Oh, I've been worryin' that my time is a little unclear,

I've been worryin' that I'm losing the ones I hold dear,

I've been worryin' that we all live our lives in the confines of fear.

-Ben Howard- The Fear

Two hours later, Donna was again checking the ticking clock on the wall. It was 3am now and the room was practically silent apart from the rhythmic sounds of Harvey's breathing. The only seating in the room had been this small couch and they were both squished into it together.

Harvey had held her for a while, whispering that everything was going to be okay and that he would be here for her and she tried not to overthink what that meant. Was it just a response to the overwhelming emotions and exhaustion from the day? Or was he just pitying her again? But, he had such a soft and sympathetic tone, that she believed he meant it in some way or another. It seemed to Donna that Harvey was trying to reassure himself just as much as her.

And sure enough, not long after, she had looked around to find Harvey sound asleep. In his slumbered state, he had fallen into her side, and they were almost spooning with the lack of space. But she didn't mind, his heavy but constant breathing was like a melody to her ears. As she watched him sleep, with not much else to do, she noted his peaceful and relaxed expression. All night, he had seemed tense and rigged with the guilt and worry running through his veins and it calmed her to see him so relaxed.

She tried not to dwell on those thoughts building within her as she watched him sleep. She craved this life with him, where they could have a romantic and loving relationship and she could wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare but instantly feel safe, because he was there. It was what she had wanted for years now, completely charmed by him when he was an ADA.

But Harvey hadn't been ready. He hadn't been able to offer her that life. He hadn't even been able to offer her his feelings that he hid with such precision behind those walls he had built as protection: to stop what had happened to his Dad happening to him. She had always known that he had a lot of Women. She had been at his place early one morning to notify him of a meeting back in the day when Cellphones weren't as advanced and had seen him kick one of them out. Meaningless one night stands.

And then there was Scotty. She had honestly wanted them both to be happy. She thought that if Harvey settled down with this girl and had a good life, that she could move on. Find someone else herself and they could continue to be friends and working together. Some naive part of her thought that those feelings would go away. But Donna was Donna. She could see from the get go, that Harvey and Scotty weren't right for each other. They were too much at war with one another, still so competitive following those Harvard days. And Harvey couldn't be honest with her. He still wasn't ready.

The one person Donna really thought Harvey would end up with, was Zoe. They had always got on well, worked together well. And they had some deep bond. Harvey trusted her in some way or another. She knew how to call Harvey out on his shit but Donna wasn't sure if she properly understood Harvey. Not like Donna did. But the main issue was that Harvey didn't fight for her. He didn't explain his feelings to her, he didn't allow her to love him and he certainly didn't allow himself to love her.

She looked at Harvey again, content with this moment, feeling some degree of sadness for him. He must feel lonely what with his brother moving upstate, the loss of his Father and now Mike being gone and all this trouble with the firm threatening to break up the rest of his family.

Back in the day, she had wondered if it was the fact that he didn't feel the same way as her. That the feelings weren't mutual. Maybe he didn't feel the heat rising as soon as they were in the room together or notice the way they always finished each other's sentences, how they knew the other person better than they knew themselves. It was something Donna had been up at night thinking about. But she had always known in some way or another that they were both madly in love with each other.

But they had been separated for one reason or another. Through fear and dishonesty. Or the situation, or the fact they worked together. Or that they didn't want to lose each other. Or through friendship.

The question she kept asking herself was, is Harvey ready now? Could they do this together? But she decided that she would leave that up to him. She wouldn't push him anymore.

It was weird to think how much has happened that day. This morning, they were getting ready for the wedding together as best friends. The maid of honour and the best man. Wasn't there some tradition about that? They were joking and laughing as Donna showed him her dress, and he had muttered that she looked beautiful, with that look in his eyes. He looked slightly proud. And she had joked it off, taking it back to them being best friends, colleagues.

And then, all the commotion at the wedding. When she had returned from leaving Mike and Rachel, she looked at him for a second, and knew that he understood what was happening. That Mike was leaving and she'd have to stay with Rachel, whilst they left. And in that moment, she could see the deep sadness in his eyes at what he was about to do. To fully accept that Mike was going to prison and there was nothing he could do about it.

