It was everywhere, roaring, tumultuous, piercingly cold and breathtakingly loud. It was big and grey and everything he could see. He fought, fought for air, fought his way to the surface. He became aware of something, another force, pulling him away from the direction of the tide. With all the strength he could muster, he followed that force, until the seemingly bottomless river spat him up on the riverbed.

Alec sputtered, cold water trickling out of his gaping mouth. As he blinked, the world came back into focus, but he couldn't recognise where he was. He used his elbows to slowly lift himself off the dirt bank, ignoring how hard he was shaking.

"Alec?" Jace's voice was weak, but it was comforting. Alec struggled into a kneeling position and looked over to see his parabatai lying on his back, muddied and bruised as ever, but breathing.
"Where's Simon?"

Jace pointed to Alec's other side, where Simon lay face-down in the mud. His chest was rising and falling, ever so slightly, but if he was awake he was choosing to rest.

"Well, this isn't ideal, is it?"

"No. Not at all. No thanks to you," Alec spat, standing up. He looked up- and downstream, hoping they had only been carried a few metres away from where they had fallen in, but there was no sign of any of their companions.

"What do you mean? It was Simon who - "

"You and Simon then. Fine. But this mess is your fault, even if only partially."

"I hardly think - "

"Take some responsibility for something just this once, Jace. God."

Jace shut his mouth. Alec was right. He was to blame, even if only a little. There was no point in denying it.

"So what do we do?" Simon asked, coughing slightly. Jace looked across at him with a look of distaste on his face. Maybe he was going to admit he was at fault, but there was no way he'd take Simon's share of the blame.

"We go back upstream."

"How?"

"What do you mean how? We follow the river back the way we came."

"But… we were under for so long. We must be so far away."

"What do you mean? We weren't under for that long - "

Simon gestured at Jace. "What time does your watch say?"

Jace begrudgingly looked at his wrist. "It's dead."

"I know."

"Fine. 8:24."

Simon held up his watch. "It's waterproof. It says the time right now is 8:41."

"We were in there for seventeen minutes?" Alec asked incredulously.

Simon shrugged. "I guess."

"How the hell did we do that? The world record is like twenty minutes."

"Well, I don't know about you two, but I kept my head above the water, so I could breathe, for most of it. There were some rough patches where I had to hold my breath, but for the most part…"

"I didn't have my head above water the whole time," Jace snapped, jerking his head to shake the water out of his ear. "Explain that."

"Well, you're a shadowhunter. Surviving against the odds is what you do."

Alec smiled. "That seems about right."

"So what do we do now? Do we just… walk upstream?"

Jace stood up, flicking mud from his hands. "What other choice do we have?"


Magnus closed his eyes, breathing slowly. He could do it. The familiar tingle of tantalisingly close magic hummed in his fingers.

Breathe in.

He pulled his hands apart, feeling the space between them buzz with the same excitement he felt in his fingertips.

Breathe out.

He brought his hands closer together again, the tingling growing, getting warmer.

Breathe in.

He shifted his hands until they were one over the other, moving them around the sphere of air between them.

Breathe out.

His fingers crackled with blue, the thrumming of magic like a pulse under his skin.

Breathe in.

His hands knew what to do, and he ever so slowly opened his eyes, seeing the sparks and light and electricity of his own making.

Breathe out.

He spun his hands faster, gathering more blue, slowly but surely building up magic, usable magic, and despite his best efforts, he found himself smiling. He laughed once, a short, surprised laugh, and then again, until he was in hysterics over this simple feat. He could do magic again! He could get them out of there!

He could finally get some decent food!

Just wait until Alexander saw!
"Magnus!"

There was panic in Clary's voice, so strong that Magnus lost focus and the blue sparks vanished. He stood up, turning around to see Clary stumbling up to the tents, Isabelle leaning on her.

"Clarissa? Isabelle?"

"They were fighting, and they fell into the stream!" Clary was out of breath, and unceremoniously dropped Izzy, but she was too stressed to care. "They're gone!"

"Wait, what?"

