(:.:)

It has been five years since my escape. It has been a three years since I have come to Kirkwall, where I met Marian Hawke. It has been eight years since I have seen Anne the last time in Minrathous.

After Seheron, after the Fog Warriors, I had managed to finally break away from my former master, though it was through great shame. I can still smell the blood in the air, when I am thinking back of Seheron. Since then, I have travelled from place to place, but I never linger too long. After much effort, I somehow managed to settle down for a bit in the City of Chains. However, that doesn't mean I am not hunted down by my former master. In fact, every day since my escape I have wary of the possible hunters that'll come after me.

The sudden freedom however had been overwhelming at first. Suddenly being allowed of doing everything, instead of being forbidden to do anything was at best strange. I did recall the many nights that I had spent with Anne and I often wonder how she is doing even after eight years.

However, the joy was short. Every step I took in Thedas is trailed by the hunter Danarius sends. I did consider seriously to go to Ferelden and search for Anne, but the very idea of leading those hunters towards her and risking her re-captivity had stopped me from doing so. Instead of going south, I travelled towards the Free Marches.

I tug at the red ribbon around my wrist, with a scowl on my face. The one who has been partly responsible for my lasting freedom is Hawke. The night I had first met her, was in the Alianage. She had impressed me with her strength and her boldness. I like how easy it is to talk with her and the flirty conversations we are bantering in the mansion, though that changed when we first slept together three years ago.

It was after I had finally been able to kill Hadriana. Both acts had been impulsive. Killing Hadriana and finding out that I have a sister, had left a bitter taste in my mouth. I have always thought that there was nothing in this world left that they could take away from me. Instead, they found something whose existent wasn't even known to me.

I suppose through the haze of my anger and rage, I ended up in Hawke's bed. I could no longer stand it; I didn't want the Magisters to take something away from me ever again, like they had done to me, my family or Anne.

It had been the first time I had ever slept with someone, for so far I can remember; sex it is. It had been good. Eleven years ago, I had imagined this many times with Anne, though I never really had to courage to actually touch her. During the time she was in Minrathous and even after many years she had left, I had sometimes woken up from a hazy dreams which still makes blush to this day. The reason why I never dared to be more intimate with was that I had actually been afraid of it. The slightest touch had hurt me and though Anne's hand had soothed my skin many times, I didn't dare to do more because of the pain.

As Hawke had laid in my arms, I thought at that moment that my fears had meant nothing at all. That there was no reason for me to be afraid of intimacy. I had drifted of the sleep with the idea that I had finally felt good physically.

However, the real nightmare had started from that point. While dreaming, I see sudden flashes of a past that I remember for a second, until they slip away through my fingers. The more I reach out for them, the more they stray further away from me. Worse was that Anne's face kept popping up in my head and the sudden fear that I might forget her as well made me sick.

I had eventually stumbled out of the bed and had aimlessly walked through the room, while Hawke had been sleeping. I recalled Anne's face for as many times as I could; 'what did her face look like?; what colour did her eyes had?; what colour of hair did she had?; how did her voice sound like?'

I was interrupted by the voice of Hawke, who had called out to me and once again started with a light joke.

"Fenris? Was it that bad?"

However, I had no choice but to accept the situation as it was then: dangerous. That night, I had to end things with Hawke, before they could bloom into something more. Not like this. Not with hunters after me. Not while my head is not clear from all its problems. I couldn't deal with that.

I told myself that night, as I had walked out of the mansion, that if I may not be with Hawke, then I could at least protect her from myself. The hurtful expression Hawke had on her face reminded me of the sad expression Anne had back in Tevinter. Back then, I froze as well and I had been unable to do anything. Nevertheless, this is for the best, though walking out of Hawke had been the most difficult thing I have ever done.

I do have feelings for her, just as I had for Anne. I am just simply aware of the very danger that brings with it.

Hawke and I never talked about that night. We just continued with our own lives, as if it had never happened. We started to see each other lesser and lesser, because of the many assignments and requests Hawke gets from all kinds of people.

With a deep sigh, I stand up from the bed while I make myself ready to leave for the Hanged Man. It Wicked Grace-night. Yesterday, Donnic and Varric, along with Isabela, had come over to play Diamond Back. With my right hand, I lightly brush my pocket. Good, it's still in there. Ever since I got that ring, I have always kept it with me.

While walking through High Town, feeling the cold air hitting my face, I fondle with the ring. I still think of Anne, as she is one of the few fond memories I have of Tevinter. Stepping in Low Town as the strong odour of dirt and excreta wrinkle up my nose in disgust.

When I push the door of the Hanged Man open, I walk straight upstairs into Varric's room. Hawke and Varric are the only one sitting on the long table. I greet both of them as I sit down.