When he had returned to the firm, having that God awful panic attack and scaring the shit out of her, she had this overwhelming urge to comfort him. To show him that he was loved. And then the rest had ensued. It was just as it has been for 12 years. She thought it would be different, that they could speak about it, knock this barrier between them out. But the one thing she hadn't predicted, was him wanting to leave. And she knew it wasn't just about her, that it was the pain etched on his face every time Mike's name was mentioned or the fact that he'd have to deal with this shit at the firm, blaming himself for it.

But it had still hurt her, made her realise, that maybe he really would never be ready. That he would rather run than fully own up to his feelings. She had never known Harvey to be a coward. And in that moment, they had both declared their love to each other again. "I need you. I want you." She had needed air after that one. Needed some time to come to terms with this.

And then all this with Rachel meant that they had to put that to one side again, be in the same room together again. Rely on each other for comfort. Donna could still feel that anxious feeling inside her, the overwhelming excitement at the thought that Harvey wanted her. Like those pairings on TV that she totally shipped together. Surely they had waited long enough now? Played out the tension and emotion? They should give the fans what they wanted.

She looked at Harvey again, treasuring this moment despite the horrendous circumstances, allowing them to be in this situation. And she knew in her mind then, that despite all the times that she had been ready to leave and try to move on, there would never be anyone other than him. And with that thought, she finally felt her brain relax, and allowed the tiredness to take her into a sleep.

-SUITS-

Mike rolled over for about the hundredth time in the past hour, trying to find some comfortable way of sleeping on this bed that felt like bricks. He had arrived later than expected and by the time he had been processed and gone through the searches and check ups (he still shuddered at the memory of the strip search) it had been time for lights out when he had been escorted to his cell.

His counsellor had given him food to eat whilst conducting his report but it had only been a small leftover portion and his stomach was rumbling uncomfortably. He observed the guy in the bed next to him, his cell mate. He had been told that the guys name was Kevin but they hadn't really spoken before having to give in to the darkness.

Mike wasn't sure what time it was, the cell walls were bare, with just a few photos on Kevin's side. If he couldn't sleep whilst at home, Mike would usually get up and go for a walk around the apartment to tire himself out, or read or listen to music. But those options weren't available to him here. They only had about 6 feet squared of floor space other than the beds and he didn't want people thinking he was mad by pacing at this time of night.

So he had to be content with lying in bed and trying to block all the unwelcome thoughts that weren't allowing him to sleep.

He hadn't been here long, but Mike had already noticed a number of things. One of the most prominent was how little control he had over himself. He had been herded around like an animal all day being carefully watched by some guard. They had told him to do things and he had no choice but to do them. His days had been scheduled to timings already. He couldn't even control when he was to sleep with the first count at 6am in the morning.

This was the real lack of Freedom, having absolutely no control over your life. Being forced into situations you didn't want to be in. And Mike had always suffered from some form of OCD and hyperactive thoughts, so this was something that he really would have to get used to.

Mike thought he had held up okay so far though. He hadn't broken down yet and had managed to keep his expression neutral despite the terror that was rising inside him. If anything, at the moment, he just felt bored. He wanted someone to talk to, something to do, something to occupy his brain. And disorientated. He had no idea what was going to happen, where he was supposed to go, who he was supposed to talk to, what he was allowed to do. It wasn't a panic, more of a subdued respect for all that he didn't know. But, knowing how slow this first day had gone, he suddenly realised how long 2 years could be.

As he readjusted himself again, he felt his hand reach out for Rachel beside him but instead, felt the cold of the wall. He wanted to talk to her, to ensure she was ok and to explain himself. But he wasn't sure if he was going to be able to yet. Just the thought of his still fiance caused a lump in the back of his throat and he had to breath through it and hold back the tears. The phones were not exactly private here and he didn't want anyone to overhear his first emotional conversation with her. He tried to fight and not think about it. But he was reminded of their final conversation together.

"You are my future." Even as Rachel's voice broke and they both fought to hold back the tears, she had never sounded more sure of anything in her life and Mike's heart beat with pride and affection for this incredible Women.

