A/N: I mostly use the italic for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts.
I'm sorry if there are mistakes, English is not my language.
If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!
Chapter Six: Broken love's clear as a crystal waterfall
That night Clarke asks Aeryn about the conversation with her uncle. She asks if she was the cause of it again and knows she was by the girl's face. Aeryn doesn't want Clarke to think she's a problem, but Clarke suggests anyway that she could move somewhere else.
"Where?" Aeryn asks with a scolding tone. "And why? I trust you, you seem a good person. Asher thinks that too and you're helping, you helped that woman when he couldn't. I wish for you to stay, Daire."
"Why would you risk so much for a stranger? I could have hurt you, I could be dangerous as your uncle thinks. But you don't seem to care." Clarke can't help but question her.
"I don't know. I just have a sort of feeling about you. You're not that kind of person."
And Clarke's chest aches, because she is exactly that kind of person. She is the kind of person who sacrifices innocents. And it hurt even more remembering that she wasn't like that before. Maybe if she had met Aeryn before, the girl could have been right about her and Clarke wouldn't have lied to her and they would have become friends immediately. But Clarke wasn't that girl anymore. She wasn't innocent. She was a murderer.
Suddenly Aeryn's hand is on her shoulder and she flinches a bit. It's been a long time since someone has touched her. But the hand is caring and a bit comforting.
"I don't know what happened to you. But I can see it's something that has left its mark. You'll find yourself again. And I'm sure you'll get to show me that I was right about you."
Clarke looks up, surprised. How does Aeryn know that? Is she so obvious? The girl smiles knowingly. Her eyes are warm and un-judging. This girl is too good for the world. It will crush her sooner or later. Clarke tries to nod and the gesture is unsure, but Aeryn's hand is still on her arm and it almost feels good.
Almost.
Asher tells her about how the Queen took power. How she wasn't meant to be Queen. The former Queen had two children. Kyr was the Prince who should have inherited the throne. Tecla was the second child, the little sister.
"Kyr was beloved by all the people and by his mother. He was kind and fair. Even more so than the Queen. His mother was ruthless and severe, but still fair and righteous. He was gentle, loving toward his people, strong and fierce in battle. He was the perfect King for our Nation. He was ready to die for us. I still remember one of the little few times I saw him: he saved a child meeting the arrow that would have killed the kid. He then killed the archer without the ghost of mercy, but he was ready to throw himself in danger for a common child without significance. He was our King at the time, no one would have hesitate. They would have saved the King. He didn't hesitate neither, though."
Clarke listens carefully to Asher. She's been given the opportunity to know more about the Ice Nation and she's not going to waste it.
"He was told that war was glorious and that victory would have made him magnificent. He never believed that. King Kyr always said that only his people could make him magnificent. The safety and well-being of his Nation would have spoken for his virtue as a leader.
"His mother was a proud and strong warrior. She was always at war and she rarely lost. Our people have always been fighters. It doesn't matter if we're warriors or not, all of us are fighters. And the Queen loved that about her people, but she wanted us to be fighters in war with weapons and strangers as enemies. She was often at war with the south lands. She killed a great Commander of the Trikru, and as soon as Tecla became Queen the next Commander lost her life too. I guess you've heard about that clan. The clan you come from, whatever it shall be, has to be part of the Coalition, right?"
Clarke nods her head, without saying anything. She really doesn't want for him to stop. She wants to know more. She wants to know about the Queen.
"They say the now being Commander is the first who's had a real peace with us. That's not true. She may be the first who's taken all the clans together, but Kyr was the first who reached a peace between the two clans. He was friend with the Commander of that time. They came at peace after the death of the Queen. At first she meant to attack us, but he bested her in a one-to-one fight and asked to talk to her. Or at least, this is what they say it's happened. Maybe he didn't best her, maybe they fought and came to an agreement after a first minor battle. I can't be sure, I wasn't there of course. But what I know is that we had peace. Peace with the Trikru sounded weird, but most of us were happy to finally have their beloved at home."
He sounds a great King. Maybe he was too soft to be a king and that's why he died.
Asher seems to read her mind. "Someone said he was weak for seeking peace. But he was a powerful warrior, he was strong and skilled. Everyone respected and loved him. Except for the people who were disappointed by the humility he demanded from the rich and powerful ones. He was humble. He really was and he cared for his people. He wanted all of them to have what they needed to live. And that means he didn't let the riches be too rich and neither he allowed them to be favoured only because of their belongings and wealth. He was fair. But he had enemies. I could never consider them ones of my same people, but they were. They were of Ice and they didn't like sharing the richness. Tecla's power grew from their loyalties."
