Chapter 19: Death.
It was a nightmare. It had to be. At least, she hoped it was a nightmare. That way, she would wake up and everything would be alright. Her parents… her parents wouldn't be… dead.
It was so bizarre, so unexpected, so painful, that when Elvira had hurriedly told her with a shaky voice as she led her to their car, not even bothering to clean up the picnic, she had laughed, thinking she was joking. No, hoping she was joking. But Elvira hadn't been more serious in her life. And maybe that's why she just sat in the car crying for a good twenty minutes while Anna watched her, too shocked to do anything. She couldn't even manage to cry as well, much less try and comfort her sister.
Then, once she was more composed Elvira had driven to their parents' office, where the president's councilor (an old man named Herald) had been waiting for them to inform them of what had happened. Anna hadn't heard most of it though; just a few key words, like 'explosion', 'plane crash', and 'no survivors'. That's when her mind finally understood this was real, and she broke down crying.
She didn't even listen when he told them about the arrangements for the funeral, how the bodies would be cremated the very next day, though they wouldn't be able to see them because they were burned and disfigured beyond recognition. She didn't acknowledged her sister when she tried to comfort her, trying to be the strong one even if she was just as broken by the news. She didn't listen when Herald told them about the ceremony that would be held before the cremation, or about the fifteen days their parents' ashes would be traveling around the country, so the people could pay tribute to the late president and first lady. She honestly didn't care about anything in that moment, because her parents were dead.
She always knew she'd bury them, but she believed it to be something that would happen when she'd already be a fully grown adult, independent, married and with kids. She had always thought she'd take care of them when they were old, until one day their health would start to deteriorate. It would go slow enough to give her some time to accept the fact that they would die soon, until they were finally gone forever.
That's how it was supposed to happen. Not like this. Her parents should have died at an old age, surrounded by their loved ones. Not in their mid-fifties in a plane crash.
But there was nothing to do about it. She just hoped they hadn't suffered much.
Elvira had to practically drag Anna to the car, because she was too shocked and emotionally exhausted to do anything for herself. Her gaze was somewhat lost, and every movement she made seemed like it took a lot of effort. It physically hurt the older girl. She didn't like to see her little sister like that; her first instinct was to protect her, to fight against what was making her feel bad until Anna smiled again… but she couldn't, because death is an enemy that can't be defeated.
But she would never admit that she was sad. She wouldn't let Anna, or anyone else, see that she too was hurting because of what had happened. No, she didn't have the luxury to show weakness; that's why after crying for a few minutes about her parents' death, she'd forced herself to bury her feelings deep inside her and be strong. Be strong for Anna, for Elsa, and for everyone else in that damned country. Why? Because the president's death had been no accident; she was sure of that. Even more so after Herald had told them the official version of what had happened.
A sudden explosion probably having been caused by a leak on the fuel container? And the same day Hans had threatened her with destroying her loved ones? Yeah, right. She had watched too many TV series, and spent too much of her teenage years learning about planes (yes, there was a time she had been fascinated with such machines) to believe that.
The explosion had damaged one of the turbines and destroyed part of the plane's tail. Two things that were too distant from each other for only one explosion to have occurred, unless it had destroyed more than half of the plane, which wasn't the case. No, it had to have been at least two. Two very strategically placed explosions that made the plane both lose altitude and be unable to turn left or right, making it crash against the mountain.
The timing of the explosions had also been too convenient; when the plane was at its maximum altitude and was nearing one of the tallest mountains in Arendelle. Of course no one had survived. It had been planned as such.
She knew that maybe she was just being paranoid, and therefore decided not to tell anything to Anna until she had some proof. It would enrage her beyond all reason, possibly putting her in danger if she decided to confront Hans on her own. And that's the last thing Elvira wanted.
There was another thing that had been bothering the older girl, though. A nasty feeling, a dark thought that threatened to consume her well-placed barriers and make her crumble on the ground, sobbing and wishing she would just die too, preferentially in a painful way. It was something she refused to acknowledge, because she knew if she did, it would destroy her. But it was there nonetheless, waiting to be unveiled.
