Author Notes
Thank you as always to everyone who has supported this story via reviews, favourites, follows and by PMs - your thoughts, suggestions and feedback are always welcome!
I'm doing a little bit of experimenting with this chapter by changing points of view, so please let me know what you think. I may do it again in the future if it aids towards better character development.
As a heads up, I've put my Lord of the Rings story that I was working on (mentioned in the A/N in the prologue) on hold for the time being. The reason for this is because I've started work on a pretty big crossover story & concept with Overwatch which I think will be much better. What I'm crossing over with I'm keeping a secret! You'll just have to wait till the prologue that I'll be using as a proof of concept to see if people are interested, and from there for me to finish character, world, timelines and lore rebuilding to a suitable working degree for a story. I'll certainly post up in my A/N the moment I have an update :-).
Chapter 4
Widowmaker's day so far had been more of the same; waking up after nightmares, stripping her bed, exercising, showering, and eating. The morning and most of the afternoon had passed doing near nothing in the blue light tinted room. She was starting to think that boredom inflicted on her by Overwatch alongside her nightmares and slowly returning memories was a far more effective torture method than anything Talon could ever dream of, and she knew that for certain now for she remembered parts of her first reconditioning after returning from her first assignment and it made her feel sick.
A lot of her time with Talon was coming back to her slowly, the assignments, the deaths, the faces of those she had killed and her emotions gnawed at her. She doubt she'd remember everything, and her times from before Talon were incredibly patchy and mostly just flashes. Except for that one night she'd rather not remember. She frowned at her thoughts as she sat down on her bed, rubbing the temples of her head as another headache began.
She was certain that she could of managed much better if not for the resurgence of her emotions, but her uncontrollable emotions had soon battered down her discipline and eroded what was left of those once mighty walls and structures in her mind to dust. She desperately needed an outlet, anything to vent what she was thinking and feeling. It was at this point that she heard the mirror door hiss open and her gaze flicked up as she lowered her hands from her head to land on Lena.
Lena was smiling as she always did and was saying words to her, but the words didn't register as Widowmaker's gaze was fixed on what Lena. She could suddenly feel the more predatory side of her come alive as she stood up, she felt the urge to strike and as she was about to dive at Tracer in an attempt to kill her when something in her mind screamed at her to stop. She shook her head for a moment as a wave of dizziness swept over her and the pain of her headache grew substantially until it blotted out everything else. The last thing she remembered was collapsing where she stood to the shouting of Lena.
When Widowmaker slowly woke up she was on her bed and there had been no nightmares to greet her. Her mind was uncharacteristically sluggish as new memories from her time in Talon swam around in her mind as well as further flashes of times from before Talon. She couldn't make heads or tails of any of it right then, her head was still thumping with every uncharacteristically fast heartbeat.
She slowly became aware of a warmth pressing against her back and around her stomach, it wasn't unpleasant in fact she felt safe there & wanted to go back to sleep, but instead she slowly craned her neck round to look behind her. What she saw didn't quite register in her mind; the slightly blushing face of Tracer with a nervous smile and what appeared to be a large bruise on her cheek under her right eye.
"It's ok Widowmaker... I'm here to help... you were thrashing, I didn't want you to get hurt." Tracer spoke slowly, the words slowly sinking into Widowmaker's mind before everything suddenly clicked into place.
"Let me go..." Widowmaker hissed as her eyes narrowed into a glare on the woman holding onto her. Tracer instantly let go off Widowmaker as if she had been shot by her, and Widowmaker quickly shuffling down the bed, turning to face her.
"I'm sorry..." Tracer spoke with genuine concern "... I just wanted to help."
Widowmaker said nothing simply pinning the woman with her glare before quickly scanning her room. There was a large data pad of some description on her desk that she assumed Tracer had brought in with her that she somehow hadn't noticed her carrying. The chair had been knocked over from when she had collapsed and been thrashing; the sudden dull pains in her arms and legs from where she had collided with the mostly immovable objects of her room told her she would be sporting bruises later. This thought brought her back to Tracer and her own bruise.
