A/N: I don't really know how to explain this, but I believe what Nyx does and says in this chapter is what could give Clarke the strength to forgive Lexa someday. It's hard to explain it, but it's like when Lexa vowed to treat Clarke's people as her own... Nope, okay, I'm doing an awful job explaining it, so I hope you'll understand from the story as it goes on. Just know, that one Nyx's sentence at the end of the chapter is very important to me.
I mostly use the italic for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts.
Also... I'm looking for a beta to go over the story and help me with a few points and to get new ideas, so if you want to help me, contact me on tumblr my username is justawordunsaid or on twitter Sara_NobodyO
If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!
Chapter Eighteen: You are my people
The waiting is over, now they have to act. They kept watching until the soldiers fell asleep, only two guards still awake to watch Clarke and one patrolling the area.
Nyx will take care of the patrol, leaving the guards to Wit and Rokh. She can do the job silently, but by the time her friends will have put down the two men, the other soldiers will be awake and fighting back. Faith is to free Clarke as soon as the guards are out, the blonde is held in a small tent, the woman who captured her resting in the tent next to it, probably wanting to be near but not near enough for Clarke to attempt at doing something.
After killing the patrol she will go right after the seemingly very strong warrior and Wit and Rokh will have to handle themselves against five men. Once Clarke is free, Faith will surely join the fight, no one could hold her back, but they don't know if Clarke will be able to fight, they know nothing of her conditions, she looked tired and worn out, but they couldn't see if she were injured in any way. And if Clarke is not able to fight they could easily end up in big troubles. They can't afford to lose or to let anyone get away.
So the atmosphere is tense and nervous as they get ready to fight, all of them have doubts, questions and worst case scenarios going on in their head, all but Faith, who's just excited and angry, furious and ready to show those assholes what happens to who takes her friends and threaten her people. Faith is ready to kick asses, Nyx is steadying herself to focus on the mission ahead, Wit is nervous and Rokh is determined not to fail this time.
Finally and all too soon Nyx gives the signal. She slips away first, going for her kill. Wit and Rokh follow suit, they wait until she has time to get a hold of the patrol before sneaking towards the guards unseen. It doesn't really work though, one of the men sees them and he's about to shout when Rokh speeds up and slams his axe into his skull. The shout dies out in a dying whimper, but it catches the attention of the other guard who manages to alert his companions before Wit engages him in a short fight. Wit has the upper hand and they take off to the soldiers emerging from the tents, Nyx already approaching the woman's tent.
As soon as Faith sees she has access to the small tent, she runs straight in, not expecting to find a warrior inside.
Nyx is face to face with the woman who bested Rokh and threatened Faith to get Clarke, their swords immediately collide as a snarl appears on the rebel's face. The warrior answering with a wicked smile.
Just before Faith barges in she hears Clarke trying to mumble something, but she doesn't pay it attention, thinking the girl is asking for help. As soon as she's in a men has his knife at her throat.
"And who are you? Another friend of the not so impressive Wanheda? She should have looked for better soldiers if she wanted an army for herself." the woman mocks as she strikes at Nyx, the brunette deflecting the blow and answering with a hit to the legs, which her opponent easily avoids.
Faith is so sick of being in this situation, really it's getting annoying how people keep pointing blades at her neck.
"Wanheda, Commander of death. Destroyer of the Mountain wasn't dramatic enough?" Nyx indulges her as she shields herself from a powerful blow, striking back with a calculated hit that the warrior only partially deflects, some blood appearing on her shoulder.
Faith sees Clarke's wide eyes as she fights against her bindings to help the younger girl. The soldier holding her has a smirk on his face as he slides his hand around her throat in a tight grip. But before he can choke her or do anything else, Clarke manages to swipe him off of his feet with her legs still tied together. Falling he takes Faith with him, but she's ready and puts a knife in his side, the best she could reach. As he lies there a moment longer holding his wound, she quickly cuts Clarke's bindings, her hands shaking slightly before she steadies herself again, rage still burning even as she sighs relieved of having her friend back alive.