Elvira however, gripped the steering wheel tightly and forced herself to concentrate solely on driving them home. She couldn't afford to be distracted by her own useless and painful thoughts.
Soon enough, they arrived to their house, which was a blessing because Elvira was about to die from exhaustion, and Anna wasn't in much better shape. Anna started walking upstairs towards her room, hoping to get some much needed sleep, when suddenly her room's door opened and Elsa, dressed only in a blue nightgown, came out of it.
"Anna!" She exclaimed before running towards the redhead and hugging her tightly. The redhead blinked a few times before giving into the embrace and hugging back the blonde, trying to find some comfort in her warm body.
However, she couldn't find any. Nothing could placate the pain she was feeling.
"I saw the news on the TV." Elsa explained with a concerned expression. "I'm so sorry."
Anna, however, couldn't say a thing. She convinced herself it was because her throat was sore, but maybe it was something more. Maybe hearing that her parent's death had been on the news only made it more real. Maybe accepting the condolences Elsa was offering to her felt too bizarre. Either way, she didn't say a thing, and instead started sobbing again. She let her girlfriend lead her inside their room, hoping against hope that it would reduce the agony she was feeling.
She let her change her into a nightgown, clean off her makeup and even wipe her tears and hold the tissue as she blew her nose. She let her massage her scalp when she said her head was hurting, and she let her search for something for the migraine in the bathroom cabinet when the massage didn't work. She let her cuddle her and whisper sweet words to her ear until slumber finally came to her. But, even though every one of Elsa's actions warmed up her heart, she could still feel the pain.
It was as if she had a rusty knife buried into her chest, and Elsa was just cleaning the wound and giving her painkillers. She couldn't pull out the knife, couldn't solve the problem. But Anna knew it would be unfair to ask such a thing from her girlfriend. No one could heal her wounds now; only time would.
That night, she dreamt about the plane accident. She dreamt she was there with her parents when it crashed.
She woke up screaming and sweating several times.
Elsa shook Anna awake, even though she really didn't want to; after all, the redhead had had a night of restless sleep at best. But Elvira, who was waiting outside their room, had come to inform her that Anna had to go with her to the cremation of their parents' bodies. It was a public event, and so she was expected to be present; there was no way around it.
Elsa had asked if she could go too but Elvira had strictly prohibited it, arguing that it would be difficult to keep Elsa's true identity secret when facing their relatives, who would no doubt see the similarities in their faces. Even if the clone were to wear a costume, the risk of being found out was too great. Not to mention the press would be there, and it was best not to drag any more attention to this event than necessary.
So, despite the fact Elsa wanted to be there for Anna in such a difficult situation, she agreed with Elvira. Anna was already under enough stress as it was, she didn't want to unnecessarily add to it. So, she went to wake Anna up and help her prepare while Elvira ordered Anna's favorite breakfast and made sure everything was ready for their departure. They didn't argue, they didn't even glare at each other as usual. It was as if, for Anna's sake, they'd make a silent 'no-fight' pact.
It could also be due to fact that Elvira looked like she hadn't sleep at all the previous night; her appearance was disheveled at best and she was sporting black bags under bloodshot eyes. But looking past the obvious issues, Elvira's face was strained and tired, and Elsa could easily imagine she had spent most of the night crying. She had to remind herself that the ones who had died weren't only Anna's parents, but Elvira's as well. So she proceeded to treat the other girl carefully, as if she might crack at any moment. She didn't give her either her condolences though; she instinctively knew she didn't want to be reminded of her parents' death.
However, it was a strange thought; knowing the people who gave birth to Anna and Elvira, the most significant people in her life besides Kristoff, were now gone forever. She'd never meet them. She'd never know if they would have helped her, or if they would have approved of her relationship with Anna. She'd never get to hear embarrassing stories about her girlfriend from their mouths. She'd never have to ask for their permission to take Anna out. They were now gone, as sudden and unexpected as it was.