"I am not saying that I don't want to get married. I'm just saying that if for some reason I was responsible for taking away your dream-" Mike had been trying to hold himself together as he explained his actions to Rachel, hoping that she would understand.

"That you would never be able to live with yourself." Mike was forever glad that she understood and accepted him. By this point there was tears streaming down both their faces and Mike tasted the salty water as he reached to hold Rachel, to ensure she was looking directly at him.

"You go finish law school, okay? And you pass the bar." A shaky laugh escaped him then as he thought of her doing all this without him, of the pride he felt that she would finally succeed after all her hard work.

"And you become a lawyer. And then, in 2 years when I get out, if you still want to marry me…"

"Oh, I will. Of course I will."

And in that moment, there was nothing but honesty between them as they held each other for the last time. And Mike allowed himself to believe her as he tried to make this moment last forever, tried to memorise every aspect of it. The feel of her silky wedding dress, the sweet and seductive smell of her perfume, the natural warmth emanating from her. And just the feeling of Rachel in his arms. He was going to miss this. They shared a final kiss and reluctantly let go. Mike forced himself to continue, knowing what he had to do next. He left Rachel behind, knowing that he wouldn't be able to bring her with him. He thought he would be doing it alone but wasn't surprised when he saw that Harvey had latched onto his plan and couldn't have felt more at peace when he saw the older man waiting for him by the car.

Harvey had told him to watch his back and he was planning on doing just that, keeping his head down low and getting out as soon as possible. But first he had to sleep and for some reason, his thoughts would not leave Rachel. Christ, Mike knew he was just being paranoid, just missing her comfort. But he sure wished she was ok. Harvey would look after her, he promised.

-SUITS-

"Miss Zane's family?"

Donna and Harvey drowsily came too, the bright lights bringing them both to attention quickly. For a moment, Donna felt disorientated, wondering where the hell she was and why she was tangled up in Harvey on a couch. She turned around to see the Women with a stethoscope behind them and it came rushing back. She was instantly anxious and afraid of what news they were about to receive about Rachel.

The Woman, obviously a Doctor, was looking at them both, her expression neutral. Donna wished she could read something about her, know what that face meant. It wasn't the same Doctor they had seen in the ER. They had already filled out all the paperwork for Rachel with a nurse and so she concluded this Women must be here to inform them about the surgery. About whether Rachel was alive... Why couldn't she smile or give them some ray of hope?

Donna looked at Harvey and realised they were both holding their breath and staring dumbfoundedly at the Women. Obviously his chest felt as tight as hers. They both nodded at the Women; it was all they were capable of.

Walking towards them, she calmly said, "Rachel's operation was a success, she is out of surgery. Everything went well and she is in a recovery room upstairs if you would like to see her. We recommend you don't stay long though, she needs her rest to allow her body to heal."

Donna felt her knees give way. She had stood up in anticipation of the news. Luckily Harvey managed to break out of his trance quick enough to catch her and she saw the hint of a smile stretch across his face as they looked at each other.

"She's fine?" Harvey choked out.

"Are you sure she is fine?" Donna added weakly. She didn't realise the tears beginning to build again. But this time tears of relief.

The Doctor finally smiled at them both, obviously in mockery of their happiness.

"Her spleen ruptured in the accident, which can be very dangerous, but my colleague and I were able to repair the tear and save the organ. She also bruised her hip and damaged a rib so she'll be feeling sore. We've put her on some pain meds but it shouldn't take too long to recover. She was lucky, I've seen a lot worse. She'll need to stay for a couple of days so we can keep an eye out for complications and then she will need a lot of rest and looking after…"

The Doctor continued to speak but Harvey and Donna were looking at each other in awe. Rachel was alive. She saw the same look of happiness on his face as the day that he made partner and she honestly fell in love with him all over again.

They led each other upstairs to where they'd been directed to find Rachel. Donna risked putting her hand in Harveys. At the contact he flinched and turned towards her but gave her a watery smile and entwined their fingers together. Had he not been with her tonight, she couldn't imagine the state she would have been in. As always, he had been her emotional rock.