The woman laughs out loud and she answers as she manages to hit Nyx in the side, "You know trikru, they are always dramatic."
Nyx keeps herself from wincing in pain as the blood floods out to meet fresh air, making her side cold. "And why would the Queen want Wanheda?" The woman really knows how to handle herself in a fight and the brunette hopes not all of the Queen's warrior fight like that.
Clarke kills the men who was starting to get up before giving Faith a quick hug and heading straight out of the tent, Faith just barely holding her back.
"Are you hurt? Can you actually fight? Maybe we should find shelter among the trees, I can help the others..."
Clarke doesn't let her finish, she gives the hand that's holding hers a gentle squeeze and assures Faith that she can fight, she's a little weak and she might need someone to watch her back, but she's not going to sit this battle down. Faith grins at her and promises that she'll be the best fighting partner Clarke has ever had. That makes the blonde chuckle, God, she missed this girl.
The woman chuckles darkly as she catches Nyx attempt at cutting her stomach, "Are you just trying to distract me, or are you trying to make me spill our Queen's plans?"
Nyx snarls at that and spits out disgusted "She is not my Queen."
The wicked smile reappears deformed in anger, "Oh but she is, dear. And she will soon be the Queen of much more lands, with Wanheda's power she will easily conquer the clans that refuse to recognise her as the rightful leader she is."
Faith and Clarke carefully get out the tent together, ready to fight and have each other's back.
"Wanheda's power? What are you talking about?" Nyx starts to feels uneasy, guessing where this is going.
"Wanheda detroyed the Mountain alone, without the army and the Commander that betrayed her, who kills Wanheda will have her power, and the Queen is gonna be the one to get it."
Nyx is hit by realization, no matter where they are, Clarke would always be in danger if people actually believed this non-sense about Wanheda's power. Anger takes over and she strikes harder, energy filling her again, she will kill this woman and no one will deliver Clarke to the Queen, no one will kill her in a foolish attempt to get some stupid power. Her strikes are stronger, clean, controlled and they finally reach their target more and more times. The woman mocks her again at seeing how the worry for her friend spurns the rebel on. But Nyx is gone, she doesn't waste any more time in words, she only fights and she fights well.
Clarke and Faith soon find Wit and Rokh barely holding up against four soldiers, instead of splitting to take a soldier each, they go around them and take the soldiers from behind, giving Wit and Rokh the opportunity to notice them. The first one is an easy kill as Clarke slams one of Faith's dagger into his chest, the second one is more of a fight but they manage to take him off their friends' back so Wit and Rokh can handle the remaining men on their own.
Nyx is on her back, the warrior managed to push her to the ground, but she doesn't know the ground is just as good a battlefield as the air for the forest girl. She ducks the blow with her sword and kicks the warrior's legs as hard as she can, she hits her in the back of her knees and the older woman falls to the ground, mouth out of words for the surprise, she actually thought Nyx was dead already.
Faith finally pushes the man down on the ground after Clarke stabs him in the gut clumsily and Rokh finishes him for her, not wanting the girl to have to carry the weight of taking lives. They all know Faith still hasn't killed anyone, and they all try to protect her from what they all went through, from what they know she will have to go through sooner or later, sooner more likely than later. He had just finished off his opponent and Wit is done soon as well.
They all release a relieved sigh before turning around to watch Nyx dragging her fight to an end.
The warrior is stumbling on her feet as Nyx draws her sword across the woman's back making her grit her teeth and let out a growl. Clarke slowly approaches her, the others right behind her just in case Nyx needs help, and she notices her friend is injured, she frowns at the blood slowly freezing on her hip and down her leg.
The woman strikes a few more times, then Nyx has the warrior's sword crashed to the ground and she uses the opening to bring her sword deep into her opponent's side and all the way through. The warrior sinks to the ground as Nyx withdraws her blade, slowly starting to bleed out, in the night dark blood starts soaking the soil.
