A/N: I mostly use the italic for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts.

I'm sorry if there are mistakes, English is not my language.

Remember this celebration of the Ice Nation, I will bring it up again eventually.

Chapter Five: Friends and Allies

Tansee enters the tent after announcing herself and looks up at her Heda sitting on the throne.

"I require a meeting with our remained allies." Heda's voice is firm and cold. All her willpower focused on keeping her mask in place.

"Sha, Heda." Tansee bows her head and exits the tent, calling some guards.

The first to come is Luna. The leader of the Boat People is not just an ally to Lexa, but a dear friend. This time, anyway, Luna doesn't receive the greeting she was expecting.

"Are you okay, Leksa?" she asks, concerned about her friend's demeanour during this days since her return to the capital.

"I need to discuss our alliance, with all of you." it's the formal answer.

Luna seems to understand that something's wrong, but she doesn't ask further. Instead she slightly bows her head and tells Lexa that her loyalty will always lay with her. She's her ally in peace, and she's her ally in war.

Lexa does feel a bit relieved by her friend's statement. But she's also concerned. Here's another person who trusts her and cares about her enough to die for her. And she'll be ready to sacrifice her too. The Commander will be ready to sacrifice her.

Lexa has to focus on her duty, she can't even think about friendships. However she should stop seeing Luna as more than an ally. She always looses the people she loves.

The other leaders arrive not long after Luna and they all stand around the war table.

The meeting is very brief, for everyone just confirms their alliance and loyalty to the Heda. And that's enough for now, but Lexa knows she will have to ask them about war. She has to ask them if they will fight with her, if they will send their warriors to die for her. She has to ask them if this is an alliance of peace, or an alliance that stands in war too.

She doesn't know if everyone will be ready to die in another war so soon after the Mountain. Neither she can ask them now, for she can't be sure and has no evidence that a war will start and the Ice Queen will come for the South.

While the others make their way out of the tent, Luna stays where she is, waiting for Lexa to actually look at her. But her old friend is distant and absent. There's no Lexa in the room, only the Commander. And Luna can't be friend with the Commander. So she leaves her Heda be. For now.


She's helped the healer the whole day. For once she didn't have to take care of bleeding life-threatening wounds. Just some minor wounds people got from hunting, or some common illness she will have to learn. Ice people seem never to get a cold. But they have other illness Clarke has never seen before.

One woman came in with a little boy in her arms. He was very pale and passed out. His heart was beating very slowly, too slowly to get enough blood to the organs.

Asher told her it wasn't so rare for children to born like that. Some of them die before spending an year on this earth. Some live, but they still need help sometimes. This boy wasn't in danger, but they needed to get his heart to beat faster.

He explained her that before the bombs their lands weren't so cold. After the people who lived there, just like the animals, developed some characteristics to survive. Slow heartbeat is one of them. Their eyes and their skin are pale, because they adapted to the mild light of the sun.

They also tended to a woman who suffered a illness Clarke knows well. It's a kind of fever very strong, the malaria. If it's not cured it can bring to death. But luckily Clarke knows how to treat it.

Asher told her the woman had been bitten by a mosquito right before the winter. He told her that mosquitoes have adapted to the cold and they have a little fur, but in winter they go to the south where it's kind of as cold as it is in the Ice Nation during summer. But when they come back in spring or summer, they bring illness of the south. And Ice people are not accustomed to them as people of the south lands.

He watched in awe as Clarke took care of the woman, making her feel immediately better. She told him that the woman will heal in a week or so, if they keep treating the malaria as she did. Both Asher and the woman thanked her and he asked her to teach him. She gladly agreed.

Maybe that was a good start in the path of trusting each other.


Now she is at dinner with Aeryn. They are outside, in the middle of the village. Once a week the people gather together to eat dinner in company. Young hunters went hunting with older ones that morning and food has been cooked during the whole afternoon. Aeryn helped cooking it, while Clarke tended to the hunters' wounds.

It feels good. Doing something all together. The whole village worked for the others, everyone did something and helped. Aeryn tells her it used to be a custom in the whole Nation. Elders tell stories about how this days where organized in the capital. How great the feast was, how loud and happy the celebrations were. Now villages which can afford it still do it once a month, little of them do it once a week, some others do it once a year, some don't do it at all. Sometimes it's the misery that stops them, sometimes it's the Queen, sometimes people are just too full of sorrow and pain to even remember those times when they would have gathered together and talk, help, live.