"Alec, Simon, and Jace. They were all caught up in this fight and… they fell into the river. We don't know where they are."

"You didn't think of following them?" Magnus snapped, running over to help Izzy up as Clary staggered over to a place where she could sit.

"And what, leave you here alone without explanation?"

"Fine. That makes sense. But… God, they could be anywhere! How long ago did they fall in?"

Izzy shrugged, worry furrowing her brow. "About twenty minutes."

"It took you twenty minutes to get here?"
"I rolled my ankle again, and we had to climb through some pretty dense forest to get back here," Izzy said, scowling. "We tried to be fast."

Magnus wrung his hands. "I know, I know. This is hardly your fault. Okay. Let's… let's just think. What can we do?"

"We could track them," Izzy suggested, holding her ankle tenderly.

Magnus nodded curtly. "Good idea. I can do it - warlock tracking is more powerful than shadowhunter tracking."

Clary frowned. "I thought you said your magic wasn't working."

He shrugged, a sheepish half-smile on his face. "I doubt you'd believe that I just got it back then, would you?"

"You know what? I don't care anymore. Can you track them?"


Magnus held Alec's shirt in his hands. "Are we sure this is how we want to do this?"

Clary nodded. They'd debated for too long over whose possessions to use - Magnus wasn't strong enough to track more than one person, and there was no way of knowing whether or not the boys were together. However, Izzy had reasoned, Alec wouldn't be stupid enough to let Jace or Simon wander off alone, so chances are, if they found Alec, they'd find Jace and Simon too.

Magnus closed his eyes, feeling both Clary's and Isabelle's gaze on him. He felt his face burn - it was taking too long to get a hold of the magic. What if he had used it all this morning? What if the shock that came with losing Alec had set back his progress? What if -

"I'm getting something!"

It was coming in bits and pieces. He could hear Alec's voice, tired and worn out, and alone, painstakingly alone. He saw the river, flashes in and out of the water, tumbling and grey and menacing. Jace's eyes, gold and red-rimmed, and Simon's shaky laughter.

"They're together. They're all alive."

Mud, and water rushing against a rock. Gasping for air. Trees, dirt, bird calls, the cloudy sky. He could feel Alec's heartbeat as if it was his own, rapid and uneven, with fear or exhaustion he wasn't sure.

"Can you see where they are?"

Snippets of the sky mixed with the ground, as if Alec was spinning in circles, looking around so quickly that it made Magnus' head hurt.

"I can't tell. It's like watching a Jason Bourne movie - it's too unsteady to make anything out."

"Are you sure? No landmarks?"

Magnus shook his head, and instantly felt nauseous at the extra movement. "Just… trees. And rocks. And the river."

"That's a start, right? The river? So we just have to follow it downstream."

"And… they're still soaking wet. They must have just got out," Magnus concluded.

"If we really wanted, we could figure out how fast the river moved, and calculate how far they could have travelled in twenty minutes," Izzy suggested, but Magnus was already striding away into the forest.

"Where are you going?" Clary yelled, helping Izzy hobble along after him.

"To find Alec."


"Oh shit."

"What's wrong?"

"Look."

"I can't see as far as you. I lost my glasses in the whole river thing."

"Why have we stopped?" Jace stopped next to them, his perpetual scowl still in place.

"The river."

"Congrats. What an astounding realisation."

Alec glared at him. "Can't either of you see?"

"What?" Simon said, his voice breaking slightly.

"It forks. The river forks."

The three of them stood there, unable to move. Why would they bother wasting energy? Simon put his hands behind his head and began breathing loudly, trying to stop himself from hyperventilating. Alec was still staring ahead at the river, blinking slowly, hoping that it would just correct itself and go back to being one solid river that they could follow with absolute certainty. Even Jace's frown had been wiped away.

So they stood.

Simon spoke first.

"We're dead."

"We're not dead."

"We're absolutely dead."

"Simon," Alec chided, but it was too late. Simon was laughing maniacally now, walking quicker and quicker along the riverbank.