But she didn't have time to dwell on it in that moment. She had to get Anna ready.
Anna opened her eyes slowly after Elsa shook her firmly, yet gently. She felt terrible, like she had sand in her mouth and acid poured onto her eyes. Her whole body hurt and she felt exhausted. It took considerable effort to lift her hand and rub her eyes, trying to fight off the slumber.
"Hello, my fiery redhead. How are you feeling?" Elsa asked tenderly as she saw her opening her eyes.
"E-Elsa?" She said with a raspy voice.
"I'm sorry Anna, but you need to get up." The blonde answered apologetic.
"Up? For what?" She asked, still sleepy, putting Elsa in the difficult situation of reminding her about the painful event she'd just experienced.
"The… cremation." She sighed.
"Crem…?" She started before realizing what Elsa meant and opening her eyes wide, clearly realizing it hadn't been just a nightmare, at she had hoped. Instantly, her gaze became sad, and she covered her face with her hands, not finding the will or strength to get up.
"I'm sorry. If I could, I'd let you sleep some more, but it's a public event, and you're expected to attend." The blonde repeated what Elvira had said to her.
"I-I know." Her throat was swollen, which made her sound like she was about to cry. "Just… give me a minute." She requested, so she could compose herself from the initial shock and try to convince herself she couldn't just lay on her bed forever.
"Okay. I'll go get your clothes." Elsa agreed, but before she went to Anna's walk-in closet, she leaned down and gave her a tender kiss on her forehead. "I love you." She said, hoping it would placate Anna's suffering even a little bit, but the redhead couldn't even say it back. She wasn't feeling it at the moment. She wasn't feeling anything except despair, and so, she just forced herself to smile and nod gratefully. Elsa sighed, hoping she could do more for her girlfriend, but proceeded to do as she'd said. After all, she was conscious Anna probably needed some time alone to sort out her thoughts and put on a strong façade.
After getting changed into the black dress Elsa chose for her, and combing her hair into a simple yet elegant bun, Anna was forced by both her sister and her girlfriend to eat something (it helped they had pancakes and hot chocolate for breakfast, though).
Far too quickly breakfast was over and it was time to depart. Anna insisted that Elsa should go with her, but once again, Elvira didn't relent, and Elsa had to agree with her for once.
Resigned to spend a whole day with her sister; listening to people giving her their "sincere" condolences, answering questions for the press, and pretending she remembered their distant relatives and family friends, Anna got into Elvira's car, put on the seatbelt and sighed, hoping this would end soon enough. From there, they began the drive to the ceremony, which both took forever and went far too quickly for Anna's liking.
Elvira didn't say anything, apparently not being in the mood to start conversation, but Anna didn't like the silence; silence allowed her to think, and that was the last thing she wanted to do in that moment, so she asked the first thing that popped into her mind.
"Why is the cremation going to be today? I thought these things took time."
"It's the president and his wife we're talking about." Elvira answered trying to appear calm. "They're important people. They don't' want to make the country wait."
"I still think it's extremely rushed." Anna commented, obviously wishing they had waited at least another day.
"Maybe." She shrugged. "I mean, the real 'good-bye' ceremony will be held in fifteen days; this one is just a little thing to officially announce their deaths and allow their closest family and friends to say goodbye."
"You mean, to allow the press to interrogate us and make a spectacle out of our tragedy." Anna answered bitterly, and her sister had to agree with a nod. She had been thinking the exact same thing.
"If you want, I can answer all their questions." Elvira offered with a sympathetic voice, her sisterly instinct making her protect her younger sibling. "You could pretend you're too sad to speak."
"You would do that?" Anna asked with hope. She really wasn't in the mood to deal with noisy paparazzis that day, but at the same time… she knew her sister was probably feeling the same. "I mean… are you really okay with it? We could both try to deal with the press." Elvira chuckled at the redhead's answer. It was so Anna. Selfless and considerate. However, she noticed in her tone of voice that she really liked the proposal, and so she stayed firm on her offering.