"Broody, want a drink?" Varric asks, as he is about to leave the room for ordering.

"Ale." I respond.

The dwarf nods before going downstairs. Hawke and I remain alone and an awkward silence remains between us. I don't really know what to say and Hawke seems to have the same problem, as she looks at the wooden table with a troubled expression.

"You know…" Hawke breaks the silent and I look up at her. Her clear blue eyes watch me acute, as she continues with speaking. "My mother is trying to convince me to go to the Viscount's ball."

A bit perplexed I look at her. "I see."

She looks a bit uncomfortable, while tearing her eyes away from me. "I am thinking that I should go. Even if it's just to please mother, but… I need a partner."

I shrug a bit with my shoulders. "Then I suppose that you should find someone to come along?"

I can see that her expression starts to look a little bit annoyed. "I suppose."

After that, she stops speaking. I rise up one of my eyebrows. When Varric comes back, he has three mugs of ale in his hands and place them on the table. "There, to make sure that the order isn't getting mixed up again."

The others come shortly after. All the while, Hawke continues having a sour look on her face while the hand of cards is being dealt. The Abomination is cursing as he looks at his cards. After losing at least three rounds, Aveline looks at Hawke.

"Have you responded to the invitation of the Viscount?" She asks, while looking at her cards with a deep scowl on her face.

Isabela, with a smirk on her face, looks up as well from the cards she is sharing with Merrill. "The one that celebrates the who-know-how-many-years-of-reign? Are you invited for that?"

"Only because mother is an Amell." Hawke says.

"My condolence." Isabela barks out, while laughing out loud.

"I have been invited as well." Sebastian says, without ever looking away from his cards. "I heard that all nobility from the Free Marches and Ferelden had been invited to celebrate it."

All the while I keep silent as the others keep talking about the festive.

"Ferelden as well? Why's that?" Hawke asks with a raised eyebrow.

Before Sebastian can answer it, Varric takes the opportunity to speak. "It seems that an important noble family from Ostwick, House Trevelyan, has a good relationship with the royalty of Ferelden, House Theirin. By the way, I am also going to the party. Oh, the joy of the merchant guilt will be there." He slurs out the last sentence sarcastic.

I put the last bit of coin on the table, but thoughts aren't with the game at all. The nobility of Ferelden is coming to Kirkwall. Which means that there servants are going to be there as well… Would it be possible..?

"Nice ring there, elf."

The sudden words tear me away from my thoughts. I blink a couple of times, while I look at Varric. It takes a brief moment before I see what he has in his hand; Anne's ring. Almost blindly I try to reach it and grab it back. Instead, the dwarf leans back in his chair with a smirk.

"What gets in the bet, stays in the bet."

I feel the anger boiling in my veins. "Give it back, Varric." Even I can hear the cold tone in my voice.

It stuns the dwarf, as I can see his expression change from smug to surprised. However, before he can do something, Isabela rips the ring out of his hand. With a raised eyebrow she studies the valuable piece.

"Hmm… the royal seal of Ferelden…" She whistles low, while I frown at the revelation. The royal seal, huh? Isabela looks up at me with a mischief smirk on her face. "This is really a fortune of coin worth. How in Andraste's name did you get this? Did you bang a Queen, or something?"

Before I know, I jump off my chair with my blood boiling in anger. "Vishante Kaffas!" I curse out angrily. I spit on the ground, and just throw the chair out of my way. "Keep the fucking thing then!"

I get out of the room and slam the door behind. The people of the tavern look at me rather startled as I storm out. Gritting my teeth in frustration, I walk back towards the mansion. I hear that someone is calling out for my name, but I refuse to turn around. I immediately recognize the voice; Hawke.

"Fenris, wait!"

With a frustrated groan, I turn around and glare at the woman. "What is it now, Hawke? I am not in the mood to speak with you, or anyone in that matter."

"Here." She opens her palm and the ring is in it. I grab it out of her hand, mumble a thank you to her and then continue with my walk.

"Fenris, before you go-" Hawke hand touches my shoulder lightly. "I would like it if you would come with me to the ball."

I freeze for a moment. Slowly and a bit hesitantly I reach out to Hawke and touch her cheek very softly with my hand. "Hawke, I-"

"If you don't want to, then-"

"No, wait!" I exclaim, interrupting her quickly. "… I would like to go with you, but I am not sure if elves are… uh, allowed to come."

"Don't worry about it, I'll take care of that." She smiles and then steps out of my touch. With a smile, she walks a couple steps backwards. "Goodnight, Fenris."

I nod. "Goodnight."

The ring is burning in my hand.