Once they got to the nurse's station, a tall Woman with her hair pulled back in a tight bun stopped them both. She gave them a warm smile and asked, "who are you here for?" The Women eyed them weirdly and Donna realised what a mess they must look, Harvey with his crumpled and sleep worn suit and her with mascara running down her face.

Turning towards the Women she said in a shaky but excited voice, "I'm here to see my best friend, Rachel Zane?" The Women smiled at their hand holding but looked at them both, regretfully. "Well she is recovering at the moment so we would suggest only one of you goes in."

Harvey looked at Donna expectantly, obviously thinking that she was the one who should go in. But the look Donna returned showed how petrified she was at seeing Rachel on her own and she suddenly could not let go of his hand. She looked like she was about to go into another meltdown and Harvey wasn't sure if he could handle another one without breaking down himself. So he managed to lawyer talk the lady into allowing him to stand in the doorway and promised to behave and be quiet.

She indicated with her head that they should follow her and then sped off through another maze of corridors. While they walked through the crisp white walls, the nurse was blabbering on about how brave Rachel had been and how well she was already recovering. Harvey beamed with pride, she had always been a tough fighter. Donna could feel her nerves rising as her eyes frantically searched the names on doorways they were passing, only half listening to the nurse.

The nurse indicated that Rachel's room was just up ahead and Donna tried not to react but she flinched and grabbed hold of Harvey again. The nurse gave her a smile full of sympathy. She seemed youthful but the crinkles around her eyes and mouth suggested she was older than she appeared.

"My name is Jodie. If you need anything let me know." Donna took her hand and shook it. "Thank you. I really appreciate it," she choked out.

"I'll leave you to be with your partner. Go in when you're ready but don't stay with her too long, she needs rest." She glanced at them both again, her look stern. "It looks like you two do too."

She looked at Harvey again, and he was already looking at her with concern. She had never known him so quiet, he hadn't said many words since the news and she could see the tension in his shoulders. "I'm scared." Donna admitted in a whisper.

Harvey pulled her closer to him. He looked at her with such contempt and she got lost in the depth of his eyes. "You can do this, I have faith in you." That word had become their codeword over the years, the way they gave each other strength in tough situations like these. "I'll be right behind you," Harvey motioned and Donna suddenly felt a lot stronger.

She stepped into rachel's room and Harvey stood just inside the door. The lights were low and the shades drawn, it was very quiet and somber. Rachel's eyes were closed and she was angled away from Donna. The nurse had elevated the top half of her bed and propped her up on some cushions so she was almost sitting.

Her cover was tucked under her arms and her hands rested almost unnaturally. But what surprised Donna was how ordinary she looked. There was a few scratches on her head but otherwise there wasn't much difference to the normal Rachel. An IV was the only machine attached, pumping fluids and medication through the younger lawyers right wrist. Donna took her hand, noticing that the wedding ring was missing. They must have removed it before surgery.

Rachel looked so young and peaceful in her sleep that Donna stayed quiet and still for a few minutes, not wanting to unintentionally disturb her. She noticed how warm Rachel's hand was and took comfort in it for a moment, still a little in shock from the whole ordeal.

She observed as Rachel's head twitched slightly and whispered, "Rachel, it's only me. Are you awake?" Her head moved but she didn't respond so Donna continued to wait and allow her time to come round after the surgery. She run her hand softly down Rachel's arm, careful not to hurt her. "I'm right here." Again, Donna found herself fighting back tears. It had been a tough night. "I'm not going anywhere."

She noticed more movement and Rachel suddenly inhaled a large breath as the drugs finally wore off. She cringed on the exhale and Donna hoped that Rachel wasn't in too much discomfort. When she finally opened her eyes, Donna sighed in relief and couldn't help her smile. "Rachel, darling?" She muttered softly, as if she was talking to a small animal.

For a moment, Rachel just kept blinking and staring at nothing. She seemed confused. Tenderly, Donna stroked her hair in the same motion that her Mother used to do to comfort her. Rachel looked at her but she still seemed confused. Donna felt the panic start to build as it occurred to her that maybe Rachel didn't recognise her. Nobody had mentioned a head injury but not many people had any details about the accident. Apparently the other driver had driven off.