"I'd do that for you." She answered honestly, giving her the first sincere smile since they'd found out about their parents' death.
"Thanks." Anna smiled back, finding some sort of comfort in the fact that she still had a sister who loved her and took care of her. Yes, her parents' death was incredibly sad, and it hurt her physically just to think about it, but she knew as long as she had Elvira, she wouldn't give up. She'd try and smile again. She'd eventually find happiness once more.
When they first arrived no one was there, except the forensic doctor, who had run a DNA test the night before to confirm the two bodies were the president's and his wife's. The coroner had performed his own examination the night prior and had determined they'd died from cephalic trauma and a perforated lung, respectively.
The doctor asked them if they wanted to see their parents' bodies, now dressed up for the funeral, but unfortunately still burned and disfigured almost beyond recognition, before they were taken to the crematorium. Anna refused, not wanting to remember them like that, but Elvira… she saw them. She said it was to make sure they got the right corpses, despite the fact it was more than confirmed by then.
Anna would never forget Elvira's face when she lifted the coffins' lids. She appeared to be calm, to a point most would consider unnatural, like she didn't feel anything seeing the people that raised her like that. However, Anna knew better. She saw it in the way Elvira suddenly stopped breathing; she saw it in her hardened eyes and tense jaw. She saw it in her tight lips and in the way she swallowed. She was suffering. She was suffering hard… and she was doing her best to conceal it.
But Elvira just closed the coffins, and turned around as she ordered them to be taken to the crematory as soon as possible. Her gaze was lost, and she didn't spare a glance to Anna, or anyone else, before heading towards the exit. Soon enough the procession would gather before they proceeded to walk behind the hearse to the crematory.
It wouldn't be long before their relatives started arriving, together with the highest functionaries, close family friends, and media reporters. So Anna sighed and followed her sister outside, mentally preparing herself to deal with all of them.
As expected, some people were already there, including uncle Kai and aunt Gerda (with their three sons, of course, who were almost twice her age), with which they had to speak and share a few hugs and tears, as expected. It was the sincerest meeting that day though, since Kai was their father's cousin, and sometimes visited them on Christmas. He and his wife were obviously sad about Agdar's and Idunn's death, but their sons, who barely ever saw their distant cousins, seemed like they couldn't wait to leave.
There were also grand uncle Stefan, a grumpy grey haired man who had always despised his niece, Idunn, and aunt Camilla, his daughter. Camilla wasn't downright hostile but had always been envious of her cousin because she had married, while she'd never met the right man.
And of course, their cousins Gunnar and Iker were there too. They were cheerful individuals, unattached, always wandering. They were only there because their mother, aunt Helga (Idunn's half-sister), was too occupied to go herself… and because Iker had broken both of his legs while trying to ski, and so they couldn't go on a trip until he got better. Otherwise, they wouldn't have even considered showing up.
Anna liked them a lot when she was younger, probably because they were optimistic and adventurous like herself, but they were utterly selfish, and didn't mind putting her in danger if that let them have fun or experience something stimulating and new. She stopped liking them much after they built a human catapult and made her test it. She ended up with a broken arm and two broken ribs; not to mention she lost three teeth (though fortunately kid ones). They also ended up in the hospital though; Elvira made sure of that.
After that incident, they'd stopped going to visit them, and the sisters hadn't bothered to try and contact them either. So the exchange with them was awkward, and it was clear both parties were just speaking to each other out of obligation.
That was all the family that went to the cremation that day. The rest (meaning grand aunt Helen, grandfather Ingar, uncle Einar, aunt Ingrid, and others) would probably show up only during the big ceremony, two weeks later. Anna didn't want to admit how angry this made her.
Fortunately, after saying hello to all their relatives, they only had to greet the functionaries (which was easy, because they didn't really know them and were only there for obligation), and their parents' friends (who, again, they barely knew). During these encounters though, Elvira spoke for both of them, and Anna only had to nod and shake hands in the appropriate moments. The redhead couldn't even begin to describe how grateful she felt with her, and they hadn't even met with the press.
