A/N: I mostly use the italic for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts.

I'm sorry if there are mistakes, English is not my language.

If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!

Here we go, finally!

Someone who knows which film I'm referring to in this chapter?


Chapter Twelve: Travelling on a hunted mind

Lexa paces her tent. Clarke is alive. Lexa didn't kill her, the thought is relieving. But Clarke could be in danger, she could die in the woods, she could not survive the winter, and these thoughts still hunt Lexa.

She gave orders to search for the Skai Prisa. She sent scouts to find her, bring her to Polis, she needs to make sure Clarke is okay. She ordered to find her, but an uncomfortable feeling in her stomach tells her they won't.

It is as she can feel that Clarke is not really around anymore. And that's a nauseating thought.

Indra told her not to send anyone, she reminded her that it's none of their business, she argued that even the skaikru are not looking for their Prisa. The Commander's mind was screaming the same, but Lexa couldn't take it any more, she couldn't leave Clarke alone and in danger a second time. It has already been a mistake the first ti...

No, it wasn't a mistake. It wasn't. Why the hell is she questioning it?

She told Indra to mind her place, she reminded her general who is in command, but the woman hadn't stepped aside when she passed her and rushed out of the tent barking orders. Indra hasn't spoken about the Skai Prisa again. Lexa expected a lecture, but her general seems to understand better than anyone else, maybe even better than Luna.

She knows that Indra was right, she is aware that if the Skai Prisa were anyone else, she wouldn't have cared. But it is Clarke they're talking about. Clarke whose eyes remind her of the ocean the girl has never seen, but that at the same time are made of the sky she fell from. Clarke who is a true leader and bears the weight of death for her people even when she says that she can't do it, even when she says she can't take it any more. Clarke who breaks again and again even when she thinks there's nothing left to shutter. Because Clarke has so much in her and even if she doesn't know, nothing could destroy it all, it would take centuries.

Clarke who makes Lexa feel, who makes Lexa think maybe she knows what life is.

One time, Lexa remembers, the two leaders were in the Commander's tent arguing yet again about surviving, living, leading. Clarke was burning with passion in Lexa's memory, she was arguing that they couldn't lead their people well and give them life if they weren't living in the first place. She told Lexa that you can't save a life if you don't know what a life is. Then under Lexa's amused look the sky girl had started ranting about a movie from the old world. It was about a world where robots were able to think – Clarke had spent twenty minutes explaining Lexa what a robot is and why it should think – and this robot saved the leading character's life who was trapped in a car under water. The man's daughter was in there too and the father was begging for the robot to save her, but the robot chose to save the men because he had more chances to survive.

"Do you think the robot actually saved the man's life?" Clarke had asked her.

Lexa had been slightly taken aback. Of course it had saved the man's life, Clarke said it herself. But Clarke had argued that the may has survived, but his life had been his daughter. "We can't save our people if we don't know what life is. And life is different from survival. Or should we become like robots ourselves? Should we wish to be similar to those machines who very much destroyed the world?"

Lexa had furrowed her eyebrows at that. "The men destroyed the world, Clarke. Not the machines, they used them to destroy..."

"I wasn't talking about real machines. Also men can become machines."

Recalling the episode, Lexa is still unsure of what the Sky Princess had wanted to say. But then Clarke had said something else and Lexa still feels warm and at the same time uneasy thinking about it. "Our people deserve better. Our warriors deserve better, Lexa. Even Indra deserves better." a chuckle had escaped the sky girl's lips then. "Hell, you deserve better!"

Does she really? No, Lexa doesn't deserve anything more than death and war. She let her first love die, she didn't avenge her forging an alliance with her murderer instead; she left her second love to die as well, she betrayed the woman who made her feel again and live again. Now she's weak and she can't even lead her people the way they deserved. She's not worthy of anything.


The kiss. The kiss wouldn't leave her mind. Nyx and Malaya are discussing the plan again, the group already split in two, ready to part in different directions once enough far into the woods.

But Clarke's mind is else where, back with Aeryn, back at those lips. Did Aeryn...? Could the girl care about Clarke in a more than friendly way? Or maybe it was just a farewell kiss, maybe the girl just kissed her friend because she wasn't sure they would meet again.

But it was so soft, so caring, so shy. Aeryn wasn't sure about it, she wasn't sure if Clarke would have allowed it. It was hesitant, loving. Clarke hasn't been kissed in such a way in what feels like forever. It was even before Finn, it was a girl on the Ark.

It was nothing compared to Lexa's kiss, but she can't think about it now, she won't. Clarke is confused, but she will not let her mind wander to the Commander. Lexa left her, betrayed her, almost got her killed, Lexa is the reason she became a monster. Aeryn feels new. Somewhere she could start from.

But Clarke doesn't deserve it. She doesn't deserve a second chance, a new beginning. She's just looking for a good end helping these people. And there it is, she finally admits it. She's not looking for redemption, she knows she can't have it, she's only hoping for a good way to go. She only hopes that leaving this world helping Nyx's people will be enough.

There's a little stubborn part of her mind, though, which whispers that Clarke may even survive. She survived the Mountain's Men and the trikru before them, she could survive this too. And if she did, Aeryn could actually be a new beginning. Clarke already cares for the girl, she could come to love her. A quiet love, maybe not as passionate as the formers, but a peaceful one. It wouldn't be bad.

Clarke kicks those thoughts out of her mind. What they're starting here, marching in the forest, is much more dangerous that whatever she has done before.

More dangerous than taking down the Mountain? Maybe. Clarke is not a warrior, and now she will need to fight. She can't use her gun, she can't use technology, she's not going to pull a lever, she will have to fight with her new sword and knives and with her hands. She will have to build her own survival. But surviving is not her goal.


That evening they reach the first village near Cristallo. They're still all together and Malaya decides her group will take another path tomorrow, so they may want to enjoy this last night together.

They gather up for dinner out of the village and there's chatting, excited talking and last stories shared between friends. Clarke looks at them and realizes they remind her of her old friends. They remind her of when the Drop ship fell and they were alone, excited, scared, somehow happy, and most importantly together.

These people couldn't survive a war, but they will fight 'till their last breath for the family and friends they left at home. And as she hears them talking about the Queen, about how their nation was before, how they love the old stories and how they want to take them back, she understands that they won't fight to come back home. They won't fight to come back, they will fight to go on, they won't stop until they find what they're looking for, the heart of Ice, where they can still live like under King Kyr. But they will fight to go on.

Clarke is lost in thoughts and respect for those people when Nyx comes to her.

"We'll sleep outside the village, even if I think it would be safe inside, it's better not to risk. Tomorrow Malaya and her group will leave, instead we're going to stay and talk to the people. As you said, we'll get them to fight with us."

Clarke just nods and the young warrior sits beside her.

"I guess I would have done the same." the brunette whispers and Clarke can barely hear it.

"What?" confusion takes place in Clarke's eyes and Nyx turns to look at her just for a moment before looking ahead in the darkness again.

"Lying. I guess I would have lied like you did. It was the rational choice, it was too dangerous for you to tell the truth. Some of us, some clans, fear you. I know you hadn't got much choices. I'm not saying I like it, but I understand that you didn't do it to harm us in any way. This does not mean that I trust you right away, but I would have done the same." the girl's voice is still low but Clarke gets a warm feeling inside and finds herself smiling shyly. It's a ghost of a smile, but it's there and Clarke is grateful.

"Thank you, Nyx."

The girls don't talk further and Clarke finds the silence comforting. Nyx's presence at her side is something she longs for and she's relieved the girl understands. Feeling the girl next to her is soothing and maybe Clarke will get some sleep tonight.