"We're screwed. We're toast. They're going to find us here one day in the future and say 'oh, what idiots, getting lost in the woods twice and dying of starvation. If only they had… I don't know, not fallen into the river? Oh well!' And then they're going to take photos of our skeletons and make us a display that they'll label 'humanus stupidus: the days before we had GPS systems built into our brains and were still capable of getting lost and dying alone in the cold, relentless wilderness' and we'll just be bones but we'll still feel the sting of belittlement and - "

"Simon!" Alec snapped, grabbing him by the shoulders and holding him still. "We're not going to die. We still have Izzy, Clary and Magnus."

"Oh great. They're going to get lost looking for us. We've killed them too. We're not going to end up in a museum, we're going to end up in jail."

"Just shut the fuck up, okay Simon?"

Alec released Simon and turned to Jace. "Don't. Not now."

"Actually, I think now is a great time," Simon said, blinking in Jace's direction. "Do tell, Jace, why I should 'shut the fuck up'. After all, it is my fault we're here, isn't it? Because I screw everything up, don't I? And I have no right to be even the slightest bit concerned about my wellbeing, do I?"

"Simon, just drop it," Alec hissed.

"No. He's right," Jace said snidely, stepped towards Simon. "This is his fault. All of it. If he hadn't freaked out about nothing and decided to punch me I would never have retaliated, and we wouldn't be here."

"Over 'nothing'? You were going to hit Clary!"
"I would never hit Clary!"

"How was I supposed to know that?"

"Because you know that I'm not that shitty a person!"
"Really? You think you've left some sort of… angelic impression on me? I know it's ironic, Jace, but I refuse to believe there's anything angelic about you."

"Don't you dare suggest that I would ever hit her!" Jace snapped, clenching his fists.

"Jace," Alec murmured in a warning tone.

"Stay out of this, Alec. This is between this little piece of shit and me."

"What are you going to do, Jace? Hit me? And prove me right?" Simon cocked an eyebrow, and although his words challenged Jace, there was fear in his eyes.

"That's enough! Both of you!" Alec barked, taking both Simon and Jace by surprise. "Sit down!"

"Sit down? But… " Simon looked around at the mud at their feet, whilst Jace glowered at Alec.

"Just do it."

Both looking mildly concerned, they sat down at Alec's feet. Simon crinkled his nose in disgust at the feeling of sitting on mud, but Jace was still frowning, unperturbed.

"Right. Well. You're both acting like pathetic little assholes who can't see past their own selfish desires. Get your shit together. Both of you."

"Oh." Simon raised his eyebrows. "Uh. Sorry. But… am I really acting selfishly? I mean, don't get me wrong, I get this is a little my fault, but… shouldn't your harsh but well-intended constructive criticism be aimed at Wednesday Addams over here?"

Jace's scowl intensified. "Excuse me? 'A little' your fault? If you hadn't have punched me at all, we wouldn't be here! And what do you mean, you're not selfish? You've done nothing but think of yourself since the beginning of this whole mess!"

"I have not!"

"You have!"

"Have not!"
"Shut up!" Alec said, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. "You were so close to a breakthrough!"

"What?"

"You were both close to realising what the issue is!"

"And what is that?"

"You're both so self-obsessed that you haven't bothered to check if your actions are impacting others!"
Jace stood up. "What right do you have to say that I'm selfish?"
"Every right! You're my parabatai, Jace, you're like another half of me - I know you better than anyone."

"Clearly not, if you think my selfishness is in any way comparable to Simon's."

"Hate to interrupt," Simon said, getting to his feet, "but just to fact-check you, you are one of the most self-obsessed people to ever grace the planet."

"Enough! Just stop fighting!" Alec yelled. "Look - we can't go anywhere until Magnus, Izzy and Clary find us. We can't risk going up the wrong part of the river. We're stuck here. And I'll be damned if I spend the entire time we're here listening to you two bickering. Come and talk to me when you're mature enough to admit you've screwed up."

And with that, Alec stormed off, into the forest, leaving Jace and Simon slack-jawed in his wake.