The reporters were less easy to deal with, because they were noisy and inconsiderate. Though some of them knew better than to ask personal questions, others didn't, and asked things like: "Did you see their bodies?" "Is it true that they left all of their possessions to Anna, due to your poor behavior?" "Do you have more details as to how they died?" "Do you know which their last words were?" "Who do you think will be the next president?"
Anna would've bolted out running, or punched their ugly faces if Elvira hadn't been there. She handled the situation quite maturely, giving short answers and dismissing the questions she deemed too inappropriate. She also acted as a shield; taking the questions directed towards Anna and answering them herself, and scolding any reporter who said something to upset her younger sister. Anna had never appreciated her more, and maybe that's why she tightly clutched her arm the whole time.
After talking to most of the people there, the sisters finally saw the hearse come out, and started slowly walking behind it, holding hands as if trying to give each other the strength they needed. The others walked right behind them, and some musicians followed them in a wagon as they played appropriately mournful songs.
The streets had been closed and a barrier had been put in place, preventing the people on the sidewalk from interfering in the march, but allowing them to see it. There were also some police officers here and there, making sure everything was in order.
The walk itself didn't last more than an hour. But to Anna, it felt like days. Mostly because she felt too exposed; being seen by all the people there, as she walked behind the limousine where her parents' corpses were being transported. She imagined they could see her suffering, her despair, and anxiety. She could almost see their sympathetic faces (some honest, some not), and hear their voices pitying her. But she didn't need their pity. She didn't want their pity; it only made her feel worse.
When they finally arrived to the stage where a small ceremony would be held before the cremation, Anna let herself relax a little, though she still wasn't comfortable with it, mostly due to the press still being there. However, she tried to forget about everyone else and pay attention to the priest when he went up into the platform and started his speech. He spoke about how her parents had been good, honest people. How they were they're surely now with God, just as the other souls that had been on that plane and died in that terrible accident. Anna had to admit he knew how to speak, and she ended up tearing up by the end.
Then he prayed for their souls, and so did all the guests, before he asked someone to go up there and say some words about them. Of course, as their older daughter, this responsibility fell on Elvira.
She looked rather nervous, at least Anna thought so, but she still composed herself and walked towards the stand with slow but steady paces. Then she thanked the priest as she took the microphone and went to address the audience.
"Thank you, for being here today, sharing with us this tragic moment." She started, and Anna was quite impressed when she did so with elegance and refinement. Though maybe it was the dress that made her look elegant (yes, she was wearing a dress and heels for the first time in forever). "I really appreciate your support and I'm sure my parents would, as well." She continued, looking intently at each and every person there. "It was an… unexpected and rather sad event that took their lives, when it was far before their time. And yes, I know accidents happen, but I also know our family has quite a few enemies, and so I'm not dismissing the possibility that it was something else, just yet."
At her words, many started murmuring, and even Anna looked at her in disbelief, completely caught by surprise. What was she saying? It hadn't been an accident? Someone had killed them?
"But you'll know more about this once more proof is found." Elvira raised her voice, effectively silencing everyone and regaining their attention. "For the meantime, let's just focus on honoring Agdar's and Idunn's memory. As respectable citizens, honorable politicians and good parents, siblings, cousins, etc." She paused, taking a deep breath.
"I, actually, would like to share a story with you, one that will give you an idea of how they were as people." She continued. "It happened many years ago, but I will never forget it, as long as I live. It was one of the most important lessons I learned from them, and it gave me a clear understanding of my parents' ideas and beliefs."
Anna looked at her curious, wondering which anecdote she would tell. She hoped she appeared on it.