As the fight ends Clarke is immediately at Nyx's side, applying pressure to her wound with a piece of cloth she ripped from one of the dead men's clothes. Nyx's eyes search Clarke for wounds and find some, but the blonde seems alright for now so she turns her attention to Faith and the guys, finding close to none injures on the girl and several cuts on the boys, but none that looks too bad. Eventually her gaze shifts back to the woman in front of her, her sword still pointed at the warrior's throat, just in case.
She looks sideways to Clarke, her eyes asking if she wants to make the kill, the blonde stares at the dying woman for a moment before she looks back at her friend and imperceptibly shakes her head.
Nyx asks the warrior if anyone else knew about Clarke being in the Ice Nation, the older woman spits at her feet, but Clarke says they didn't meet with anyone and the soldiers are all here, none has been sent to the Queen to tell the good news, they probably didn't want to risk her wrath had they failed. And that is so in favour of the rebels, they won't have to worry about the Queen finding out and seeking revenge.
The rebels have a lot more questions, but they know they won't get any answer from someone who looks quite very much loyal to the Queen. Nyx is about to ask who the woman is, but she eventually decides to let her die nameless. She's not a death that's going to weight down on Nyx, she won't have any regret on killing her and she will not give those who decided to follow the Queen the chance to die as a proud Ice person, this woman is not one of Nyx's people and doesn't deserve their respect or memory.
She looks at Clarke one last time before staring the woman in the eyes and slitting her throat without flinching as blood gushed from the wound and the warrior bleeds out holding her neck.
Nyx had felt the urge to further hurt the woman, to make her feel the same pain she had felt having to make a choice like that, a pain of different nature but equally intense, she had wanted to leash out at the woman as she was slumped there on the ground. But she's not cruel, she doesn't torture people, she's not like the Queen's men. So she will take the relief of seeing her unable to hurt her friends anymore and she will make it be enough.
As she turns around to her friends she looks tired, emotionally worn out, physically exhausted. But as Clarke is reaching out to help her – she still has a deep enough wound on her side – the tiredness leaves place to alarm and panic as Nyx catches sight of a soldier trying to escape.
He's limping and walking slowly, more dragging himself toward the trees than running, he glances behind his back, a look of fear and hatred in his eyes, and when he sees that they have noticed him he struggles to move faster.
Nyx reaches for her knife and is about to throw it, but Wit is faster and sends it in the man's back right a second after another knife appears sticking out from the soldier's neck. Someone has thrown a knife at him from the front and killed him right before Wit.
They all stiffen at the knowledge that someone else is there, they grip their weapons, ready to fight, no matter how dead tired they are.
It feels like an eternity before the man falls to the ground and reveals his killer's form in the dark. The figure approaches, Clarke steps in front of Faith instinctively, Nyx standing at her side, Rokh raises his axe with what strength he has left, ready to take out the knives if the axe becomes too heavy.
The figure moves under the moonlight and Wit's green eyes recognise her just as he feels Nyx relax at his left.
"Don't worry, I took care of your little slip up. As always." Malaya's voice mocks, playfully annoying.
Clarke, Faith and Rokh let out a sigh of relief while Wit retorts without skipping a beat.
"I had it under control."
"Sure you did, kid."
He hates when she does that, just because she has been fighting since before him, just because she was a better fighter, she would always call him kid and He. Hates. It. But that's why she does it, she knows how much it annoys him and Wit is not easily bothered.
"How are you here?" Nyx asks.
Malaya shrugs. "Actually it's just luck."
"We didn't need luck, we were doing just fine." Wit insists.
Malaya sends him a pitiful smirk, but then she turns serious. "What the hell happened?"
Nyx is too tired to deal with pissed Malaya and she's certain her friend will be pissed when she hears the story and when she learns about her decision, so she leaves it to Wit and Rokh to fill her in on the events and follows Clarke to get her wound bandaged.
The blonde searches the tents for medical supplies and finds some in the woman's tent so that's where she leads Nyx.
