Growing Up Chase
By Rebel Yell
Part Eighteen (age 18)
" ROBBIE!" He turned at the voice, smiling brightly as a very familiar sight literally sprinted across the grass towards him. He opened his arms, and braced himself as Liz threw herself at him for a giant hug. "I've missed you so much!"
" I can tell! I've missed you too."
" You look incredible!"
" You're so good for my ego. I must say, you're looking entirely lovely yourself."
" Are these all your things? We'll bring them upstairs, it's nearly time for dinner."
" Are you sure your flat-mates won't mind that I'm staying over?"
" It's only for a couple nights, Robbie. And it's not like we'll be nearly so noisy as Angelina and her boyfriend."
" How're you liking university, Lizzie?"
" I love it! I've met the best group of girls -- I finally have girl friends! I mean, I had them before of course, but I spent most of my time with you, or Danny. Now, I'm spending my time with other girls. You're going to love them, Robbie. Well, not too much. Or you'd better not. No flirting with any of my friends! I don't want to have to hear them pine away for you when you've gone back to Melbourne."
" I'll do my best not to be charming." Rob laughed, letting her pick up his rucksack, but taking the heavier duffel himself. "It's a gorgeous campus."
" You could've come here too. Then we'd be in the same school again."
" Or you could have come to Melbourne. My dad's on the alumni board here. I wasn't getting in because my name's Chase."
" No, you'd have got in because you're a brilliant student. As long as you're happy in Melbourne though, I promise I won't complain."
" Good."
" But I reserve the right to ask what the hell Danny was thinking going all the way to Perth?"
" I think he wanted away from his sisters! I told him Perth wasn't far enough -- I thought he should try England!"
" Come on, I want you to meet everyone."
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"Liz, are you seriously not sleeping with him?" Ally leaned over to shout over the music in the club, and Liz nearly spit out her drink.
" I suppose that depends. He'll be in the bed with me tonight, but we've never had sex."
" Seriously? You don't have a thing for him at all?"
" Not in the least. I love him in the completely best-friend sort of love."
" So you wouldn't mind if I got some of that?"
" He's going back to Melbourne Sunday night." She reminded her housemate, throwing a glance at where Robbie was on the dance floor with a couple more of her friends.
" Liz, I don't want a relationship, I want a piece of that ass!"
" I wouldn't mind," Liz grinned, but continued, "but if he's not drunk, he won't go for it."
" Liz, he's practically having it off with Holly out there in public."
" He is not!" She turned to look once more, though, just to make sure. She hadn't seen Robbie have more than one drink, so it should be safe to let him out to play. "They're just dancing. You'd never know he was in a seminary until a few months ago, would you?"
" A seminary! He was a priest?"
" He went to a boarding school run by…some order, I'm not sure. He wasn't ever really going to be a priest, although he liked to let his dad think as much."
" Now I have to get some of that, just to say I've done a boy from the seminary. I bet he's got a lot of 'energy' saved up."
" Good luck." Liz called, as Ally left their prime corner booth and squeezed onto the dance floor until she was up behind Robbie. Liz purposefully looked away, finding it disturbing to watch Robbie grind with her friends. For the first time in all the years she could remember, she was suddenly uncomfortable with the fact that Robbie was a boy.
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"I rather neglected you tonight, didn't I?" Rob announced, more than asked, as he dropped heavily onto Liz's bed around 2 am. He took off his shoes, and was peeling off his shirt before he glanced up at Liz. "You aren't mad, are you? About me and Ally?"
" Of course not. I would be if you'd actually slept with her, but it didn't really go very far. It's just…do you ever wonder if we could…be more than best friends?"
" Why? Do you?" Liz could swear she heard fear in his voice, and it was blatant on his face, and she wondered what about the question so scared him.
" I've thought about it." She shrugged, trying to keep it light-hearted. She pulled her own shirt off, hanging it up quickly in the "closet" portion of her room. When she turned, she was surprised to see Robbie right behind her, bare-chested and barefoot. It had been a few years since she'd been uncomfortable with the fact that he saw her mostly undressed as she was now, but she was acutely aware suddenly that she had only a bra and her 'clubbing' trousers on herself.
" Do you really think of me like that?" He asked, sounding quiet and very unsure, and she knew her answer was very important but she didn't know what the right answer might be. When in doubt, she went with honesty.