"Is that alright?" Widowmaker slowly asked, gesturing to the bruise. Why did she care? Her mind felt different although she couldn't explain how and her emotions weren't running riot anymore.
"I'll be fine..." Tracer replied with a smile "... you're stronger than you look love."
Widowmaker hid a smirk at the compliment and sighed instead. She quickly stood up and walked over to her wardrobe and spoke in a commanding tone while pulling out a small hand towel "Athena... glass of ice, no water."
On the desk a glass of ice was quickly placed via a small robotic arm that had come out of the wall before it quickly vanished into the wall again. The whole process took less than a second. Widowmaker walked over to the desk, laying the towel out on it before pouring the ice cubes into the centre of it. She quickly folded the towel around the ice cubes and tied a knot with the corners and took the newly formed bag of ice in hand. She sat back down on the bed and handed the towel bag of ice to Tracer.
"Press that against the bruise, it will help with the swelling." Widowmaker spoke in a neutral tone, as she sat cross legged on the bed.
"Thanks..." Tracer said cheerfully, taking the offered bag of ice before placing it on her bruised cheek with a slight wince "... you alright love?"
Widowmaker snorted in response and gave a truthful answer she never thought she'd of given "Non {No}... I'm not."
=Lena's POV - five minutes earlier=
It had been a 3 hours since Winston's meeting and 1 hours since Widowmaker collapsed. Angela had shown up very quickly to find Lena trying to keep Widowmaker from hurting herself somewhat unsuccessfully and sporting the beginnings of a bruise on her cheek. Angela had quickly given Widowmaker a sedative that soon stopped her thrashing and did a quick check-up to find that Widowmaker had undergone some form of intense anxiety attack and her mind had just shut her down in order to protect her.
With Angela's help, Lena then got Widowmaker up on the bed and Angela had left after doing a few more check ups stating that Widowmaker would need time, and probably lots of it to come to terms with a great many things. Lena felt overwhelming sympathy for Widowmaker to the point that she had got on the bed with her and wrapped her arms around her in comfort. What surprised her though was how the unconscious Widowmaker had leaned into her more and had to all intents and purposes climbed into her lap and snuggled into her as if for warmth and comfort.
And so Lena remained there, trapped between the wall and the unconscious Widowmaker to afraid to move in case she woke her, and the hours had slowly crept by like this. Lena went through a myriad of thoughts and memories as she considered what she was doing right then; how incredibly dangerous it was, how stupid she was being, but yet she cared and so her more rational side took a back seat. One of her memories, a secret she kept from everyone, came to the fore as she remembered a moment of her life.
She was in her second week at Overwatch and 20 years old, a hot shot pilot destined for greatness & the history books. How her ego had gotten to big for her shoes back then, she absently smiled at memory of her younger foolish self. On that day she had come across a woman sat down waiting outside a bunch of offices at the Overwatch Headquarters; she was dressed pretty casually in jeans, a white blouse and a light brown coat with long black silky hair, brown eyes and full lips; a face and a figure to die for in addition to having an aura of charm around her. Lena was instantly smitten.
She was writing something in a diary and had looked up at Lena as she approached her with a gentle smile. Lena remembered greeting her with a cocky grin, learned her name was Amelie and asked her out in quick succession. Lena had never been shot down faster in her entire life when that woman spoke with her beautiful French accent and rejected Lena's approach. Lena's grin soon turned to an embarrassed smile and she quickly made her excuses & apologies and left without letting the Amelie say another word. Lena couldn't help but giggle slightly as she thought how that one moment helped to deflate her ego and become more down to earth.
She had later found out that Amelie was married to Gerard Lacroix, the head of the anti-terrorist department of Overwatch. She had never met Gerard and would never see Amelie again until they ran into each other again years later in an Overwatch museum, and Amelie was no longer who she had once been.
