Two days passed in near-silence for Roxanne. People spoke to her, explained what happened, gave their condolences, and yet it all sounded as though she was beneath the water, their voices muffled by the waves. But she did not speak – she couldn't. She heard them, she nodded, she shook their hands and accepted their embraces, but that was it.
Roxanne didn't say a thing from the moment her mother died.
And that didn't sit well with Tony.
It was left to him to plan the funeral, and everything that went with it. The others helped where they could, but there was little they could do. And with his daughter on auto-pilot, worry was beginning to cloud Tony's mind.
"Do you want me to go?" Steve said, from behind Tony, who stood outside Roxanne's bedroom door. "She might talk to me."
Tony took a step back with a sigh, "No. She's not gonna speak to anyone, not yet."
"What makes you so sure?"
Steve followed Tony down the hall, as he headed back towards his workshop, "Look, we haven't known Roxanne long, we can't push her, especially not now. When she's ready, she'll talk. Until then, all we can do is wait."
"Stark, the funeral is tomorrow. Someone needs to talk to her."
"And I will. When the time is right."
"And when will that be?"
"I don't know!" Tony snapped, wheeling around to face Steve. "I don't know. I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm all she has left, Steve, and I'm not gonna mess this up."
The captain slowly began to nod, "Okay," he placed a comforting hand on Tony's shoulder, "Is there anything I can do?"
Tony sighed, fingers raking through his beard, "Just try to keep the rest of the team downstairs. If she comes out, she's not gonna want to see anyone."
"Consider it done."
Roxanne lay on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. The rapidly diminishing daylight was the only sign she had that time had passed. She couldn't move. She didn't want to. If she left the room, people would only want to talk to her, and she wasn't ready for that. Her eyes were tired, but she couldn't sleep and if she did, it was just too painful to wake up and relive it all again.
There was a soft knock on the bedroom door, but Roxanne didn't move.
"Roxanne?" Tony's weary voice filtered through the wood, "Can I come in?"
She said nothing, barely even acknowledging the sound further than a small glance to the closed door. The handle turned, and slowly Tony pushed open the door, closing it quietly behind him. It was dark, but he didn't turn on the light, and Roxanne had to admit she was thankful for that.
"Roxanne?"
He could see she was awake, blinking her eyes in the dark, and from what he could see her face was a blank canvas, devoid of emotion. "I know you probably don't want to see me, or anyone, right now," Tony sat on the other side of the bed, so as not to encroach on her space, "But I wanted to check on you…"
He paused, fingers picking at the bedcover nervously, "And tell you that the funeral is at 11, tomorrow morning."
There was silence. It stretched so long, that Tony thought he might have imagined the almost imperceptible nod that Roxanne gave. He touched her hand briefly, before getting up. Walking through the darkness, back to the door, he opened it, turning to see the artificial light bathe his daughter's form. Her face was so pale he would've thought she was a statue, were it not for the steady rise and fall of her chest and she took shaky breaths.
Closing the door, Tony fell back against it. If he thought being a dad would be hard before, it seemed almost impossible to him now.
In the morning, Tony would've been lying if he said that he was sure that Roxanne would be ready and waiting to go to the funeral. But, it was 10:30 when he went into the kitchen and saw her there, ready and waiting, in a crisp black dress, her long, dark hair, hanging down her back. She was still so pale, with dark circles under her eyes that told him she hadn't slept, not that he was surprised.
"Hey," he said quietly, as he came to stand beside her.
"Hi," she murmured, without looking at him.
It was the first time that she'd spoken to him since Carrie died, and he was glad to hear her voice, however small it was. And yet, even just hearing that one word, he could hear that she sounded different. Her voice was flat, void of emotion, as though if she let herself feel anything at all it would destroy her from the inside out.
But, she was here. She was up and she was ready, and for that much Tony couldn't have been more proud of her. He stood up straighter, holding out a hand to his daughter. Her eyes went to the outstretched hand, before looking up to meet his eyes. Her hazel eyes were made all the more green by the redness that surrounded them, bloodshot and raw from tears, it almost broke Tony's heart in two. "You can do this," he said simply.
Roxanne's eyes flicked between him and the proffered hand, as she swallowed hard, her jaw tensing as if to build up the courage to move forward. Slowly, she slipped her hand into Tony's uncertainly. He tightened his grip just a little to try to comfort her.
"Let's go."
The service was small, just those who inhabited the tower, but it was simple, just as Carrie would've wanted. Roxanne listened to the empty words of the priest, who spoke as though he knew her mother, though they hadn't spent so much as five minutes with her. She respected the effort to try and ease her mind with lovely words of the great beyond and the wonderful afterlife that her mother would be welcomed into, but right now, it all just seemed like well-intentioned, but hollow words. She'd long since let go of Tony's hand, feeling somehow suffocated by the closeness.
"I'd like to hand over now, to Carrie's daughter, Roxanne, who's going to say a few words about her mother."
Lifting her head up, Roxanne took a deep breath, stepping forward to take the priest's place. Letting out a deep breath, she balled her hands into fists in an effort to try and stop the tremors that ran through them. "This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Harder than finding out about my mom's condition, and so much harder than watching her fade away."
