managed to kill little animals. Now the taste of this amazing, very common, food is heaven.

She tries to contain herself not to scare the girl by being a messy eater. But she's smiling at Clarke and lightly nods.

When Clarke is finished eating, Aeryn fills her cup with other cold water and then starts to talk.

"Non sei di qui, Daire. O sbaglio? Conosci la mia lingua, ma la tua pronuncia è troppo incerta perché sia la tua lingua madre." You're not from here, Daire. Am I wrong? You speak my language, but your pronunciation is too shaky for it to be your mother language. The girl's voice is kind and she speaks slowly so that Clarke may understand better.

Daire. That's how Clarke said she's called. She feared that telling the girl her real name could have brought attentions if someone in the village had heard of the Sky People. And she doesn't know if Clarke could be a common name among the grounders, so she chose a name that belonged to one of Lexa's warriors.

Clarke knows their language because she studied it on the Ark. It's a language of the old world, like English is. It is called Italian. Or at least it was. Clarke knows it was spoken in a country called Italy, but this can't be it. She can't be in the lands that once were Italy. It is too cold. As far as she know it was never this cold in Italy back in the old times. Even if winter is already started. However it is possible that some languages had survived in different places than the ones where they were born.

But Clarke can't say this. She can't tell the girl who she is. She can't even tell her she's one of the Sky People. Luckily her clothes are enough of a mess not to be recognised as weird. What can she say? She doesn't know about other clans well enough to make up a story.

"Vengo dal sud. Mia madre mi insegnò la tua lingua quando ero bambina. Diceva che mia nonna veniva da qui." I come from the south. My mother taught me your language when I was a child. She said my grandmother came from here.

Clarke tries to lie in the most general way possible. A relatives who came from here is a good excuse to come here herself, and could explain her blond hair and blue eyes.

She feels bad for lying to this girl who is being so nice to her.

Aeryn smiles at her.

"A che clan appartieni?" Which clan do you belong to? She's asking without malice or suspicion. She seems to believe Clarke.

"Nessuno. Non più. Ti prego di non chiedermi di parlarne." No one. Not anymore. Please don't make me talk about it. Clarke tries to show how nervous she is so that it's easier for the girl to believe it.

"Don't worry. I won't ask if it makes you uncomfortable. Do you have somewhere to go?" Aeryn doesn't break from Italian and Clarke doesn't even know if she speaks English. But it's okay, she can avoid telling the girl she speaks it, so she won't understand that English is her mother language. Clarke doubts any clan has English has first language. So speaking it would quickly give her away.

"Actually I don't. I was kind in a hurry when I left, and I just hoped I'd have found something once being here. However where is here? Which village is this?"

Aeryn tells her they're in Cristallo, a small village in the Ice Nation not far from the border.

Clarke suspected to be in the Ice Nation, but knowing that for sure was different. She's only heard bad things about this place. Maybe it would be better to leave as soon as possible. But would the other clans be better, after all?

At least this is a small village far form the capital, so it should be okay to stay here for a while.

Not long after that their conversation ends and Aeryn gently shows Clarke where she can sleep. It's a very small room, but it's surely warmer and more comfortable than the frozen wood.

Clarke thanks her again and the girl leaves after greeting her goodnight.

Clarke thinks that this girl wouldn't last a second in a war. She trusts too easly.