They hear arguing from outside, Faith trying to keep the others from fighting and raising their voices, but Clarke and Nyx both have been silent so far. When Nyx can't take it anymore she asks Clarke if she really is okay and her friend reassures her that indeed she is.
"We have to cover this mess and find somewhere to rest. You're all dead tired and I'm worn out myself, we can't just leave the bodies here in the clearing, we're going to have to find a way to..."
Nyx stops her before she can start rambling. "Clarke."
And it's not the same way Lexa says it, but it feels so good anyway.
"Clarke." Nyx repeats gently.
Nyx doesn't roll the letters like Lexa does, she doesn't savour them and she isn't hard on the k, but the name feels wrapped up in a safe hug, it's warm, it's gentle, it carries free given affection, it carries friendship and...
"Clarke, hey, look at me."
Clarke looks up. Nyx doesn't say her name like Lexa did, not at all, but it definitely feels good, familiar and new at the same time. It feels like a name that could belong to her again.
"It's okay. We're going to take care of this and we're going to rest. Malaya's group must be near and we can join them once we have moved the bodies. It's going to be okay."
Nyx's voice is warm and soft, but Clarke doesn't answer, she just nods and turns away, heading outside after a moment. Nyx follows frowning. Something's wrong, could Clarke be angry at her?
As Nyx said, they quickly take care of the bodies, simply hiding them from sight of who might enter the small clearing, and then Malaya leads them back to her group.
... ... ...
Malaya and her group went north, unlikely Nyx's group, and they stopped for the night not far from the village they had visited during the day. They were close enough to hear some noise from the fight and a couple of them went to check the forest, Malaya finding them when Nyx was taking care of her opponent. She watched from afar, keeping an eye on that one soldier who wasn't dying but struggling to stand on his feet, and when he tried to leave she lazily took care of him. He was coming her way so there was no need for her to hurry, though she was pissed at her friends for not making sure all the men were dead or actually dying. After Nyx and Clarke had gone to tent, Malaya started to put the still barely alive soldiers out of their misery, hissing at Wit and Rokh that they should have done that while Nyx took care of the woman, scolding them for taking the risk of those men being heard by anyone near.
Clarke keeps silent during the whole walk to the rebels' small camp, only answering her friends' worried questions, they keep asking her if she is alright, and she really wishes they would stop. Faith walks beside her, their shoulders touching when the younger girl walks a bit too close, and Clarke doesn't mind, she revels in the girl's presence, she has been worried for her and Astrid even more than for the others. She still hasn't dared asking about the little child, but she will have to at some point, as she will have to ask why they split and why they came to rescue her. Actually she doesn't need to ask that last question at all, but she had hoped they wouldn't risk so much to save her.
The whole time, while the soldiers took her from forest to forest, near villages one after the other, she has been torn inside. She hoped the rebels would go on without her and not attempt to save her; and she felt like Lexa's betrayal all over again. But Nyx hadn't betrayed her, none of them had, she is the one who asked them to let her go, she's the one who begged Nyx to choose her people. And still, in those nights alone, she would see herself in front of the Mountain again, the army and its Commander long gone.
So now she didn't know how to feel. A part of her wants to be angry, because she pleaded Nyx not to endanger her people, she begged her to take care of her people and let Clarke go in case something like that happened, and still her friend has ignored her wishes. But that's just the smallest part. Mostly, Clarke simply fails to give a name to the feeling, she has no idea how to call it. She's relieved, she's scared by the depth of what her friends' choice means, she's drunk happy from the care they all showed her, she's terrified by the idea of letting this people in her heart as they seem to have done with her. It feels like she could have a family again, and it scares the shit out of her, because what if she loses them? What if they betray her later on? What if...? What if...?
They have reached the small camp and Clarke is brought back to reality.