"Magnus! Stop!"

He didn't stop. He kept hurriedly walking. If he was lucky, he'd be with Alec within an hour. The day was plodding on, and he didn't want to spend a night apart from him.

"Magnus!" Clary's voice washed over him. He was too focussed on tracking Alec. The shirt still in hand, he closed his eyes once more, just to reassure him that Alec was still there - and there it was, the thumping of the heartbeat, the ringing of his voice.

His voice.

It was snappy, and angry, and raised in a hurt tone. Magnus slowed down. Something sounded wrong. Distorted, even. Like a video playing in slow motion, Alec's voice became lower, stretched out, unrecognisable. Magnus felt faint. The heartbeat was irregular, appearing every few seconds. The flashing images looked as if they had been overexposed on a camera, getting whiter and whiter, until the blinking white light occupied Magnus' entire vision and he…

"Magnus!"

His eyes fluttered open to meet Clary's. She was leaning over him.

It took him a second to realise he was lying on his back, on the floor.

"What happened?"

"You fainted."

"I did?"

"Magnus, you have to rest."

"Alec needs me," Magnus said - or at least, that's what he thought he said. As he made to say it, he sat up, and the world shifted uneasily around him. He tried to speak, but his mouth was empty and his words were jumbled.

"Oh no. Lie back down. We're not going anywhere anytime soon."

"But… Alec…"

"They'll be fine. It should only take you an hour or so to rest."

"What? We're not just going to sit here and wait… I can lean on you until I get my bearings back."

"No you can't," Izzy piped in from somewhere outside Magnus' field of vision. "We're not splitting up, and Clary can't support both of us at once."

"I'm fine. I really am," Magnus said, trying to sit up again, but Clary pushed him back down.

"No, you're not. You're paler than me, and your eyes are all weird. I don't know what you did to track Alec, but it was a bit much for your magic to handle."

Magnus wanted to refute that, to say there was nothing he couldn't handle, but his mouth was dry, and he didn't have the energy to swallow. Although he hated to admit it, he needed the rest.

But it was no big deal - it'd only be a few hours, right?


"Where are they?" Simon moaned to himself. He looked at his watch - it read 6:47. The sky was beginning to darken, ever so slightly, and the brisk chill of a summer night was setting in. He had spent most of the day sitting, alone, and thinking. He had thought of a multitude of things, including what he wanted on his tombstone if he was to die in the woods (he was thinking something along the lines of 'he came, he saw, he kicked its ass'), and was the risk of getting permanently lost in the woods worth the chance of finding Clary and Izzy again (conclusion: undecided). It was true - he had thought of many things. But there was something he was trying not to think of.

Alec's words from before - you're both so self-obsessed that you haven't bothered to check if your actions are impacting others.

Was he self-obsessed? He hadn't thought so, but he supposed self-awareness and self-obsession were seldom found together. He knew Jace was self-obsessed - that was almost as large a part of him as his name was, if not more so, considering how casually Jace changed his surname. But… both Jace and Alec thought that he, Simon Lewis, was being selfish. He could tolerate Jace's disapproval - he had to, all Jace did was disapprove of him - but Alec wasn't so flippant with his disregard. That meant that he was self-obsessed, right? If Alec thought so?

What was he doing wrong?

He had heard what Jace said about him to Clary. He knew Jace thought he only thought of himself. Did he? He hadn't intended to make everything about him - he was simply concerned for his own wellbeing. He had every right to be - after all, he was a mundane in a crowd of elite Shadowhunters. No one else was going to look after him, so it was up to him. Right?

He thought back to the day before, when Isabelle had joked about making a spear to kill things. And then, she had looked at him, earnestly, and said Simon, you do realise whose hands you're in, right? We're all trained warriors. We know how to survive.

We know how to survive.

Of course they did - like she had said, they were trained warriors. But… the more Simon thought about it, the stupider it seemed that he had ever thought they wouldn't look out for him. They may have known how to survive, but they also knew a great deal about camaraderie, and they would never let him die.