Lena then looked down at the unconscious woman in her arms who and couldn't help but wonder if she remembered that day in the Overwatch Headquarters. it was one of the few secrets Lena had and she had kept secret initially out of pride, then later because it never seemed relevant even as gossip amongst friends and then kept secret out of convenience when she met Amelie again as Widowmaker; she didn't need people questioning her motives, she genuinely wanted to help Widowmaker and didn't need people distracting her about the past even if she was partly distracting herself with it.
She then felt Widowmaker stirring against her and brought her thoughts back to the present and she felt a little bit panicked. She felt a slight blush in her cheeks at remembering her past advances on Amelie and the fact she was to all intents and purposes hugging Widowmaker, how would she act, what would she say? When Widowmaker finally woke and looked round at her with an initially confused and initially unrecognising expression. Lena couldn't help but notice how vulnerable Widowmaker was in that short moment.
Lena smiled at her, feeling slightly awkward right in that moment as if she'd been caught with her hand in the cookie jar before speaking slowly "It's ok Widowmaker... I'm here to help... you were thrashing, I didn't want you to get hurt."
Lena inwardly hoped Widowmaker wouldn't react badly. The glare and hiss off words she got in return felt like daggers delving into her chest and she let go of Widowmaker who quickly shuffled away from her. In that one moment, Lena felt like she had all those years ago when Amelie had rejected her, but she quickly ignored the feeling as she needed her head on straight right now.
"I'm sorry..." Lena spoke as she managed a genuine smile "... I just wanted to help."
A few moments of silence passed between them as Widowmaker looked around the room, Lena kept her gaze on Widowmaker although didn't really focus on her. She was to busy thinking of what to do now, thinking that maybe she had just blown her only chance for Widowmaker to open up to her. Then Widowmaker asked if her bruise on her cheek was ok, and a smile leapt to her face as she realised that wasn't the case.
"I'll be fine... you're stronger than you look love." she replied
She hadn't expected what happened next, and when Widowmaker handed her the towel wrapped around ice she was almost shocked.
"Thanks..." Lena said as she accepted it and thanked her before placing it against her cheek with a grimace with the slight pain it caused, she was still in shock at what Widowmaker had just done for her and asked a fateful question "... you alright love?"
The response she got, shocked her even more.
=End Lena's POV=
Widowmaker looked at Lena who's mouth had dropped open slightly in surprise at Widowmaker's response, a part of her was wondering why she had been so open with Tracer. It wasn't like her to show weakness, and all she could do now was sigh and hold her head in her hands. She'd opened up now, might as well go say more.
"When you said I could be more than just a weapon..." Widowmaker began slowly "... I don't know how... How can I when I don't even truly know who or what I am anymore..."
Relief at speaking, at venting what had been eating away at her all this time felt good. She didn't know Tracer, but she seemed genuine enough in her wanting to help Widowmaker. She guessed that was enough and slowly began to open up fully.
"I remember things from my time with Talon... missions, people I've hurt and killed... parts of my training and reconditioning after him..." her voice hitched at the end as the memory of her nightmares came back and it took her a moment to recompose herself "... and there are fragments and flashes of times before Talon, I was different then... I don't think I could ever go back to being like that..."
She then looked up at Tracer, her eyes glistening "... All I know is the rush of the kill and how good it feels after I pull the trigger... yet I feel so wrong inside... there is a conflict within me right now about killing you where you sit... I can feel it... yet I don't want to..."
Widowmaker could feel herself beginning to breath heavily and closed her eyes grabbing her head again and tried to regain her composure slightly.
"... what did they do to me Lena?" she spoke quietly as she physically and mentally held herself together.
Lena was at a loss for words, Widowmaker had just spilt her guts to her and was on the verge of a breakdown right in front of her. She hadn't expected this at all, it all seemed to be happening to fast. It must be down to those drugs Angela had mentioned that were causing her to remember things and breakdown the controlling elements of Talon's programming to a certain extent. When Widowmaker finally said her name for the first time, Lena did the only thing she knew for sure could be of any help.
