I just read fanfiction of the first slash pairing, James Kirk and Spock, they were the first and you all know it…and if you didn't, now you do. Ummm, I'm asking for forgiveness in advance, don't hate me for what's in this chapter!!!

Alan Rickman is so fucking hot!!! I'm watching Dogma and damn damn damn, he is so fucking F-I-N-E!!!

Alan Rickman: You really are pathetic.

Alexander: I am as pathetic as you are ugly.

Alan Rickman: Than I must be absolutely hideous.

Alexander: You are anything but ::starts humping Alan's leg like an over enthusiastic dog::.

Alan Rickman::Rolls eyes:: As I said before, you are pathetic.

Alexander: Pathetic I may be, but not when I'm listening to Depeche Mode.

Alan Rickman: I must admit that your taste in music isn't as pathetic as you are.

Alexander: I'll take that as a compliment as I finish myself off humping your leg. I'M A TECHNO WHORE!!!

Alan Rickman::Rolls eyes and gives an amused, exasperated look at Alexander:: Once again my point is proven, you are pathetic.


"Don't you have to teach class today?" Septus asked absently when he saw that it was almost ten.

"It's Saturday, I think Lucius fucked your brain not your ass, an honest mistake, your head and your ass look the same," Severus smirked and had his coffee stolen by a rather awake Harry. "Morning to you too," he said when Harry plopped down on the couch next to Septus and purred when the man scratched him behind the ear.

After taking a large drink of coffee, Harry beamed at his husband. "Good morning," he greeted in his happy, pregnant, and just got laid way. "How are you doing Septus?"

"Fine, but what I want to know, is how your husband knows what my ass looks like," Septus said and gestured for Severus to answer the question.

"We lived in the same place for seventeen years, it would have been hard not to see you naked. Especially when you would dance naked to the muggle band Depeche Mode," Severus smirked and rolled his eyes when his brother looked offended. "Don't try and deny it, I have the mental scars as proof, actually, you don't have to take my word for it," he leered, his eyes taking an evil glint as he walked over to a cupboard and pulled out his pensive. Placing the tip of his wand to his head, he pulled out a memory and placed it into the pensive.

Unable to resist, Harry dipped his finger in when Septus and Severus did.

True to Severus' word, there in the middle of an elegant living room was a sixteen year-old Septus, naked, dancing to Depeche Mode's "Master and Servant". Harry and Severus didn't really start laughing until young Septus started to moon walk across the living room.

"Okay, seen enough, let's go," Septus said and pulled himself, his brother, and Harry out of the memory. "Why were you watching me?" He asked, wondering why his brother had stayed around that long while he was dancing naked in the living room.

"I was stuck between complete disgust or amusement," Severus stated nonchalantly and put his pensive away after taking his memory out and putting back in his head.

xXx (A/N: I will send "Master and Servant" to those who send me an E-MAIL not a message, an actual E-MAIL!)

While Severus and Septus talked, Harry decided to go for a walk outside in the sun, and after much discussion and pulling puppy eyes on his husband, he was allowed to.

He walked out side, enjoying the feel of the sun on his skin, watching the birds flutter around happily. It was a beautiful day and he was enjoying it…until two unwelcome figures came into view, Hermione and Ron.

"All alone freak?" Hermione spat at Harry and drew her wand.

Ron stood behind her looking uncomfortable when she pointed her wand at Harry. While in the beginning he had pretend to be Harry's friend for Dumbledor, the green-eyed teen had grown on him and he had actually become his friend. When they had stopped Voldemort in first and second year, come face to face with a werewolf together and survived, saved Sirius Black and Buckbeak, played chess together, when he had rescued Harry from the Dursley's in second year. He hadn't done anything to stop what had happened, he had been a coward, but now was different. He was sick and tired of being controlled, that thought made him think of how Harry must have felt all these years, being trained to kill and being used by everyone else. "Put the wand down Hermione."

Both Harry and Hermione were stunned. Harry looked into Ron's eyes and saw his old friend, a small smile spread across his face.

"What? Ron, he killed your Mother," Hermione snapped, trying to send Ron on a guilt trip. "He made you loose a chance at the job of your dreams."

Ron shook his head, he wasn't going to fall for this again. "No, no he didn't. My Mother was a Death Eater, as for my job, I'll get it myself. While you were pretending, I wasn't, Harry…Harry really was my best mate, and…and I feel terrible that I let him down," he said, choking on his own emotions. "Now put the wand down Hermione."

"You still are my best mate Ron, even though you made a mistake," Harry said and drew his wand, pointing at Hermione. "I'm pregnant with twins, try anything and I will kill you," he hissed, his pupils changing into slits.

Ron pulled his wand on Hermione as well. "I'll help," he smirked and smiled when Hermione huffed and put her wand away before rushing back to the castle. "I-I'm still your best mate?"

"Of course you are, though Sev will probably make you take some truth potion or something like that," Harry smiled as his eyes turned back to normal.

xXx (A/N: Don't hate me, I couldn't help it, I've always had a soft spot for Ron, hate Hermione, bitchy bitchy.)

Just as Harry had said, as soon as he had told Severus he and Ron were friends again, the long haired man had bound Ron to a chair before forcing a potion down his throat and interrogating him for an hour.

"So, do you believe him now?" Harry asked, getting his stubborn pregnant look that said no matter what Severus thinks that he was going to get his way anyway.