This makes Clarke very sad, but she's also happy that Cristallo is one of the villages in which this festivity still happens. Mawiyah tells her this is her favourite day of the week.

They are poor and scared. Soldiers come and takes all they have sometimes, they take their happiness away. But this people don't give up. They stick together and go on. They help each others. No matter how much the Queen wants them to mistrust each others. The Queen and the soldiers want the people to be apart from one another, so that they'd be weak and lonely, not a threat for her power. They try to get people to betray their family and their friends. Sometimes they manage to do so.

But this people around her don't give up. They are strong. They may be hurt, sad, scared, poor, and they may not be so strong, but they are together.

Clarke misses this word. Together.

She would love to be a part of some together one day. But could she?

She doesn't deserve that. She suddenly realize that these people are just like the innocents she killed. They may be under a cruel Queen who has done terrible things to other people, but they have no fault. She would have killed them.

No, it was different. You couldn't save them. You tried. You saved the children. You couldn't save the others. These people you could have saved. If you were fighting the Queen, you could have killed her without killing these people. But that voice can't win. Clarke can't forgive herself. Not now. And she thinks not ever.

Just as she can't forgive Lexa. Not yet. Not ever.

And that's when someone sit down beside her. Clarke has been sitting between Aeryn and Mawiyah since she came there with Asher. He sat down at Aeryn's left and Ianthe sat at Mawiyah's right. In front of Clarke, on the other side of the long table there are people talking and whispering while occasionally glancing at her. Now Mawiyah has gone to talk to her friends before dinner actually starts and this guy takes her place.

"You're Daire, right?"

Clarke nods slowly. She doesn't remember Aeryn introducing him any time yesterday or today.

"I'm Wit. I wanted to thank you for helping my mum. Asher was trying to cure her since before winter started. But she never got better. Now she is and we have you to thank for it." The boy's eyes are so sincere and kind, Clarke can't help but be kind right back. He is the first who starts a conversation with her among the people of the village.

"I'm a healer, like Asher. So it's my job to help people." that sounds so wrong. She doesn't help people. She kills them. She kills innocents. There was a time she really believed that. She really wanted to help people. And now. Now she is not even worthy of their presence beside her.

"But you're not from here. It wasn't your job to help us. But you did. I'm grateful for that." he pauses before adding "They say you come from the south. Why did you come in this freezing land?" He's testing her. He wants to know if she's lying. He keeps looking at her intensely, but she can see that it's not mistrust, it's more like wanting to be sure. Like if he knows all too well that the best looking people can be the worst enemies.

"My grandmother came from here. I wanted to see the lands I belonged to." She tries to convincing in her lying. She doesn't deserve this boy's kindness. She doesn't deserve Aeryn's friendship. And neither Mawiyah's trust. And still, he is kind. And Aeryn treats her like a friend, while her sister, not scared at all anymore, seems to trust her as if they had always knew each other.

"Well your eyes do say that. But they're not pale like ours. They look full of life. And pain."

This shocks Clarke to the heart. This guy, who knows nothing about her, can see so well inside her. How does he do that? She wants to question him, to say it's not true, but he senses her discomfort and changes the subject, not giving her time to contradict him.

"I'm one of the hunters. They're bringing the meat, I hope you'll like it." he says with a grin.

And he's right. Kids around eleven and twelve are carrying plates full of food. People stop chattering and cheer the coming kids. When all the food has been brought, and it's a lot more than Clarke expected, everyone makes place for the kids to sit between them and they start to eat.

Aeryn explains her that they mostly eat meat because it's hard to cultivate in their lands. They can have fruits and salad only in summer and if they're lucky in spring.

"But we do have some berries and special fruits!" Mawiyah comes carrying a bowl full of blue berries. On some of them a mild frost is still visible.

"You're right, little one. And we're also very good hunters and cooks! So our meal should be amazing. But Daire will tell us about that, won't she?" Wit joins the conversation and smiles at the three girls, looking at Clarke expectantly.

She takes a piece of meat in her mouth and can't stop the appreciative moan to escape her mouth. She hasn't eaten like that in what feels like a lifetime. Her last amazing cooked meal has been with Lexa. But she pushes that memory away, desperately not wanting to ruin the moment.