She put the towel ice bag she'd been holding against her bruised cheek down on the floor -she knew Athena would clean it up later- and shuffled up to Widowmaker and carefully put an arm around her and pulled her closer into a comforting and genuinely caring embrace for someone who was deeply hurting. Widowmaker initially went stiff at the contact but relaxed, leaning into Lena.
"You're safe from them here, they can't hurt you anymore... you're no longer alone." Lena gently soothed.
Widowmaker remained silent, and simply closed her eyes as she finally let go of her composure and quietly let tears flow in the comforting embrace. She cried for all the abuse she had received over the years, she cried for what she had done, she cried for who she once was and what she had become. She cried from the relief of finally making a meaningful connection with someone after years of solitude, and from finally opening up to them. She cried for what seemed like hours until all that was left was the warmth from Lena's embrace, whom she had now curled up into before sleep enveloped her now emotionally and mentally drained body.
Not long after Widowmaker fell asleep, the mirror door hissed open and Angela entered quietly with her medical suitcase, with tired eyes and a deeply concerned look on her face; she hadn't long gotten off call with Fareeha Amari who had been less than pleased at hearing her mother's killer was her next protection detail to all intents and purposes. Lena gave a slightly shy smile and wave at Angela who quietly walked over to the fallen chair, picking it up with her free hand before sitting back down resting her suitcase in her lap, quickly glancing at Widowmaker while she slept and clung onto Lena.
"Athena alerted me to what happened and shared the video with me." Angela spoke quietly as she looked back at Lena, still concerned "... Are you sure this is what you want Lena? I know you feel responsible, but this is reckless even for you. This woman needs more than a shoulder to cry on."
Lena frowned at Angela before quietly responding in a defensive tone "You don't think I know that Angie?! She opened up to me, I'm not about to just ignore it because it's not convenient."
Angela's quiet tone gained an edge of warning in it "We both know that is what you wanted to happen though... You spent so much time with her, it was inevitable she'd open up to you."
Lena looked shocked for a moment before a hint of anger entered her voice "What are you trying to say Angie?"
Angela groaned "Look, I didn't mean it like that... it's just... I know you wanted to help her, but just feels like it's more than that... like there is something else motivating you to help her. I just want to make sure you are doing this for the right reasons... I'm concerned for you Lena..."
Lena snapped quietly "Well I'm not... I'm doing it because I care, and I can't believe you of all people would think otherwise... Jeez Angie, this is ME we're talking about... I could handle McCree or Winston criticising me, but you..." Lena trailed off as she looked at Angela with a mixture of sadness and anger fighting for dominance of her facial expression.
Angela didn't budge though "Promise me Lena... I don't want you to be hurt... your like a daughter to me, you know how much you mean to me..."
Lena gave an irritated glare at Angela as she remarked "If that were true, maybe you'd trust me more on something that clearly matters to me instead of second guessing me."
Angela's face blanched as she realised that in her concern for Lena she had inadvertently caused the very harm she was trying to protect her from.
"I'm sorry Lena..." was all she could manage to say, she still hadn't slept yet between having gone straight back to her lab to continue work after Winston's meeting and calling Fareeha, maybe she was seeing things that weren't there since she was so tired "... So long as you're ok, that's all that matters... you know I'll always support you in the end."
"You got a funny way of showing it sometimes Angie..." Lena replied, before she sighed and smiled slightly, Lena wasn't one for holding grudges "... you looked knackered Angie... maybe you should get some sleep."
Angela simply nodded in agreement and stood up to leave, she had come to check on Widowmaker's vitals but decided it could wait till morning "I'll catch you in the morning then Lena..."
"I'll be staying here tonight... I don't want her to freak out if she wakes up... I understand what I've gotten myself into Angie, I'll be fine... I promise." Lena quietly replied with her usual smile back in place
Angela smiled and didn't respond, not really trusting her mouth to say anything positive about Lena's decision to stay here the night, and gave Lena a quick motherly kiss on the forehead before quietly leaving.