Roxanne swallowed, feeling the tears well up in her eyes. "She was all I had for so much of my life. The only family I ever knew. And when you're a kid you think that everyone just lives forever," she said with a small, sad smile. "But it's not true. And it's the cruellest thing you can ever experience to know that the person you love more than anyone else in the world is going to leave you, and be given a time that that's gonna happen. It feels like someone's taken your heart in their hand and crushed it…"
She trailed off, seeing Tony wipe a tear from his eye. Behind him, the other Avengers stood with solemn looks, some looking close to the brink of tears. And looking at them like that…it made her angry. They met her mother for all of five minutes, and here they were pretending to feel what she was feeling. Or at least that's what it seemed like in her sleep-deprived, grief-stricken state. But, as ridiculous and unreasonable as it sounded, that's exactly what it seemed to her.
She felt a hand on her arm. Looking up she saw that the priest was standing next to her, a look of concern on her face. "Roxanne?"
"I'm fine," she said through gritted teeth, letting her anger slowly take over. "But, you know what's worse than anything else? This. Seeing you people – you strangers – acting as if this is somehow your loss. Crying like you knew her, coming to her funeral like you need to grieve."
"Roxanne?" Tony stepped forward, concerned with her sudden change.
She gave a hollow laugh, finally letting tears flow freely down her face, "I'm done here."
Wiping her eyes, she pushed past Tony, and Steve, and anyone else who stood in her way. She couldn't stand being there anymore, and though a small part of her could see that she was overreacting and she could hear her mother chastising her for being foolish, but it wasn't enough to stop her.
Tony worried about Roxanne from the minute she disappeared, but he knew that following her straight away would only cause more trouble, so he stayed back. But, as the hours wore on and he didn't hear from her, Tony's worries grew, and when J.A.R.V.I.S. told him that she had returned to the tower not long after she left the funeral, but only to change before leaving, his worrying reached its peak. Gathering together the tower's residents, they all split up, each taking a different area of the city to look over, combing through the streets, checking everywhere they could for Roxanne.
But, when the skies began to darken and Tony had heard nothing, he called around every hospital in a panic – both wanting and desperate not to hear his daughter's name. Right now, he just wanted to know where she was, no matter where that happened to be.
He got his wish.
"Mr Stark," J.A.R.V.I.S. spoke through the earpiece Tony was wearing. "It seems Miss Teller has returned to the tower."
"What? When?"
"Just this minute, sir. But, I'm afraid that she's in rather bad shape."
Tony's heart sank as his mind went back to what Carrie had told him about when Roxanne had found out about her illness. It was bad then, he could only imagine what she would be like now.
He opens the comms link to the other Avengers, "Everyone back to the tower – now!"
By the time Tony returned, the others were already there, though not one of them knew what to do. Out on the balcony that overlooked the city, Roxanne stood. Right on the edge. "Jarvis, how's she doing?"
"I believe Miss Teller has had rather a lot to drink, sir."
It was exactly what Tony didn't want to hear. "What do we do?" Steve asked anxiously from Tony's side.
He swallowed, hard, before sighing. "You and Bruce, go find something to calm her down. I'm gonna try and talk to her."
Steve nodded quickly, he and Bruce heading in the direction of the lab. Tony turned back to the others, "Stay here. I don't want to crowd her."
Never had his footsteps sounded so loud as they did as he walked slowly towards Roxanne. He stopped a few feet from where she stood. He didn't want to startle her, or force her to move further to get away from him. He too stood on the edge, and from here he could see her profile as she stared out at the city.
"Roxy?" He said quietly, keeping his voice light.
She turned to face him and he let out a small gasp at her appearance. Her bottom lip was split and there was a red mark across her cheekbone that looked as though it would soon turn into a bruise. She gave a breathy laugh, before turning back to the view again. "Leave me alone, Tony."
He could hear the slur to her words, and that combined with the slightly unsteady way she stood, told just how much she'd had to drink. "You can't do this, kid."
"Oh yeah? Why's that?"
"She wouldn't want this-"
"You didn't know her!" She turned back to him sharply, "Don't act like you did."
Tony shook his head, taking a careful step towards her. "I didn't have to know her, to know that she wouldn't want you to kill yourself, Roxanne!"
"Well, she's not here anymore!" Tears had begun to stream down her face, and Tony tried to keep his eyes on her as he saw Steve and Bruce creep over slowly from the other side of the balcony. Roxanne took a shaky step closer to her father in order to lean in close to his face, still perched on the edge, "And I would rather be there with her, than here with you."
He refused to let her bitter words get to him – she was drunk, and when she was drunk her remarks got all the more cutting. She sneered at him, before turning away, leaning forward a little. "You think this will help?" Tony played for time, as Steve and Bruce got ever closer.
When Roxanne spoke again, her voice seemed hollow again, like it had before her mother's funeral. "I think it'll stop everything from hurting so much," Bruce was coming up to her now, Steve close behind him. "I'm so tired."
"Of what?"
"Everything."
She looked at him, her tears starting anew. Steve threw an arm around her waist, pulling her back. Roxanne clumsily tried to release herself, but her movements were halted as Bruce put a needle in her neck.
Her vision began to darken as Tony put a hand on her cheek, tears in his eyes. She just barely heard the words he said before she collapsed into Steve's hold.
"It's gonna be okay."