Wit has a triumphant smile on his face. "I knew it. I'm a great hunter." he claims jokingly "And Aeryn is an amazing cook."

Aeryn laughs and shakes her head. Mawiyah giggles and Clarke feels a pang in her stomach. Even thought everything they've been through, everything that threats to ruin their lives, they can smile, and laugh, and almost being carefree.

Clarke tries to laugh along, but what comes out sounds more like crying. Wit looks at her knowingly, stopping to laugh, but she doesn't want him to stop. She wants him to show her that you can find a laugh in time of sorrow and desperation.

"Wouldn't you be?" she addresses Wit jokingly. "Anyway guys, this really is amazing." She then throws a berry in her mouth and adds "And your berries are delicious too, Mawiyah!" and gives the child a very little, surprisingly honest smile.

And they laugh again. The kid smiling contently. Clarke at least tries to keep that little true smile on.

"So, what is that we're actually celebrating?" Clarke thinks all of this should be more that just a custom. People seem happy. Almost. They seem...full of passion. But passion for what?

"We celebrate our families and friends."

"We celebrate our country and the strength we have together."

Aeryn and Wit answers together. Clarke looks at them confused. "There isn't something in particular that it is celebrated with this festivity?"

"Fun!" Mawiyah almost yells.

"We celebrate the safeness we have in this very moment." Ianthe joins in.

"We celebrate the ones who are not here anymore, and the one who are." Asher smiles knowingly at her.

"We celebrate the times when our people were happy and safe! When the Queen was fair and kind."

"We celebrate our friends."

Other people have now joined the conversation and they all have something different to say.

"We celebrate the courage of standing up for who we are." the girl is so serious Clarke wonders how much she means that. She seems to be talking about more than just this day. And Clarke sees how the girl's gaze holds Wit's for a moment, her eyes warning him.

"We celebrate peace among us."

"We celebrate love."

And finally Clarke thinks she understands.


After dinner Mawiyah runs to her friends and Wit insists to take Clarke around the fire that someone has just lighten.

Clarke sits with him and he introduces her to the others. She can see that they don't trust her, but they're kind and welcome her in the conversation.

They talk about winter, about the danger and beauty of this season. Some of them tell Clarke about how the land will be completely covered in snow and white will be everywhere. Everything will be enveloped by the white cloak of the snow. And ice will make its way in the village, on trees and rocks, sometimes inside the houses.

She doesn't know how to feel about it. She read about cold winters on the Ark, but how will it feel to actually be there? They talk with awe and regard, but they also warn her that winter can be very dangerous. They tell her most of them are adapted to the freezing weather, but the ones who aren't easily die if they're not careful enough.

She's still thinking about the beauty they have tried to describe. She'd like to see that. She has already seen snow when she entered the Ice Nation, but she knows they're talking about something more. Something breathtaking, she can see the rapture in their eyes.

They change the subject and she doesn't say anything for a while because they're talking about personal things she obviously doesn't know about.

She lets her eyes wandering around and she notices Aeryn talking with her uncle. They seem to be having an argument. Clarke guesses she's the reason of it again. She considers going to her, but she decides against it. It'd probably just make things worse.

She keeps watching them until Aeryn walks away, leaving her uncle behind who seems quite uncomfortable and maybe ashamed. Clarke doesn't know what has been said, but she will have to talk to the girl later. She's sorry to cause such a fight between them.

Some minutes later the serious girl of before joins the group near the fire. She shoots Clarke a wary look and keep watching her through the fire. It's like she's on alert and she doesn't want to let Clarke out of her sight.

Clarke learns her name is Malaya and the girl is a hunter like Wit. She looks more like a warrior than a normal hunter. She move as a warrior, she looks like she has full control of the situation and is aware of her surroundings.

Though the girl does talk and joke and smile. But at the same time there's this gravity that never leaves her.

She could remind her a bit of Lexa. But Lexa never laughed or joked like that.

When Clarke starts to feel a bit uncomfortable with Malaya, she leaves to find Aeryn.