They get to eat something and finally Wit and Faith explained what happened, they start from the fight in the village, they tell about how the soldiers threatened to kill Faith and Astrid if Clarke didn't hand herself over, Faith proudly and passionately tells how she categorically refused to let Clarke go and how at some point Nyx simply declared that she was going after Clarke, the others could suit themselves, then Wit takes over explaining their plan and why they had split the group in two, he also tells Clarke Astrid is safe with Xavier and the girl feels like a weight has been lifted from her a little bit. He goes on describing the fight of that night as well, then it's Clarke's turn to talk. She hasn't got much to say really, it was pretty much just travelling on a cart, hidden from view and tied up, a soldier always guarding her. She also reveals to have met the woman before, she was among those rescued from the Mountain, and her name was Echo, the grounder who helped Bellamy in Mount Weather. That's why she had recognised Clarke.
She ends with a whispered "Thank you, guys".
They all go to rest after that, they decide they deserve to sleep well into morning, so Mahol and Zakay, from Malaya's group, offer to go get some breakfast for everyone in the morning and supplies for their worn out friends from the village they just left behind.
... ... ...
Sleep is being hard on Clarke and she can't find peace, she still struggles to get a hold of her emotions. It is so weird to feel this way, to be someone's first choice, even if she's still just a stranger in these lands.
She doesn't get to dwell too long on it though, because suddenly Nyx's voice comes from outside the tent.
She's tentative as she calls Clarke's name in a whisper, asking if she's still awake. She's about to turn and head back to the tent she shares with Malaya when Clarke comes out of the one she's sharing with Faith, the girl fast asleep behind her.
"Hey, what are you doing up? You should catch some rest."
Nyx chuckles, "Yeah, you too. But I wanted to talk to you."
Clarke looks away and for a moment they let the silence wash over them.
"Is she asleep?"
When Clarke looks back at her, Nyx is looking in Faith's direction. Clarke nods, "It wasn't easy to convince her to actually rest, but when she laid down properly she immediately fell asleep. She's worn out completely, but still fights to hold on to her energy."
Nyx chuckles lightly and a small smile appears on her features. She nods her head still smiling and then tries again "Can we talk, Clarke?"
The blonde sighs but nods and they go sit around the long since dead fire.
"Are you angry?" Nyx's shifting to English is not lost to Clarke, she did it during their conversation in Astrid's village as well, it's just another way of showing care.
"I'm not angry, Nyx."
"Then why... I know you asked me to let you go but I couldn't. None of us could." the brunette is looking at her, but Clarke's gaze is lost into the darkness.
"Innocent people could have died. You guys could have died", she replies softly.
"I took care of those people, they're as safe as they may."
"Nyx..."
"Not everyone will betray you, Clarke." Nyx speaks softly, but firmly and Clarke can't come up with an answer. She wishes Nyx is right.
They are silent after that. Clarke trying not to drown into all the emotions going on inside her, Nyx building up the courage to say the next sentence.
"I did exactly what you asked me to, Clarke." she finally says, looking away while this time it's Clarke who stares at her profile.
"What do you mean?"
Nyx turns to look in her eyes again before whispering, slow and careful, hesitant and soft like a child who doesn't really know if her friend will accept her confession.
"You are my people".
One sentence and Clarke's world shatters.
Does Nyx even realises how much those words mean to Clarke? She probably does.
Clarke's eyes fill with tears and she can't hold herself together anymore, she crushes into Nyx's arms and finally lets hope burst into her heart. She lets herself believe. She lets herself feel. Her heart is hurting from all the emotion exploding in it, it needs time to readjust to all those feelings again – happy feelings – but Nyx didn't give it time, she sent an earthquake right into Clarke's heart and it can do nothing but surrenders to the joy, the care, the warmth. The layers of sorrow and pain and dull ache suddenly crack and start to fall away as it beats freely again, loud, strong, proud.
And suddenly she understands that maybe, maybe she could have a home again, with these people who may very much be her new people and family.
Faith would love that, Clarke's sure of it.
The pain is not gone, but she doesn't feel its grip so tight around her anymore.
And maybe Clarke will learn how to forgive herself.