=The following morning=
Widowmaker woke up again without being by nightmares and slowly opened her eyes. She felt better today, better than she had felt since her arrival, like a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. She could feel Tracer's -no, Lena's- arms around her from behind and her warmth suffusing into her back like yesterday, but this time they were both lying on their sides in the bed under the covers. She remembered what had happened last night, and a part of her chastised herself for being so weak; she chose to ignore that part and simply focus on enjoying the warmth emanating from behind her.
Human contact, she hadn't experienced it in years and didn't realise that she had craved it this much until this very moment. She felt a certain connection with Lena now, she felt she could trust her and rely on her, that she'd never judge her and would only ever try to help her. The feelings made her smile slightly for a moment before she turned round within Lena's embrace to find her still asleep, to which she smirked and slightly shuffled closer to her as she decided to have a bit of fun.
"Wake up Cheri." she cooed gently into Lena's ear, whom groaned slightly as she began to wake up.
Lena opened her eyes to find golden ones staring back at her, it took her a moment to realise who she had fallen asleep next to in bed the previous night.
"If you wanted to get me into bed Cheri, you could of simply asked." cooed Widowmaker with a smirk and mischievous glint in her golden eyes, before she began to lean in slightly closer to Lena.
Lena didn't register any of the signs that Widowmaker was joking, and gulped slightly and panicked "No no no, that's not why I'm here... it's just I didn't want you to have another attack or something, or feel like I didn't mean anything I said or..." she started loosing track of her words and tried to fumble sentences together in her mind, which only got worse as she began to blush deeply as Widowmaker got closer, it was one of the few extremely awkward moments Lena wished she wasn't interested in the same sex as her own desires suddenly came to the fore.
It was at this moment that Widowmaker laughed slightly, it wasn't the cold humourless laugh Lena was use to, but a laugh filled with amusement. It was a beautiful laugh that seemed to almost be musical.
"I was only playing with you Cheri..." teased Widowmaker with her ever present smirk.
"Wait... what?" Lena managed to ask, she didn't exactly know how to respond still half asleep as she was. Widowmaker had just joked with her or at her... or both? God she hated waking up. This earned another laugh from Widowmaker, who extricated herself from Lena's embrace and left the covers of the bed to stand up and stretch, before she turned to look down at Lena still in bed.
"Thank you Cheri... for last night." Widowmaker said quietly, before going to her wardrobe and pulling out clean clothes and towels, and heading into the bathroom to shower.
"Anytime..." Lena half mumbled as she still tried to wake up properly and process what had just happened. By the time she had, she couldn't help but giggle at how badly she had fallen for Widowmaker's joke, it was so obvious and yet it had simply gone over her head at the time.
Lena got herself out of Widowmaker's bed, she'd have to leave soon and go and catch up with Angela after last nights little confrontation, as well as check up on Winston to see if he'd managed any progress her with little idea. She could hear the running water of the shower as she approached and knocked on the bathroom door.
"Just wanted to let you know I'm heading off love... I'll be back later, if you need me just get Athena to contact me alright?" Lena spoke through the door.
"Ok, Cheri." Widowmaker replied as she massaged shampoo into her hair. She'd be lying if she wasn't a little bit disheartened, but knew Lena had other things to attend to. There was a lot she wanted to talk to Lena about, her memories specifically, to get some outside context she reckoned would be good. It felt good to her last night to open up, and she hoped Lena would be willing to help her through this more. She only felt the sting of loneliness again once she heard the mirror door hiss as it opened and closed for Lena, and Widowmaker sighed and wondered if she'd ever get her emotions under some form of control again.
As Lena exited Widowmaker's cell, one thing that stuck in her mind was that Widowmaker had called her by her first name for the first time. She took that as a good sign and gave her trademark giggle before running & blinking off down the corridor to find Angela.