"Sometimes, maybe. Tonight, a bit. Seeing you dancing, and pashing on, I guess." It wasn't very clear, but then neither were her thoughts -- probably not helped in the least by the number of drinks she'd had. She had always thought Robbie couldn't much surprise her any more, but she was more than surprised when before she could try to clarify, he was kissing her. He'd kissed her before, even on the lips, but it had been affection between friends and this was…not friends. That was Robbie's tongue, and hers, and it felt a little good but a lot weird at the same time. His hands found her waist, but stayed exactly there, while her own without her really wanting them to do, wrapped around him and ran up and down his back softly. She wasn't surprised though when he suddenly jumped away from her as if he'd been burnt. That had definitely been weird and…wrong.
" I can't. I'm sorry, Lizzie, I just can't. I love you, just not that way at all…"
" That was weird. Robbie, why would you do that?"
" You said…I thought you wanted me…like that."
" I said I'd thought about it sometimes." She nearly shouted, before realizing that the other girls wouldn't appreciate it and Robbie was backing away from her to pick up his shirt, eyes firmly on the floor. "Be honest, Robert. Have you ever thought about me like that? As more than a friend?"
" Never." He sounded ashamed of that fact and she couldn't help but wonder why. It wasn't like she was honestly crushing on him, really. Just maybe a little curious about things.
" Not ever? Not even when we were younger?"
" Never. I'm sorry." He was twisting his shirt in his hands, still staring at the floor.
" For what? Not dreaming about sleeping with your best friend?"
" But…you have. You wanted…tonight. That's why you asked."
" Wait, Robbie, we've had two different conversations. I wasn't asking for you to have sex with me, or anything like that! I've not even…I don't do that!"
" But you thought about it. You said-"
" Robbie, it was a stupid question because I'm a little drunk. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or anything."
" Do you want me to have…thought about it?" He glanced up, finally meeting her eyes.
" No. Not really." She shrugged easily, and she was being completely honest. "If I thought you really wanted me like that, I couldn't be as comfortable around you."
" Oh. I thought…I thought I'd been misleading you for years or something."
" Robbie, be honest with me -- completely honest. Why did you kiss me just now?"
" I thought you wanted me to do."
" And if I had wanted to have sex tonight? Would you have done that too?"
" Probably. I'd have tried at any rate. That was just…really weird. Like I imagine kissing Danny would be, if that makes sense. Except Danny would have punched me."
" But you've never even thought of me like that? Why would you do that?"
" Because you wanted me to do." He shrugged, looking away from her again. "I didn't want to…I don't know, disappoint you maybe. Let you down."
" Well, let's clear something up right now. I don't want you like that, okay? Not really. I think I was just confused by trying to see you how the other girls must see you. I should know better by now. You aren't even really a man to me, Robbie. You're like…I don't know, a Ken doll. Safe and solid, and definitely not like Barbie but not in the least sexual either."
" Oh thank God. I thought you really wanted…and I love you, Lizzie, but I can't think of you and sex together."
" In the morning, we will so be talking about the fact that you're willing to sleep with someone you don't want, simply because she wants you."
" I think that's called testosterone, love."
" We'll talk in the morning, I said. For now, let's go to bed. I'm tired and just drunk enough I might say the wrong thing." She changed quickly into a pair of his boxers (every time she had the chance, she stole his boxers and t-shirts) and pulled on a t-shirt before removing her bra, while Robbie simply dropped his trousers on the floor before climbing into her narrow bed. He held open his arms, and she slid in next to him, cuddling into his body contentedly. It was really the only way they'd both fit in the bed at once, but she liked cuddling with Robbie. She did it with Danny as well, she was just comfortable with both of them to that degree. And Robbie always clung to her so tightly, she felt like a favorite teddy bear he wouldn't dare let go of for even a moment.
" I really do love you, Lizzie."
" I love you too." She sighed, and tilted her head up to kiss his cheek fondly. "You could never disappoint me, or annoy me, or get me angry enough to change that, Robbie."
" I love you." Robbie repeated, squeezing her tightly. "And I've not a clue why you put up with me, but I thank God every day that you do."
" Oh, you have your moments when I just want to murder you. But I love you just because you're you."
" Danny said the same thing. In a way that sounded a lot less gay, of course."
" Danny loves you too. In a thoroughly heterosexual way."
" I know. I can't figure why the two of you haven't left me." He didn't add the rest of his thought out loud, that everyone else had, but she heard it all the same. She desperately wished, not for the first time, that there was some way to make him feel less alone in the world. Most all the stupid things he'd done were him trying to be less alone even if only for a few hours. She could never think of what to say to make him feel better when he got like this, so she just hugged him again. She held him as tightly as she could, listening until his breathing evened out and she knew he was asleep, before relaxing and letting herself drift off.