Severus nodded and released Ron from his magical bonds. He grabbed the red head by the back of the teen's shirt and dragged him into another room, casting a silencing spell as he closed the door. "If you ever hurt Harry again I will torture and humiliate you until you beg for death," the long haired man growled at Ron who was completely scared out of his wits.

"Y-yes Sir," Ron stuttered, nodding his head rapidly in understanding. "I-I'm sorry for what happened, I-I wasn't brave enough to stand up against Dumbledore," he said quietly, his head hung in shame.

Severus sighed; he hated self-pity more than anything in the world. "You were eleven and now you are only fifteen. Dumbledor is over a hundred years old and one of the most powerful wizards ever known, if anything you were smart not to try and challenge him. Now stop pitying yourself and go back to being Harry's friend," he sneered and shoved Ron out the door then removing his spell before stepping out.

"I should be getting back to the dormitory before Hermione tries to turn everyone against me," Ron said and gave his good byes before leaving.

"You didn't threaten him or anything did you Sev?" Harry asked, giving Severus a suspicious look. He wouldn't put it past his husband to threaten his best friend with death.

Severus glared at Harry. "Don't call me that, if you weren't pregnant I would hex you," he growled then his look changed to one of complete faux innocence. "Of course I didn't threaten him."

"You know," Septus began around a mouthful of cookie, walking into the room, "you look really creepy when you try and act all innocent. It's more scary then when you're mad."

"You look creepy when you dance naked to a muggle band," Severus retorted and gave Septus a firm swat on the back, making his brother choke slightly on the cookie stuffed in the blue-eyed man's mouth.

Septus glared at his brother once he had stopped chocking on his cookie. "It was once," he defended with a Snape glower.

"It was twice and that's only when I caught you," Severus smirked and leaned down, giving Harry a passionate kiss. "I, unfortunately, have a meeting with the Headmistress," he said, making Harry sigh and gave his husband another kiss. "I'll be back in an hour, please don't destroy anything because my brother was an asshole."

Harry nodded and hugged Severus before the Potions Master walked out the door. Once the door closed, he turned on Septus, smirking.

xXx

Severus returned one hour later to find his brother hanging upside down from the ceiling, looking intently at the door with arms crossed in an impatient manner. Without saying a word, he walked around his brother who tried to keep looking at him but found it impossible.

"Why is my brother hanging form the ceiling?" He asked when he had walked into the library to find Harry quietly doing his homework.

Harry looked up and smiled in a malicious way that only the pregnant could do. "He wouldn't get me any ice cream," he said in a completely innocent way and batted his eyelashes at his husband. "He has to figure the password out to get down. He's been cursing in French for the last half hour."

"Septus is an asshole!" Septus' cry was followed by a loud thud as he was released from the ceiling. "I'M FREE!!!…Wait, ow! That hurt!"

Severus rolled his eyes at his brother's antics; the man was like an oversized child. "Septus, go home!" He called from the library when he heard a house-elf pop into the other room.

"But my cake just got here!" Septus called back around a mouthful of chocolate cake. "I'll leave when I'm done! Just pretend I'm not here when you screw your husband!" He yelled then stuffed a forkful of cake in his mouth. "Try not to be too loud though, you might ruin my appetite!"

Giving his husband a quick kiss, Severus walked out of the room. A crash and several loud thuds floated through the door after his departure. Moments later, Severus returned and there was no sound from the living room. "Septus decided to go home instead of finishing his cake," he smirked and absently brushed some cake crumbs and soot from his robes.

xXx

-Two Months later-

Harry passed all his finals with O's including potions thanks to extra lessons from his husband. After much convincing, puppy-dog eyes, sucking, and licking, he had gotten Severus to agree to let him spend a week of the summer at the Burrow with the Weasleys.

"Why am I here?" Severus asked as they approached the front door of the Burrow. As they got closer and closer to the rickety house, he wondered what had possessed him to say yes to this, and then he remembered. "Ah yes, I was tricked."

"I didn't trick you," Harry defended, there was no tricking involved when he had gotten Severus to say yes.

"I believe that you said you would either finish me off if I said yes or bite it off if I said no, the obvious answer would of course have been yes when my cock is the close to your mouth and you state the pervious," Severus glared, as he knocked on the door which was immediately opened by Arthur.

"Come in, come in!" Arthur greeted and stepped to the side so they could come inside. "How have you too been?" He asked as he closed the door.

Harry looked around the room and gapped. No longer was packed with odd and ends and small, but it was clean and large. The whole inside of the house looked like it had had a makeover. "Wonderful," he said and kept looking around.

"I see you noticed the improvements," Arthur smiled and gestured to the room. "After Molly died, Fudge was finally convicted of being a Death Eater and I was promoted to Head Minister."

"That's wonderful!" Harry smiled in a way only the pregnant could. "Where is everyone?" He asked, he wanted to spend sometime with his friends.

"Fred, George, and Draco are up in the twin's room and Ron is in his room doing his homework," Arthur said and chuckled as Harry rushed off up the stairs. "So, how are Severus?" He asked, sitting down on the couch.

Severus sat down in an armchair and sighed. "Tired, happy, and I can't wait until September," he said sincerely and closed his eyes. "Very tired. Between morning sickness, mood swings, and cravings at one in the morning for the most vile things, I really can't wait for September."


Sort of long chapter I think. ACK! I'm grounded because my teacher is an asshole and didn't tell me what assignments I missed when I wasn't at school because I was sick or really tired because of a concert.