Suddenly, all of the things Simon had done - be it taking in Neville, or keeping Jace awake to play truth or dare, or… or anything and everything he had ever done in his own self-interest - he regretted. The Nephilim may have been stoic, and have had an air of superiority, and at times, have been the most frustrating people to ever walk the earth, but they would never let a mundane like himself die. After all - protecting mundanes was their job.

Amidst the waves of guilt crashing down on him, however, Simon found one somewhat reassuring truth - Jace Herondale was self-centred too. It wasn't as if that was a secret - Clary had confessed that he probably loved himself more than he loved her. If he was selfish, though he hoped he wasn't, at least Jace Herondale was worse than him.

What a comforting thought.


Jace, too, was worried, but not over whether or not he was selfish. He had already gathered that he was, though he didn't approve of Alec calling him out on it (despite Alec's claims, Jace believed that parabatai were not for being honest with each other, but backing each other up). No - he was instead worried about Clary.

What was taking her so long? Surely, there had to be some end to their bad luck, and the river only forked once. Surely, the journey to find them was not so perilous that two more than capable Nephilim and the High Warlock of Brooklyn himself could not handle it. Surely, they were looking for them, right?

That disheartening thought hit Jace like a punch to the face. What if they weren't looking for them?

Stop it, Jace, that sounds like Simon talking, he thought to himself, but he couldn't shake the uneasiness.

Clary would be looking for him, right? She was his girlfriend, one of his closest friends. He cared about her so very much - which was why, despite being stuck in the wilderness with an angst-ridden Alec and a petrified Simon, miles from any civilisation, he was concerned about her more than himself. He had been worried on her behalf since the commencement of the trip, and it wasn't too easy to distract Jace from his own troubles for that long. Yes, it was fair to say he was somewhat infatuated with her.

But… she liked him back, right?

Of course she does, Jace reassured himself. But after a while, his thoughts offered little confidence.

Did she think he was going to hit her? Maybe, she thought he was, and maybe, out of spite, she refused to look for him. Isabelle… Isabelle wasn't afraid to call him out when he was wrong, and he knew he had screwed up (to a certain extent), so perhaps she wouldn't come after him either. And Magnus - well, after kinda-maybe-sorta tossing Alec involuntarily into a mess of his and Simon's making, he doubted Magnus would be all that keen on finding him either.

Huh. The more he thought about it, the less convinced he was that the others would come after him.

As the sun set, a chill ran up Jace's spine, but it had nothing to do with the oncoming cold.


Simon and Jace's anxieties paled in comparison to the storm of worry raging through Alec's mind. He was pacing, an unfortunate habit he had acquired, and rubbing his hands together so roughly it was beginning to hurt. But he didn't care - the pain distracted him.

Despite his efforts, he couldn't stop thinking about the others. Izzy, her tender ankle barely healed before she had to come searching for him, follow him through this mess that they had nothing to do with. Clary, her red hair getting caught in the branches as she had to weave her way through the nightmare of a forest they were lost in. Magnus -

Magnus.

Alec gulped, trying to recall other things, trying to recall the pain in his hands, the rustling in the trees, the throbbing of his headache, anything and everything but Magnus. All of the demons in the Void could not inflict a more searing pain than the thought of Magnus, stumbling around blindly, trying to find Alec. In Alec's mind, there was no question whether or not Magnus was worried about him - of course he was, he could barely tolerate the others without Alec's diplomatic presence - but instead his doubts were about Magnus' safety. He didn't doubt that Magnus was capable of defending himself, not at all - in fact, his frets centred around how far Magnus would go to find him.

Alec knew Magnus better than he knew himself. So, maybe he didn't know everything about him or his past - that wasn't what mattered. What mattered was that he knew Magnus' present. He knew his hopes, dreams, fears. And he knew what he would do for people he loved. He supposed it made sense - to Magnus, death was a mere suggestion, a guideline he would most happily stray from; of course he'd throw himself face-first into life-threatening situations. If Magnus loved someone, really, truly, wholly, Alec knew he'd go to any means to keep them with him.