Asher excuses himself to go check on a patient. Clarke is left with a child crying because of a wound on his leg. She takes care of him while trying to sooth the pain by distracting to him. He asks her if she is the girl from the south everyone talks about.
"I guess I am." Clarke answers with a small tiny smile.
The boy thanks her for the nursing and runs out to his work and soon after Asher comes back and starts showing her some herbs and medicament they use.
"So how did the Queen take the throne?" Clarke asks after a long moment of silence.
"She killed him. With a deception. She was his sister, after all. They never liked each others, but he cared for her. He trusted her. He knew she was ruthless, even more so then their mother, and merciless, but he trusted her to want, deep down, the safety of their people. She betrayed him and killed him herself. Rich nobles and some conti helped her."
"Conti?" Clarke interrupts him. She knows about a person called conte in the past, but she's not sure about what he means with that same appellative.
"It's how we call the leaders of single villages. Not every village has a conte. The big ones have, usually also the little ones. Or they used to have once, in better times. In Cristallo we haven't got any conte."
Clarke nods her understanding. Conti she read about were kind of different, but she thinks it could make sense.
"After the King was dead no one had even the time to take care of who killed him. It didn't matter because she took power immediately and though everyone knew she was the murderer, she replaced the warriors with her own guards and forced the army to stand for her. She threatened them to hurt or kill their families. She created a little army on her own, made of the ones utterly loyal to her and an army of soldiers with privileges, mean people who are allowed to kill and take whatever they want in the whole country. They are the ones we are most afraid of. Some of them had nothing, some were criminal condemned by the King, some had been exiled by Kyr, and this is their revenge on life, and on us: the people of the King who punished them bringing justice."
Before, Asher's voice has been nostalgic, now it's full of sorrow and vain wrath. He can't do anything, he already does his best. But Clarke can see the pure fury for what happens to his people. People who once have been happy, people like him who have seen a better and safer life, people like the children who may never see it or know the meaning of living without fear, and people like Aeryn who can't remember that life because she was too young, and maybe that's the worst of all. Aeryn has known happiness once, Clarke figures, but all she can remember is sorrow, danger, fear, loss.
"Our country saw a lot of merciless and unfair queens." he sighs. "But there was always someone ready to fight them. And they always won. Some have tried to fight Tecla and they're all dead."
Clarke knows there's nothing else to say and she settles on a respectful silence.
So Ice people were not that bad. Maybe it's unfair to think of them as mean, spiteful people. It does sound that they were to be feared. But do the other clans know about their situation? Do they know how the people live? Or do they only judge on the soldiers they see? Clarke knows it's the last one. She believed Lexa and the Trikru when they talked about the Ice Nation, and she was wrong. Cristallo has shown her they're all wrong.
Then again, is it right to judge on a single village? She wants to believe all Ice people are like Asher and Aeryn, but she can't. And the gun feels heavier hidden under her clothes.
Lexa paces in her tent. She's spent all day training and Luna's words has hunted her in her sleep. She has to walk out of the tent and go being the Commander. But something bothers her. Something the Heda is not happy with.
Luna saw through her. She knew what's going on with Lexa. She knew Lexa's heart is bleeding and making her crazy. Was Lexa so obvious? Were her feelings showing without her knowledge?
Was the Commander spirit loosing control over Lexa? Was the girl showing?
It couldn't be happening. It was wrong. Lexa was weak. Heda was strong. No feelings could get out of Heda's control. So how did Luna understand that? What did she see?
Lexa feels overthrown by this. Not only she sacrificed her beloved ones and betrayed the girl who woke her heart, now she is also endangering her people by weakening the Heda. Her heart can't affect her when she's the Commander.
What if other people could notice that? What if they already did? Maybe Luna is not the only one who's realized what's going on inside of her. Or maybe they didn't understand as much as Luna does, but they now think that she's weak.
And they may be right in thinking that.
Lexa can't let this happening. She has to be stronger than this, she has to bury her feelings deeper into her soul, where no one can find them.
Aeryn is leading her god knows where. They've been walking for an hour now and still the girl has shown no intention in telling her where they are heading.
Clarke is lost in the wonders of the almost frozen nature. There's ice on the trees that now surround her, but they often walk through large areas without a single one of them. Those clearings are grey and white for the ice creeping on every blade of grass. Clarke thinks that if she could watch it from the sky it would look like a cloud landed in the middle of a forest. The sun could shine on it painting rainbows on the ground. But the sun is covered by grey clouds, some dark, some light.
She doesn't mind the walk, but she's kind of curious. Aeryn told her she wanted to show Clarke a magical place. It all started from Clarke's admission of loving art.
They were in the village and an old man was painting a beautiful landscape. He explained Clarke that it was the lands surrounding seen from the capital. He told her he had been in the capital when the Queen was not queen yet and they were in peace.