As her midnight eyes searched Donna's face, the horrid feeling in her gut grew bigger. If Rachel didn't remember her, would she remember Mike?

Rachel opened her mouth, then closed it again, her forehead still crinkled in confusion. She swallowed a few times. "Donna? What happened?"

Relief and amusement engulfed Donna and her smile returned. Of course Rachel would remember her, she was unforgettable. "You were in a car accident." Donna stated matter of factly. She couldn't really give a lot more information. They were still yet to talk to the police.

"Is Mike okay?" Rachel looked worried for a moment. Donna swallowed hard but before she could explain the events, Rachel started crying. Donna quickly shushed her, climbing gently onto her mattress and engulfing her in a gentle cuddle. She could see the recognition in Rachel's eyes, knew that she knew that Mike was in prison.

"Hey, hey. Rachel, it's going to be ok. You have me and Harvey. I tried to contact your parents but-"

"They went away for their anniversary. I told them to go." Rachel blubbered out and took some deep breaths to calm herself down.

Donna nodded, and waited for Rachel to calm down, to breath through her tears and relax again. "Everything is going to be fine," Donna reassured her, reiterating Harvey's words from earlier. "Harvey will go to see him tomorrow and let him know what's happening. The main thing is you are OK."

But Rachel gasped. "No!"

"Rachel, what's the matter?" Donna asked her, confused by her outburst.

"I don't want him to know." Rachel was starting to cry again and Donna pulled her back into a tight hug.

"Rachel, what do you mean?"

"I don't think Mike should know. I'll be fine in a few days, if you tell him now, he will beat himself up in there. It will ruin his first few days. You know what he's like Donna, it will eat him up." Donna continued to lie there supporting Rachel.

She looked at Harvey for support. He shook his head in defeat and then nodded at her. She knew what he was thinking. Mike would never forgive him if he didn't tell him about Rachel. But he also understood what Rachel was saying. Mike wouldn't be able to cope with being stuck in there whilst Rachel was in a hospital bed. He should be out here with her, keeping her company and supporting her.

"It's okay, Rach. I understand. We won't tell him." Rachel looked at her gratefully, she groaned as she tried to move and her breathing was shallow. "I don't feel so good."

Donna looked down at her best friend in concern. She wouldn't have been able to cope with losing her today. She smoothed back the younger girls hair. "They had to operate on you because your spleen ruptured." Donna explained softly. "You should probably rest." Donna made a move to leave but Rachel her closer with a feeble strength. "Stay for a few more minutes." So Donna stayed as her best friend dozed off to sleep.

Harvey watched as Donna stayed in bed stroking and comforting Rachel. He was amazed at how she had kept her composure and held herself together. He was also in awe at how she looked after Rachel. He wouldn't have been able to do any of that. He felt his eyelids falling, desperate to get home even if only for a few hours sleep but he was content with watching her for a moment. He couldn't help but note that she would make a wonderful Mom.

Before Donna carefully crawled out of the bed, she whispered "I love you so much Rachel, I'm so glad you're ok." Her vision clouded as what nearly had happened today crashed into her. Harvey waited for her to reach him, and they walked out of the hospital together. It only took a few steps for Harvey to pull her into his side, not wanting to see her upset.

Ray had dropped them off but them off and Harvey had told him to get a cab home. So as they climbed into the car, they sat for a moment, contemplating the situation. Surprise, surprise. Harvey was thinking about Mike. Should he tell him about Rachel or wait?" Donna could see the dilemma was paining him and she put her hand on his knee. He looked at it for a few seconds but they were both too tired to worry about what it meant.

Harvey managed to drive them through the streets safely. But he didn't stop at Donna's apartment block. When they pulled into his car space, he turned to her. "Too much has happened today. I don't want anything to happen to you tonight. I can't lose you Donna." And she felt her throat go dry at the devastation on his face.

"It's ok. I'll stay." She replied.

A/N - Thank you so much for just reading this, but also to all those who follow, favourite or review. It makes my day. As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts, feelings and suggestions.