The girl is talking to a guy not far from the table they sat at for dinner. But Clarke is intercepted by Mawiyah before she can reach the pair. The child wants to introduce her to her friends. Clarke complies and she meets several boys and girls, the youngest are the same age as Mawiyah. She can see they are pretty close. They seem to be an actual group of friends and not only some kids who play together. Clarke isn't even sure they actually spend time playing. Most of them work. Some as baker's or butcher's boys, some has helpers in the kitchen. One of them helps the healer like Mawiyah and Ianthe.

They call Mawiyah Little One, because she's the youngest of all of them and the most kind and friendly. Ianthe tells Clarke that actually there's a new kid among them who's younger than Mawiyah, but everyone loves Aeryn's sister and they still call her that out of affection.

Clarke spends some more time with them and they tell her about their works and the tasks they are assigned. She likes it. People talking to her like if she wasn't a stranger. But it breaks her heart a little to realize how much this kids already know about the dangers of the world. About death and pain, about violence and sorrow. It breaks her to hear them talking about the soldiers and what they do. And they do not talk with the scared little voice of children being put in front of the cruelty of life. They talk with the resigned and grave voice of an adult.

But then they tell her how they're sure one day they will put the soldiers in their place and stop their barbarities. How they will defend their village and people, they're little siblings and family. There is so much passion and fire in their speech that Clarke doesn't know if she should feel proud, hopeful or sad. They will probably see their dreams of freedom crushed and torn into pieces. Clarke wishes she could change that. But she obviously can't.

They talk a lot and ask Clarke questions about her land and her friends. She tells them what she can without having to lie.

Then it comes a question she wasn't expecting.

"You won't hurt us, right? You're not with the Queen, you will not betray us, right?"

The one who spoke is a boy. His voice is little and full of shivering hope.

Clarke feels her heart skipping a beat.

"I won't. I promise. If the soldiers come when I'm here, I'll stay by your side." she vows.

The kids' eyes light up and everyone gives her a full, bright smile.

It feels good.


Lexa is heading for the training area. She needs to keep her mind occupied. But suddenly Luna steps in beside her and halts her.

The Commander looks at her waiting for the other leader to speak.

"What's wrong, Leksa? What happened?"

Luna's question sounds so stupid. Doesn't she know perfectly what happened? There's going to be another war. Soon. They need to be ready. The Ice Queen...

"You are not okay. What is it?"

And now it hits her. Luna's not talking as a leader, but as a friend. She's talking about Lexa, not the Commander. She's talking about her heart. Her heart that refuses to beat correctly. Her heart that won't let her go with what she did. Her heart that keeps trying to take on her mind.

"I'm fine, Luna. We have to be ready. The Ice Queen is surely going to fight us. She'll come back for the south lands." she pretends she still doesn't know what Luna's talking about. She pretends she hasn't got a hole in her heart so big that is blinding her mind too, absorbing her like it did with her heartbeat.

"You are not. You can fool them. You cannot fool me. I am your friend, Leksa."

"There is no time for friendships. There is only time for war."

Luna shakes her head. "I heard you lost Gustus. I am sorry."

Lexa looks away, but keeps her face stoic and composed. She feels guilty for not thinking about him as much as she should. She only thinks about Clarke and so little about the other people she lost. She thinks about Costia too. But Clarke is the one who truly hunt her sleep, her heart, her wake, her mind. Clarke is the one who will not leave her alone, the one from who she can't find peace. Clarke is the only one she can't forgive herself for leaving to die. She kind of betrayed Costia when she pushed her death aside to form an alliance with the Ice Queen. But she came to term with that. She even forgave herself. But now. Now she can't forgive the Commander, and neither Lexa. If when Costia died she felt like a part of her died too, now she feels void, she feels empty, she feels like death would be a relief and life is a torture, she feels like her life means nothing and it's made of nothing.

"It is not Gustus. This is not about Gustus. Oh, Leksa. Who?" Luna has noticed the look on the face of her friend. Lexa may thinks her mask to be unreadable, but she knows her better than her friend thinks.

"What are you talking about?" Lexa looks at her surprised. She tries to hide that she's also a little scared that Luna has understood.

But of course Luna sees that too. She shakes her head again, not sure if she should insist in this conversation. Lexa seems really uncomfortable.

"I have to go. Be ready. I will have you prove your loyalty soon. We are not going down, and surely not without a fight." Lexa starts to walk away.

"I've only seen you like this once. And Costia had just died."

Lexa stops abruptly. But then she resumes to walk without looking back or saying a word.