"Peace is rare" he said. Then he started describing how he managed to get a permission to paint from the highest tower of the city. He recounted how he cried when he watch the sight in front of him. It was breathtaking. He spent weeks at painting that beauty. The guards started to know him and they would allow him to stay all day long, without break. There was a young warrior who was intrigued by his drawing and he would take him something to eat for lunch and stay there for a while, watching. The guy never asked anything but to watch. And the man knew he was learning, he was taking in the landscape being soaked up by the sheet and the colours running from the brush to the sky, absorbing the sun light and coming back to settle gracefully in the painting.
Afterwards the man gave the painting to the guy. And from then he painted the landscape again regularly. The one Clarke was looking at was just one of the many. Clarke was fascinated anyway. She asked if the lands around the capital are really that beautiful.
"They were. All Ice was beautiful. What you could see now are just ruins." he answered harshly.
When Aeryn found her she was still watching the man painting. On their way home Clarke told her that she liked painting too. She used to sketch anything that caught her attention and than convey it on paper. Aeryn's eyes lighted up at that and she asked Clarke to go for a walk.
So Clarke is pretty sure Aeryn wants to show her some sight to paint, but she's already seeing so much she would like to draw. She tried to sketch something during her travelling, but her hand just wouldn't work. The blood she saw on it wouldn't let her outline a single leaf. And she sees the blood still.
How can she paint life when her hands have carried so much death?
But Aeryn keeps going and Clarke can't do anything but follow.
Around them the land starts to change. Trees start to take over the surroundings, but they're not packed, never too close to one another. And after a while they seem to step in line, until Clarke sees it. A river. It's not large but it looks a bit dangerous, so full of water and limpid.
The line of trees stop some meters before the water and begin again some meters far from the other bank. At Clarke's left this distance reduces until the trees are enveloping the river and they are all one in the sight.
But what Clarke sees at her right leaves her breathless. There's a waterfall coming from a rise of the ground that starts abruptly. The falling water shines bright like a pure crystal.
Clarke thinks she sees little ice crystals flowing in the stream. They fly down the waterfall and lay down gracefully on the surface of the river. She's captivated by the wonderful sight and doesn't see Aeryn's smile.
The sun comes out of the clouds for a single moment and everything it's perfect. It reflexes on the water and all the little crystals cheer it with twinkles of joy. It's a magical dance of light and shining. Silver and blue take their step on the river, twirling, swinging and running into each other. Under the water other crystals rise to life and show their colours. Red, purple, green and pink, dark and light, transparent and dull. It's a celebration of colours, joy, light and somehow spirits.
Then the sun goes back in its shelter and Clarke wonders if she only dreamed what's just happened.
"Some of the crystal are piece of ice coming from the mountain in the north. They're not even a thousandth part of what they were before. The river takes them in this show of wonders, taking them to performance with other crystals. The ones you can see on the bottom are minerals. All different crystals like amethyst, chalcedony, fluorite, emerald and many others. We don't know exactly where they come from, but since I know they've always been here." Aeryn's voice fills the silence and it's sweet and low, as if it's trying to be part of that magic instead of stopping it.
"I've never seen anything like this." Clarke's not sure she's talking out loud. She's not sure she has control on her body right now. Her eyes are still fixed on the waterfall. The flying lights she has seen on it still boring her mind with wonder.
"Broken hearts are as clear as crystal waterfalls" Aeryn doesn't say anything more, she just hands Clarke a little sketch book and a pencil. She doesn't need to speak further, Clarke understands, but she shakes her head. Tears are threatening to fall and she can't let them. Not in front of the girl. But Aeryn doesn't let go, she holds the book and the pencil until Clarke takes them. And when Clarke finally does she walks away after giving her a smile.
Clarke should stop her, should ask her where she's going. She's not sure she would be able to find the way back to the village. But, foolishly, she trusts her in that moment, completely. Aeryn has shown her something beautiful under imaginations. She has shared this with her for a reason and Clarke knows she has to trust. Aeryn will be back, her time is limited.
She sits down on a little rock right in front of the water and turns to the waterfall.
Two hours later she lets go of the blood, she lets it flow in the water, her hands purified by the crystals.
The first pages of the sketch book are filled with drawings, a little sparkle of magic trapped on the paper finding a new kind of freedom.
Clarke lays down the pencil on the book at her side and stays still, contemplating what she has spent the last couple of hours drawing. It's still beautiful, but the sun hasn't leaned out of the clouds again. She is grateful to Aeryn for taking her there. It was simply amazing and for the first time after a long while she actually sketched something.