Did Magnus love him as much as Alec loved him back?

Despite all of his modest inclinations, Alec Lightwood was not stupid.

Magnus Bane loved him with the intensity with all of his infinite self.

Then where was he?

Magnus, Alec thought, his headache pulsing as he stopped pacing. Magnus. Where are you?


"Alec?"

Magnus sat up groggily, preparing his eyes for the flood of daylight -

"Wait - why is it so dark?"
"By the Angel, Magnus, you're alive!" Izzy exclaimed, relief flooding her face.

"I'm a freaking warlock! I literally cannot die! Why are you always so surprised that I have the capacity to wake up from sleep?"
"Magnus, you've been asleep for hours."

He froze. "What? What time is it?"
"We don't know. We don't have any means of telling the time. Clary tried making a sundial, and to my knowledge, she succeeded, but we can't read it anymore."

"Ah - speaking of, where is she?"

"Over there, by those trees. Clary!" Izzy got her attention. Clary turned around, her face weary, brightening only slightly when she saw Magnus' attempt at a smile.

"What were you doing?" Magnus asked.

"Nothing," she shrugged.

"The whole time I was asleep?" He asked, his tone becoming less gentle and more demanding.

"I tried to wake you."

"You did not."

"I did too, and Iz can attest to that," she snapped, sitting down next to them. "You were out cold. The magic must have taken a lot out of you."

"So we're really still here, right? Not… with the others?"

"I wish," Izzy muttered.

"It's just… I thought I heard Alec."

"You must still have the tracking spell going. What did he say? Anything useful?"

"Nah… just… Jace's name," Magnus said, suddenly taking great interest in the leaves around him.

The conversation moved on, but Magnus didn't bother following. He didn't care to tell them, but Alec had indeed said something useful. Not to them, or their mission, but to him.

Alec had said his name. And by some indescribable magic, beyond his control, that had woken him up.

"Magnus?"

Izzy's gentle prod brought him back to reality.

"Hmm?"

"We were just saying that perhaps you'd like to take the first shift, seeing as you've been asleep all day."

"What? We're not going to find them?"

"Sorry? It's going to be dark in a matter of minutes. We'd never be able to find them, let alone find our way back."

"But…"

Silence settled around them. They knew what it meant. They'd be spending their third night in the forest separated.

"They'll be okay. All three of them have fought bravely in the past - there's no reason to think they wouldn't again," Izzy said, but even she seemed unconvinced. Magnus frowned. Yes, he was concerned for Alec, but seeing the girls so disheartened was troubling him more. Usually, he could turn to them for a glimmer of optimism, but their downcast eyes and awkward silence made something in him ache.

"You're right. They'll be fine. And don't worry - I'll take the first watch. I'll wake you in a few hours," Magnus said, nodding to Clary. "And then it can be Izzy's turn."

Although she seemed suspicious of Magnus' sudden change of heart, she welcomed his offer. "You can't go adventuring in the middle of the night, though. I know you miss Alec, but he won't be happy if you leave me and Izzy all alone in the middle of the forest, asleep."

Magnus smiled half-heartedly. "Don't worry, biscuit. I may be in love, but I'm not an idiot."


Night settled on the two groups. One was a small huddle, underneath a large tree - Magnus leaning against the trunk, with Izzy leant into one of his shoulders, and Clary into the other, both soundly asleep. His weary eyes scanned their dark surrounds, and his mind wandered, thinking, with bittersweet relish, of the night before.

The other group was spread out, a passive-aggressive silence thick between them. Jace was lying parallel to the river, right where the ground turned from mud to dirt. Simon was curled up next to a rock, hidden from sight. Alec was in between the two of them, with his back resting on a log and his legs stretched out in front of him. Although they all had their eyes closed, none was asleep. Despite the distance between the three of them, they could all see each other, and unbeknownst to all of them, each was watching the other two. Not out of spite, or wariness, but instead, to ensure that they were okay. As the night wore on, sleep took them out, one by one, until all of the day's melodrama seemed nothing but a bad dream.