"One day, when I was only thirteen years old, I was playing chess with my mother. I liked to play with her because it was easy to win; she didn't play very well, and I couldn't stand losing." She chuckled slightly, though Anna could see it was faked. "However, in that moment father arrived; he wasn't the president yet, and so he would still have time to spend with the family." The last phrase sounded a bit bitter, but she covered it quickly. "He asked me to play with him. I was going to refuse, but my mother eagerly convinced me, probably already tired of losing." She sighed. "Of course he won. As he always did."
Anna casted her a sympathetic look. She'd also played a couple of times with their father, and if there was something he and Elvira had in common it was that both hated losing.
"However, when I asked him how he did it, how he always won, he answered: 'You give too much importance to the unimportant pieces, and too little to the ones who matter most. If you continue to do so, you'll never win. Learn to let it go.'" She said, with her most stoic and serious face, making a perfect imitation of their father.
"I didn't know what he was talking about. I did sometimes sacrifice pawns, and even towers, knights and bishops in order to win, so I thought he was just being mean, and didn't want to tell me his strategy." She made a dramatic pause. "However… there was some truth in his words." She casted down her gaze, as she slumped her shoulders, appearing truly sad for the first time. "I-I… I always protected the queen, when I should've protected the king. I thought she was better, because she was the most powerful in the game." Then she raised her eyes, and addressed the audience.
"Years later I also understood he wasn't just talking about chess. No, he was talking about life in general." She said, her voice somehow sounding more mature than ever.
"He was talking about making sacrifices; discerning between what's worth it and what isn't, and let go of the things that don't really matter to preserve the ones that do." She sighed. "That's something… I never really learned to do." She admitted, in an almost inaudible way, so probably the ones who were in the very front row, were the only ones who heard her.
"Now I know this was probably how he governed his life, how he governed this country. And I admire him for that." She continued, this time loud and clear. "But I admire my mother too, and her philosophy was quite different; if we apply the same logic, her strategy was to preserve each and every piece, to not let anyone be killed by the enemy." She chuckled. "Of course, in chess it was a very poor strategy. However, in real life, it was another story. She saw the importance in everything, and so she managed to balance out my father's calculating and cold view."
Anna nodded, agreeing with her sister. The story about chess really did perfectly describe their parents' opposing personalities, even if she was often rather bad at understanding metaphors.
"I have inherited my father's point of view, and my sister Anna has inherited our mother's. I hope we will balance one another in the future and continue to live our lives as successful and honest women and, by doing that, honor our parents' legacy. Thank you."
And, after finishing her speech, Elvira stepped down and went to sit beside Anna one more time as the choir started singing a rather depressing song. The redhead took her hand and squeezed it, telling her with a smile how much she'd liked her speech, and, at the same time, that she was not alone. That she'd always have her.
Then, everyone stood up and went to say their goodbyes to the former president and first lady, some holding flowers that they would put over the closed wooden coffins, as some sort of last gift.
"Shit!" Anna exclaimed mortified. "I forgot to bring flowers." She felt like the worse daughter ever all of a sudden.
"I knew you would." Elvira chuckled. "That's why I brought some." At this, she reached inside the inner pocket of her jacket and pulled out two small bouquets (with no more than six flowers each) that consisted in a mix of little red and blue flowers.
"Oh! What are those?" Anna asked in surprise.
"They are Anagallis monelli, order Ericales, family Myrsinaceae." She explained, smirking when Anna just shoot her a confused glare.
"I didn't ask for their scientific name, you smartass." Anna punched her arm, pouting.
"It's called pimpernel." Elvira laughed. "It's a rare species, from Libia, similar to the primrose."
"That's better." Anna nodded and smiled playfully, taking one of the bouquets. "So… should we go?" She said, standing up and offering her hand to Elvira, who took it and got up, smiling fondly at her little sister.
"Of course."
A/N: I'm putting all my other fics in a temporary hiatus so I can finish this soon. So, I guess that means you'll get more regular updates now. You're welcome ;)
And of course, thank you for reading the story and supporting me with your reviews, favorites and follows. I really appreciate every single one of my readers, and I love to read your opinions :)
Thanks to my beta reader moonwatcher13.