Maybe, just maybe, she could be back. Maybe she could do more than existing. Even if that would only be staying in this little village, helping the healer and drawing. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad. Could she do it?
Aeryn comes back when she's lost in thoughts. The girl tries to make some noise so not to scare her when she talks.
"How did it go?"
Clarke ignores the question and instead she asks "You said that broken hearts are as clear as crystal waterfalls, what did you mean?" she's not sure she wants to know the answer to that, but she feels better in this moment. She feels like she can take it.
"Your heart screams. It's bleeding. When the heart is deadly wound there is no way anyone could hide it."
"How?" Clarke doesn't formulate a real question, but she knows that Aeryn understands. How do you know my heart is wound? How do you see it? It's what she's asking.
"Your hands. The crack in your eyes. They yell your pain. You're so careful when you touch something, like it could break, you keep your touches lightly as if things could suddenly turn into ash in front of you. And your eyes, always looking for more, always searching behind, always alert and never able to stop on a single subject. They seem to need to be aware of everything that surrounds you, and at the same time they search other eyes for disappointment, reproof, judging, even hate."
Clarke is taken aback by this. Who is this girl? Why are her eyes so clear and pure that they can see so much? And why does she say all these things in the sweetest tone, with understanding and forgiving eyes?
"You don't..." Clarke tries to deny it, but Aeryn interrupts her.
"I do. It doesn't matter. You'll be ready one day. It's okay, Daire." The use of her fake name makes Clarke go silent. This girl is really trying with her, she really wants to help and she's giving her a lot. And Clarke is lying to her about the easiest things. A name. What could a name do? So simple, so innocent. It would be so easy to tell her real name. What could happen? It's just name. But her name it's dangerous. Her name carries the same death she carries. Her name is the name of a murderer. It doesn't matter if it has once been innocent, if it has once been just a name. It's not anymore.
She bows her head slightly and doesn't say anything more. Aeryn smiles gently and starts to lead the way back to the village.
That night, while they clean up the table after dinner, Clarke asks Aeryn about King Kyr.
"So he was the first to have peace with the south, right?"
"Kind of. He sealed a deal with the trikru Commander. They were in love. I guess that's what brought us peace, their love for each other."
Clarke is astonished. The King was in love with the former Commander?
"Her name was Sasha. They say she was beautiful and strong. When they were together it was a good time for the villages in the south. The King saw her frequently so he often settled in a village on the border with the Cloud People and wait for her. Then sometimes he was the one to go to her. When he was here in the south of Ice it was a great celebration for us. Our best times.
"Most of their generals, both of the King and the Commander, weren't happy with this relationship. But they didn't care, they showed everyone how strong they were together. And no one questioned them again. Until... Until Tecla, who's the Queen now, killed her."
Asher did say that Tecla killed the former Commander, but the fact that she was in love with Tecla's brother makes things different.
"What did he do after that?"
"He didn't know it was his sister's order. He hunted down the men who murdered her and killed them showing no mercy, only justice. The traitors weren't only Ice people but also trikru. He demanded their death and demanded to be the one to kill them. The Commander's generals tried to deny that to him and he took the traitors on his own. They didn't die well, but they didn't deserve to. The trikru generals weren't hapy with that and they broke the alliance. But they didn't make any move to attack us or be hostile, because after all they would have killed the Commander's murderer anyway. The King's generals wanted to protect him, asked him to stay in the capital with his personal guards, safe. But he didn't want to leave his people. Anyway that's not what got him killed.
"He didn't suspect his sister of betrayal, even if some told him he should have. So when Tecla asked him to go with her for a little trip, pretending she wanted to keep his mind off of what had happened, he agreed. She had men hidden in the woods a little far from the safety of the capital. They killed the guard and then her partner fought the King. The King was a great warrior, but the moment Tecla told him that the Commander died because of her, he let his guard down for only a second. An infinitive second that costed him his life and us our freedom. Tecla's lover killed him and died with him because the King's sword did manage to stab his chest before falling at his side. That's what the only survived guard said. But that same guard died a few days later, properly this time, so that no one was left who could tell how things went. The King had no children, so she took the power, her daughter at her side."
"The Queen had a daughter?"
"Yes. From the man who killed our King. And her daughter was just like her. As ruthless, as power-thirsty, merciless and wicked. She died when she was about twenty, the new Commander of the trikru killed her. And the Queen had also another daughter, she had her from another love. She would be about seventeen now. But she died when she was twelve."
"Was she like her mother too?"
"I don't know. She was too young when she disappeared. The Queen sent soldiers and guards looking for her, but they've only found some of her belongings. The girl must be dead, but they probably would have never found the body even if they had kept searching."
Clarke is left with nothing to say, because what more is there to be said?
